fingertip
Time seemed to be sped up, flying by amidst the intense academic work and the warmth of each other's embrace.
The ginkgo tree outside the window turned yellow and then green, and then green and then yellow again. It seemed as if in just a blink of an eye, the countdown numbers for the college entrance examination on the side of the blackboard dropped sharply from three digits to single digits.
In the final sprint days, the air is filled with the smell of anxiety and struggle.
Test papers drifted like endless falling petals, and review materials filled the desks. Zhou Yu and I had both lost weight, and our eyes often wore a tired look, but they were increasingly clear and focused.
We saw each other less and less, but we kept in touch. Late-night phone calls became the norm, sometimes without much conversation, just video chatting. He would furiously write on a problem paper on the other end, while I would scribbled a quick sketch. Occasionally, I would steal a glance up at his focused expression on the screen, and I would feel my fatigue fade away.
I would carefully keep the sticky notes he wrote on them, which were my lucky charms; he would set my newly drawn sketches, even if they were just a few strokes, as his phone screensaver, and draw strength from them.
The college entrance examination for art students comes earlier.
In the cold winter, I carried his drawing board and paints and embarked on a journey to take professional examinations at major art academies.
Beijing, Hangzhou, Guangzhou... I traveled alone in unfamiliar cities, stayed in cheap pre-exam hotels, faced different test questions every day, and was exhausted both physically and mentally.
But whenever I walked out of the examination room and turned on my phone, I would always receive Zhou Yu's message first.
"How did you do on the test? Don't overthink it, just do your best on the next one!"
"It's getting colder in Hangzhou today, so remember to wear your long johns. Don't think they're ugly."
"I sent you some hot sauce from my hometown. Try it with rice. Don't always eat instant noodles."
"I believe in you, Zhang Chenzhi. You can do it."
Those short texts, coupled with the photos he occasionally sent me of him studying late at night in the library, became my warmest support in the cold winter in a foreign land.
I know that he is also fighting on another front with the same perseverance.
We agreed to meet at the highest point.
After the new year, art exam results were announced one after another.
The torment of waiting is no less than the exam itself.
When I finally received my certificate from the Central Academy of Fine Arts, and my ranking was quite high, my first call was to Zhou Yu. When the call connected, I was so excited that I couldn't help but babbled, "I passed! Xiao Yu! I passed! CAFA!"
There was silence for a second on the other end of the phone, and then there was a burst of surprised cheers, and it seemed like there was a cry in his voice: "That's great! Zhou Yu! That's great! I knew it! I knew you could do it!" He was even more excited than me, as if he had received great news.
Passing the professional exam means that I have one foot in my ideal university.
But the cultural subjects of the college entrance examination were also a huge challenge for me. I had to get a passing score for this admission letter to take effect.
For the remaining months, I spent most of my time in cram schools and study rooms. Zhou Yu resolutely took on the responsibility of being my "exclusive teacher."
He shared with me the essence of his liberal arts learning notes without reservation, helped me sort out the historical context, highlight the political key points, and patiently explained basic math problems to me over and over again.
His patience and clear thinking have brought me back on track countless times when I was almost driven crazy by tedious formulas and historical events.
"It's okay, take your time. Let's learn this knowledge point in a different way..."
"Look, this problem can actually be solved using this model. I'll help you do a few more similar problems."
Under the setting sun, in the empty classroom, we were often the only two left. His gentle explanations, my occasional sighs of sudden enlightenment, and the sound of the pen scratching across paper formed the most peaceful and solid scene before the college entrance examination.
I secretly looked at the young man next to me. The light cast a soft halo on his serious profile, and my heart was filled with indescribable gratitude and love.
I secretly made up my mind that after the college entrance examination, I would tell him the most solemn, formal and grand secret.
The quicksand flows, with time scales... 3 days, 2 days, 1 day...
On the eve of the college entrance examination, I wasn’t even as nervous or sleepless as I had imagined.
Zhou Yu and I had one last phone call. We didn't talk about the exam. As usual, we reminded each other of our admission tickets, ID cards, pencils and erasers, and then said good night to each other.
"Don't be nervous, just play your best," he said.
"You too, Xiaoyu." I paused, my voice unusually gentle, "See you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you tomorrow."
After hanging up the phone, I took out a carefully treasured velvet box from under my pillow.
