Chapter 44 "Ying'er, you treat me like a human being, like..."
Someone was pulling on the hem of her skirt. Although the force was extremely weak, Su Muying felt as if she had been hit by something and suddenly stopped.
She stopped walking and stared blankly down at Xie Linyuan, who was lying on the ground.
His outstretched hand was pale and slender, with prominent knuckles gripping her skirt like white bones. His thick black hair was loosely tied with a red ribbon, hanging down his neck, which made the skin from his neck to his chest appear even paler.
Su Muying's eyelashes trembled slightly.
His disheveled hair obscured Xie Linyuan's face, making it impossible for Su Muying to see his expression. However, the way he lay on the ground, reaching out at her feet and desperately grabbing a section of her skirt, made him look like a vengeful ghost who had crawled out of hell and was seeking redemption.
"Don't go, Ying'er..."
"Don't go, please..."
"Please..."
"I'll do whatever you want. If you want to vent your anger, kill me, eat me, skin me alive, tear me apart, and drink my blood..." Xie Linyuan said this while smiling. In his bright eyes, there was a twisted pleasure and satisfaction.
He felt happy.
For him, this was more like a reward.
Xie Linyuan has indeed gone mad.
From the moment he first saw her, he was madly in love with her.
He used to suppress these desires for her, his so-called sister-in-law, but later these desires warped his mind, and he wanted to get her through force.
He imprisoned her and hurt her. When he saw his hands stained with her blood, that dark house became not only her nightmare but also his.
Later, when he thought she was dead, he was forced to set himself on fire. He was terrified and realized how he had committed heinous crimes. To her, he was a demon she would rather die than leave.
He didn't want to, didn't want to hurt her...
He only wanted her, he only wanted her to stop always thinking about his brother, to see him too, and he wanted her to... like him as well.
Can you give him just a little bit of your love...?
Now that things have come to this, Xie Linyuan can do whatever he wants, whether Su Muying wants him to live or die, be a dog or a human or a ghost.
As long as she doesn't leave...
As long as she doesn't leave.
This is what he has been seeking all along.
"Don't go..."
"Ying'er..."
...
He crawled on the ground, slowly moving towards her, grabbing onto her skirt and refusing to let go.
The general who used to look down on her with disdain, as if she were an ant, was now crawling towards her covered in blood, begging her not to leave.
His entire body was wrapped in bandages, and now he lay on the ground, his wounds that had just been treated reopening and bleeding. Blood had stained his hands and the flowers embroidered on her skirt.
Su Muying lowered her eyes to look at Xie Linyuan. The blood spread out in large patches in her eyes in a strange way, and she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her eyes.
It hurts so much.
Finally, she spoke up and showed him a little mercy.
"I won't leave." The girl bent down, her hair falling compassionately, and a gentle breeze brushed against his eyelashes.
Xie Linyuan raised his head, his peach blossom eyes reddening, shimmering with a vibrant color. He looked at her, his eyes like a bottomless abyss, filled with a deep, overwhelming desire that seemed to engulf him.
He longed for her.
He desperately wanted her.
As Su Muying was being stared at like that, she felt as if a vast ocean was surging around her, the tide rising a thousand feet and the waves crashing a thousand feet high. She was being swept up and could hardly breathe.
Su Muying stiffened for a moment, sweat slowly seeping from her back, and her ears, hidden by her hair, inexplicably turned a burning red.
Su Muying avoided his gaze, her expression showing little change, like a calm lake under the moon, serene and gentle.
She helped him up, saying only, "Do you really think you won't die? Why do this?"
The moment she reached out, Xie Linyuan climbed out of the abyss.
The pain of the wound reopening was transformed into a strange pleasure by her outstretched hand.
See, she can't bear it.
Whether it's out of sympathy or genuine kindness, even if she... doesn't love him, as long as she doesn't leave, that's enough.
