Chapter 57: Who is more important, the heart or the mind?
The government office was indeed busy, but there was no rush. Nevertheless, he went there anyway.
The two attendants on duty stood up and greeted him as if they had seen a ghost.
"Isn't it your day off, sir? Why are you here?"
Having walked right into their line of fire, Yan Ning gave the man a cold glance and said irritably, "What, do I need to inform you in advance whether I'm coming or not?"
Normally he would never speak so harshly, and even when angry he would maintain a certain level of composure. But today he was truly provoked and lost his temper.
He's been preoccupied with that person, and it's because of her that he hasn't taken much action yet.
He did all that for her, yet today, she spoke of herself like that for his sake, even asking what it would be like to choose him. If she chose him, what would he become?
Is it an alternative?
That's a joke!
The more he thought about it, the angrier he became. Seeing the two of them dressed in bright red and green, their faces beaming with joy, he found it even more displeasing and said directly, "Bring all the case files from recent years in the capital to me in an hour."
The two nearly fainted after hearing this.
The Governor of Sizhou is in charge of affairs in the capital region and surrounding prefectures and counties. Hundreds of matters, large and small, occur every day. These are things that are usually overlooked, but now they're being blown out of proportion, demanding to see everything from the last few years, with only one hour allotted for processing...
What a terrible thing!
The two lamented inwardly, but dared not object, and simply agreed, getting to work.
...
Yan Ning was feeling very upset.
And wasn't Li Yunru the same?
After the person left, she remained frozen in the room for a long, long time, as if her mind had been completely cleared in an instant.
How could she say such a thing?
How could she say such a thing to Yan Ning?
The person was filled with remorse.
But the thought of Songji leaving her without saying goodbye again because of him made it impossible for her to lower her head.
She regretted it, but she didn't think she had done anything wrong.
...
When Yan Sheng returned from the Yan family, she felt the atmosphere at home was heavy. Upon asking, she learned that after she went out this morning, her brother had a big fight with the county magistrate, Yan Ning left and did not return, and Li Yunru locked herself in her room and did not come out all day. The food sent to her was untouched.
Both masters were kind and gentle people, and everyone was always comfortable serving them. They rarely blushed like this, and everyone was terrified, not daring to utter a sound.
"But did they say why?"
The servant said, "It seems, it seems to be because of Mr. Songji's matter..."
"Oh, no wonder."
She wasn't surprised and said, "I'll go take a look."
When the person arrived, Li Yunru was leaning against the window, lost in thought, her eyes glistening with tears, a beautiful picture of a woman filled with melancholy.
"My sister-in-law is exceptionally beautiful. It's a pity I'm not her brother and don't know how to paint. Otherwise, I would have painted this scene and it might have been passed down to future generations."
Li Yunru was brought back to her senses by the voice. She quickly wiped away her tears and pretended to be calm, saying, "You're back."
Today is a day off, and the two young men of the Yan family, knowing that their younger sister is in the capital, invited some people to come and visit.
“Yes.” Yan Sheng sat down, flicked her embroidered handkerchief, and complained, “Sigh, I should have known better than to go there. It’s so boring. All we do is eat, drink tea, and chat. We talk about the same things we’re tired of hearing. It’s much more fun to go out with you and your brother.”
She wasn't lying. Her two brothers each took two or three concubines to serve them in the capital. This time when she returned, apart from the initial meal, she spent the rest of her time with those women.
They valued people, and most of the young women came from respectable families. Some were concubines from collateral branches of aristocratic families, while others were direct servants who served their husbands. They were all about the same age as her, so young and fresh that they looked like they could be squeezed for water. They spoke with proper decorum, and she had no problem with them. It's just that people always spoke in a secretive way.
The problem is that not only do they keep things to themselves, but they also try to find out things indirectly, which gives her a headache.
Li Yunru listened to these words without much thought, after all, so many things had happened at the end of last year, and she still hadn't forgotten them.
She doesn't like that place.
So he just smiled and reluctantly replied, "Neither your brother nor I went out today."
"I know."
"Did you have a fight with my brother?"
"Um."
"Is it for Mr. Song Ji?"
"I guess so."
"That's right."
Yan Sheng said, "Sister-in-law, please don't blame me for being nosy, but I just want to ask, don't you think you're being too nice to Mr. Song Ji?"
Has it passed?
Li Yunru hadn't actually thought about this question.
She always thought they were about the same, just like Shu Yun.
If it were Shu Yun who left today, instead of Song Ji, she would still be very angry and would go to Yan Ning to question why she forced someone to leave!
“Even we outsiders can see it, let alone you, brother, who is with you day and night… Tell me honestly, what are your feelings for Mr.?”
Li Yunru frowned and asked, "What kind of psychology?"
"A lackey, a favored minister?"
She had wanted to talk about this for a long time, but since no one brought it up, she felt it was inconvenient to say more. Now that things had come to this point, she decided to bring it up.
“Sister-in-law, you are already married to my brother. Anyone would have some thoughts about your ambiguous relationship with other men.”
Seeing that she remained silent, Yan Sheng continued, "It's not that I'm speaking up for my brother, but there are very few men in this world who can do what he did."
She told Li Yunru, “Mother has always wanted us to reunite with the Cui family through marriage and form a bond of goodwill. The reason why the Cui family’s sister came to Jiankang was for this purpose. You don’t know this because you rarely visit the Yan family, but everyone knew it back then. The entire Yan family didn’t hide it. However, my brother repeatedly told our parents that you have been well-behaved lately and have grown up a lot. He said that you can take on the responsibilities of a proper wife in time. He also told people not to mention it so that you would not feel unhappy if you heard it.”
When this was mentioned, someone asked, "Do you remember what happened to the second son of the Chen family last summer?"
