Chapter 1199: Yes, I'm narcissistic [Seeking monthly votes]
Tan Ting: [...]
In all his life, this was the first time anyone had ever told him with absolute certainty that he had always been normal and perfect!
It's not his fault that he's different; the fault lies with the "masses."
For a fleeting moment, Tan Ting's heart rippled slightly.
Those eyes, like ice and snow melting in spring, gradually lapped away, transforming into a pool of spring water. He heard himself say: "Shen Jun, few in this world share my path. I search everywhere but find none, my heart is lost in despair. What should I do?"
Shen Tang didn't notice his emotional change, but simply said magnanimously, "What should I do? It's simple. In my opinion, everything in this world can be summarized in two sentences—'A sudden breeze ripples a pool of spring water.' What's it to you? What's it to me?"
The word "fit in" is inherently flawed.
Why is it considered normal to fit in?
Mediocre people are the ones who need to fit in.
[When you firmly believe that you are the only normal one, then when you look at the men and women in this world, you'll see that everyone is flawed.] Shen Tang didn't know how many years Tan Ting had struggled with this issue. As an outsider, a bystander, she had a relaxed, detached feeling, as she spoke from a position of privilege. [To see one's true nature and understand one's heart, to glimpse one's true self.]
Staying true to one's principles will naturally attract like-minded people, rather than relying on walking alongside them to draw strength from one's unwavering principles.
[The true self? This humble commoner cannot see it.]
Tan Ting shook her head, her voice slightly low.
He thought that after years of cultivating his mind, his state of mind was neither particularly strong nor weak. He hadn't shied away from this strange body for many years, and could even openly mention it to Shen Tang, whom he was meeting for the first time. But unexpectedly, after a conversation with Shen Tang, he found his heart wavering, more confused than before.
Shen Tang said, "It's a silkworm, isn't it?"
Tan Ting looked up, puzzled: [Silkworm?]
On the surface, Shen Tang appeared calm and composed, seemingly confident of victory. In reality, however, he was inwardly panicked and wanted to scratch his face, secretly cursing himself for his loose tongue. If he had said a few less words, Tan Ting wouldn't have been so confused.
The focus of the literary scholar is on the "heart".
When the mind is troubled and thoughts are clouded, it's like getting stuck in a rut. It's good if you can figure things out on your own, but if you can't, it might even cause your cultivation to stagnate, which would be a terrible sin. Shen Tang herself messed up the ball of yarn, and she should untangle it herself.
Shen Tang carefully considered his words.
[Like a silkworm spinning its own cocoon, it binds itself in its own web.]
Tan Ting's eyes gradually darkened: [Have you spun your own cocoon?]
Shen Tang countered Tan Ting: "How can you not be trapping yourself? You were born this way; in your eyes, everyone else is half gone, while in the eyes of the world, you are half again. But is it possible that no one else is gone, and you are not yet here? You are all, in fact, complete beings, just like mountains, rivers, the sun and moon, spring, summer, autumn, and winter—the most ordinary of existences. Since it's normal, why resist it?"
From Qi Shan's description, Tan Ting was always bound by his body, internally believing himself to be a woman and deeply abhorring male characteristics. Yet, society, because he possessed male characteristics, considered him a man and rejected his feminine side. Tan Ting resisted the existence of men, but at the same time, the society's acceptance of his masculinity allowed him to cultivate. In chaotic times, he needed this power for self-preservation and even more. His pursuit of femininity was rejected by society, yet his resistance to masculinity was precisely what he needed…
The two are too contradictory and irreconcilable.
Isn't this entanglement and resistance just like a silkworm spinning silk?
Tan Ting had cultivated his mental state for many years, and while he seemed to be frank with Shen Tang, his words in fact denied the masculine aspects that had always existed within him. How could one see their true self if they resisted themselves? Therefore, he was a silkworm.
A silkworm that has been spinning silk for many years and is trapped in its cocoon.
Tan Ting raised her hand and looked at her palm, her eyes revealing a great deal of struggle.
【Shen Jun, but—】
【There are no buts!】 Shen Tang usually appears easygoing, but deep down she's domineering and tyrannical. 【A scholar who doesn't even dare to affirm himself is rather cowardly. Meng Yuan, don't you think you're too contradictory? When you believe your body has an extra male characteristic, rather than it being naturally so, it means you consider yourself a heretic from the bottom of your heart. If you're a heretic, how can you find like-minded people? Resisting it, yet needing it—isn't that just creating trouble for yourself, trapping yourself in your own web? What does Tan Jun think?】
[Yuanliang once told me that your cultivation involves bathing in the wild. Heaven and earth are natural, yin and yang are natural, all things are natural, and you are also part of nature. Therefore, there is neither more nor less.]
He is male, she is female, and He is also He.
Tan Ting looked up, covered her forehead, and suppressed the turmoil in her heart.
[Would Shen Jun think this way if he were an ordinary citizen?]
Shen Tang seriously considered the scenario.
