Chapter 9: Past Events
Even though half a century has passed, the scene of that day is still vivid in my mind.
At that time, my father was still in another province, and he sent a letter back to help me settle down. The letter was full of old advice like "you have to be proactive" and "suffering a loss is a blessing". He specifically mentioned that since she was the youngest in the family, she couldn't bring her "arrogance" with her.
At the end of the article, her father encouraged her: "Comrade Hang Liumei, 'Where there is a will, there is a way. The 120 Qin passes will eventually belong to Chu. Those who work hard will be rewarded by heaven. 3,000 Yue troops can conquer Wu.'"
The night before departure, Mom took Hang Liumei to pack her luggage in the house, while her sister Liu Zhu went to borrow a bicycle from a neighbor.
The aunt next door gave her a bag of oranges and said, "Let the child eat them on the way. You said this was arranged. For a little girl to go such a long way, your mother should have taken you two sisters to the boss's office to complain and shed a few tears. Maybe she would have been replaced. Isn't it just painting? Why can't she paint?"
Liu Zhu and Liu Mei, the older sisters, had grown up together and had worked as accountants at the silk factory for three years. They had never left home for school or work, and had never imagined their younger sister would leave their hometown. Her words made her feel a pang of pain, but she managed to explain: "She wanted to go. We don't understand art, but my younger sister is a good painter. She said Dunhuang is a national treasure and that anyone in this field should go and see it."
The aunt curled her lips in disapproval, but she was heartbroken, so she went along with Liu Zhu's words to comfort him. "You're right. In two years, I'll arrange some blind dates and find a good partner. Once we have a child, we can find someone to transfer us back. You can use this car tomorrow. I've got some food simmering on the stove." She wiped her apron with her hand, turned around, and went home.
Liu Zhu checked the car and went home. When he entered the house, he saw three people huddled together.
Grandma had gathered a bunch of rags from somewhere and insisted that Liu Mei take them with her, saying they would come in handy during the next few days.
Mom said cloth is easy to buy everywhere, so don't waste it. Your granddaughter is poor and particular, and she loves to look beautiful wherever she goes. Bring her soap and vanishing cream; we've saved up so many boxes.
One person had just stuffed something in when the other one took it out. The two of them were pushing and shoving each other like they were fighting Wing Chun.
Hang Liumei helped this and that, but one problem arose and she simply took everything she could with her.
So her broken suitcase and handbag were packed bulgingly. In addition to her painting and study supplies, there were also new cotton-padded clothes, new cotton-padded pants, and new cloth shoes. In the morning, everyone remembered that they only brought her one scarf, so they took her sister Liu Zhu's scarf away as well, saying that Dunhuang was windy and sandy, so she always needed a spare change of clothes.
After packing their luggage, it seemed like there was nothing left to do, so the four of them sat around the table, but no one wanted to sleep yet.
Mom stared at Hang Liumei's face, then suddenly stood up and said, "You've been covering yourself up too much these past two days. Why hasn't the inflammation at the corner of your mouth healed yet? I told you to drink more water, but you didn't listen again! What if you can't get better after you go there? I heard that Dunhuang is cold and dry. I'll make you some egg soup tonight to help you cool down. There must be a lot of mutton there. Maybe you can eat it often when you go there. Mutton is very smelly and it causes inflammation..."
Without asking Hang Liumei whether she wanted to drink or not, she walked into the kitchen without saying anything and cracked two eggs into a bowl. Her sister and Liumei teased her mother that she was really generous today. In the past, she was only allowed to make one egg at a time, and Dad didn't even have anything to drink when he left.
It was a joke, but no one laughed. Mom called out to them from the kitchen. "Have I ever been mean to you?" "Two debt collectors, especially the one born in the Year of the Horse, who's always been on the run, and we've all been suffering along with him."
The mother poured boiling water into the bowl and stirred it rapidly with chopsticks, turning the eggs into egg scrambled eggs. Knowing that Hang Liumei disliked the fishy smell, she didn't forget to add rock sugar. Halfway through the walk, she turned back and gave her daughter two more pieces.
The whole family saved this can of rock sugar and couldn't finish it even after half a year. Her mother wanted to pack it up for her to take away, but the luggage couldn't hold even a little bit of it.
She blew on the egg soup with her mouth, walked out steadily with the bowl in both hands, handed a full bowl to Hang Liumei, and stared at her until she finished drinking it all.
After eating and drinking, it was finally bedtime. Mom called her sister away to sleep with her, leaving more space for Grandma and Liu Mei to sleep peacefully.
This large wooden bed was built by their father after the two sisters started elementary school. Over the years, the headboard had cracks and the color had become dull. Grandma and Liu Mei were not used to the sudden absence of someone.
