Chapter 36 Let everything end completely tonight during this holiday season...
Perhaps it was because the night was too quiet, making it hard to bear, or perhaps it was because of the holidays, that one always hoped a relative could be by her side to make her feel less lonely.
She agreed and instructed the maid beside her, "Go and prepare some wine and snacks. Tonight, I will drink with Yan Langjun in this courtyard to celebrate the festival together."
"Wait a minute."
When the maid was about to leave, Yan Ning stopped her and said to Li Yunru, "There's no need to trouble yourself. Changjun has a better place to celebrate the festival. I just wonder if the princess would do me the honor?"
Li Yunru frowned slightly.
I wonder what he's keeping in suspense.
"Princess."
"..."
“Yunru”.
He was drunk, and in his intoxicated state, he called her name. His tone sounded cloying and affectionate, lacking the distance he usually maintained, and even carrying a hint of coquetry and tenderness.
That's enough.
Nothing should happen to the left or right.
Since we've come this far, why be coy?
Li Yunru replied, "Okay."
She told him to wait a moment in the warm pavilion, then went back to her room, applied some powder and lip rouge to make her look more radiant and less haggard. She then changed into a more seasonal Xiangfei-colored peony-patterned dress and a crimson cloak before coming out.
"What's wrong? Doesn't it look good?"
Seeing that Yan Ning didn't move, she began to doubt herself. She was in mourning and shouldn't dress too brightly, so she was much more conservative in her choice of clothes than usual.
"no."
Yan Ning shook her head. "It looks very good."
His princess is beautiful no matter what, but... he feels sorry for her.
She has been through so much these days; she has become thin. In the past, such clothes made her look as flamboyant and beautiful as a peony, but now they are loose and baggy, making her look more like a withered flower bud.
The shadows in his eyes couldn't be hidden no matter how much powder he applied.
His princess shouldn't be like this.
Seeing her like this, I felt as if something was twisting my heart, and I felt extremely uncomfortable.
Li Yunru was unaware of his thoughts, but she secretly thought it was good that she could conceal it. She then instructed her maid to tell Shu Yun and Song Ji that she had something to do and had to go out when they returned. She told them not to worry and to rest first, and not to wait for her. She then went out with Yan Ning.
...
The two were traveling in the Yan family's carriage. As soon as they got in, Li Yunru smelled a strong odor of alcohol, and she frowned.
"I drank too much and didn't have time to clean up. I'm sorry for neglecting the princess."
She was indeed somewhat concerned, but Yan Ning had already sat down.
Knowing that this person was extremely fastidious about cleanliness, according to his habits, such a strong smell of alcohol would have required washing dozens of times and being treated with various incense before it would even catch his eye and make him willing to sit down. However, since the other person didn't seem to care, she didn't say anything and followed him over, sitting down on one side.
She deliberately kept some distance from him, but Yan Ning patted the seat next to him, gesturing for her to sit down.
Li Yunru thought she should refuse, but for some inexplicable reason, she still sat down next to him.
He took off his fur-trimmed cloak and hung it on her.
"It's frosty and cold at night, so wear more clothes."
The two were extremely close, their clothes intertwined and stuck together. In the small, enclosed space, his unique human scent became strong, brushing against her nose. Li Yunru's thoughts wandered aimlessly. Her body tensed up, she held her breath, and tried her best to throw away those inappropriate thoughts. She also tried to avoid looking at him and not be affected by them.
"What, Princess, are you afraid I'll do something to you?"
He looked down at her, a slight smile playing on his lips.
She remained silent.
The man's smile deepened. "You clearly have concerns, yet you still agreed to travel with me. This shows that the princess cares about me. In her heart, I am more important than her own safety."
Li Yunru didn't want to admit this, so she retorted, "Young master, you're overthinking it. I just trust the Yan family's integrity and believe that a young master raised in a century-old family wouldn't use any underhanded means to endanger me."
Yan Ning's smile froze for a moment. He placed his hand on her lips, stroking them back and forth, and commented with an air of seriousness: "Princess, your lips are always so hard."