She got drunk while boating on the lake and left the man half-crippled, unable to have sex anymore.
She remembered this. She also remembered that Lady Lu had said that the Chen family wanted her to serve Chen Er, and that Yan Ning had also agreed.
She never mentioned this incident to anyone, but it remained a lingering unease in her heart.
Who could easily accept giving away their wife like an object?
Even if the Li regime is no more, she is still Yan Ning's wife, even if she is not a princess. How can people do this!
She dared not even think about it.
"The Chen family wanted you to make compensation, so they asked your brother to divorce you and send you over. Your sister-in-law also thought the same thing and kept whispering in your brother's ear. It was only after your brother took out his own fertile fields and shops as compensation and went to the Chen family in person to apologize to Chen Erlang that the matter was settled."
Do you know how many hurtful things the Chen family said back then? Chen Erlang even demanded that he kneel down and apologize, but of course, that was something that would disgrace the Yan family, so it didn't happen. However, that day, his elder brother truly bore a lot alone, and his parents were even more disappointed in him, punishing him by making him copy the family precepts a hundred times and confining him to his quarters for many days before releasing him.
"I...I don't know any of this."
Yan Sheng said, "Of course you don't know. My brother gave a death order: anyone who reveals a word to you will have their head chopped off. My parents also feel ashamed about this and don't want it to spread, so they have strictly forbidden anyone in the family from mentioning it."
Yan Sheng didn't like Li Yunru in the past either. This commoner princess was arrogant and unruly, and often caused trouble. It was only because her brother protected her that he said she was just a child and didn't take things seriously, so he gave her some face.
My opinion of her really changed when we traveled to Dongwu. Along the way, she was approachable and easygoing, without any airs, and spoke very directly. I didn't have to guess what she was saying; she was quite an interesting person.
She said she would do whatever she wanted, and she and her brother would support her. It was like a strong wind sweeping through her heart, dispelling all the gloom.
Only then did she completely accept this person.
“Sister-in-law, I don’t know what you think of Mr. Songji, nor do I know what you think of my brother. But I think some boundaries should be made clear to avoid misunderstandings that could hurt both of us. I won’t force you. Think about it carefully.”
After Yan Sheng left, Li Yunru stayed by the window for a long time. The green bamboo in front of the courtyard was as tall and straight as a pine tree, its color unchanged despite the wind and rain.
Many things flashed through her mind, some with Song Ji, some with Yan Ning, sometimes overlapping, and finally, the disappointed look in Yan Ning's eyes before she left.
She said nothing, yet it seemed more piercing than a thousand words. She asked Shu Yun, "Have I really been too harsh on Song Ji?"
Shu Yun has been by her side since she was eight years old, which means it has been twelve years now. Song Ji came a little later than her, but not much later. He was a bit older than them. When he first arrived, he was terribly cold and ignored everything and didn't say a word.
The princess then teased him, forcing him to play the zither for her every day, saying, "Aren't you very good at playing? If you make me happy, I'll let you leave the palace."
But she was always unhappy.
Songji stayed year after year, and eventually, everyone became as close as family.
This is an overstepping of authority. How can a servant be compared to his master, or be treated like family?
But Zhaoyang Palace is like this: their master is approachable and unpretentious. Although he likes to cause trouble, he will accept punishment himself. If people from other palaces bully them, their master will stand up for them.
In the past, everyone in the palace envied them for being able to serve in Zhaoyang Palace.
Although the princess and Mr. Songji were closer, they were actually similar to each other, and their treatment of the prince consort was different.
She would force herself to stay quietly in the mansion for many days just because the prince consort said he "didn't like to show off"; she would go to great lengths to find out his preferences on his birthday, to find out what he liked, and to personally oversee every dish; she would even endure the grievances of returning to the Yan family, which she didn't like, for his sake; when a pregnant woman told a non-believer that embroidering a twin-flowered purse and hanging it in front of a temple to pray for blessings would ensure a long and happy marriage, the princess, who had been pampered since childhood and had never done any needlework, insisted on finding the best embroiderer in Jiankang to teach her. Her hands were pricked and bleeding, but she didn't complain once. Later, she even walked up the mountain, climbed ninety-nine steps, and personally hung the purse up.
This is what a prince consort is like. If it were Mr. Songji instead, the princess would only say, "These strange and supernatural things are not to be believed."
If you continue, you'll annoy her, and she'll get angry and say, "I'll smash up his stall. He's been talking nonsense all day long."
But look, she believed what Empress Zhenyuan said: that the child was born with good fortune. She would rather exchange her own things for some worthless trinkets just to accumulate some good fortune, and she would even remember to share some with the prince consort.
They would grow old together for that uncertain love, and believe in things they never believed in before.
The princess's emotions, like her personality, were passionate and unrestrained, treating everyone the same except for those closest to her.
Although she always denied it, stubbornly claiming that it was to spite the aristocratic families, to deceive the prince consort, to make him like her, and then to humiliate him, those around her could tell whether she was telling the truth or not.
"The princess treats us kindly and without distinction, but since you are a man, it will always cause some misunderstandings."
"So you also think I'm wrong?"
Her Zhaoyang Palace used to be bustling with activity, but now there are only a handful of people left around her, making it cold and deserted. She doesn't like this, so she wants to keep some people here.
Try your best to keep those who can stay.
Shu Yun poured her a glass of water and coaxed her to drink it, saying, "Princess, you're right. But life is full of partings and reunions. If you can't let go, you can't get around it. You have to be willing to give up something."
She took Li Yunru's hand and placed it on her heart, saying, "Princess, ask yourself, is your teacher more important, or is your husband more important?"
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Author's Note: The next chapter will be released at 11 PM Sunday night.
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