"Grandma, I'll sleep outside. I'll leave when I wake up tomorrow so I don't disturb you."
Grandma grabbed her quilt and threw it inside: "I'll sleep outside, you can't wake me up. Don't bother me, I'll get up when you leave, and I have to see you off."
Grandma was only 5 feet 4 inches tall, barely reaching Hang Liumei's shoulders. Her back was a bit hunched, and her waist hadn't been in good condition in the past two years. She was thinner, but her hands were strong. Hang Liumei couldn't persuade her, so she had to crawl in and sleep.
In the past, Grandma would snore shortly after closing her eyes, but today, she was completely silent. Hang Liumei couldn't hear her snoring, and couldn't fall asleep. She lay on her side, facing the wall, her eyes wide open, her mind agitated and she had no desire to sleep.
After waiting for a long time, I finally heard my grandma sigh: "Oh, why did you walk so far away..."
Hang Liumei's nose felt sore, and tears welled up. She picked up a corner of her pillowcase and wiped them away. The rough fabric rubbed her eyes, causing more tears to soak the pillow. She couldn't cry anymore, or her eyes would be swollen the next morning, she warned herself. She squeezed her eyes shut, but the tears still flowed uncontrollably, leaving a trail of distorted tear marks on her face.
Hang Liumei didn't know when she fell asleep; she kept dreaming. First, she dreamed of a man in a black suit and black leather shoes coming to her house to tell her that the Dunhuang Cultural Relics Research Institute had been closed and that she didn't have to go. She was instantly devastated. Then someone else came to tell her that she didn't have to take the train to Dunhuang, that it had been a mistake. Dunhuang was just outside Xi'an, and Hang Liumei could get there by bus. She could go home and visit her family for two days every month, and she was overjoyed again...
After a restless night, Hang Liumei woke up naturally at dawn. It was dark and quiet outside. She felt aches all over, but she felt nothing beside her. She didn't know where her grandmother had gone. She must have been up for a while, because the quilt was cold.
Hang Liumei got up, put on her clothes, and went out to look for her grandmother while braiding her hair. She left the bedroom and headed for the dining area. She immediately saw a thin figure sitting at the dining table, motionless, just sitting there quietly.
Hang Liumei wasn't afraid. She recognized her grandmother. She had recently cut her hair short, neatly. She was the only one in the family who loved to dress up. Who would cut her grandmother's hair after she was gone? Thinking of this, Hang Liumei burst into tears again, her eyes stinging uncomfortably.
Grandma heard the noise, turned around with her hand on the back of the stool and called her: "Xiaomei? Are you up?"
"Yeah, I'm up. When did you get up, mother-in-law? What are you doing here so early? It's still too early for me to leave."
Grandma smoothed her hair by her ears and gave a shy laugh. She slowly lowered her hands from the back of the chair and folded them across her knees, clinking her silver bracelets.
Hang Liumei heard her grandmother say, "I was afraid you would leave without waking me up, so I'm waiting for you here. I want to cook for you, but I'm afraid to wake you up. You must be tired from the journey, so you should sleep a little longer."
Hang Liumei didn't dare to speak. If she did, her grandmother would definitely hear her crying. So she quickly said, "I'm going to wash my face," and ran into the yard. As soon as the hot towel covered her face, Hang Liumei let herself cry.
Not long after, my mother and sister also got up, and everyone worked together to make a fire and cook.
The Shaanxi custom is to offer dumplings for departure and noodles for a welcome, so we had already decided to make dumplings for Hang Liumei. Mom kneaded the dough, Grandma rolled the wrappers, and Liumei and Liuzhu wrapped them. The original filling was supposed to be leeks and eggs, but fearing Hang Liumei wouldn't be able to digest it on the road, they switched to pork and fennel and beef and chives. This single breakfast cost the family half a month's food budget.
Having not slept well the previous night, and with no appetite this morning, Hang Liumei felt uninspired as she faced the table full of meaty dishes. This was a delicacy only available during festivals, and in the past, the two sisters would fight over it as soon as it was served, preferring to get burned rather than eat less. If anyone dared to leave anything out at the end, it would inevitably spark a debate, and in the end, Grandma would eat, so the two of them wouldn't have to argue.
But today, the family's meal was apathetic. Liu Zhu was a skilled cook, making dumplings that looked like ingots, with thin wrappers and generous fillings. Liu Mei, who had her grandmother, mother, and sister above her, was always lazy and hadn't mastered making dumplings yet. Her dumplings were always flat and sagging, worse than potstickers.
But the other three people all rushed to eat Liu Meibao's pot stickers, and then put all the Yuanbao from Liu Zhubao into Liu Mei's bowl.
