Chapter 45 You Are a Shadow
Su Nian dragged his tired body and pushed open the bathroom door, the steaming hot air wrapped around his wet hair.
Ling Shen was already dressed neatly and sitting on the sofa. The collar of his black shirt was askew and his tie hung loosely around his neck. The silver lighter in his hand tapped against the glass coffee table again and again, making a small sound.
When he heard the door open, his amber pupils suddenly lit up, but then quickly dimmed when he met Su Nian's cold gaze, like a candle blown out by the wind.
"Su Nian, I..." Ling Shen's Adam's apple rolled as he was about to speak, but Su Nian's wet fingertips impatiently waved away, and the water droplets left dark marks on the beige carpet.
"Ling Shen, let's just treat what happened last night as an accident." The words fell into silence, like a pair of sharp scissors, instantly cutting the taut string in the air.
Ling Shen froze in place, his hand holding the lighter suddenly tightened, and the metal edge left a deep red mark on his palm.
He stared at the red corners of Su Nian's eyes, and memories came flooding back uncontrollably - the moonlight shone through the gauze curtains onto the intertwined limbs, Su Nian's hot breath sprayed behind his ears, and her fingertips gripped his back so tightly that it almost pinched into the bones.
But at this moment, the person in front of me was wrapped in a bath towel, and the shadow of his drooping eyelashes covered his emotions tightly, as if those scorching temperatures had never existed.
When Su Nian turned around, a corner of the towel slipped off, revealing the serpentine teeth marks on her lower back, which were particularly glaring on her fair skin. Ling Shen felt his throat tighten, as if a ball of red-hot charcoal was stuffed into his chest, burning his eyes.
He staggered over, his arms with body temperature tightly wrapped around Su Nian's trembling waist, and buried his nose in her wet hair with the fragrance of shower gel: "Su Nian, don't do this, okay? We clearly..." His voice choked and got stuck in his throat, turning into a broken sigh.
Su Nian's body stiffened, his nails digging deep into his palms. He could clearly feel Ling Shen's chest rising and falling violently, and the hot tears falling on his neck.
But those unspoken words were like sharp thorns, piercing his heart. Taking a deep breath, he suddenly pried Ling Shen's fingers apart, and when he turned around, he met those eyes filled with sorrow.
The wind outside the window blew dead leaves against the glass, stretching the shadows of the two people very long, tangling into an unsolvable knot on the floor.
"Ling Shen, you don't understand me at all." Su Nian looked at Ling Shen, suppressing the pain in her heart as she spoke word by word. "The me you like doesn't exist. All my gentleness, all my smiles, were just a facade."
Ling Shen's Adam's apple rolled, and his eyes swept over the red mark on Su Nian's neck that had not yet faded - that was the mark left by his loss of control last night.
"Su Nian, that's you. What I saw and what I felt was the real you." Suddenly, Ling Shen seemed to remember something, "I know you're still angry, I know I was wrong, you..."
Su Nian shook her head, interrupting Ling Shen. "I have nothing to be angry about. Like you said, we have no relationship, and everything else is unimportant. Besides, originally, our relationship was contractual, wasn't it?"
Ling Shen's Adam's apple rolled violently, and cold sweat trickled down the back of his neck into his collar. Memories shattered like a mirror, his drunken double-talk like the sharpest blade, slicing his heart piece by piece.
He shook his head anxiously and took a few steps forward to grab Su Nian's hand, "No, no, I was drunk, that's not true, Su Nian, listen to me..." The outstretched hand hung in the air, and only caught a wisp of fragrant air.
"Ling Shen, you asked me to sign the contract in order to fill the emptiness in your heart. But, you are nothing but a shadow." There was no emotion in Su Nian's eyes. Her pupils were like ice-hardened obsidian, freezing all the panic surging in Ling Shen's eyes.
Ling Shen's eyelashes trembled violently, and his Adam's apple rolled as he uttered broken words: "Shadow? What do you mean?" He stared at the person in front of him, and his pupils reflected the gradually approaching reflection of Su Nian.
Every step Su Nian took felt like it was treading on Ling Shen's heart, the clatter of her shoes mingling with his ragged breathing. "Ling Shen, you're the shadow I've been looking for, the substitute." His voice was like ice, crushing the tenderness hidden in the night's whispers into dust.
Ling Shen's back slammed against the cool marble wall, and he stumbled backward, finally collapsing awkwardly onto the leather sofa. His knuckles dug deep into his palm, but the pain was not even a ten-thousandth of the pain emanating from his heart.
He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He could only watch Su Nian's pale lips open and close, spitting out even sharper words.
"Let's consider last night the end." Su Nian's knuckles turned white as she gripped her coat, the unraveling thread at the hem swaying slightly with her movements. "I deceived you, and now I'm returning it to you. Go back and pretend I never showed up."
Before he finished speaking, he turned around and opened the door. The cold wind blew away the lingering fragrance in his hair, and he completely disappeared into the empty corridor.
Ling Shen sat on the sofa in a daze, looking at the empty room. The memories of last night were still lingering in his mind, but that person had already left without hesitation.
"Shadow? Just a shadow?" Ling Shen suddenly let out a chuckle that was almost a sob, and his bony fingers tightly grasped the hem of his shirt, with veins bulging between his fingers.
"I don't believe it, Su Nian. You can deceive yourself and others, but you can't deceive me." His Adam's apple rolled violently as he swallowed the sourness, and his eyes flushed with a sickly red.
"Even if I'm just a shadow, I want to be the most special shadow." The scratches on his back hurt slightly, but it was nothing compared to the burning pain caused by the surging jealousy in his heart.
Su Nian returned to the manor with heavy steps, each one like treading on cotton, soft and weak. Facing the housekeeper's puzzled gaze, he opened his mouth, but his throat felt like it was blocked by a ball of cotton, and no words came out. He could only force out a tired smile that was uglier than crying.
He slowly raised his hand and waved it gently, signaling the butler not to ask any more questions. Then he dragged his legs, which seemed to be filled with lead, and walked towards his room step by step.
As soon as he entered the room, he turned around quickly and locked himself in this small space with a "click", as if this could isolate him from all the disturbances in the outside world.
The necklace around her neck had fallen down at some point, and the cold touch passed through her skin, like a sharp ice blade, piercing Su Nian's heart.
He subconsciously reached out to grab the necklace, but just as his fingertips were about to touch it, he suddenly pulled his hand back as if he had been electrocuted, his face full of fear and panic. The necklace hung down from his neck, and the cold touch made Su Nian dare not touch it again.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Chen Ran, I'm sorry." Su Nian trembled and curled up into a small ball, wrapping herself tightly in the corner of the bed.
Hot tears flowed uncontrollably, dripping onto the pillow, leaving a dark stain. His voice was filled with endless sobs and regret, and every time he said "I'm sorry," his body trembled slightly, as if he was trying to vent all the guilt deep within him.
The guilt and uneasiness in his heart were like a surging tide, or like an extremely heavy mountain, pressing heavily on his heart, making every breath he took extremely difficult.
He wanted to escape from this suffocating feeling, but found himself in an invisible cage, surrounded by impenetrable walls, with no exit at all.
The faces of Chen Ran and Ling Shen kept flashing before his eyes. Chen Ran's disappointed and heartbroken eyes, Ling Shen's face full of sarcasm and determination, were like countless steel needles, piercing his heart again and again.
Su Nian covered his head in agony, his fingers clutching his hair tightly. His body trembled violently, and suppressed sobs escaped his lips. Finally, in this endless torture and pain, he could no longer bear it. His vision went black, and he passed out.
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