Chapter 51 Suicide by Love: I Love You More Than I Imagined
Yan Ning smiled, lowered his head and kissed her black hair, saying, "I would gladly do it for the princess."
"Glib and smooth-talking."
"Only to the princess."
“Who knows, your cousin Cui…” Li Yunru casually brought up Cui Wan again.
She really cares!
It has never changed.
Upon hearing Cui Wan's name, Yan Ning's smile froze, and his tone turned somber as he asked, "What did the people in your household say to you?"
"No."
Li Yunru denied it, but he stared at her with an even more serious look than before, making her feel a little uneasy.
It's not her fault; she just doesn't have much of a position to take right now.
The person changed the subject, saying, "Oh, let's not talk about this anymore."
She explained the purpose of her trip back home.
"I need to see my brother, can you help me arrange it?"
They really came back for Li Xun.
As expected, there were no surprises at all.
Yan Ning didn't deliberately try to impress her, and readily agreed, saying, "Okay."
"I've already sent Chen Jingsheng to the imperial mausoleum with my handwritten letter; we should have news in the next couple of days."
"You...know I will..."
She had originally planned that if he refused due to consideration for his family, she would try to coerce him.
She forced him to do it, so he can at least give an explanation to his parents and relatives without making things too difficult for them.
He said matter-of-factly, "Your siblings in the Li family have a deep bond. If something happens to him, you certainly won't just stand by and do nothing."
"Um."
Li Yunru nestled in his arms and said in a muffled voice, "You don't know, I'm really afraid something will happen to my brother. He and sister-in-law have a very good relationship. The incident with the child has already been a huge blow to him. If he finds out, he definitely won't be able to accept it."
Her brother was kind and polite, but also sensitive and thoughtful. When a cicada they caught on the mountain died when they were young, he would weep for half a day, lamenting that life is as fleeting as a mayfly.
Besides her parents and relatives, Sister Liu was the most important person to her. With her family scattered and Sister Liu gone, she couldn't even bear to think about it...
"And what about you?"
"What?"
Yan Ning asked, "What would you do if something happened to me?"
He knew this wasn't the right time to say these things, but it showed how anxious and worried she was, that she was even willing to disregard her own feelings, set aside her usual pride and self-respect, and humble herself to come back to him.
He felt a pang of jealousy, and he wondered what she would have done if he had been in her shoes.
Li Yunru was reluctant to think about this issue. She pouted and said, "Your Yan family won't let anything happen to you, and neither will your mother."
"What if?"
There are no "ifs".
"What if?"
"Ugh, you're so annoying!" Li Yunru felt inexplicably irritated by the question and said irritably, "What do you want to hear? Listen to me. Do you think I'm willing to die for you and commit suicide with you? You know my personality. Even if I said yes, I would be lying to you. I'm not my brother. Love is nothing but a mirage to me, ephemeral and ephemeral. What's the point of it? It's fine if I don't have it. I would never give up my life for this. My life is very precious. I've survived a bloodbath. My parents gave their lives for it. Unless I'm pushed to the brink, I won't give up. I won't die for you. If something really happens to you, I will try my best to save you. If I can't save you, I will collect your bones and exorcise your soul, and then I will live my own life."
"never mind!"
She became increasingly agitated as she spoke, and sat up from his lap, saying, "I'm going out for some fresh air. You should calm down too."
Li Yunru strode out the door, walked to the central courtyard, leaving the house far behind, and only then did her emotions calm down a little.
She sat down, leaned on the railing, and looked down at the pond.
The moon is beautiful tonight, high in the sky, a gentle breeze carries its fragrance, lotus leaves are lush and green, and all kinds of fish are swimming in the water.
However, the vibrant scenery did not ease the knot in her heart. Thinking of Yan Ning's words, she felt more and more distressed, as if a huge rock was pressing on her heart, making it hard to breathe.
The person felt extremely wronged, and tears welled up uncontrollably.
Yan Ning followed and saw her leaning against the railing, wiping away tears with one hand, muttering something to herself. Her plain spring dress, like stars in the night, fluttered and moved with her movements.
A beautiful woman under the moon, lonely and pitiful.
"sorry."
Yan Ning walked over and draped a thin cloak over her shoulders. His hand, which was about to pull her into his arms, froze in mid-air, leaving only a low apology.
Li Yunru ignored him and continued to lie there watching the moon's reflection in the water.
Yan Ning remained silent, and the two stood there in a silent stalemate for a long time. Li Yunru asked, "If I really died for you, would you be happy?"
"Won't."
He blurted it out almost without thinking.
He just hoped she would care about him a little more. Before, she was fierce and assertive, but he could feel that she cared about him. They were very close, with no room for a third person. But now…
He tried to find evidence that she still cared about him in the subtle details of her docile appearance.
Even I wasn't sure.
She was like a kite catching the wind, seemingly ready to break free from his grasp at any moment...
He couldn't hold onto her, and even if he did, he didn't dare hold on too tightly.
He said, "Liyang, I think I love you more than I imagined, and I'm so afraid... of losing you."
Love is a luxury for aristocratic families, and it is something they don't easily express.
"Um."
Li Yunru's face was calm and expressionless. She simply turned around, wrapped her arms around his waist, hugged him, tilted her head back, and lightly pecked his cool lips twice, saying, "Then don't say such things again in the future."
She said seriously, "Yan Changjun, I hate death and I hate separation."