Hang Liumei couldn't finish a dumpling after three bites, so she forced herself to eat more than ten, but she couldn't eat any more.
"If you can't eat anymore, don't eat too much. Don't overeat, or you'll get carsick and vomit easily. Check again to see if you've forgotten anything, and then tie the bag to the bicycle. It's better for us to arrive early and wait at the train station than to be late." Mom quickly cleared the dishes and urged everyone to do their part.
After leaving the house with all the bags, grandma took Hang Liumei's hand and said goodbye: "Xiaomei, grandma won't see you off. When you get to your destination, remember to write a letter to let me know you're safe. I'll ask your sister to read it to me. Be careful on the road..."
There was always an endless stream of similar things to say, and as grandma spoke, tears welled up in her eyes. Seeing this, mom pushed them out of the house.
Mom rode one bike by herself, with Hang Liumei's luggage strapped to the back seat, while her sister carried her on the other. Before the three of them had gone a few meters, they heard grandma's voice calling from behind: "Xiaomei! Xiaomei!"
Hang Liumei turned around and saw her thin grandmother jogging after them, holding the collection of ancient poems that Hang Liumei loved to read: "Don't forget to take your book."
"Mom, where are you going to read idle books? Don't run anymore. Go back quickly." Mom supported grandma.
Hang Liumei took the book, stroked it for a moment and decided to take it with her. She opened the box, put the book and the letters sent by her father together, and closed it carefully.
"Let's go, Xiaomei. Grandma, you go back. We will be back after sending Xiaomei off." Her sister had already mounted the bicycle. Hang Liumei trotted two steps and jumped onto the back seat. Grandma stood at the intersection and waved to her. The wind blew her gray hair, and her figure was getting farther and farther away. Hang Liumei didn't dare to look at her anymore. She lowered her head, wiped her eyes, and looked forward while hugging her sister's waist.
The neighbor's car had a newly repaired and inflated tire, so it ran very fast with just a little pedaling. My mother and sister deliberately lightened the strength of their feet, and each pedaled slower than the other, so that they could travel on the road longer.
"Xiaomei, people say Dunhuang is further north than here, so it must be cold right now. Don't rush to take off your clothes when you get there."
"Xiaomei, 'If you want to lean on a long stick, you should go with a strong companion.' When you go there, make more friends, and make good teachers and helpful friends."
"Xiaomei, please write to us three times a month. When your father comes back, we will find a way to visit you together."
"Xiaomei, life outside is different from being at home. Don't be extravagant, but don't be too frugal either. If you need money, tell your family and don't make yourself suffer."
…
"Xiaomei, did you hear what I just said?"
Her mother and sister gave her instructions all the way, and Hang Liumei nodded repeatedly, saying that she had heard and taken note.
They arrived at the train station, questioning and answering each other. They didn't know what day it was, but there were so many people out and about, or maybe the train station was always this crowded and chaotic. The crowds were so thick that they couldn't ride their bikes anymore, so they had to get off and push them.
Hang Liumei wanted to take the luggage and carry it in by herself. But her mother and sister wouldn't let her. They both tightly grasped the handle of her suitcase and repeatedly said, "Wait a little longer, wait a little longer. We'll go ahead and help you when you can carry it later."
Finally we moved to the entrance to the station. The car could not be pushed any further, so we had to leave the passengers here.
"Xiaomei, keep an eye on your luggage and tickets. Your mouth is right under your nose. If you can't find the way, ask. If you encounter danger, call the police..." As my mother was still talking, her eyes were already red.
My sister quickly interrupted: "Why did the police show up? Mom, do you still think Xiaomei is still a three-year-old child? Look how convenient the train is now. Dunhuang is not that far away. Didn't you say that we would go look for her later? Maybe you haven't even noticed yet, and we'll meet again."
Hang Liumei was also inspired by her sister's words. She couldn't cry today no matter what. She forced a smile and said goodbye to her mother and sister: "After sending you thousands of miles away, we must finally say goodbye. I'm going to realize my dream. When I become a big shot one day, you will be so happy that you want to cry! Come back quickly and be obedient. I will contact you as soon as I arrive in Dunhuang!"
Hang Liumei took the luggage and carried it on her shoulders, freeing one hand to wave to them, "Go back, go back."
As the crowds squeezed into the station, her mother and sister were lost in the sea of people. Surrounded by relaxed travelers, Hang Liumei had no idea where they were going. In this bustling place, she felt more lonely than ever.
Her palms were sweaty and her heart was filled with a thousand emotions.
It was the third month of the lunar calendar, a cold spring day. On a sunny day, Hang Liumei set out for Dunhuang alone.
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