Chapter 69: Song Shaoyue (1) Shouldn’t the guilty person atone for his sins?
Inscription: The person in my dream is like the moon in the sky, I miss him every night.
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In the year after the order to find the person was issued, news came back every one or two months. The people sent out said that they had seen a woman who looked like the portrait. Yan Huinan always rushed there as soon as possible, but always returned disappointed.
There was a massive magnolia tree within the general's residence. When it bloomed, its ancient, twisted branches were covered in blossoms, reaching toward the high, clear night sky. Yan Huinan stood before the gate, eyes closed, and slowly walked forward. As he walked, he extended his hand to his right and clasped it in the air. Amidst the fragrant aroma of the flowers, he imagined.
Imagine him and his wife strolling in the courtyard at night, with a faint fragrance in the air. He slightly raised his head and saw a full moon hanging on the branches in the distance. The wind swayed the flowers, and people's hearts were moved as well.
Yan Huinan regarded such imagination as a luxury. Only when he missed her to the extreme would he allow himself to do such greedy things.
Twenty steps will take you to the magnolia tree, and here is the limit for him.
He couldn't think about it anymore.
Missing Xie Yun was a gift from heaven to him. A man like him was not even worthy of missing Xie Yun.
After reaching this point, Yan Huinan slowly opened his eyes. Nothing was before him. The night wind blew fallen leaves from the ground, and the spring breeze also sounded bleak. His hands and heart were empty.
He slowly lowered his head, letting loneliness, sadness and pain wander in his empty body. Only when it was late at night and he had nothing to do would he let his sadness wreak havoc and eat away at him bit by bit.
Before he knew it, Yan Huinan had already walked into the secret room.
This place... was where Xie Yun cured him of the poison.
Now there's something else in the chamber.
Yan Huinan walked in very naturally, picked up the tinder on the table and lit the bonfire beside him, with a branding iron placed in the fire.
While waiting for the iron to heat up, Yan Huinan peeled off his shirt piece by piece. His bronze skin gleamed in the firelight, but his sturdy body was covered in scars, with almost no healthy skin left.
Countless scars from swords, spears, swords and halberds were all deeply left on Yan Huinan's body.
When the iron was red and hot, Yan Huinan picked up the burning iron with a numb expression, pointed it at the left side of his chest, and pressed it on it without hesitation.
Amidst a series of crackling sounds, Yan Huinan's expression became hideous and distorted, his face as pale as a dead person. He clenched his teeth tightly, trying not to let himself wail, wanting to swallow all the painful sounds back into his stomach.
But people can't stand such inhuman torture after all. Even Yan Huinan has been thinking of ways to torture himself every once in a while in the past year or two. His originally healthy body is now just a facade, and in fact, it is already scarred inside.
"Ah - cough cough -" he growled in pain.
The iron burned the piece of meat on the left side of his heart until it was cooked and gave off a burnt smell.
Yan Huinan stubbornly refused to take the branding iron off. The moment the iron touched his body, the sweat on his body flowed down his back like rain, to his lower back, and finally soaked his clothes.
Yan Huinan didn't take the iron off until it was about to stick to his body.
He was in so much pain that his consciousness was blurred. He curled up on the ground, frowning in pain. His mind was flooded with the difficulties and pain that Xie Yun might have faced in the fire.
He wished he could kill himself with a knife.
He could have killed Xie Qingyun himself, so why did he do it this way? If he hadn't done it this way, maybe he would have met Xie Yun on that mountain, and then he could have kept her.
But there are no ifs in this world.
When I woke up again, it was already late at night.
When Yan Huinan pushed open the door of the secret room, he unexpectedly saw Yan Lang, who was just about to turn two years old. He was sleeping soundly against the wall outside the secret room, covered with a small tiger-skin blanket.
Han Zhen was standing guard nearby. When she saw Yan Huinan come out, she quickly stood up and explained, "General, the young master was about to leave today, but for some reason, he heard the noises inside and started crying and making a fuss, insisting on waiting for you to come out. I couldn't pull him away."
Yan Huinan suddenly felt extremely guilty and heartbroken.
The little child was so stubborn that he sat on the cold ground for most of the night. Because he had been crying for a long time, his eyes were now red and had traces of tears on his fair face.
Yan Huinan picked up Yan Lang lovingly. The little boy was well taken care of, chubby and very solid.
"Thank you for your hard work, Han Zhen. You can leave now. I'll carry him to sleep with me." Yan Huinan said softly, afraid of waking up Yan Lang.
But as soon as Yan Lang was picked up, he felt it. He opened his eyes in a daze, and when he saw his father, he pouted and started crying.
Tears fell without hesitation. The little child hugged his father distressedly, sobbing, "Father, father, wuwuwuwu——Lang'er heard his father's voice, you, you are, are you, are you, in pain? Wuwuwu——Father, don't, don't leave me, Lang'er..."
When Yan Lang hugged his father, he happened to touch the wound on Yan Huinan's chest, but he didn't want to worry Yan Lang, so he held it back. But when he spoke, his voice was extremely weak: "No, Lang'er is the most important person to father now. Father will not abandon Lang'er. Don't be afraid, Lang'er."
