Caught in a cycle, Consort Li is released from the Cold Palace again.
In the dead of night, the beeping of the electrocardiogram monitor suddenly became rapid. I jerked my eyes open, the dark patterns on the canopy shimmering in the moonlight. I touched the orchid handkerchief beside me, but my fingertips brushed against the familiar peach blossom pattern—I had clearly been clutching the orchid handkerchief given to me by Consort Rong before I went to sleep, but now it was the peach blossom handkerchief I had received the first time, even the embroidery error and alteration marks on the edge were exactly the same.
I sat up and examined the handkerchief by the moonlight, a flood of doubts welling up inside me. Just as I was about to get out of bed to look at the winter plum tree in the corner of the courtyard, Ya Huan's voice came from outside the door, almost exactly the same as yesterday morning: "Sister A Zhao! Get up quickly, Consort Li is about to depart!"
I stood there, frozen in place. Hadn't we already sent Consort Li away yesterday? Why were we "setting off" again today? I walked to the door, hesitated for a moment, and then opened it—the snow was still outside, and the sunlight shone on the snow, reflecting a dazzling white light. Consort Rong was standing under the winter plum tree, holding a brocade box in her hands, her eyes with a faint bluish tinge, looking exactly the same as yesterday.
“I… I was afraid I wouldn’t make it in time, so I finished embroidering it last night,” she said as she saw me open the door. She quickly stepped forward and handed me the brocade box. “Can you take a look and see if it looks good?” I took the brocade box and there it was, the orchid handkerchief. The stitches were fine and the orchids were lifelike, but the edges of the handkerchief still had the pattern of peach blossoms.
“It’s beautiful,” I said, my voice trembling slightly, deliberately ignoring the matching color of the embroidery thread on her fingertips. “Let’s hurry and find Consort Li.” As we walked, Consort Su indeed came from the opposite direction carrying a food box. The osmanthus cakes inside were cut into diamond shapes, each with three whole osmanthus flowers on top—exactly the same as the ones I’d seen yesterday. “These are for Consort Li to take on her journey. The road to the palace is long; I’m afraid she’ll get hungry.” Her tone, her smile, even the wood grain on the food box remained unchanged.
In Consort Li's courtyard, the Dowager Consort Xian was holding her hand, giving her instructions. Ya Huan, holding a large grass butterfly, tiptoed and tried to stuff it into Consort Li's hand. Everyone's actions and expressions were repeating yesterday's scene. Consort Li took the grass butterfly, smiling and nodding, "I will. In a few days, I will send someone to pick you up to go to the palace to play." These words were exactly the same as what she had said yesterday, even the slight redness in the corners of her eyes was exactly the same.
The farewell procession headed towards the palace gate. I deliberately lagged behind, glancing back at the footprints in the snow—sure enough, the footprints I'd just made quickly vanished, as if secretly wiped away by a hand hidden in the snow. Ya Huan leaned closer and whispered, "Sister A Zhao, why are the footprints gone? Did the wind blow them away?" Before I could answer, Consort Su turned and said, "It's normal for the wind to be strong after a snowfall. Let's hurry on." The tiny crack on the tip of the jade hairpin in her hair was exactly the same as it had been yesterday, even on the day the Empress searched her.
As they approached the palace gate, Consort Hui and Qin Lan were already waiting. The lotus-colored sedan curtains were embroidered with lotus scrolls, and the carriage was parked on the snow, its wheels still leaving no tracks. "Let's go, be careful on the road," Consort Hui said, holding Consort Li's hand, her eyes filled with the same worry as yesterday. "The palace is not like the cold palace; be careful in everything you do."
As the carriage slowly moved forward, I suddenly rushed forward and grabbed Consort Li's sleeve—her sleeve felt soft to the touch and carried a faint fragrance of orchids. I clearly remembered that when I saw her off yesterday, she was wearing a pink ruqun (a type of traditional Chinese dress), but today it had turned light blue. Yet everyone acted as if they hadn't noticed. Ya Huan was still chasing after the carriage, calling out, "Consort Li! Remember to miss us!"
Consort Rong walked to my side and whispered, "Will she... will she come back?" I looked into her eyes, and the expectation in them was exactly the same as yesterday; even the frequency of her eyelashes trembling hadn't changed. "She will," I took a deep breath, suppressing the panic in my heart, "She will come back as soon as spring arrives."
After seeing Consort Li off, we sat in the courtyard of Consort Xian and ate osmanthus cake. Consort Xian picked up a piece of cake and said with a smile, "Do you remember this time last year, we also ate osmanthus cake together? Back then, Consort Li was still worried about her father's case." Consort Rong and Ya Huan immediately echoed her, saying exactly the same things as yesterday, even Ya Huan's canine teeth when she smiled hadn't changed.
I looked at the osmanthus cake on the table and suddenly realized that the cake in my hand was exactly the same shape and had the osmanthus flowers in the same place as the one I ate yesterday. I took a bite, and the sweet fragrance melted in my mouth, but my taste buds didn't react at all; it was like chewing a ball of tasteless cotton.
In the afternoon, I made an excuse to deliver a food box to the imperial kitchen and walked alone along the palace path. Two palace maids from the laundry department were still gossiping: "Have you heard? The maid who was punished by the Empress yesterday has disappeared this morning. They say she's 'redeemed herself and left the palace.'" The other maid shook her head: "It's not that easy. I think it's... Sigh, I won't say anymore, or someone might overhear." Their conversation was exactly the same as yesterday, even the number of soap pods in the maids' hands remained unchanged.
When I returned to the Cold Palace, Consort Rong was playing the pipa, still playing "Spring River Flower Moon Night." Her fingering and rhythm were exactly the same as yesterday, and even as when she and Consort Li played it. Seeing me return, she stopped her fingering and said with a smile, "I... I think I suddenly learned it. Isn't that amazing?" Consort Su sat to the side, holding herbs in her hand, her posture exactly the same as when she was pounding herbs yesterday. The stone mortar was spotless, without a single herb fragment.
As evening fell, I sat under the small peach tree in the corner of the courtyard, watching the sunset. The wintersweet tree was still lush and verdant, not a single petal missing; the weeds in the Empress Dowager's courtyard were still just sprouting; the tiles on the palace walls were arranged neatly, not a single one loose. I suddenly realized that this wasn't simply "abnormal," but rather time cycling, scenes repeating, everyone acting according to a fixed trajectory, only I, awake within this cycle, yet clinging to this false warmth, unwilling to escape.
Consort Rong came over and handed me a cup of warm plum blossom tea: "It's getting cold, have some tea to warm yourself up." The temperature of the teacup and the strength of the tea's aroma were exactly the same as yesterday. "When do you think Consort Li will come to see us?" Her question was exactly the same as yesterday.
“It will come soon,” I took the teacup, looking at her smile, my heart filled with bitterness. “When spring comes, when the peach blossoms bloom, she will come.” Even though I know that this “spring” will never come, and this cycle will never end, I still want to stay with them, even if it’s just to linger a little longer in this false dream.
At night, I lay in bed, clutching the recurring peach blossom handkerchief in my hand. The "drip-drip" sound in my ears grew louder and louder, almost shattering my eardrums. I knew the dream was about to end, but I still closed my eyes and silently prayed: Just one more time, just one more time... I want to be with them again, to eat osmanthus cake, listen to the pipa music, and see the winter plum blossoms in the snow.
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