There's no such thing as true empathy in this world, but—if I were you, I probably wouldn't be troubled by this question. I am the sky, I am the earth, I am all living things, I am who I am. Who would resist themselves? If you don't even like yourself, if you don't acknowledge yourself, how lonely would this life be? Shouldn't the first kindred spirit you're so desperately searching for be yourself?
Tan Ting seemed to hear something softly cracking.
It was as if a breeze blew in from somewhere, drifting leisurely into the depths of my heart, reaching the dark corners that no one had paid attention to before.
He raised his hand to his chest, stunned for a long time.
Seeing his appearance, Shen Tang wondered if she should try a different approach. After all, he was a friend personally endorsed by Qi Yuanliang, and it would be difficult to explain if he was fooled into something bad.
Tan Ting asked, "Does Shen Jun like me this much too?"
Shen Tang: [Are you asking me if I'm narcissistic?]
Isn't that obvious?
If a person isn't narcissistic, what is there to be narcissistic about?
Look at her face that's captivating the capital, look at the empire she's built over the past decade—she's rich, has a car, a house, and a strong career! Honestly, with so many attributes stacked on one person, how could she not be moving? How could she not charm countless people?
Shen Tang didn't believe it!
She nodded firmly in agreement: "Yes, I am narcissistic."
Narcissism kept her mental state stable for decades!
Tan Ting tightly closed his eyes, which were brimming with tears like spring water, as if the pent-up emotions of many years had been completely released in that moment. When he opened his eyes again, Tan Ting bowed deeply to Shen Tang: "Fortunately, Lord Shen has enlightened me, and I will likely need to retreat into seclusion for several months. Can worldly matters wait until I emerge from seclusion?"
In layman's terms, he can't start work yet; he needs to go for a few months of further training before he can start working.
Shen Tang asked: [Seclusion?]
Tan Ting said earnestly: "Learn how to be narcissistic."
Shen Tang almost choked on her own saliva.
Putting aside how outrageous those words are, does narcissism really need to be learned?
Shouldn't narcissism be something we're born with?
Do you need a reason to love yourself?
Do I need to learn it?
Qi Shan, in the side hall, sighed helplessly. Tan Mengyuan had been led astray by their master! However, no matter how bizarre this ditch was, it was still wider than the small puddle Tan Ting had been squatting in before, so it wasn't all bad. At the same time, she breathed a slight sigh of relief.
Given Tan Mengyuan's personality, he should be less obsessed with himself.
At least, perhaps, should...
You wouldn't be thinking of neutering him all the time... right?
Qi Shan wasn't very confident about this.
Tan Ting still needed to be wary. She had to keep watch with both eyes while sleeping at night, and she also had to abstain from alcohol during the day. She absolutely couldn't give this guy any chance! Qi Shan secretly prepared herself mentally.
Although Tan Ting claimed to be in seclusion, she was actually still wandering around outside.
Having no place to stay, they had no choice but to seek refuge with a friend named Qishan.
Qi Shanren was completely dumbfounded: 【…No, why?】
Tan Ting lowered her eyes and said, "You can transform into a woman, but others can't. Qi Yuanliang, you wouldn't want me to stay at one of your other colleagues' places, would you? It's inconvenient regardless of whether your colleagues are male or female."
Qi Shan's lips twitched slightly.
Tan Ting smiled gently, a smile that could shake the very fabric of the world.
Qi Shan wasn't buying it at all: [So I'll be able to use it?]
Tan Ting suppressed her smile and retorted, "[More suitable than them.]"
Qi Shan rested one hand on the hilt of his sword, his face dark, his mind already conjuring up images of a sterilization procedure: [The vast Kang Kingdom spans the entire northwest; there are many places for you to live. We can settle you anywhere; you don't necessarily have to live under one roof!]
Tan Ting's eyes sparkled, her crescent-shaped eyebrows and starry eyes shimmering with light.
Even in times of crisis, protection is needed. He sighed softly. He had always thought that his cultivation of mind was perfect, and that his lack of breakthrough in realm was due to a lack of enlightenment. Only after talking with Shen Jun today did he realize that he had gone astray. "The ocean is vast because it embraces all rivers."
He should have realized this much earlier.
So many years have been wasted for nothing.
Tan Ting's gaze towards Qi Shan was filled with resentment, making Qi Shan's scalp tingle and wish he could run away with his sword.
Why are you blaming me?
[If you hadn't run away back then, I might have realized this. Before Shen Jun, you were the most unconventional person I'd ever met when it came to relationships between men and women.] Tan Ting's words were rather unreasonable, but that was his nature, and Qi Shan didn't want to argue with him.
Qi Shan said: "If I don't run, I'll be crippled."
All of his friends are sick.
Everyone wanted to take advantage of his illness to kill him, or at least get a few spare parts from him. In comparison, his enemies could bring him more warmth. Thinking of this, Qi Shan couldn't help but feel grateful for the hardships he had endured over the years.
Tan Ting sighed, "I just want like-minded people."
A companion who can understand him.
But I'm not alone anymore.
Praying for good: [...]
He had suggested that Tan Ting get her brain checked back then, but he never expected that Tan Ting's long-standing ailment would be cured by the master's deception.
