Chapter 18
Everyone is selfish most of the time. Everyone will deliberately avoid factors that are unfavorable to themselves and show their good side in order to achieve a certain goal.
Therefore, after Cen Zhao confirmed his emotional inclination towards Shen Liuchi, he naturally and subconsciously catered to the aspects that the other party might like. The essence of this display of catering is still selfish.
But at this moment, those small but real things in Cen Zhao's character prompted him to tear off this somewhat false display template, temporarily break away from selfishness, and confess clearly and nervously.
"Seriously, I only have one ex."
Cen Zhao held Chen Liuchi's hand, lowered his eyes, and didn't meet his gaze. "I had that vague feeling of affection during my school years, but I didn't have a clear understanding or make the decision to take the next step until I met my ex during college."
Cen Zhao’s predecessor was named Wen Liang, who was his direct senior. When the two became acquainted, their university life was almost coming to an end. However, at that time, both of them signed letters of intent to study abroad, and they naturally became closer.
A foreign country is a good place for love to grow and burn.
During that time, they were each other's only support and outlet for their emotions. Even if they endured countless setbacks and depression during the day, the thought of curling up with someone at night, snuggling like a little animal for warmth, would still make Cen Zhao feel hopeful about life.
But in a relationship, it’s not okay for only one person to think this way.
"Wen Liang is three years older than me. His family wasn't well off, especially during the years he was abroad. The burden on his family was very heavy, and he wanted to achieve something quickly to reduce the burden on his family, so his life was always very packed."
Cen Zhao actually knew that he and Wen Liang were not the same kind of people, but the nights in Northern Europe were cold, and having someone to keep warm with was too precious, so he couldn't help but be greedy, wanting to get more, and wanting to hold on longer.
But Wen Liang is not the one who can bear all of Cen Zhao's desires.
Parting ways was expected.
"We were both in a bad mood when we broke up, and we said a lot of nasty things to each other."
Cen Zhao's gaze drifted away, the glass reflecting a fleeting glint of city light, like a Nordic snowfall upon an island city. Suddenly, Cen Zhao's ears rang with Wen Liang's resounding accusation: "I need a mature, steady, and well-rounded lover, not a baby boy who constantly demands hugs and kisses, as if he's never been weaned off!"
"I thought it had been so long that his words would no longer have any impact on me, but at this moment I suddenly realized that I still seemed to be worried."
Cen Zhao stared at Chen Liuchi's face from top to bottom - his eyebrows and features were black and white but not cold and hard. The look in his eyes was always gentle, with an indulgent attitude.
"I'm older than you, but I seem to need more comfort and kisses than you."
Under this indulgent gaze, Cen Zhao finally mustered the courage to speak. "Maybe you don't think this is a big deal now that we're both passionate about each other, but I don't want to see you suddenly look tired or impatient someday in the future. Do you understand, Chen Liuchi?"
He paused for half a second, then laughed self-deprecatingly: "Am I being too pessimistic?"
Chenliuchi shook his head slightly.
The impact of certain vulnerable moments can very likely last a lifetime. Being able to confess this fear and vulnerability is a form of courage that should not be ridiculed but rather rewarded.
"I think it's valuable that you consider my future feelings."
Chen Liuchi raised his hand and touched Cen Zhao's head, which was quite comforting, and also had a hint of praise of "well done".
Cen Zhao was naturally amused by his head-patting gesture. He lowered his head so that he wouldn't have to lift his arm too much. "Anything else?"
"And I want to tell you that people are different. They value different things and desire different things."
Chen Liuchi retracted his hand and folded his arms, looking at Cen Zhao calmly. "I won't judge your last relationship. I can only say that you don't need to bring the influences from that last relationship into our relationship. Wen Liang and I are completely different people, and your premature worry is a bit unfair to me."
Cen Zhao was stunned for a moment, then apologized earnestly. At the same time, he felt something gently bump against his heart, and an indescribable taste spread from the root of his tongue. It wasn't panic, but rather sweet, sweetened by Shen Liuchi's non-serious accusation.
"Okay, I accept your apology."
Chen Liuchi stared at Cen Zhao without blinking, and after seeing the sincere apology in his eyes, he finally lowered his arm and stepped forward to embrace him. It was obvious that he was not very good at this kind of gesture, and it was not very skilled, but it was very sincere.
"Your idea makes sense, actually. I understand. Once bitten, you become afraid of the rope for ten years. No one can avoid it."
"But I still say that I'm different from Wen Liang. I don't have the pressure of survival, the burden of family, and the ambition to achieve something, so I'm happy to take on your responsibility. Do you understand, Cen Zhao?"
Speaking of this, Chen Liuchi suddenly paused. He seemed to have thought of something, and his tone gradually changed from being at ease: "Besides, I also have my concerns, although they have nothing to do with love."
Getting Chen Mushan and Zhang Ning to accept Cen Zhao and accept that their son likes a man may be more difficult than completely getting over a failed relationship.
Cen Zhao was held by Chen Liuchi. He couldn't see his face clearly, but could only hear the softness in his voice becoming blurred. He gradually became sober and calm to the point that it was helpless.
Cen Zhao had some suspicions about this change; after all, Chen Liuchi's reaction during Zeng Qingya's visit had already revealed something. However, there had already been enough serious topics discussed today, and since Chen Liuchi didn't want to discuss it further, Cen Zhao naturally wouldn't force it.