Even though his hands, which he used to practice calligraphy and play the zither all year round, were often bathed and nourished with the finest milk, they were not as delicate and boneless as those of a young lady from a noble family. His fingertips had thin calluses, and when they brushed against his lips, one could clearly feel the imposing aura emanating from his knuckles.
Li Yunru had a feeling that the people tonight were a little different from usual, but she couldn't quite put her finger on what was different. She felt something was off, as if something was about to happen, which made her uneasy.
She wanted to ask the two where they were going, but she was cut off from the conversation.
Yan Ning said, "Don't worry, I won't do anything to you if the princess is unwilling."
He pulled her into his arms, and Li Yunru struggled, but he said in a hoarse voice, "Be good, let me hug you."
"How fragrant it is! It truly has a captivating charm and a fragrance as sweet as orchids."
"What?"
Yan Ning laughed: "It's nothing, I was just praising the princess."
Li Yunru didn't quite understand, but she vaguely guessed what he meant from his smile and muttered a curse.
"rogue!"
The man chuckled and didn't deny it, saying, "I only treat the princess this way."
Li Yunru felt as if something had suddenly stabbed her in the heart, and then she heard him say, "The princess has lost weight and is not as easy to hold as before."
"Then don't hug me!"
She pushed him away, but he hugged her even tighter. "I love you no matter what the princess looks like."
It seems he really drank too much; you'd never hear him say something like that on a normal day.
He said a few words and then fell asleep leaning against her. After only a moment, his breathing became even.
"You drank so much, you should go back and rest if you're tired. Why come all this way?" she murmured, gently pulling him down onto her lap so he could sleep more comfortably. She then covered him with the cloak that someone had given her earlier.
"If only you were a young man from an ordinary family."
If he were just an ordinary boy from a poor family, and she had taken a liking to his good looks, used her status as a princess to bring him back to her mansion, and the two had married, they could have lived a carefree and happy life. Even if they encountered great changes, they wouldn't have needed to worry about anything and could have continued to stay together. How could things have turned out like this...
Li Yunru hated his coldness and lack of understanding, resented his siding with the aristocratic families, and his constant deception and dishonesty towards her. She had even considered divorce and living separate lives, but when she actually reached this point, she realized that she was not as at ease as she had imagined.
She does like someone.
This joy made her, in this quiet and secluded moment, gaze at his peaceful face, and involuntarily lower her head to cover his lips, inhaling his breath.
Perhaps it had been too long since they last met. Her original intention was just to touch him briefly, but after the touch, she became greedy and wanted more. So she couldn't bear to leave and even tried to pry open his teeth. When she realized what she had done, Li Yunru panicked and hurriedly pulled away. But at this moment, the man opened his eyes and turned the tables.
...
The wind howled outside the window. Inside the carriage, he wrapped his arms around her waist, tilting his head back and squinting with a smile as he admired the marks he had left on her from head to toe, watching her blushing face with shyness. He teased, "What, princess, you want to run away after doing something naughty?"
"You... Yan Changjun, you did this on purpose, pretending to be drunk!"
Her face looked as if it had been roasted by charcoal, and she began to stutter.
Yan Ning said calmly, "Princess, you're wronging me. I was sleeping peacefully when you were aroused by my lust. How can you blame me?"
Normally, this would just be some banter and teasing between the two, and wouldn't be taken seriously. But this was a different time, and Li Yunru felt a sense of humiliation upon hearing it.
"Yes, it's all my fault. If I hadn't been lustful at first sight, how could I have agreed to this marriage? If I hadn't been lustful at first sight, how could your aristocratic family have treated me coldly time and time again, how could you have deceived and hurt me time and time again, and how could I still be this undignified daughter-in-law in your Yan family? If I hadn't been lustful at first sight, how could I have agreed to come out with you even though I had clearly severed ties with your Yan family, and let you humiliate me like this... It's all my fault, it's all my fault!"
Her tears fell in a stream, each drop landing on Yan Ning's heart.
The effects of the alcohol and the drowsiness were completely gone.
