Chapter 55 Jealousy: I Like the Way You Care About Me
She didn't know which choice was right and which was wrong.
But life is too unpredictable.
Tonight we drink and chat, but tomorrow we'll be separated by life and death, with no more time to spare.
She didn't want to worry about these uncertain futures anymore.
She chose to follow her heart.
...
Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
After the two reconciled, they lived a blissful life. Yan Ning was very clingy and would spend most of his time with her, except when he was on duty. In the past, he would only return home after the moon, but this year he returned much earlier, coming back as soon as he finished his shift, and he could even have dinner with her. Even if he had something urgent to do and couldn't come back, he would ask someone to come back and let her know.
On her days off, knowing that she enjoys lively activities and can't stay at home, people who prefer quiet will take the initiative to accompany her out to play. The two of them will go for a spring outing, go boating on the lake, or climb a high building to look at the moon.
She would tell him about how she used to sneak out of the palace to play when she was a child, how she subdued two petty thieves, and other trivial things.
He would take his piano and easel with him when he went out, and when the mood struck him, he would compose a piece for her. He would also take the opportunity to paint what he saw and heard.
He could recite three hundred hymns even without composing them. Under his influence, she gradually developed some refined tastes and could even offer her own serious comments. Whether they were right or wrong, she naturally didn't know, because every time she spoke, Yan Ning would praise her, saying, "Insightful, a very good and interesting way of putting it. The princess is indeed very intelligent."
He would still call her that.
Li Yunru told him, "Call me by my name, or like my family does, call me Ruilin'er. I am no longer a princess."
At this moment, he would embrace her tightly and say affectionately, "Princess, you are no longer a princess of the Jin Dynasty, but you are still the princess of Changjun. No matter what happens, that will never change."
Does this sound familiar?
Oh, Songji said something similar.
In people's hearts, a princess will always be a princess.
Thinking of Songji, she was suddenly struck by how quickly time had flown by, and the Dragon Boat Festival was just around the corner.
Song Ji's birthday is the day before the Dragon Boat Festival.
These days, she's been busy enjoying the simple and warm happiness with Yan Ning, and has almost forgotten about this incident, and he won't say anything about it either.
People have always been like this.
Songji never actively says what he wants or likes. His past is his birthday, and he never mentions it. He is like a shadow that always follows her, always by her side. When she plays, he plays too; when she makes a fuss, he makes a fuss too; when she cries, he cries too.
She only learned about his birthday from the servants in the palace. On that day, she dragged him out to have some fun and didn't celebrate it properly. She felt resentful about it and made up for it by giving him a birthday celebration. After that, she remembered that his birthday was the day before the Dragon Boat Festival every year, and she would prepare some birthday gifts for him.
He wasn't around for the past two years, but this time he's here. We've all been through so much together, and the feeling of surviving a disaster makes us cherish these uneventful days when everyone can get together.
Therefore, Li Yunru attached great importance to this birthday celebration. She first asked Shu Yun to book a banquet at "Yipinxian", the most famous restaurant in the capital, a few days in advance, and then invited the Shuique Opera Troupe to come and perform on that day.
She had done all of these things, but she still felt that something was missing. What was it?
It's a gift!
She suddenly realized that she didn't actually know what Songji liked. In the past, she had just randomly had someone take something out of the storeroom to give her as a birthday gift.
Each item was a treasure, and he said he liked each one very much. The princess was very thoughtful, but she never seemed to see him use any of them afterward.
She wasn't one to ponder things on her own, so she simply asked directly.
"Songji, is there any special gift you'd like for your birthday this year?"
Song Ji couldn't help but laugh when he was called over in such a hurry. He said, "I like anything the princess gives me."
"No, no!"
Li Yunru denied his words, saying, "This is your birthday, so it should be something you like, not just something you like just because I gave it to you."
“For example, you see, I love to eat cakes. My father and mother would have the best pastry chefs in my palace. On my birthday, they would also have people make all kinds of beautiful jade and precious treasures as a birthday gift for me. Yan Changjun likes the zither, so the family would specially find the Jiu Si zither for him, regardless of the cost. All of this is based on our preferences. It is the importance and care that our relatives have for us.”
She looked at the person with a hint of melancholy and said, "I am no longer a princess, and you don't need to treat me like one. You don't need to be so careful around me all the time. I have never regarded you as a slave, so you are free to be bold and speak your mind."
“How can a person not have their own preferences?” she said.
No?
He used to have those too, but he forgot about them at some point, gradually got used to them, and then started having new ones, but...
That's all.
He smiled and said, "Then I also like the zither. Princess, please buy me a new one. The old one is worn out anyway."
That's right!
How could she not have thought of that!
The violin he's using now is many years old!
It was her oversight.
"good."
In the following days, Li Yunru focused all her attention on this, leaving early and returning late every day, and even spreading the word that she would spend a lot of money to display the famous zither.
When Yan Ning returned from his shift, he was always nowhere to be seen. Even when they were together, she would bring up the matter from time to time, asking him if he knew or knew any masters in this field.
A voice chuckled and reminded her, "Liyang, isn't it a bit much to ask another man's preferences in front of your own husband?"
He said, "While I am courteous, I am not that magnanimous."
Her flamboyant behavior has caused some gossip in the household recently. After all, Song Ji's current status is unclear. He is said to be a servant, but he doesn't have to do any work. He is a retainer or advisor.