The two stood quietly in front of the table. Their hug was not too strong, but it was a very comfortable posture, so they did not let go for a moment.
Chen Liuchi's chin rested on Cen Zhao's shoulder, and he could see the other's jaw by turning his head. He stared at it quietly for a moment, then suddenly moved closer and pecked lightly on the other's jawline. The soft touch was very clear on the hard bone.
Cen Zhao almost subconsciously tensed his body. His gaze moved closer inch by inch until he saw Chen Liuchi's face so close to him. The sunlight outside the window reflected on the corners of his eyes, and the distinct black and white arcs became so soft at this moment that the boundaries could not be distinguished.
The two looked at each other for a long while, raised their heads, lowered their eyes, moved closer, and kissed. Their breathing finally became entangled and inseparable.
…
It takes a hundred days to heal a broken bone. Although it was only a minor fracture, Cen Zhao still enjoyed the nanny-like care from Chenliuchi. The time they spent together increased dramatically. If they hadn't been thinking about Cen Zhao, who was half a wounded person, there might have been an accidental shooting.
"Is this okay?"
"My waist is a little sore."
"Then lower your waist a little and come closer to me."
“…”
Cen Zhao didn't move when he heard that, so Chen Liuchi patted his shoulder and said, "Move forward a little, or the water will flow down the back of your neck."
Cen Zhao finally responded, and after that, he couldn't help laughing: "Why is this conversation so weird?"
Chenliuchi also thought about it for a moment and said happily, "It sounds like I'm occupying the upper terrain."
The two of them had never discussed this issue before, so now that the conversation had come to this, Cen Zhao took the opportunity to ask, "What are your thoughts on the location?"
Chen Liuchi tutted his words and raised his shampoo-stained hands: "Talking about this now?"
Cen Zhao naturally responded, "You can tell me when the time comes."
Chen Liuchi rubbed Cuocenzhao's hair helplessly, and with his hands full of foam, he continued casually: "I don't know, I haven't tried it."
Cen Zhao didn't look surprised and hummed, "I haven't tried it either."
This time Chenliuchi was surprised: "Don't you have an ex-boyfriend?"
Cen Zhao laughed and said, "Does having an ex-boyfriend necessarily mean you have a sex life?"
Chen Liuchi choked and felt that what he said made sense. And judging from Cen Zhao's description, when he and Wen Liang were in love, he was busy like a top every day and they didn't have much time to spend together. It was possible that he really didn't have these thoughts and feelings.
Speaking of this, Chen Liuchi couldn't help but feel curious. He grabbed Cen Zhao's hair and continued to rub bubbles: "What did Wen Liang do after you broke up? Did he stay in Europe?"
Cen Zhao was silent for a while, until Chen Liuchi turned on the shower and carefully rinsed the shampoo foam away from his eyes. Then he whispered, "Yeah, I stayed in Europe."
Chen Liuchi instinctively felt there must be more to this story, but after Cen Zhao pondered it for a while, he only gave this answer, so he tactfully stopped asking. Perhaps this story wasn't perfect, and Cen Zhao simply wanted to preserve some respectability for Wen Liang in front of strangers.
The water rushed across his forehead like a curtain of rain, bringing Cen Zhao's memories back to his last autumn in Northern Europe. The rainy season in Norway is always long, and the abundant rain makes everything damp and rotten.
Wen Liang's face was completely different from when they first met. His high-spirited temperament had long since disappeared without a trace under the erosion of drugs. He looked like a piece of moldy and hairy bread, full of holes and in an extremely bad state.
"They say the prison here is more luxurious than a hotel and houses the freest prisoners in the world."
Wen Liang didn't know when he learned to smoke. He looked at Cen Zhao through the gray smoke for a few seconds and waved his hand lightly: "Happy homecoming."
"Okay, sit up."
The water stopped and a soft towel was placed on the forehead.
Cen Zhao came back to his senses, sat up with his right hand holding the towel, and wiped his hair while watching Chen Liuchi pick up the bottles and jars on the ground: "I can clean it up myself later. Don't you have to work in the afternoon? Lunch break is almost over."
"It's okay." Chen Liuchi made a hushing gesture. "It's okay to be late for a while."
The bathroom was filled with steam, and the humid heat felt familiar, but the pleasant smell of shampoo in the air made Cen Zhao clearly aware that this moment was different from the past. He stared at Chen Liuchi's back, wanting to say a lot in an instant, but in the end he just stood up, walked closer, bent down, and kissed the top of Chen Liuchi's head.
"What's wrong?" Chen Liuchi looked up at him.
"Thank you, Mr. Shen, for washing my hair." said Cen Zhao.
Chenliuchi waved his hand, meaning, it’s a small matter.
Cen Zhao didn't get up, his head resting against Chen Liuchi's, as if he wanted to say something. The next second, a cell phone rang inside the room. It was a special ringtone. Chen Liuchi quickly washed his hands and said, "It's my brother calling. He might have noticed I'm not at my desk."
Cen Zhao stopped talking and went out to get his phone for him.
The call was connected. Surprisingly, Shen Maoyuan on the other end was not here to check on me. Instead, he seemed to be gloating: "Mom asked me to go back for dinner tonight. Be prepared."
Chen Liuchi was puzzled: "What do you mean I should be prepared? You won't go back?"
Shen Maoyuan coughed dryly, and then he managed to hide his smile. "They didn't arrange a meeting for me, so what should I do back? To watch a show?"
Chen Liuchi didn't understand at first: "What meeting?"
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