Xie Linyuan laughed. He lay on the bed in a starfish position, blood slowly flowing from his wound. His chest vibrated as he laughed, his bare, firm, white-jade-like pectoral muscles rising and falling. Under the light, they clearly possessed a powerful beauty, but when the blood from the reopened wound slowly flowed over, it was utterly horrifying and shocking to behold.
Su Muying watched, her thin eyelids twitching incessantly, her heart pounding in her chest, fearing that he might suddenly die while laughing.
How could anyone be so... so insane?
Why was he so persistent with her? She never wanted him to atone for his sins; she just wanted him to leave her.
As long as he leaves...
Why won't he leave?
Why don't you leave...?
Su Muying couldn't understand his crazy behavior at all. She was really afraid that he would die, but she was also worried and couldn't say anything to show her concern. Some words were stuck in her throat. She unconsciously frowned and her face turned pale. A layer of faint sorrow covered her beautiful face.
Xie Linyuan kept laughing, laughing until tears streamed down his face. His peach blossom eyes stared blankly into a certain place, murmuring, it was unclear whether he was talking to her or to himself.
"Why bother..."
"Why bother..."
"I have no choice, Ying'er..."
"I love you so much... In fact, from the first time I saw you, in that corridor after the rain, when you walked towards me carrying a bunch of flowers, I fell hopelessly in love with you."
Upon hearing these words, Su Muying's heart skipped a beat. The distant image of the young general watching her from the corridor suddenly flooded her mind, but Xie Linyuan's voice pulled her back from her slumber.
"No..." Xie Linyuan suddenly turned his head away with difficulty, his thin lips no longer the frivolous and affectionate red they usually were, but instead extremely pale.
He looked at her, a smile curving his lips, a smile both sorrowful and mocking: "No, perhaps in your eyes, that can't be called love, it can only be a shameful desire that you loathe."
"This desire is constantly distorted and deepened every time I see you, in my dreams day after day, making it impossible for me to get rid of it."
"You are my brother's fiancée, but you appear in my dreams every night. The images in those dreams are so filthy and unbearable, but they make me more and more addicted and unable to extricate myself."
Xie Linyuan spoke frankly to Su Muying, laying bare all the sordid desires he harbored for her.
"So I left home and went to the border."
"To avoid dreaming about you, I would tear my own flesh apart every night and numbly watch the blood flow out."
"Night after night, it was always the same."
As Su Muying listened, her expression didn't change much; she seemed as calm as ever. However, surprise and disbelief still showed in her eyes.
She parted her lips slightly several times, as if she wanted to say something, but then closed them each time, swallowing her words.
"I will stop when you no longer appear in my dreams."
"I thought that was all I felt for you, just lust at first sight. You were no different to me than anyone else. If it had been someone else who bumped into me that day while holding a flower branch, it would have been the same."
"I thought I was just temporarily blinded by your beauty, and that I actually... didn't love you."
I don't love you.
He seemed to say those words casually, and when he turned his head, he blinked slightly. The reddened corners of his eyes seemed to have a slight upward curve, making his smile seem a little frivolous. But when he looked at her, that frivolous smile vanished in an instant.
The intense, profound love emanating from those eyes almost solidified, suddenly making it hard for her to breathe.
Su Muying was stunned for a moment, and a tingling sensation slowly spread through her body.
"At that time, I returned to the capital and to the Xie family residence."
"He took on the role of Xie Linyuan."
"I thought you would become my rightful sister-in-law."
Su Muying learned about what happened afterward.
Xie Lin'an is dead.
It was quiet outside. The moon hung in the sky, its light flowing and turning. The moonlight shone through the window lattice and the gauze curtains, falling on him. The moonlight, like water, intertwined with blood red, making it look eerie and terrifying.
Su Muying did not leave.
She simply stood by the bed, quietly looking at him with an almost pitiful gaze.
But who knew, my brother died.
"Xie Lin'an is dead."
"Dead."
