Chapter 46 Heartfelt Words and Longings
Um.
That's right.
I should reply.
She received the letter, asked the shopkeeper to bring her paper and pen, and then sat down by the window to write back to Yan Ning.
Before he got his pen and paper, he was full of enthusiasm, as if he had a thousand words to say and could not express them all. But when he picked up the pen, he suddenly did not know what to say and did not write a single word for half a day.
When Yan Sheng received her brother's letter, she thought she should share it with her sister-in-law. She could tell that although her sister-in-law was being discreet, she still cared about her brother. Before, every time she and her brother went to read letters, he would inadvertently appear beside her. When she told her about her brother's recent situation, she would always listen very attentively and occasionally remind her to add a word of greeting.
Thinking this, without noticing that it was already night, he brought the prepared calming tea to Li Yunru's room.
The door wasn't closed; it was ajar.
As Fang drew closer, he saw her slumped over the table, scratching her head and cheeks, her face smeared with ink. In the inky night, the beauty by the window frowned, her demeanor exuding an indescribable casual charm.
Noble families value rules and require proper posture when standing and sitting. Such behavior is not allowed and will result in punishment with a beating.
Her sister-in-law, the princess, was different from them. She possessed a natural, untamed wildness that was quite interesting. This wildness made her feel at ease even though she held a high position.
Being with her always makes me feel relaxed without even realizing it.
People who are used to being tense need a string that can relax them. After spending this time together, Yan Sheng can roughly understand why his elder brother is so obsessed with this commoner princess who is looked down upon by aristocratic families.
If she were a man, she would like it too.
...
"Ah Sheng?"
Li Yunru paced back and forth, deep in thought. She glanced at Yan Sheng standing at the door, hurriedly got up, straightened her clothes without making a sound, and asked in a serious manner, pretending to be a dignified adult.
"Sister-in-law, don't be so reserved. Just pretend I don't exist and feel free to relax."
Yan Sheng entered the room, found a place to sit down, glanced at the other side of the room slightly, and said with a smile, "I was just saying I came to tell my sister-in-law a message and have a chat with you. It turns out you also received your brother's letter."
"Are you planning to write back to your brother?" she asked, pointing to the blank sheet of paper.
"Um."
Yan Sheng is Yan Ning's younger sister, and besides, this is nothing shameful. She readily admitted it, saying, "I have this plan, but I don't know what to say."
"What you reply doesn't matter, as long as you reply, your brother will be happy."
Li Yunru: "..."
“Really, sister-in-law.” Yan Sheng placed the calming tea on the table, took her hand, looked at her with bright eyes, and said sincerely, “I’m not speaking up for my brother, but I’ve never seen him like this before. He cares about you a lot…”
Yan Sheng paused for a moment and said, "But the various issues within his family have trapped him."
Her brother was precocious and was the pride of his parents from a young age. They poured a lot of effort into him, and because of this, he suffered more and was more painful than she did in that environment.
This pain is numbed by being fully conscious.
Yan Sheng had gradually forgotten what her brother, who had said "Is a beggar not human?", was like.
His every move now is perfect, except... he has no self.
Li Yunru twitched the corners of her mouth, but ultimately said nothing. She didn't know what to say either. Many things are just that cruel, and can't be resolved with just a few words.
She also knew that it was very difficult to ask someone to betray everything they had been raised with since childhood and to betray their family. It was something that should not be done unless absolutely necessary.
The person's movements were subtle, but those raised in high-class families are never short of the ability to read people's expressions. Seeing that Li Yunru was not very interested in this, Yan Sheng changed the subject.
"Let's not talk about this anymore. Drink some calming tea so you can sleep better tonight."
"Yes, Ah Sheng is very thoughtful."
Along the way, Li Yunru couldn't quite put her finger on who was taking care of whom. She had promised Yan Ning to take good care of his sister, but most of the time, it was Yan Ning who was taking care of her, watching over her daily life, and bringing her homemade nourishing soups or medicinal meals in the morning and evening. Thanks to what Yan Ning gave her, she had managed to gain a little weight despite the long journey.
He took a sip and said, "Actually, Ah Sheng, you don't need to do all this. I can take care of myself. It's a rare opportunity for everyone to get out and about. If you have anything you want to do or have fun with, feel free to go ahead. Just bring some people with you and make sure you're safe. You don't need to be around me all the time..."
She thought for a moment and said, "I have Shu Yun and Song Ji to look after me, nothing will happen."
Yan Sheng said, "Then I'm not at ease!"
She said, "Look how well they took care of you before. You became so thin that you looked like you were about to ascend to heaven."
Forehead……
"Actually...it's none of their business."
It's her own problem.
"I don't care." Yan Sheng took her hand and leaned on her shoulder, acting coquettishly. "Just let me do it. I promised my brother I would take good care of you."
"I know."
Li Yunru laughed and said, "But I also promised your brother that I would take care of you. If you keep acting like this, I won't be able to explain it to him when we go back, will I?"
"Go back? You're willing..."
Yan Sheng keenly caught the hidden meaning in her words. Li Yunru knew what she meant and did not deny it, saying, "Perhaps, but I need some more time to accept it."
"I understand."
