Chapter 68 I want to go find my old self and tell you...
Jiang Shiyuan didn't know how long she had slept. When she woke up, she heard the sound of waves and felt the gentle, cool breeze blowing in through the window.
Huo Lan stayed by her bedside, his eyes still closed for a long time. When she opened her eyes, her dazed pupils finally regained their sparkle.
"Shiyuan, are you hungry?"
Jiang Shiyuan turned her head away and ignored her. She remembered the scene that night when she jumped off the railing, but was caught by several bodyguards.
There was no unexpected hardness or pain, only a sudden loss of weight and a red mark on my back from the impact after I was caught.
Only then did she finally see the people Huo Lan had sent to protect her.
Perhaps having overheard the argument between the two inside the villa, they were fully prepared the moment Jiang Shiyuan sat on the railing. Their strong professional skills allowed them to catch her steadily, but she still fainted.
"The doctor said you were just frightened and will be fine after a few days of rest." Huo Lan felt a sense of relief, as if she had escaped a disaster, and then glanced at her lower abdomen. "Our Tuantuan is also very healthy."
Jiang Shiyuan got out of bed, lifted the covers and was about to get out of bed, but Huo Lan held her down.
"Your body hasn't fully recovered yet, so please rest a bit more."
Jiang Shiyuan didn't say anything, but simply pulled his hand away and walked out of the villa without putting on a coat.
It was afternoon, the sky was beginning to darken, and the sound of the waves was becoming clearer. She had slept for a day and a night.
Where exactly are you going?
Huo Lan took a shawl from the clothes rack, intending to put it on Jiang Shiyuan, but she deliberately took it off and walked towards the seaside without paying any attention.
After realizing Jiang Shiyuan's intention, Huo Lan suddenly grabbed her wrist, preventing her from taking another step forward.
"What? You think jumping off a building means jumping into the sea? Jiang Shiyuan, you have no chance to hurt yourself while I'm around!"
After Huo Lan finished speaking, he picked her up and carried her back to the villa.
"Huo Lan, please let me go."
Huo Lan didn't hesitate for a moment as he walked back. "Let you go? Let you go find Xie Shuning?"
“I have absolutely no relationship with Xie Shuning. He locked me in his villa for a year, and I couldn’t get out!” Jiang Shiyuan struggled for a while but then gave up and said in a low voice, “You all like to do this, locking me up and bullying me.”
Huo Lan carried her up to the spacious viewing platform and placed her on a soft, bed-like swing chair facing the sea.
“I’m not like him. I’m your husband. Everything I’ve done is because I love you.” He gently stroked her cheek with his fingertips, his touch tender. “I was wrong. I shouldn’t have said those things to upset you last night. Please forgive me.”
Jiang Shiyuan looked at him quietly, without any more pretense, "Unless you let me go."
Huo Lan shook his head helplessly, "You know, Shi Yuan, I can't let you leave me."
He placed her hand on his chest. "If you leave me, it will hurt here, it will suffocate, it will be worse than death."
"But right now I'm living a life worse than death."
Huo Lan lowered his eyes to look at her lower abdomen, stroking it tenderly. "How can that be? You're not alone now."
"But how could Shi Yuan be so heartless as to not even want Tuantuan anymore?"
Recalling the scene of Jiang Shiyuan jumping off the building last night, Huo Lan still felt a chill run down her spine, as if it were a nightmare.
“He was never someone I wanted. If it weren’t for you, he wouldn’t exist.” Jiang Shiyuan was unusually calm at this moment, as if nothing could affect her emotions anymore. “You won’t let me go, is that it? Then I will not talk to you or eat every day. As long as you can’t see me, I will find every way to hurt myself.”
Huo Lan said, "Harming yourself is not a wise choice."
Jiang Shiyuan waved his hand, "I don't need wisdom right now, I just need to be free."
Her tone was soft, yet it seemed to carry a hysterical despair, as if she had no expectation for the future.
He rarely saw Jiang Shiyuan like this; in his memory, she actually had a very sweet smile.
From the first time he brought her into Huo Garden, he could clearly feel her dependence on him.
She was afraid that he would leave her in the future, so she tried her best to act obedient and well-behaved, caring for him and loving him. He really liked her too.
She would obediently snuggle on the sofa and wait for him to come home. Sometimes she would cook for him on a whim, pick out clothes for him in advance, and remind him to bring an umbrella based on the weather forecast... In his memory, Jiang Shiyuan should have been completely devoted to him.