A breeze seemed to have picked up outside, causing the gauze curtains to sway. The moonlight on Xie Linyuan's face made his overly handsome features appear eerie, giving him a ghostly aura under the moonlight and lamplight.
Especially... the bright red hair ribbon, draped over his black hair, made his skin appear even whiter, and his features breathtakingly beautiful.
Although Xie Linyuan was a seasoned general who had traversed mountains of corpses and seas of blood, and had fought on the battlefield for many years, his beauty, apart from his sharp and handsome features, far surpassed that of any woman.
At first, when fighting against the barbarian tribes, he was looked down upon by the enemy because of his handsome appearance. However, after he charged into battle and led his troops into the enemy's heartland, almost wiping out the enemy, no one dared to look down on him because of his appearance anymore.
Instead, soldiers from several small border countries trembled at the mere mention of his name.
Every time he returned to the capital, the women of the city would shower his carriage with fruit. Although his murderous aura was frightening, his handsome appearance made him the object of pursuit for many women in the capital.
Even Su Muying, who doesn't care much about appearance, had to admit that Xie Linyuan's face and appearance did have the power to bewitch people and make them lose their minds.
At this moment, the moonlight swayed, and Su Muying stared blankly at Xie Linyuan for a moment.
A moment later, she clenched her hand, which was hidden in her sleeve, so tightly that her nails dug into her flesh, leaving a mark.
When a slight pain arose, she blinked, then subtly lowered her eyelashes and looked away from his face.
Xie Linyuan seemed unaware of the fleeting glance Su Muying gave him.
Perhaps it was because... he thought that her gaze, that distant moonlight, would never fall upon him.
To her, he was nothing but a demon and a monster.
He dared not ask for her love, he only hoped that she would not leave, that would be enough.
Just take pity on him...
“Before… I tried every means to get you. The more you hated me and feared me, the more I wanted to keep you by my side, so that you could only look at me and stay with me…”
“I locked you up. Whenever it was just the two of us in that dark room, I felt very safe and very excited.”
"It's just the two of us now, just... the two of us."
"But...I...I didn't expect things to turn out this way..."
Xie Linyuan closed his eyes, and the image of the girl covered in blood flashed through his mind again. He suddenly coughed violently, and blood surged from his chest and spilled from his lips, staining his pale lips blood red, making him look like a ghost.
Su Muying's temples throbbed uncontrollably, and a crack began to appear in her calm expression.
"Can you forgive me..."
"I just want to... stay by your side."
That's all.
The pain in his limbs felt like it was tearing him apart. His wounds reopened, and blood flowed out again. Xie Linyuan turned his head to look at Su Muying, the corners of his mouth turned up as if he were smiling. His peach blossom eyes were slightly raised, and his dark pupils were glistening with water. They looked like a lake under the moonlight, making him appear exceptionally pitiful and fragile at this moment.
He begged her, begged her relentlessly, pleading with her in this miserable state.
He knew that if she showed even the slightest bit of weakness, she would stay.
Looking at him, Su Muying couldn't help but purse her lips; the veins on her forehead were throbbing.
This person, who used to make her legs go weak and tremble at the mere sight of her, the person she feared and dreaded, has now sheathed all her sharpness and coldness, and is begging her in this manner.
Xie Linyuan had indeed suffered too many injuries. No matter how strong and robust his body was, he was still just a mortal. It was a miracle that he had survived. Yet he did not cherish his life and even used his internal energy to reopen his wounds, causing them to bleed again in order to gain her sympathy. He was already standing on the brink of death once more.
If Su Muying were to leave resolutely at this moment, he would probably be overcome with grief and spit out a mouthful of blood, which would be of no use even if a celestial being came.
His pale hand reached out to the edge of the bed, wrist up, his long, slender fingers trembling uncontrollably.
He braced himself against the bed, as if trying to get closer to her.
He wanted to touch her, but even though they were so close, it felt as distant as the Milky Way.
