Love you
After dealing with Chen Nanxing's funeral, Qin Enyu did not return to Country M immediately.
Qin Enyu had one more thing to do, something that Chen Nanxing had not explicitly instructed her to do, but she felt she had to do it.
Give some things to Lin Shanglu, some of which she found as a friend of Chen Nanxing when she was sorting out Chen Nanxing's belongings.
On the day Chen Nanxing's euthanasia procedures were approved, Hengxing was officially acquired by Boyuan Group in S City, and from that day on, Lin Shanglu disappeared.
After many twists and turns, Qin Enyu found Lin Shanglu in a dilapidated, musty rental house.
The man who was once a powerful and arrogant man in the business world is now curled up on the ground piled with wine bottles.
He had an unshaven beard, sunken eye sockets, and his clothes were wrinkled and stained. He looked so decadent that he no longer looked like a human.
The curtains in the rental house were tightly closed, and it was impossible to tell whether it was day or night. Qin Enyu's appearance was like an untimely ray of strong light, piercing the stagnant water of despair.
Lin Shanglu hadn't seen the sun for a long time, and the sudden sight was so shocking that he couldn't open his eyes. After adapting for a while, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at Qin Enyu.
He will never forget Qin Enyu for the rest of his life, because Qin Enyu's contribution was indispensable to the acquisition of Hengxing by Boyuan Group.
He quickly recognized Qin Enyu.
"It's you."
Qin Enyu didn't say anything extra. She turned on the light with a "click" and walked to Lin Shanglu with an expressionless face. She took out a photo with worn edges but well preserved from her bag and placed it on the low table in front of Lin Shanglu.
"Nanxing is gone. She died of euthanasia in Sloya."
Qin Enyu's voice was calm, but it was like a heavy hammer hitting Lin Shanglu's heart.
"This is a photo I found when I was sorting through her belongings. It was placed in Nanxing's favorite book. I think Nanxing wanted to give it to you."
When Lin Shanglu suddenly heard the news of Chen Nanxing's death, his mind went blank and he couldn't even react to the sadness. Then, after hearing that Chen Nanxing had left something for him, his eyes suddenly focused on the photo.
It was a photo with a long history, taken when they had just eloped to City B.
Although the background is a simple rental house, the two young faces in the photo are filled with infinite longing for the future and desperate enthusiasm.
In the photo, he held Chen Nanxing's shoulders tightly and smiled so happily, while Chen Nanxing snuggled in his arms, her eyes bright and full of trust.
Lin Shanglu's gaze finally fixed on the crooked little man drawn in blue ballpoint pen on the photo.
The little person, drawn between the two of them, seemed like a clumsy but loving connection.
For a moment, Lin Shanglu's breathing stopped.
He remembered, how could he not remember!
That was their first child, who came quietly when they were in the most difficult and turbulent time, and died because of his pleading and persistence.
The night that the child, who had not even taken shape, left, Chen Nanxing cried so hard that she almost fainted.
And in endless pain and self-blame, he picked up the ballpoint pen at hand and drew this little man on their favorite photo.
After so many years, Lin Shanglu vaguely remembered the scene when he hugged Chen Nanxing and choked up and promised that they would have many children in the future.
The past came flooding back like a tide, carrying with it the scent of blood and sadness, drowning him in an instant.
Lin Shanglu stretched out his trembling hand, wanting to touch the little man, but his fingertips stopped a few millimeters away from the photo, as if there were invisible thorns on it.
Qin Enyu looked at his instantly pale face and violently trembling body, and continued in that almost cruel and calm tone:
"Nanxing passed away peacefully. She pushed the switch herself. At the last moment, she called your name."
"Called...my name?"
Lin Shanglu suddenly looked up, staring at Qin Enyu with his bloodshot eyes, as if to confirm the truth of this sentence.
"yes."
Qin Enyu looked around and put her bag on her shoulder:
"Nanxing called you 'A Lu' at the end. I remember your name was Lin Shanglu."
"ah--!!!"
A wailing sound that was not like a human voice burst out from the depths of Lin Shanglu's throat.
Lin Shanglu could no longer hold on. He clutched his hair tightly with both hands, curled up into a ball, and whimpered in despair and pain like a pierced beast.
Tears, snot and saliva mixed together uncontrollably, but Lin Shanglu was unaware of it.
Chen Nanxing called him? He was the one he called in the last moments of his life?
At this moment, Lin Shanglu finally realized the meaning of Chen Nanxing's words "I have always loved you" on that rainy night in the early morning.
Qin Enyu looked coldly at the man who collapsed on the ground. She told Lin Shanglu which cemetery in Licheng Chen Nanxing was buried in, and then turned and left this decadent place.
The moment the door closed, it blocked out the faint light from the outside world, and also seemed to completely block out all of Lin Shanglu's ways of survival.
Since that day, Lin Shanglu has been in a daze.
The news and the photo that Qin Enyu brought destroyed his last bit of self-deception defense.