But why did things turn out like this after a few years? All she could think about was leaving him, and she didn't even want to pretend anymore.
Huo Lan rarely felt frustrated, but at this moment he was truly disheartened; he couldn't accept the fact that she no longer loved him.
Huo Lan turned away and secretly wiped away the tears that were about to fall from her eyes with the back of her hand. The sea breeze blew gently, as if it had blown away something. But when she turned back, she pretended to be nonchalant.
"I asked the kitchen to make braised pigeon in clear broth and lotus seed porridge, which are good for your health. Also, remember to take your folic acid on time today."
Jiang Shiyuan still didn't look at him, but just stared at the boundless blue sea in the distance.
Some seagulls flew low and shallow, occasionally letting out loud cries, as the waves rose and fell.
Shortly afterward, a servant approached the observation deck with a steaming bowl of soup, placed the food down, and left.
Huo Lan knew that Jiang Shiyuan didn't want to talk, so he silently stayed by her side, scooped a bowl of fragrant pigeon soup from the soup pot, blew on the soup to cool it down a bit, and then fed it to Jiang Shiyuan.
"How about we do this for the baby in my belly?"
Jiang Shiyuan kept her mouth tightly shut and refused to drink the soup no matter what.
Huo Lan's hands trembled with anger as he tried his best not to force her to eat. "You haven't eaten all day. If you stay hungry any longer, you won't have any strength left."
Jiang Shiyuan turned her head and said, "Unless you promise to let me go."
"You'd better give up on this idea as soon as possible, huh?" Huo Lan put the soup bowl back on the glass round table beside him. "If you don't want to eat, then don't eat. You'll have to eat eventually."
Until late at night, Jiang Shiyuan did not eat anything, but just stared blankly into the distance.
She didn't continue doing prenatal yoga as Anna asked, nor did she read any more parenting books, do any prenatal education, or even look at her graduate school entrance exam preparation materials. She just breathed listlessly, having lost interest in everything.
Huo Lan was busy in the study until late at night before returning home. When he lifted the covers, he found that Jiang Shiyuan's eyes were still sparkling in the moonlight, and she hadn't fallen asleep until very late.
He changed into his pajamas and lay down next to her. He instinctively wanted to pull her into his arms, but she deftly dodged him.
Jiang Shiyuan turned her back to Huo Lan, clutching the blanket tightly, still unwilling to say a word to him.
Huo Lan looked at the wooden table beside the bed, where a glass of milk showed no signs of being drunk.
"Why aren't you drinking milk?" Huo Lan convinced himself, lying quietly beside her and looking at the ceiling. "That's right, drinking milk on an empty stomach isn't good, so let's not drink it. Tomorrow morning, the kitchen will have the fish maw and bird's nest stewed for you ready, so you can eat something more nutritious tomorrow."
He waited for a long time but still didn't get a response from Jiang Shiyuan, so he could only turn his body to look at her back.
"Shi Yuan, please talk to me, okay?"
When Huo Lan was in his study, he had no mind to deal with his work. Whenever he had a little free time, all he could see was Jiang Shiyuan watching him jump to his death in despair.
He was terrified; he was afraid she would really leave him forever.
He was protected this time, but what about next time? If she tries to harm herself or even commit suicide when he can't see her or notices, will he still have a chance to stop her?
But he still didn't want to let go. The thought of not being able to see her day and night in the future caused him unbearable heartache.
But what about now?
She tormented herself and gave him the cold shoulder, yet he received nothing in return.
Huo Lan lowered his stance once again, pleading softly, "Shi Yuan, please talk to me, okay?"
Huo Lan moved closer to her, and seeing that she no longer avoided him, he carefully pulled her into his arms, gently stroking her lower abdomen with his palm.
"Did Tuantuan bother you again today?" Huo Lan paused, waiting for Jiang Shiyuan's response. After confirming that she wouldn't answer, he said, "We need to eat tomorrow, otherwise Tuantuan will be hungry too."
After a long time, he finally heard Jiang Shiyuan's voice, but the moment she opened her mouth, his heart sank to the bottom.
"If you don't let me go, I'll never eat again." Jiang Shiyuan, like a lifeless puppet, let Huo Lan hold her, and coldly said, "Isn't there still electricity in the villa? I can find a power source..."