"Okay." He lowered his head to kiss her, his forehead pressed against hers, his breath light and his voice hoarse yet pleasant, "I won't say it again, I won't say it again."
Li Yunru didn't speak again, nor did Yan Ning. The two embraced silently until dawn broke.
“It’s dawn,” she said.
“Yes, it’s dawn,” he repeated.
Their bodies were numb from sitting like that all night, and their bones felt stiff, but neither of them let go of each other's hands. They both knew that once they left this pavilion, there would be no more time like this, when they were alone with each other and didn't have to care about the rights and wrongs of the outside world.
But no matter how much you don't want to, you still have to face it eventually.
In the early morning, the servants brought water into the room for them to wash and dress, but they didn't see anyone, so they went out to look for them.
Let's go.
She let go of his hand first, stood up, and took a step to leave, but before she could move, one of her hands was being held tightly.
"What's wrong, Yan Langjun?" she teased. "You're still reluctant to leave? If you indulge in the pleasures of love and miss your time to attend court, your colleagues will laugh at you."
Yan Ning remained motionless.
She feigned a cold expression and pulled the person up, saying, "Stop fooling around, you still have to come with me to find my brother."
This finally made him somewhat more receptive. He got up and said, "Okay." Then he picked the person up by the waist and carried them back.
Previously, due to Cui Wan's matter, a group of servants had been dismissed, leaving only the old steward and one or two old people. They all stared wide-eyed at the sight of the handsome young man, who was as bright as the moon, for the first time.
However, they didn't dare to look closely. When they passed by people, they silently lowered their heads, thinking that the rumors outside were wrong. They said that Yan Sanlang and Lady Liyang had a bad relationship and that Lady Liyang had been expelled from the Yan family. Who would believe it now?
Li Yunru felt a little uncomfortable, but he didn't seem to care, so she didn't refuse. She relaxed, put her arms around his neck, and let him carry her back into the house.
After washing up, the two went to the front hall for their meal.
It was still early, and Yan Sheng hadn't gotten up yet. Only Shu Yun, Song Ji, and a group of servants were there. When Li Yunru saw Song Ji, she clearly felt the grip on her hand tighten slightly.
Their fingers intertwined, and he twisted her so hard that she winced in pain. Only then did he relax his grip a little.
She hadn't explained Songji's situation to him, since he had already left when they got married, and she felt it was unnecessary. But now, she could roughly guess why.
Alas, I was young and didn't know my limits back then, and now I'm reaping the bitter fruit of my actions.
She took his hand in return, and the two walked into the room side by side and sat down, while the kitchen staff began to serve the dishes.
Unlike before, this time the dishes were relatively oily and spicy.
She had noticed this yesterday, so seeing it again today wasn't strange to her. She just asked curiously, "When did you start liking to eat these things?"
He has an extremely bland diet, with little meat, no oil or spicy food, and he pursues the natural flavor of food. He doesn't add much seasoning, at most just salt and soy sauce. She, on the other hand, prefers stronger flavors, especially spicy food. The two can't eat together and rarely eat together.
Yes.
They had been married for over a year, and even now, almost three years, the number of times they had eaten together could be counted on one hand.
Even so, in order to cater to his preferences and to conform to the aristocratic families, she ate less of these things after arriving in Jiankang.
Otherwise, if word got out that the prestigious Yan family had married a woman who was a boorish person who liked spicy and sour food and had a penchant for coarse things, people would laugh at them.
Despite her past antics, she had also considered being a proper wife and daughter-in-law, but the aristocratic families simply didn't give her that opportunity.
Yan Ning said, "What the princess can do for me, I can also do for the princess. I've tried it, and well, the flavor is a bit strong, but it's not unacceptable. It has a unique taste."
Hearing him say this, Li Yunru felt a sweet warmth in her heart. The matter of Cui Wan and the unpleasant things of the past seemed to be temporarily forgotten at this moment.
Um.
His studies... were still fruitful.
Apart from the blunder last night, everything that happened after her return was almost exactly what she wanted.
...
After breakfast, Yan Ning went to the government office to go on duty, while she stayed at the mansion. He told her that he had already sent Chen Jingsheng to pick up the person and to keep them at the mansion and not to wander around.
She wasn't a very obedient person, so she still went out to find out some information.
"You mean that Miss Liu? Ah, she was such a spirited and good girl, what a pity." The people in the teahouse shook their heads in regret.
"Then do you know where the human remains are now?"
She went to the Liu family's residence in Beijing, but got no results. She went to the Wang family, but got the same result. They were evasive and kicked her out. Helpless, she could only come to this crowded teahouse to try and find out what was going on.
Unfortunately, the result was still unsatisfactory.
The other party laughed and said, "How would we commoners know this? But I heard that Liu Jiayan is a married girl and cannot return to her parents' home for a funeral or be buried in the Liu family cemetery. So they didn't take her back. The Wang family also said that since the marriage ceremony was not completed, she is not considered a member of the Wang family and cannot be buried in the Wang family's ancestral cemetery. So they didn't take her in. Perhaps she was thrown into a mass grave."
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Author's Note: The next chapter will be updated Tuesday night at 11 PM. Ah! I had a nightmare about a forced marriage ending in disaster, it was so terrifying that I felt weak for a long time after waking up. I really want to write a similar infinite flow novel where all the male leads who hurt the female lead are wiped out, but I've never written anything like this before, hahaha. It's as nerve-wracking as trying to write a palace intrigue or domestic drama plot [laughing and crying with face covered]
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