Huge guilt and regret wrapped around him like vines, tightening his heart day and night.
Lin Shanglu began to drink more crazily, trying to use alcohol to numb the overwhelming guilt and pain of failure.
As he shuttled between clarity and addiction day and night, Lin Shanglu gradually developed serious mental problems.
He often had hallucinations and saw Chen Nanxing curled up pitifully under the big banyan tree. When he called her, she raised her head. In the night, everything was hazy, only Chen Nanxing's blood-red eyes were clear.
Lin Shanglu's heart was beating fast and he ran over with all his might. But when he was about to touch Chen Nanxing, Chen Nanxing disappeared.
His mental state was completely broken. He drank day and night and got drunk every day. Lin's mother came over several times, but he choked her away.
When the neighbors heard the noise, they just shook their heads, thinking that he was a complete drunk and lunatic, and no one paid any attention to him.
Time passed slowly in this self-torture.
Five years, a full five years.
For Lin Shanglu, these five years were five hundred years long enough to wipe out all hope.
He lived in regret for the past and hatred for himself, emaciated and like a walking skeleton.
He didn't dare go to Licheng, nor did he dare to see Chen Nanxing.
He felt that he was dirty and despicable, and even standing in front of her grave would defile the pure land where she rested.
Death became the only relief he could see, and subconsciously, the only possible way to get close to her.
One autumn day, on a sunny afternoon, for some reason, Lin Shanglu felt that the sunlight that day was very similar to the sunlight Qin Enyu described when Chen Nanxing left.
Lin Shanglu rarely woke up from his drunken state.
He washed himself up carefully, rummaged through his drawers and found his only decent, though outdated, old suit that didn't fit him well. He looked in the mirror, shaved carefully, and combed his hair.
The person in the mirror had empty eyes and a pale face, but his movements were strangely calm and resolute.
Lin Shanglu spent a day cleaning the house, washing and drying all the bedding and sheets, and then took the bus to visit his mother.
The next afternoon, the sun was just as bright.
Lin Shanglu lay down on the bed and swallowed the sleeping pills he had accumulated. After an unknown amount of time, the effect of the drugs began to take effect.
As his consciousness gradually blurred, Lin Shanglu used up his last bit of strength, picked up the old charging cell phone next to him, and dialed Qi Feng, a number that was almost disappearing from his address book.
I humbly pray that Qi Feng can bury his ashes in the same cemetery as Chen Nanxing after his death.
Qi Feng agreed.
Just before his consciousness completely sank into darkness, Lin Shanglu saw Chen Nanxing again. This time, he embraced Chen Nanxing in his arms as he wished.
At the last moment of his life, he touched his lover. The corners of Lin Shanglu's mouth twitched upwards with difficulty and imperceptibly, and finally fell into eternal silence.
The sunlight shone through the window onto his pale but unusually calm face, as if he had completed some kind of belated sacrifice, or as if he had finally arrived at a long-awaited reunion.
Lin Shanglu also died. With the mediation of Ji Chuan and Qi Feng, he was buried in the same cemetery as Chen Nanxing, but at the farthest distance.
On the day of the burial, Ji Chuan went to see Chen Nanxing. He had been in a bad mood for the past five years.
Thinking about the long rest of his life and that he would never be able to see Chen Nanxing again, Ji Chuan couldn't sleep at night. By chance, he became addicted to fortune-telling, any form of it, even tarot cards.
But almost all the results showed that Chen Nanxing and he were just not destined to be together and had bad luck.
In other words, no matter how many times the world cycles and how many possibilities there are, they will never have a good ending. Over and over again, the ending is loss.
Every time at this time, Ji Chuan would always go to the beach and sit there, as if Chen Nanxing was still by his side.
Everyone told Ji Chuan that it would be over in a few years and he would forget about it, but Ji Chuan didn't think so.
Time keeps moving forward. His love sprouted at the beginning of their acquaintance and has grown wildly since then with no end in sight.
The tree bore fruit again, and another early autumn came, but he still loved her.
The wind picked up without warning, blowing the pink fruits on the Koelreuteria trees down, as if it was raining pink rain.
One of the brightest and most beautiful fruits fell into his hand hanging by his side and just stayed there motionless.
Ji Chuan stretched out his hand, and the fruit was still in his palm, unwilling to leave his hand no matter how strong the wind was.
Did Chen Nanxing hear his longing?
Ji Chuan held the piece of fruit close to his heart, and was possessed by a fantasy.
The death of a loved one turned a staunch materialist into an idealist.
Because for Chen Nanxing, Ji Chuan hopes there will be an afterlife.
He put the piece of koelreuteria fruit into the pocket of his shirt closest to his heart and carefully wiped the smiling face of the woman on the tombstone with an almost pious attitude.
Nanxing, if there is an afterlife, I just hope you can be healthy and happy, even if not, it doesn’t matter to me.
———End of the full text———
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