Inside was a book he had wanted for a long time. Between the pages were bookmarks made of a few new spring leaves, which still retained the greenness of that day.
It was the spring of my second year of high school. We picked up leaves together in the park. I secretly used the techniques I learned in professional courses to process and preserve them, and then watched videos to learn, and finally made them into bookmarks.
I imagined it lying quietly on the pages of a book, shining brightly in the light, and its quiet and peaceful temperament must be in line with him.
The two-day college entrance examination is like a grand and silent ceremony.
When the bell rang for the final English exam, the whole city breathed a sigh of relief.
The building erupted in a flurry of sounds—cheers, screams, sighs of relief, the clatter of books being thrown into the air.
I followed the crowd out of the exam room. The summer sun was so intense that it made me squint slightly. Almost immediately, I spotted the figure in a simple white T-shirt and blue jeans amidst the surging crowd at the school gate.
Zhou Yu also saw me.
Across the throng of people, we exchanged a smile. There was no excited running or hugging, but we simply walked slowly and steadily toward each other, as if all the noise and chaos had become a blurred backdrop.
When they got to each other, they looked at each other, thousands of words stuck in their chests, but in the end, they only said one sentence: "The test is over." "Yeah, the test is over."
Three simple words, yet they carry so much weight.
After more than ten years of hard study and countless nights of studying late into the night, all the pressure and expectations seemed to have settled at this moment.
The next few days were filled with complete indulgence and revelry: a thank-you banquet for the class, a dinner with classmates, an all-night karaoke night...everywhere was filled with the joy of liberation and a touch of sadness.
Zhou Yu and I were inseparable, enjoying our rare leisure time after the exams like any other couple. But my worries were growing heavier—a long-hidden secret that I hadn't yet found the right moment to reveal to my flowers.
I wanted a moment that was special enough, just the two of us.
The opportunity came on a breezy evening.
The classmates made an appointment to go to the riverside for a barbecue, but Zhou Yu looked a little tired.
"I'm a little tired, so I won't go." He whispered to me. Something in my mind struck me, and I immediately said, "Then I won't go either. Can I go somewhere with you?"
I took him to a small hill on the outskirts of the city.
The view there is wide and you can overlook the lights of the city. It is also the place we went to together on the spring outing in our second year of high school.
The grass on the slopes was green, dotted with wildflowers. The setting sun was painting the sky a brilliant array of warm hues: orange, pink, purple, and gold, layer upon layer, magnificent and incomparable, like an overturned palette.
"It's still so beautiful here." Zhou Yu took a deep breath, opened his arms, felt the evening breeze, and had a relaxed and comfortable smile on his face.
"Yeah." I looked at his soft silhouette outlined by the afterglow of the setting sun, my heart beating like a drum.
The timing is perfect.
I carefully took out a flat square object wrapped in drawing paper from the sketchpad I was carrying and handed it to him.
"It's for you. A graduation gift." My voice was a little hoarse.
Zhou Yu took it without any surprise and opened the package readily.
When the contents inside were fully revealed, he seemed stunned, holding his breath for a moment, his eyes widened, and he covered his mouth with his hands.
It was an oil portrait.
The boy in the painting, wearing the same blue and white school uniform that we first met, stood at the end of a red brick corridor covered with vines, holding a few books in his arms, his head slightly tilted, his eyes clear and bright, with a hint of immaturity and apology. The sunlight filtered through the window, falling on his hair and shoulders.
The background is softened, and all the light, shadow and color are focused on that young and beautiful face.
Every detail is vivid, every stroke of color imbued with emotion. As he later said, it not only resembles the form but also perfectly captures the spirit of that moment—the flurry, beauty, and instant heartbeat of that first encounter.
In the lower right corner of the painting, written in neat small characters is: "September · First Meeting" to Xiaoyu.
——Zhang Chenzhi
Zhou Yu's fingertips trembled slightly as he stroked the delicate traces of oil paint on the canvas. The corners of his eyes turned slightly red, as if a layer of water blurred his vision.
He raised his head, looked at me, and said in a choked voice, "When did you draw this?"
"I've been painting on and off for a long time," I stared at him silently, drowning in his turbulent eyes, "mainly relying on memory. I was afraid that as time went by, I wouldn't be able to remember exactly what you looked like when I first saw you that day. But I seem to have discovered that there's no need to be afraid, as every detail is engraved here." I pointed to the location of my heart.