Who would want to castrate someone to make friends or pursue a partner?
Seeing Qi Yuanliang, who was on high alert and looked like a bristling cat, Tan Ting smiled and beckoned him closer. Qi Yuanliang refused, but the cat that had come in to forage for food complied, rolling around contentedly: [No need to be so tense. The stubbornness of yesteryear is what it was then. Times have changed, and even you, Qi Yuanliang, have changed. Why would I stand still and hesitate?]
Since it was a misunderstanding, it's good that it's been cleared up.
His desire to sterilize Qi Shan was simply a result of his unwillingness to accept the situation.
The essence of a "bad friend" lies in the word "bad," right?
Qi Shan pouted: "How have I changed?"
He didn't like hearing that!
Regardless of the changing times, Qi Yuanliang remained steadfast.
Tan Ting said, "What hasn't changed? Everything has changed."
Qi Yuanliang was so heartless back then, kicking people into the abyss with the most innocent attitude, and even laughing at them from the edge of the pit.
If one didn't have a strong will, they would definitely develop a mental illness.
What about Qi Yuanliang now?
Tan Ting secretly shook her head.
Not only was this face different from the faces she had seen years ago, but his mindset had also undergone a complete transformation. Tan Ting asked a crucial question: "Yuan Liang hasn't incurred any more debts these past few years, has he?"
Praying for good: [...]
His expression seemed somewhat unnatural: "Not really."
Upon hearing this, Tan Ting felt like throwing the cat at Qi Shan's face.
[Ha, the dignified Grand Secretary of the Kang State, Qi Zhongshu, who was also granted the title of Grand Tutor, actually has time to harm innocent people amidst his busy schedule?]
Qi Shandao: [Excellent time management!]
Tan Ting: [...]
Qi Shan disliked hearing this: "How can this be called a scourge?"
Tan Qu, male/female, loves God and cats.
As long as it's not the lord, betrayal is betrayal;
As long as it's not a cat, I'll just give it up.
For him, these things are as natural as breathing.
Tan Ting: [...]
The beautiful woman with flowing hair was in turmoil. She reached for her waist, pulled out a short knife, and with her other hand, she formed a hand seal, casting a spell. For a fleeting moment, the face of the goddess Nuwa contorted in a ferocious expression: "Qi Yuanliang, die!"
The sudden burst of literary energy crashed down on Qi Shan like a tidal wave.
The commotion was so loud that it alerted the nearby neighbors.
Upon seeing that the direction was Qi Shan's temporary residence, he sat back down on the mat. His demeanor was sharp, but without murderous intent, so no one would die. Considering Qi Zhongshu's popularity, this was quite normal.
Praying for good: [...]
The cuckoo's usurpation of the magpie's nest left Qishan homeless.
He had no choice but to run to Qian Yong's side.
Qian Yong grinned: [What wind blew Qi Zhongshu here?]
He clearly knew that half of Qi Shan's temporary residence had been demolished, and that Qi Shan had friends staying at her home. He just didn't know that Qi Shan, as the hostess, would be kicked out by such an unfriendly guest.
Qi Shan glared at him fiercely.
Of all these prisoners, why did they send Tan Ting to me?
Uncle Qian, you've really done a lot of harm!
Because it was Qian Yong who caused it, Qian Yong should be held responsible.
Qian Yong: [...]
Having never seriously indulged in narcissism before, Tan Ting was somewhat clueless about how to be narcissistic and could only ask Shen Tang for guidance. Shen Tang stared at her for a long time, then silently pulled out a mirror and asked: "What do you see?"
Tan Ting held the mirror in both hands, examining it carefully. Her brow furrowed slightly, and she replied earnestly, "I see the face of this commoner."
The first lesson in narcissism: Look in the mirror and appreciate yourself.
Tan Ting murmured, "[...Admiring...myself?]"
Is it just about admiring one's own face?
Or should we appreciate our own bodies?
Tan Ting began to apply what she had learned to other situations.
Shen Tang continued: [Narcissism Lesson Two: Buy, buy, buy! Dress yourself up! Eat what you want to eat; drink what you want to drink; play what you want to play... The core secret is to be willing to wrong others rather than wrong yourself! Be perfect inside and out!]
Tan Ting felt something was strange, but couldn't quite put her finger on what the problem was.
Satisfying human desires in terms of clothing, food, housing, and transportation is indeed the simplest and most straightforward way to express love. Tan Ting expressed that she had learned something from this.
He asked, "Do I need to dress up nicely?"
The standard shouldn't be about looking good, it should be about your comfort.
One can comment on one's appearance, and others can comment as well, but comfort is something only one can truly experience. As long as one is comfortable, it doesn't matter whether one wears men's or women's clothing, or clothes or no clothes at all. Shen Tang's daily attire tends to be simple and capable, with styles that are not limited to men's or women's, depending entirely on her mood. As the ruler of the country, even if she wore a burlap sack, outsiders would still have to agree that it suited her.
Shen Tang gave Tan Ting a lot of patience.
Tan Ting also gave a generous return.
|ω`)
The King of the Underworld has no romantic relationships, except for the cat.
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