Now that the Lee regime has collapsed, her keeping of a concubine is against the rules, and to be honest, it could even cause her trouble.
None of those are the case. He only needs to serve her, play the zither and read stories to her all day to make her happy, so he can only be a male concubine.
But they are a lawful couple. Although they had a period of unhappiness, it's all in the past now. How can others think of him if she behaves like this in his house?
There are even rumors circulating that he deliberately put on the hat, like a cuckold.
He wished her happiness and well-being, but he also hoped she would consider his feelings and have some sense of propriety in this matter. Giving such a big show of respect to a man of unclear identity was really going too far.
Are you angry?
"I feel a little uncomfortable." He did not deny this uneasy feeling.
They are husband and wife, the closest people to each other, and they can expose their less-than-ideal sides to others.
He hides and pretends to be someone else, but how is that any different from his past with them?
Upon hearing his words, Li Yunru lowered her head and apologized.
"sorry."
She hadn't really thought that much about it. She asked him simply because she thought he was more knowledgeable in this area and knew some people, which was better than her searching blindly. She ignored his feelings.
But after he said it, I realized that it really wasn't appropriate.
Yan Ning wrapped one arm around her waist, holding her tightly in his arms, and placed the other hand on the zither, saying, "I don't want your apology."
He said, “Birthdays are especially important. It’s understandable that you value Songji and are preparing for him. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m also glad that you didn’t shy away from asking me. It shows that you trust me and have a clear conscience. Alas, these are just some of my personal feelings. Don’t take them too seriously.”
Li Yunru pinched his cheek and laughed, "Your face is all long, and you're telling me not to worry about it."
She explained, "Actually, Songji and I aren't like the rumors suggest. He was assigned to me by my father and mother as my tutor. We're not that far apart in age, and we get along well, so we're quite close. It's just those people making up stories!"
"Yes, I know."
"In life, you can't always avoid these things."
"Yes, at first I thought it wasn't important, as long as I had a clear conscience. But after experiencing so many things, I've come to understand that some things can be unimportant, while others require more attention. This time, I didn't think things through. I really just wanted to celebrate Songji's birthday and give him a birthday gift that he would like."
At this point, her expression suddenly turned serious. She hooked her arms around his neck, looked up into his eyes under the moonlight, and said, word by word, "Yan Changjun, I don't care what rules and etiquette your Yan family taught you, how to treat people, or how to be dignified. But there's only one thing with me: I have a clear conscience and I don't care what others say. You need to trust me, trust me unconditionally, give me your complete trust, and don't let other people's nonsense make things difficult for me."
"Of course."
He grabbed her waist and rubbed against her slender, snow-white neck, saying, "If I didn't trust you, I would have argued with you long ago. Why would I bring it up now and try to reason with you? Your words are the greatest sign of distrust towards me. What's the difference between this and tearing my heart out?"
"hey-hey."
Li Yunru smiled slyly, lowered her head and kissed him on the lips, saying, "I like seeing you in pain. It means you care about me, and I like the way you care about me."
"Princess, you're so naughty." He withdrew his hand from the zither, wrapped both arms around her waist, and pinned her down, kissing her relentlessly until they were both breathless and their faces flushed. Only then did he stop, stroking the corners of her reddened eyes and saying in a hoarse voice, "But I like people like you, Princess. You don't have to pretend to be a saint. You're free and easy."
"Rui Lin'er," he called her by her nickname, and said affectionately, "After your mourning period is over, let's have a child, a child as lovely as you."
Upon hearing this, Li Yunru's face instantly darkened. It wasn't that she didn't want it, but she didn't know why there had been no progress. Clearly, their relationship had been quite good in the past...
Now it's even more so.
She no longer dared to dream of such a thing. Their current happiness and carefree life were only due to their distance from those troublesome worldly affairs, but this would not last long.
She was entangled with Yan Changjun again, and the Yan family and Cui Shi would find out about it sooner or later. When she decided to come back, she had already prepared to face these things, so she wasn't afraid. However, she would find it troublesome if there was a child.
If she does become pregnant, the Yan family might accept her for the sake of the child, but it would be too much of a struggle, and her life in the Yan family wouldn't be easy.
She didn't want her child to grow up in such an environment.
So she never considered having children.
The flush faded, and she rose from his embrace, changing the subject, saying, "Let's not talk about this anymore. You should tell me about the zither. There are only a few days left, and if we delay any longer, I won't be able to catch up."
Knowing she was avoiding the topic of children, and that he himself had made a mistake in the matter, he didn't continue.
The person reassured her and helped her sit down again, saying, "I'll help you find it. I promise it won't delay you."
The third day of the fifth lunar month.
Two days before the Dragon Boat Festival, Yan Ning found her an ancient zither. He told her that the instrument was called "Green Waist" and came from Ji Heng, a famous scholar of the State of Chu during the Spring and Autumn Period. After Ji Heng passed away, the zither was passed down to his disciples, and after many years, it disappeared without a trace, changing hands several times...
Um.
Now it's in her hands.
A distinguished scholar deserves a fine zither – a perfect match!
This is exactly what she wanted, but...
"I searched for so long and couldn't find it, how come you found it in just two days?"
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Author's Note: Sorry for the wait, I'm back! Things will be a bit sweet for a while, though there will be some minor disagreements, but they're just there to balance things out. I have some drafts saved up, and the next chapter will be posted Sunday night at 11 PM. Love you!
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