Before Jiang Shiyuan could finish speaking, Huo Lan immediately covered her mouth.
He buried his face in her hair, and before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face, the warm liquid soaking her hair.
"I really want to go and complain to the old you... tell her that you don't love me anymore..." Huo Lan hugged her tightly, his body trembling slightly, "You used to love me very much."
"But now, all you do is try to leave me, which breaks my heart."
Huo Lan closed his eyes and held her tightly in his arms, as if he wanted to meld Jiang Shiyuan into his very bones.
After a violent tremor, Huo Lan gasped for breath and finally made the decision he was unwilling to make.
"Okay, I'll let you go and never interfere with your freedom again."
As soon as he finished speaking, he seemed to have lost all his strength, as if his soul had been ripped away.
Jiang Shiyuan thought she had misheard him, until she was sure he had decided to let her go, and a great sense of relief gradually spread from the bottom of her heart.
Overwhelmed with emotion, she finally broke down in tears.
Huo Lan held her quietly all night and cried with her all night until dawn, when he finally coaxed her to sleep. He then put on his clothes and went up to the observation deck to watch the sunrise over the sea.
He doesn't usually drink, so there's usually no alcohol at home. But today he wanted to drink, and the people around him could only manage to get him a few bottles of beer.
The beer wasn't very strong, and after drinking several bottles, he didn't experience the slight buzz they were talking about.
They say the reason they drink is for the magical feeling that comes with alcohol, when the whole world becomes soft and dreamlike—a kind of joy that cannot be described in words, allowing one to forget all their troubles.
But he didn't feel happy; he only found the taste of the alcohol unpalatable, and after the alcohol took effect, his head throbbed with pain, and his stomach churned, making him want to vomit bile...
Huo Lan put down the wine bottle, stood up from the edge of the observation deck, and went to the guest bath on the first floor to take a shower.
He couldn't disturb her sleep, and he couldn't let Shi Yuan smell his unpleasant odor when she woke up in the morning.
But it seems that we can no longer call it "his wish".
At nine o'clock in the morning, Huo Lan sat at the dining table and waited for Jiang Shiyuan, who had just woken up upstairs.
She slept soundly, and after getting up, she washed up, tidied herself up, and went downstairs to eat.
Last night I starved myself all day, and when I saw the sizzling aroma of xiaolongbao (soup dumplings), I couldn't help but feel a little hungry. Before I knew it, I had eaten a whole basketful, and I was so full that I couldn't even drink a few mouthfuls of the bird's nest porridge that I had been cooking for several days.
Huo Lan felt somewhat relieved when he saw Jiang Shiyuan eating properly.
"You still have five months. Take good care of yourself first. Once you've finished your postpartum confinement, I'll let you leave."
Jiang Shiyuan paused in her eating. She was so happy last night that she forgot to ask him when it was. Only now did she realize that she wanted him to stay by her side until after she gave birth to Tuantuan.
Jiang Shiyuan took a sip of bird's nest porridge to catch her breath, but compared to being locked up by his side again, she was already very satisfied.
Moreover, she couldn't leave with his child; she couldn't provide the luxurious life the Huo family could offer Tuantuan.
"Okay, I will take good care of myself during the pregnancy." Jiang Shiyuan nodded and then said, "By the way, didn't you ask me to name Tuantuan before? I've already thought of one."
Jiang Shiyuan smiled faintly and said, "His surname is Huo, and his given name is Shu. I hope he will live a carefree and happy life."
"Huo Shu..." Huo Lan looked at Jiang Shiyuan quietly, and had not seen such a peaceful and calm smile on her face for a long time. "I thought you were going to find a beautiful character from idioms and allusions to name Tuantuan, but I didn't expect it to be just the simple Shuxin... But it sounds very nice."
"We don't know yet whether Tuantuan is a boy or a girl. This name can be used for both genders, and it's simple and easy to pronounce."
Jiang Shiyuan gently stroked her lower abdomen, feeling a pang of reluctance at this moment.
She will be free after Huo Shu is born.
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Author's Note: I spent ages thinking about a name for Tuantuan [laughing and crying emoji]
I had the ending written in the previous chapter, but I didn't expect to get writer's block like this. However, what I wrote was something like "four bodyguards caught Jiang Shiyuan with a thud," which was too fantastical, so I deleted it for now. [laughing and crying with facepalm]
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