The evening breeze blew, and the grass leaves on the hillside made a rustling sound. The lights of the city in the distance lit up one after another, reflecting the lingering sunset glow in the sky.
No one spoke, including the night wind.
I took a deep breath, as if using up all my strength, took out the velvet box from my pocket and opened it.
The book's cover gleamed with a soft, warm glow in the setting sun. I stepped forward and, with unwavering solemnity, placed the book on his arm, suspended in the air. The slightly cool cover and the bookmark that had slipped out caught his glint in my eyes.
Zhou Yu mechanically looked down at the beautifully preserved, still vibrant green leaf. Tears finally couldn't be contained, and they rolled down his cheeks. He remembered this leaf; it was the one they had picked together that spring.
"Zhou Yu," I tried to keep my voice low and clear, trembling slightly but filled with undeniable seriousness. I gently held his hands, my gaze blazing into his tearful eyes. "From the first day of high school, the moment I bumped into you in the corridor, I've fallen in love with you. If I had entered your world earlier, I would have fallen in love with you even sooner than I fell in love with painting, and I would have been unstoppable and more certain than any other kind of love I know."
"Thank you for always being by my side these past few years. Thank you for watching me paint, thank you for explaining the exercises to me, thank you for sending me hot sauce when I was running for an exam, and thank you for telling me 'you can do it' every time I couldn't hold on."
"I know I'm sometimes stupid, I make you angry, I'm too busy to take care of you, and there may be many difficulties in the future. But," I paused, my voice choked but my tone more resolute, "I want to keep going with you. I want to go to the same city with you, I want to continue painting you many, many paintings, I want you to be the first person I see when I wake up every morning, I want to be a part of your future, and I want to face everything, good or bad, with you."
"Zhou Yu, I've discovered that I'm hopelessly in love with you. This isn't some impulsive liking from a sixteen or seventeen-year-old, but rather a reckless act of throwing myself into the sea, willing to drown. But this time, I want to survive. Can you save me?"
I finished speaking in one breath, my chest heaving slightly, my palms a little sweaty from nervousness, but my eyes were surprisingly bright, staring at him closely, waiting for his judgment.
Zhou Yu breathed in quickly and unconsciously.
He looked at the boy before him, no, more like a young man. I had lost some of the immaturity of my freshman year of high school, my features more defined, but my eyes were still clear, filled with undisguised, burning love for him.
Every moment of our time together over the past few years flashed through my mind like a scene from a movie—our first encounter in the corridor, our casual chats in the library, the sunset beside the blackboard, our handshakes in the darkness of the cinema, our companionship on the phone late at night, our encouragement during exams in a foreign land, and the countless days and nights we spent struggling together...
He nodded vigorously, his tears welled up even more, but he smiled a huge, brilliant smile, with tears in his eyes, which was more moving than the sunset in the sky.
"I do... Zhang Chenzhi, I do!" He threw himself into my arms, hugged me tightly, and buried his tear-stained face in my shoulder. His voice was muffled, but incredibly clear, "I love you too. I've loved you for a long, long time."
I finally escaped from the deep sea, and every breath of oxygen was a treasure that was hard to come by in the water.
What followed was a huge ecstasy that almost overwhelmed him. I hugged him back tightly, my arms tightened, as if I wanted to rub him into my bones and blood.
I lowered my head, rubbed my chin lightly against his hair, and smelled the familiar, faint fragrance of his hair. But Chi Ling, who I had been waiting for for three years, still didn't come.
At the last moment when the sunset completely sank into the horizon, we hugged each other on the hillside, with the brilliant sea of stars in the city in the distance.
There is still a lot of time and we still have many wishes.
The end of the college entrance examination is not the end, but the brightest starting point for us to run towards a brand new future together.
The night sky began to turn a deep blue, and the first star quietly lit up.
I gently loosened his grip, afraid of strangling him. I wiped the tears from his face with my fingers, then lowered my head and gently kissed the tips of his fingers with great care.
This was a kiss that was three years late.
It is green, yet extremely sincere; it is gentle, yet contains a three-year hidden love.
The evening breeze surrounded us, as if the whole world was celebrating.
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