Chapter 48 "Do you want me to come back?"...
At the very last moment.
These words struck like a heavy hammer, causing a slight numbness to run through Su Muying's heart.
She was stunned for a long time, so long that she only reacted when Xie Linyuan started waving his hand in front of her in concern.
"Ying'er, what's wrong? Are you feeling unwell anywhere?" Xie Linyuan asked. Seeing that Su Muying's usually fair face was covered with a blush, like a splendid sunset, he was afraid that she had a fever, so he reached out and touched her forehead.
When Xie Linyuan's hand touched Su Muying's forehead, a chill ran through her, and the aura of wind, frost, snow, and rain suddenly invaded her body. Su Muying shuddered and immediately woke up.
She abruptly brushed his hand away.
Xie Linyuan's hand was suddenly slapped away. After stiffening in the air for a moment, he immediately walked to the front of Su Muying, hunched over, and turned his head slightly to look at her turned face. His voice was deep and trembling.
He wanted to touch her face again to see if it was hot, if she had a fever, but he was afraid of scaring her again, so he picked up his hand and put it down again.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have touched you. Don't be afraid. I noticed your face was a little red, and I was just worried you might have caught a cold."
"Don't be afraid, Ying'er, I won't hurt you..."
He hunched over to look at her, his long eyelashes trembling uneasily, his eyes lowered, looking as frightened as a dog afraid of being abandoned.
Su Muying didn't brush his hand away out of fear; she just...
That's all.
Seeing his helpless look, Su Muying shook her head: "I'm fine. I was just thinking about something and got a little distracted. I was just startled."
Xie Linyuan seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. He leaned against the window, his back to the moonlight, his red hair ribbon and black hair fluttering in the wind, with the bright moon hanging high behind him.
He bent his long legs, his posture relaxed, but his words were exceptionally sincere: "Don't worry, I will hold this place to the death."
"Until the very last moment."
Su Muying stared at him.
She rarely stared at him like that, without blinking. Xie Linyuan felt a sweat break out on his back from her gaze, and he straightened up from his relaxed stance. He asked softly, his voice as gentle as a pool of spring water, "What's wrong, Ying'er?"
His voice was very soft and gentle, with a slight hoarseness and the nervousness of swallowing. When it reached her ear, it felt like something furry brushed against her earlobe, strangely causing her to tremble.
I don't know when it started, but he always seemed to be very afraid.
He had to keep an eye on her at night; every little thing she did would make him alert and fearful.
Hearing his question, Su Muying shook her head, the blush on her face subsided considerably, but a slight heat rose to her ears. She was relieved that her hair had covered it, so he couldn't see it.
Seeing Su Muying shake her head and the blush on her face fade, Xie Linyuan finally felt relieved and breathed a sigh of relief.
Xie Linyuan leaned against the windowsill with one elbow, his long legs slightly bent. The wind outside made his tall, black hair flutter. Su Muying looked over and suddenly felt that the moonlight behind him was dazzling.
Xie Linyuan was also staring at her. His voice was hoarse, his Adam's apple bobbed, and his words trembled.
"It's good that I didn't scare you..."
He chuckled self-deprecatingly, lowered his head, and looked at his palm, which was clearly empty. His gaze was as blank as a huge, bottomless hole.
"I'm so scared... Ying'er, I'm afraid something will happen to you again, that you'll disappear again, that I'll hurt you again, that you'll cry..."
“Lately, I’ve been having nightmares a lot. I dream that you’re in my arms, covered in blood. My hands are covered in your blood, and I call your name, but you don’t wake up…”
Xie Linyuan's hand trembled. In the blink of an eye, the moonlight in his palm turned blood red, and the glaring blood flowed down his fingers like water.
Xie Linyuan abruptly closed his eyes and clenched his hands. When he opened them again, blood vessels were visible in his pupils.
“Every time I wake up from a dream, I will secretly go to look at you, and only when I see you sleeping peacefully can I feel at ease.”
His eyes were red, like peach blossoms that had bloomed too brightly in spring. When he looked up at her again, Su Muying was stunned.
Is this why he stood by her bedside every night, staring at her like a water ghost?
Those events happened many years ago, so long ago that Su Muying could hardly remember them, yet they became clearer and clearer in his dreams.
This is a form of self-punishment and torment.
She didn't need to judge or punish him; he judged himself first.
Why bother, Xie Linyuan?
But Xie Linyuan seemed to have fallen into those nightmares again. The blood vessels in his eyes became more and more prominent, and his voice became softer and softer, until it became the murmur of a madman.
"I'm sorry, Ying'er... I'm so sorry..."
"Actually, what I fear most is your fear of me, your fear of my eyes."
“Every time you look at me like that, it feels like something is smashing my insides open…”
"Please don't be afraid of me anymore, okay..."
"I will never hurt you again."
"I hope you are happy and safe..."
"Xiao Nian'an too."
"I will send someone to escort you away. You and Xiao Nian'an..."
"Do you think I'll leave?" Just as Xie Linyuan was murmuring, about to see her off, Su Muying suddenly interrupted him.
Xie Linyuan was taken aback. He looked up and saw Su Muying's face, which was veiled by a layer of ethereal moonlight.
It's like the most tranquil lake.
"What are you saying, Ying'er?" Xie Linyuan bent down and lowered his head. He got close to her, and their foreheads and noses almost touched.
At that moment, he could no longer restrain himself. His trembling hands cupped her face, his fingertips gently and carefully caressing her cheeks, and he said in a hoarse voice:
"Ying'er, Anzhou may not be able to be defended. Even if I defend it, I may not be able to. Do you understand?"
"I will stay here until the day I die, but you have to leave, understand?"
Do you understand?
His hot breath landed on her lips, and Su Muying trembled from the heat, but this time, unusually, she did not push him away.
She lifted her eyelids, her long eyelashes brushing against his, gazing into the depths of his dark eyes, and said earnestly and calmly:
"Anju is my home, and I will never leave here."
This time, she won't run away.
"Anzhou is gone, where can I go?"
“I am also a citizen of Anzhou. If Anzhou is gone, where can we go? When the nest is overturned, no egg remains intact. What’s the use of fleeing to another place? It’s better to stay and resist. There’s still a glimmer of hope.”
Xie Linyuan's hands, which were cupping her face, trembled. His fingertips gently brushed across her skin with a strange, lingering force. Several times he wanted to touch her lips, but he didn't dare.
Su Muying let him cup her face, not avoiding his gaze, and said, word by word, "Xie Linyuan, you know yourself that if Anzhou cannot be defended, if you die, and all your generals die, then the fall of the city is only a matter of time."
Xie Linyuan seemed to have heard her words, yet also seemed not to. He gently brushed his calloused fingertips against the corner of her lips, staring at her soft, moist lips, and suddenly asked:
Do you want me to come back?
"Ying'er, do you... want me to live?"
Hearing his question, Su Muying laughed, her eyebrows curving and her almond-shaped eyes bright:
"I'll tell you when you come back."
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