There were many rules in the family. The father was indifferent and did not care about family affairs. He often went out to play. His two older brothers followed suit and had beautiful wives and concubines. The family was in constant chaos. The mother was an outstanding noblewoman, dignified and elegant. She could manage the family affairs well, but she was also old-fashioned and rigid, and had extremely high standards for people and things.
She herself had found it difficult to live there since childhood, let alone Li Yunru, a girl who came halfway through her life and had never received any proper upbringing.
"Actually... my mother wasn't a bad person; she was just obsessed with the family's honor."
Yan Sheng knew all this, but she had a very conflicted feeling. Even knowing this, she couldn't accept or readily acknowledge the "path to success" that she had arranged for her.
They, mother and daughter, should have been the closest of friends by nature, yet they were separated by a layer because of it.
Yan Sheng whispered, "Sister-in-law, what is the purpose of our lives as women?"
For parents and relatives.
But how many people are in this clan? Those who are useless and of no benefit will remember you.
To be a husband.
My husband is unfaithful and unloving.
For the children.
The children are disloyal and estranged.
“For the people you care about, or for yourself,” Li Yunru said.
At this age, she also reflected on life's circumstances with melancholy and contemplation, and felt that she had come to understand some profound truths, believing that everyone was too foolish, and that it was not worth it for this or that.
But as she grew older, these feelings faded considerably. For example, she felt happy when she saw her father and mother doing well, and she felt content when she saw her older sisters and brothers chatting and laughing together. At that time, she felt that being alive was a good thing.
They've had it so tough, going through so much, living day after day, and they've all made it through. They've really grown into adults, started getting married and having children, and doing the things adults do.
That's really interesting.
It's easier said than done. In reality, after her father and mother passed away, her once happy family fell apart. She didn't even know how she could live for herself anymore.
She just remembered the times she was on the verge of death as a child. It was so painful. It felt like her bones and flesh were being torn apart, and every little tear hurt. Her breath caught in her chest, and she couldn't catch her breath. There was blood, so much blood, with the stench of swords and blades, it smelled terrible...
It's so painful.
Death is a very painful thing.
So slowly, she came to want to live, even though she didn't know why, she still wanted to live.
"Let's not talk about this anymore, it's pointless."
Li Yunru pinched Yan Sheng's cheek and smiled, "At your age, you should be doing what you like and want to do without worrying too much. Just follow your heart. As for the future, we can think about it later."
Yan Sheng touched the spot she had touched, a smile playing on her lips, and said, "My brother said something similar."
“My mother was very strict with me. I would leave many things I didn’t want to do to my brother. He would say I was being unreasonable, but he would still help me, saying that I was still young and should play. Later, I became interested in medical books. My mother thought it was not a proper job and forbade me to touch them. My brother followed my lead and secretly collected a lot of them for me. He even found a famous doctor to be my mentor.”
You know that itinerant doctor, Sun Shengshou, right? He taught me all of this. My brother was my practice patient, but unfortunately... I didn't have many patients to practice with. My master was always out having fun, and all he ever did was bring me back things to test me. He hardly ever taught me anything. My family was very strict and had a strict hierarchy, so no one dared to let me see anyone except my brother..."
"Well, so along this journey, I... I've been giving you practice too?"
"hey-hey."
Yan Sheng scratched his head and smiled guiltily.
Will you be angry?
Li Yunru wasn't angry, but she deliberately teased her, suddenly putting on a stern face, "What do you think?"
"Sister-in-law~"
Yan Sheng tugged at the man's clothes and acted coquettishly.
It's so much fun to tease kids. She felt as if she were seeing herself teasing her older sister's two children in the capital.
"Just kidding." Li Yunru pinched the person's face again and instructed, "It's a good thing to have things you like to learn. From now on, you don't need to hide these things. You can try them all. If you need anything, just tell me and I'll have someone arrange it for you."
She genuinely felt it was great. Anyway, she'd never lived this long, and all she wanted was to live, eat, drink, and play, ideally without even having to use her brain.
Yan Sheng gave her a bear hug and pressed his face against hers, saying, "Sister-in-law, you're so good to me."
Li Yunru smiled, not denying her address. She removed the person's hand and said, "I've finished your calming tea. Shouldn't you go and rest now?"
"no!"
Yan Sheng said, "You haven't replied to your brother yet. I'm going to keep an eye on things for him and see you reply with my own eyes."
Li Yunru sighed helplessly, "Your brother really did find a little follower to spy on me."
She wasn't angry. She picked up her pen and paper again, pondered for a long time, and wrote a few words: "All is well, don't worry. Liyang left this."
That's it?
"A thousand words cannot express it all, but these few words are enough."
Yan Sheng frowned and said, "It's not a good idea. It's too simple and lacks emotion."
Li Yunru thought to herself, "You little brat, you haven't even experienced love, what do you know about love?" But then she saw Li Yunru stare at her for a long time before finally kissing her lips.
Before she could react, someone reached out and smeared lip rouge on her lips, causing it to smudge.
“Yes, that’s right.” She pressed the lipstick she had applied onto the paper.
"You."
Li Yunru had no choice but to smile and tacitly accept her actions.
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Author's note: Although my ranking barely increased, it's okay. Help me up, I can still make another 33,000! [eating melon emoji]
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