Chapter 46 I’m sorry, I think I’ve fallen in love with him
"Sir, sir?" The moist call wrapped in a strong smell of medicine penetrated into the eardrum. Su Nian's eyelashes were like butterfly wings bent by dew. They trembled and fluttered for a long time before she slowly lifted her heavy eyelids.
The butler's hunched figure was shrouded in a halo of light, his reading glasses sliding down to the tip of his nose, revealing bloodshot eyes. Su Nian raised her hand to rub the blurry vision, but a sudden, sharp pain brought her back to reality—the indwelling needle on the back of her hand was pulled by the IV tube, leaving a purple indentation on her pale skin.
"Don't move. I'm giving you an injection." The housekeeper's skinny hand came up, pressing down on his struggling shoulder with the warmth of his body. The old man slumped onto the stool, the cane creaking under the weight.
"You're finally awake. You've been unconscious for two days." He reached for the thermos on the bedside table, and the steam rising from the wall of the cup misted over his lenses.
Su Nian stared at the newly gray hair on the butler's neck, her Adam's apple rolling but unable to speak. The sycamore tree outside the window rustled, and the sunlight filtering through the leaves cast mottled shadows on the bedsheets, just like the swaying shadows of the tree outside the emergency room window on the day Chen Ran had the accident.
It was not until the butler handed him warm water and the temperature of the cup's rim touched his lips that he woke up from a dream and realized that he had subconsciously touched his neck.
The touch of empty skin made his heart suddenly jump, "Where is the necklace?" Su Nian grabbed the butler's wrist, and the infusion tube shook violently, and the transparent liquid surged wildly in the tube.
Seeing the old man take out the velvet box from the drawer of the bedside table, his tense shoulders collapsed and he leaned back against the head of the bed. However, the housekeeper did not relax and looked deeply at the person in front of him.
"Anian, how long are you going to keep doing this?" The housekeeper dipped the cold towel into warm water again, and when he wrung it out, water droplets fell through his fingers.
"Tell me the truth, do you really remember what Chen Ran looks like? How long has it been since you dreamed of him?" A wet towel gently wiped across Su Nian's hot forehead, carrying the faint scent of lavender, but it couldn't cover up the sigh in the old man's voice.
The old man's hand, covered with age spots, covered the back of his hand, and the warmth came through the IV patch: "I don't want to advise you, but Ah Nian, instead of dwelling on the memories of the past, it's better to cherish everything in front of you. No one can take away your past, but you still have a long future. Whether it's Mr. or Mrs. or Chen Ran, they don't want you to be like this."
The sound of the door closing startled the sparrows outside the window. Su Nian stared at the swaying chandelier on the ceiling, letting her tears slide into her temples.
The image of Chen Ran tying the silver chain around his neck before his death that year, and the empty collarbone at this moment were intertwined into a web in the tears. The early autumn wind blew the dead leaves across the windowsill, blowing the undried tears painfully.
Ever since Chen Ran left, Su Nian's life had lost its color. Like a puppet with its soul ripped out, he dragged his heavy body back to China and opened a small bookstore on the corner of the street.
In the bookstore, every book is placed according to Shen Ran's preferences during his lifetime. Even the aroma of coffee in the air is Shen Ran's favorite smell.
He stayed alone in this small world, living like a walking corpse, relying on bits and pieces of memories with Shen Ran.
He had the same hairstyle as Shen Ran, wore the same clothes as Shen Ran, and even deliberately imitated Shen Ran in his tone of voice and walking posture, as if this would bring him closer to Shen Ran.
However, Ling Shen's appearance was like a ray of warm sunshine on a winter's day, illuminating his dark world without warning. Su Nian always claimed that he treated Ling Shen as Chen Ran's shadow, as a substitute, but only he knew in his heart that those words were nothing but self-deception.
During the days he spent with Ling Shen, Su Nian gradually realized that the image of Shen Ran, who had haunted him countless nights, was slowly becoming blurred. He hadn't dreamed of Shen Ran in a long time, and even Shen Ran's face, which he had once known to his core, had been replaced by Ling Shen's.
Everything about Ling Shen was deeply imprinted in his heart. He began to look forward to meeting Ling Shen every day and began to care about Ling Shen's joys and sorrows.
However, this sudden feeling plunged Su Nian into endless pain and entanglement. He once held Chen Ran's hand and solemnly promised under the starry sky that he would be with him forever and never separate.
But now, he has broken his promise, and the guilt is like a heavy stone, pressing him to the point of suffocation.
In Su Nian's view, everything Ling Shen did was like giving him an excuse to escape from the past. He was afraid that if he continued to stay with Ling Shen, one day he would really forget Shen Ran completely.
Shen Ran is the person who has accompanied him through countless difficult times and is the most important existence in his life. How can he forget him so easily?
Su Nian looked at the box on the bedside table and wanted to reach out to pick it up, but his body was as stiff as if he had been cast into a spell, unable to move. The exhaustion and entanglement in his heart made him afraid to face the contents of the box.
That night with Ling Shen, he was not drunk. That little bit of alcohol was nothing to him and was far from enough to make him lose his mind.
He was terrifyingly awake from beginning to end, and clearly remembered every detail of what happened: Ling Shen's warm breath, their intertwined body temperatures, and those passionate calls.
All these were silently telling him that he had known for a long time that the person was Ling Shen, not Chen Ran's shadow, but the one and only Ling Shen.
Finally, Su Nian mustered up the courage, reached out with a trembling hand, and slowly picked up the necklace from the box. He gently stroked the smooth face of the ring, his eyes gleaming with a complex light, a mixture of guilt, relief, and a hint of anticipation for the future.
"I'm sorry, Shen Ran, I really think I've fallen in love with him." His voice was very soft, as if he was talking to Shen Ran, but also as if he was talking to himself. At this moment, the shackles that had been pressing on his heart for a long time seemed to finally loosen.
After lying in bed for two days, Su Nian's body finally recovered slowly. The housekeeper watched Su Nian slowly return to her original appearance, and a smile appeared in his turbid eyes, as if the cluster of roses on the eaves that were wilted by the rain had finally waited for the clear daylight.
Shen Ran's tombstone still stands there, and the unchanging smiling face in the photo is exactly the same as when they first met.
"Chen Ran, you should sleep well." Su Nian squatted in front of the tombstone, and stroked the sunken gold-plated words on the tombstone with his fingertips. The remaining coldness on his fingertips mixed with the coolness of the marble.
He gripped the shovel, and the blade made a dull sound as it cut into the soil, startling a few crickets dormant under the dry grass.
The moment the wooden box was lowered into the pit, the wind blew dead leaves onto the lid, a silent farewell. "In this life, I will keep you in a small corner, and I will live the rest of my life well."
The damp soil was filled with the smell of moss, and Su Nian's heart gradually calmed down. "I don't know if he will still love me, but I want to move on."
The breeze gently blew Su Nian's hair, like a pair of soft hands. Su Nian smiled at the person in the photo and breathed a sigh of relief.
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