Perhaps his injuries were too severe, for he stretched out his hand with all his might, trying to move toward her, but after only a slight movement, his hand froze, and he suddenly groaned in pain. His eyes turned even redder, and his eyelashes were soaked with cold sweat. When he looked up at her, his peach blossom eyes were wet.
The wound reopened, and blood seeped out, flowing down his arm, with streaks of bright red wrapping around his fingers.
Su Muying stared at the hand that stretched out like white jade soaked in blood, exuding a strange and alluring feeling, as if it were begging for her pity. Her eyelids twitched violently.
Xie Linyuan called her Ying'er gently, speaking in an extremely weak voice: "Ying'er, you can treat me as a person or a dog, it's fine."
"Lock me up too, in a dark room or a secret underground chamber. Chain me up, lock me securely inside. Give me some water and food occasionally, but remember..."
Those hands, with their distinct knuckles and stained with blood, gently touched her fingertips, then chuckled softly: "Come see me every day, okay?"
"You can torture me, whip me, cut my skin with a knife, anything, as long as you come to see me..."
"Ying'er, you can do anything for me..."
"As long as you come to see me every day..."
Upon hearing this, Su Muying could no longer hide her surprise and shock.
Her pupils dilated, and her lips involuntarily parted; she was truly astonished by his words.
"You're a madman,"
She looked at him and said the same thing as before.
But when she said those words, she looked at him, and the fear and apprehension she had felt before were gone.
She really doesn't need to be afraid of him anymore.
He went from being a madman who hurt her to a madman who only hurts himself.
Su Muying's fingertips turned white from clenching her fists. She simply couldn't bear it anymore. Xie Linyuan's miserable state was terrifying to her. She was afraid that he would really die, and that his clear black and white pupils would no longer be like still lakes.
The wind blew across the lake, and ripples began to spread out in circles.
"I won't go, don't degrade yourself." Su Muying took a step forward. Xie Linyuan lowered his eyelashes, his gaze dark. He supported his body with one elbow, and with the other hand, it was as if a person on the verge of death had accidentally grabbed a life-saving object, tightly grasping Su Muying's hand.
He always exuded a chilling aura, like frost and snow. Su Muying was startled and instinctively wanted to shake him off, but when she thought of his injuries, saw his miserable state, and his watery, moist peach blossom eyes, she stopped.
Xie Linyuan kept looking at her like that, his eyelids lifting at just the right angle. From Su Muying's perspective, she could see the lingering tears in his eyes, the bloodstains on his chest, and the vulnerability revealed in his dark pupils.
He was indeed seriously injured.
Su Muying couldn't shake off this hand.
Moreover, those words were spoken in a moment of panic. When Su Muying realized what she had just said, a rare blush appeared on her face, like a rosy cloud spreading across the sky.
But she always managed to keep her emotions under control. In her panic, she avoided his burning, scorching gaze and said in a calm, even tone:
"Death is too good for you."
"You have to live, Xie Linyuan. There are so many people in Anzhou. You have to live."
"Stop wasting your life like this."
"Xie Linyuan."
Xie Linyuan smiled, his eyes curving upwards, revealing a hint of spring and dispelling the previous gloom and deathly aura.
She wanted him dead, and he died.
She wanted him to give birth, so he gave birth.
She would do anything he asked.
He can defend Anzhou or the entire country.
As long as she doesn't leave.
As long as she doesn't leave...
That's all he asked for.
Xie Linyuan still held her finger tightly, greedily touching the warmth of her body, but dared not go any further. He only dared to hold her little finger carefully, not daring to use any force.
He was afraid of frightening her, and he was also afraid of hurting her.
The moonlight fell on their intertwined fingers. Xie Linyuan looked up at the woman in front of him with an extremely devout posture, as if he were looking at his god.
He was begging for her forgiveness and for her mercy.
“Okay,” he said.
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