Yan Ning sat up and gently wiped away the tears on her face. "Princess, don't cry. It was Changjun who was wrong."
"You're not wrong, what wrong have you done!" Li Yunru shook off his hand. "You, the eldest son of the Yan family, a renowned and elegant scholar in Jiangzuo, how could you be wrong!"
She was furious and stopped the carriage to get up and leave, but Yan Ning was not about to let her go so easily.
He reached out and pulled her back by the waist.
"you!"
The force came suddenly, startling Li Yunru. Before she could recover from her shock, she was about to get angry when she saw him lower his head and nuzzle against her neck, saying in a soft tone, "Princess, Changjun was really wrong. You are a magnanimous person, please forgive him."
He meant no harm; he was just pleasantly surprised. He likes you and wants to spend the holiday with you. He doesn't want to argue with you.
Yes.
They were supposed to celebrate the holiday together, how did things turn out like this?
Seeing that her emotions had calmed down a bit, Yan Ning gently said, "Princess, Changjun misses you."
"I was just about to go for a stroll with your cousin Cui, enjoying the lanterns and having a good time."
Li Yun instinctively retorted, but only after the words left her mouth did she realize that it was inappropriate to say such a thing now that the two of them were in such a state.
The person wanted to change their address, but then heard Yan Ning chuckle, "Is the princess jealous?"
"No, I told you, I wouldn't be jealous over such trivial things." Li Yunru instinctively denied it. "You can go to the garden and go on dates with whomever you want, whether it's Cousin Cui today or Lady Huan tomorrow, I don't care at all, and I don't feel uncomfortable at all."
“But Princess, the Prince cares, the Prince is distressed.”
Yan Ning said, “When I saw the princess return the New Year’s gifts I sent, when I saw the princess send all my things back, and when she got so close to that musician, I was heartbroken. It hurt more than when my father’s discipline whip hit me again and again. I even thought about killing him, so that you would no longer be with him and be so close to him.”
Li Yunru knew that Yan Ning was not as noble and easy to get along with as he appeared on the surface. He harbored some arrogance and bad habits typical of scions of noble families. However, hearing him say that he had thought about taking action against Song Ji still made her feel a chill run down her spine.
“I want to kill him, really, Princess. If it weren’t for your sake, he would be a pile of dust by now, given what he’s done.”
This aristocratic young man, who was usually aloof and never showed his emotions, rarely displayed a ruthless expression.
He gritted his teeth and said in a sinister tone, "I'm not making a move because I can see that you treat him differently from those poor students. You care about him a lot. If I really made a move, you definitely wouldn't let it go so easily. I don't want to have any conflicts with you because of these people."
"Songji isn't what you think, he and I..."
Chen Jingsheng was forced to stop the carriage, but he did not go in or ask any questions. He simply rested in the carriage, listening intently to the sounds inside. When the sounds inside the carriage gradually subsided, he pulled on the reins again and drove the carriage forward.
Yan Ning ignored her explanation, only tightening his grip and pulling her tightly into his arms. He whispered possessively against her earlobe, "Princess, you are mine!"
She doesn't belong to anyone.
She belongs to no one but herself!
No one could make any decisions for her based on this, Li Yunru thought to herself, but she did not refute his words. She simply stated the facts in a calm tone: "But Yan Changjun, you are not mine."
He was the eldest son of the Yan family, bearing the responsibility for the family's honor and disgrace.
He would never belong to just her.
“I have told you countless times that my husband can only be me. I will never share my husband with any other woman. This is my consistent principle, in the past, present, and future... and it will never change. I cannot be the kind of good daughter-in-law that your Yan family wants, nor have I ever thought of being one.”
She didn't remove his hand; she simply used the leverage to turn around and face him directly.
Li Yunru looked at him seriously and said, word by word, "Yan Changjun, what you and your Yan family want, I can't do. What I want, you can't give me either. Even if we force ourselves to be together, we'll end up as a resentful couple."
She paused, remained silent for a long time, and then said, "Let's end it here. Let everything end completely tonight."
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