"Wuwuwu——hmm." Yan Lang cried like a little baby, but he nodded very sensibly.
Yan Huinan gritted his teeth and endured the pain, carrying Yan Lang all the way.
Han Zhen, who was standing by, was heartbroken when she heard Yan Lang crying so pitifully. She couldn't help but turn her head away to wipe away her tears.
When Xie Yun left, she didn't take Han Zhen with her because she didn't want Han Zhen to live a precarious life with her. Han Zhen understood everything and she also wanted her wife to be free.
But she didn't expect that after that farewell, they would never see each other again.
But now the lady's life or death is unknown, her whereabouts are unknown, and the young master is so young. The only thing Han Zhen can do is to take good care of the young master with all his heart.
Although Yan Lang is small, he is very smart and learns things very quickly.
Whenever I can’t see my father, I come to the secret room to look for him.
Han Zhen vaguely knew what the general was doing in the secret room. Every time she saw the general, he was weak and pale, and staggering out. But she didn't understand why the general was doing such a thing now?
"General, I don't understand why you are doing this?" Han Zhen was annoyed and confused. She was angry because Yan Huinan would only do this after completely losing his wife.
Yan Huinan: "Shouldn't the guilty be able to atone for their sins?"
After hearing these words, Han Zhen was stunned.
Because the general had said the same thing to his wife before.
At that time, Han Zhen didn't know that the general hated his wife so deeply.
Now the general said this again to restrain himself.
Han really hopes that his wife will be free, but he doesn't want it to be like this now, with her life or death uncertain.
"Even if the general wants to punish me, I will tell him. What's the point of you doing this now, general? It would be better to find the lady earlier and ask for her forgiveness in front of her." Han Zhen said behind him.
Yan Lang didn't understand what they were saying and just looked at his father blankly.
Yan Huinan's face was more serious than ever before. He said, "If possible, I am willing to exchange my life for Xie Yun's forgiveness."
Han Zhen couldn't help but sigh when he heard this.
She knew that it was useless to say anything now.
None of them could find Xie Yun.
It was as if she had vanished into thin air.
As spring turned to winter, Yan Lang still often waited for his father outside the secret room. Sometimes he would accidentally fall asleep, and sometimes he would not, because he had to review his lessons and recite the articles left by his uncle Li Wei. Since one time when he was a child, he heard his father's cry of pain, he had never heard any movement in the secret room again.
His father had once forbidden Yan Lang from approaching the secret room, but Yan Lang always found a way to get there. Perhaps influenced by Yan Huinan, Yan Lang also possessed a fearless stubbornness.
As long as he threatened with his own life, no one dared to stop him.
As time passed, Yan Lang saw that his father was weaker every time he came out, and he realized that his father was doing something very important but very painful.
He once cried and made a fuss, asking his father not to do this, but his father always agreed with him in everything. This was the only thing his father never changed. It was a task that his father had to complete, just like visiting his parents every morning and evening.
Yan Lang didn't know when this would end. The only impression left by this secret room in his childhood was fear.
He had seen the spring flowers, autumn fruits, summer lotus and winter snow in front of the secret room. Time passed by little by little, and Yan Lang grew up day by day.
In the blink of an eye, six years passed quietly. During these six years, Yan Lang also traveled all over the world with his father and saw different scenery.
He knew that his father was going to look for his mother. Yan Lang had never seen his mother, but he also missed her very much.
Every time he saw Aunt Yuerong, Yan Lang would imagine his mother based on what his father had said and combined it with Aunt Yuerong.
His mother was a woman of many talents. She knew medicine and could make all sorts of magical things like a craftsman. She was beautiful, more beautiful than any other woman in the world. She was kind and gentle, and sometimes, if Uncle Li's children made mistakes, Aunt Yuerong would scold them.
But the mother must be like the father and would not blame him.
My father said that my mother loved him very much, but because my father made a mistake, my mother couldn't find Lang'er, so she never came to see Lang'er.
The mother is sometimes a little stupid, and she couldn't find Lang'er because she was lost.
"It's okay, Lang'er and father can go find mother together!"
Whenever little Yan Lang sees the moon, he thinks of his mother.
Because my father said that my mother must be in some corner of the world, looking at the same moon as Lang'er.
There is also the word "moon" in Lang'er's name.
"Lang" means bright, which is the same meaning as my mother's nickname.
Lang'er is his mother's most beloved child, so he is called Lang'er.
But one time, Lang'er got up at night and saw his father standing in front of the window, holding a piece of paper in his hand, reading it and crying as he read.
But when he woke up the next day, his father looked gentle again. He held Lang'er in his arms, dressed him, and accompanied him in reading and practicing calligraphy.
His father didn't look like he had been crying, so he thought it was just a dream he had yesterday.
It was not until he returned from school again from Uncle Li Wei's house that Yan Lang really saw his father crying.
His father hugged him and cried, telling him that they were going to Jiangnan to find their mother.
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