“No.” Ni Sitian pursed her lips, her dark eyes looking at him with clear, watery eyes, and said softly, “I kissed you not because I felt guilty.”
Xu Tingchuan waited patiently for her to continue speaking. When he saw her lower her head, he sighed softly: "You really don't need to feel so troubled. If you really don't want it, then we don't want it and can continue living like before."
"No, I don't want it to be like before!" Ni Sitian quickly shook her head, wrapped her arms around Xu Tingchuan's neck, buried her face in his shoulder and neck, and said in a slightly hoarse voice, "I don't like it when I can't see you for ten days or half a month like before."
Xu Tingchuan chuckled helplessly. That wasn't what he meant; it seemed she had misunderstood.
Just as he was about to explain, Ni Sitian said again, "It's not that I don't want it, it's not that I'm unwilling, it's just that I'm very scared."
Xu Tingchuan thought that Ni Tianzhen's affair had made her lose faith in love, so he gently patted her back and said, "Silly girl, don't punish yourself for other people's failed love."
“You wouldn’t understand.” Ni Sitian shook her head, lowered her head, her lips trembled, and after a long pause, she said, “I haven’t told you about my mother, have I?”
Xu Tingchuan nodded. He only remembered that she had told him that her father had been sent to work in Canada by his company six months ago, and her stepmother and stepsister had gone with him. She didn't mention anything else.
“When my mother was pregnant, my father had an affair.” Ni Sitian’s voice trembled slightly as she was lost in her memories. She said quietly, “The woman he had an affair with was Ni Ziqi’s mother. The absurd thing was that he put the two women in the same house to live together, and that’s how he lived a life of one husband and two wives for five years.”
Xu Tingchuan was astonished. He knew she had a bad relationship with her family, but he hadn't expected her father to be such a scoundrel.
"Do you want to know how it all ended?" Ni Sitian forced a very ugly smile, her eyes filled with sorrow.
Xu Tingchuan didn't say anything, but tightened his arms around her.
“Five years later, my mother finally went insane with depression. In the middle of the night, she set a fire, trying to burn our whole family to death, including me.” Ni Sitian choked up, her eyes reddening. She tilted her head back to stop herself from crying, her lips parted slightly, and she continued, “Isn’t she ridiculous? The person who betrayed her was my father. She didn’t have the courage to leave him, but she had the courage to kill us. I was only five years old then. What did I do wrong?”
Xu Tingchuan was stunned; he could only hold her, unable to say a word.
“What’s even more ridiculous is that they were once deeply in love. Her diary contains sweet memories of their past. For those memories, she lived under those circumstances for five years, still hoping to win him back.” Ni Sitian smiled sarcastically. “So the result was that her disappointment accumulated day by day, leading to despair, and then that fire.”
"The fire was really big that day. Thick smoke rolled into my room. No one saved me, no one..." Ni Sitian laughed, tears streaming down her face.
Xu Tingchuan pulled her into his arms with a pained expression. He could hardly believe that this sweet-smiling girl had such a tragic childhood. Her mother had used such extreme methods, leaving a shadow in her heart. No wonder she was afraid of love.
"Do you know that kind of despair? I was hiding under my desk all by myself, and the fire kept burning and burning, spreading towards me." The bigger Ni Sitian's smile, the more tears she shed, her voice filled with sorrow: "I am the product of her failed love, so she decided to bury me along with her love."
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