Chapter 20 Self-blame
The box contained very few items:
The two black business suits were specially made for her law firm interviews;
A dark gray trench coat accompanied her through countless mornings in the cold winter winds of New York.
There are also several thick English law books.
She folded each item carefully, her movements gentle and meticulous.
Finally, the zipper was pulled up, making a crisp "click" sound, as if marking the end of something.
...
Downstairs, Aunt Wang came over carrying a plate of sliced fruit.
She carefully placed the fruit plate in the center of the coffee table, then smiled and turned to Qiao Yiqing, who was sitting on the sofa.
"Miss Qiao, is your hand alright?"
Qiao Yiqing raised her head, her voice clear and crisp like a bell.
"It's alright, thank you for your concern, Sister Wang."
"It's good that you're alright."
Aunt Wang nodded, a relieved smile appearing on her face.
As soon as she finished speaking, her gaze swept over Qin Yunshu beside her, and her tone suddenly rose a few notches.
"By the way, I just saw Zhiwei in the kitchen drinking a big bowl of vinegar. She said she got a fish bone stuck in her throat and her face turned pale from the pain. I wonder how she is now."
"What?"
Qin Yunshu, who was drinking tea with her head down, suddenly looked up when she heard this.
His brows immediately furrowed into a deep frown.
Why didn't she tell me?
Sister-in-law Wang already knew what was going on.
This child has always been like this since he was little; no matter how much he suffers, he always grits his teeth and bears it all by himself.
The wife is busy with social engagements all day long, how could she notice something as trivial as the child choking on something?
But the old lady passed away, and she, who had watched the child grow up, couldn't bear it.
She hoped that, even just a little, someone could show her more care.
So she sighed and offered her earnest advice.
"Madam, why don't you go upstairs and check on her? Zhiwei is upstairs alone; I don't know if she's recovered yet."
Qin Yunshu nodded and turned to Qiao Yiqing.
"Yiqing, I'm going upstairs for a bit, I'll be right back."
"Yes, you may go."
Qiao Yiqing smiled gently, her tone respectful and considerate.
Qin Yunshu went upstairs and walked to Song Zhiwei's room.
Just as I raised my hand to knock on the door, it opened from the inside.
She was stunned when she saw Song Zhiwei carrying a suitcase.
What are you going to do with that suitcase?
Song Zhiwei smiled slightly.
"Mom, I've got a job. Living here is too far from the company, so I've rented an apartment myself. I've already signed the contract and can move in next week."
Upon hearing this, Qin Yunshu's face immediately darkened.
"How could you make such a big decision without even telling me? Did you consider how your family would feel?"
Song Zhiwei lowered her head, her fingers stroking the handle of her suitcase.
The voice was so soft it was almost like talking to oneself.
“I’m an adult now, and I can handle some things myself. I don’t want to always depend on you for everything, and I don’t want you to worry about me.”
Qin Yunshu stared at her for a while, then suddenly stepped into the room and closed the door behind her.
His tone became serious and low.
"Zhiwei, tell your mother honestly, do you... still have feelings for him?"
Song Zhiwei froze, as if struck by lightning, her heart skipping a beat.
No.
She bit her lower lip, her eyelashes trembling slightly.
She knew that Qin Yunshu had always been wary of her.
From childhood to adulthood, that subtle wariness has never disappeared.
You can tell just by looking at his attitude towards Qiao Yiqing today.
Qin Yunshu couldn't wait for Qiao Yiqing to marry Zhou Yuce.
This would make her give up completely and cut off all hope.
Seeing her flustered expression, Qin Yunshu became even more certain.
She reached out and pulled Song Zhiwei to sit down on the sofa.
His tone was extremely heavy.
“Zhiwei, you’ve always been well-behaved and sensible since you were little, never causing your parents any worry. Now that he’s getting married soon and his life is on track, don’t cause any trouble at this crucial moment.”
Song Zhiwei's nose suddenly stung, and a surge of grievance welled up from the bottom of her heart.
She abruptly pulled her hand away from Qin Yunshu's grasp, her fingertips trembling slightly, and couldn't help but speak.
"Why do you always think the worst of me? Is everything I do wrong in your eyes? I moved out because of work, not to escape, and certainly not for anything else!"
He praised her for being sensible and obedient, but at the same time, he felt that she would deliberately ruin his wedding.
She clearly didn't do anything.
But everyone thought she had ulterior motives.
Qin Yunshu was taken aback by the question.
Seeing that her eyes were red, he paused before speaking.
"That's not what Mom meant, she was just worried you'd go down the wrong path."
She looked at Song Zhiwei's slightly trembling shoulders, and a barely perceptible ripple stirred in her heart.
But she quickly covered it up.
It's as if this proves that their position is correct.
Why weren't you afraid before?
Song Zhiwei asked in a low voice.
Her voice was very soft.
But it was as sharp as a knife, piercing straight into Qin Yunshu's heart.
She didn't understand why, when she was ostracized and ignored before, no one worried that she would go astray;
Now she just wants to live for herself for once, but she has become the target of public criticism.
When she was little, we made her shoulder everything herself to avoid causing trouble.
Let her try to please Zhou Yunsheng and Zhou Xiaolu.
She was just a child then.
But they were forced to learn to read between the lines and to survive in the cracks.
She remembers every detail.
When eating, wait for the elders to start eating first, and speak softly.
She didn't even dare to sit in the living room for a little while longer.
She was afraid that people would say she wasn't sensible enough.
She lived cautiously, just to earn a sliver of warmth that belonged to a home.
She was always thinking of her, but what about her?
Song Zhiwei questioned herself repeatedly.
She gave so much and sacrificed so much.
What they received in return was indifference and misunderstanding.
Qin Yunshu was speechless for a moment and frowned.
She hadn't expected Song Zhiwei to suddenly become so sharp.
She had assumed her daughter would be understanding and sympathetic to her difficulties.
But now it seems she was wrong.
Looking at Song Zhiwei's reddened eyes, she felt a surge of irritation.
"I raised you with so much care and hardship, and you still made a mistake?"
Her voice rose slightly, filled with grievance and anger.
It was as if she was the one who was hurt the most.
Song Zhiwei smiled.
The laughter was soft, yet it carried a chilling undertone.
Looking at Qin Yunshu, she suddenly felt that there was an invisible wall between them.
No matter what she says or does, she cannot overcome it.
"You're not wrong, I'm the one who's wrong."
She spoke each word clearly, her voice calm to the point of being cold.
She wasn't blaming herself, but stating a fact.
Her very existence is a mistake.
If she had never been born, Qin Yunshu might have had an easier life.
The Zhou family will not have an extra person.
Arguing with Qin Yunshu is pointless.
She always had endless patience for the Zhou family, but she wouldn't even spare them a shred of tenderness.
She was willing to cook porridge for Zhou Yunsheng all night long, but she never asked him if he had eaten enough.
She would go to great lengths to help Zhou Xiaolu choose a university major, but never inquired about her ideals or future.
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