Chapter 23 Qing Ning is like her secret love that never sees the light of day.
“Mmmmm…”
Realizing she had used too much force, Bo Xia quickly let go. Wen Xin finally breathed a sigh of relief. She couldn't help but complain, "What are you afraid of? Jin Yunyan can't hear you here."
Maybe it's because I instinctively avoid his name. I always associate everything about myself with him in my heart, but I dare not show it.
She made an excuse: "I was worried that my aunt would hear it."
"My room is soundproofed," Wen Xin found her expression a little funny. "Besides, my mom is very open-minded. She often asks me if I have someone I like at school."
Bo Xia nodded.
Wen Xin, who was still a little sleepy, became alert and urged her to tell her more. Bo Xia, who had already confessed, had no choice but to reveal more details. Her cheeks were a little red when she said this, and she looked a little embarrassed.
Fortunately, the darkness gave her more courage.
"Then why don't you pursue him?" Wen Xin's personality was completely different from Bo Xia's, so naturally she couldn't understand her thinking. In her world, you had to get what you wanted. She encouraged her friend, "Why don't you give it a try? I think you two are quite compatible."
"Can I...?"
In her damp, gray youth, she felt like moss living in a corner, yearning for sunlight yet feeling it would burn her. Bo Xia murmured, "I feel like I'm not good enough."
"Have you ever thought that the you in your own eyes isn't the real you? The you in others' eyes is the real you. In my eyes, you're just outstanding. You have good grades, are beautiful, and have a good personality. My mother would love to have a daughter like you," Wen Xin enumerated her strengths and added, "So why can't you? You deserve the best of everything in this world."
Bo Xia had never seen such a confident person before, and always felt that the other person was shining.
She couldn't help but think that if she could restart her life, she would not wish for a better family, or wish to be smarter or prettier, but would just ask God to give her a little more courage.
Let her be a little more fearless, enough to face this turbulent world.
Wen Xin continued to analyze: "And does that mean everyone has to be the best to be worthy of a relationship? What's the logic? Although I don't like anyone, I don't think love should be like that. Like friendship, it's about fate and compatibility. Just like you and I, we're not the best of ourselves, but we are best friends."
The lake in her heart was in turmoil and it took a long time to calm down.
But she is different from Wen Xin. She has never felt unconditional love.
From her parents' perspective, she needs to have good grades and be sensible if she wants to be loved, so in her subconscious, only those who are good enough are worthy of love.
She couldn't figure it out at the time. She just felt that everything Wen Xin said made sense to her, but she couldn't really do the same as Wen Xin. She could even be a little braver in other things, but she could only be a coward in front of Jin Yunyan. Bo Xia asked softly, "I don't want anyone to find out. Can you keep it a secret for me?"
"Oh well."
"Liking him is my own business, so please don't interfere, okay?"
Wen Xin's eyes were a little disappointed, but after a few seconds of silence, she said, "Okay."
She knew her friend too well, and she understood Bo Xia's darkness and retreat, so she just hugged her: "Xia Xia, we can become better versions of ourselves, but it doesn't matter if we can't. Don't deny your current self, she will feel wronged."
Many years later, she still remembered that night, and how her friend's soft words wrapped her up like marshmallows, and even the air was filled with a sweet scent.
Bo Xia hugged her, and also hugged the aggrieved self.
She didn't remember when she fell asleep that night. Bo Xia only remembered that it was already bright outside when she woke up. She sat up and yawned. She vaguely remembered that she had talked a lot with Wen Xin last night, and it even ended with Wen Xin saying, "I want to be your bridesmaid when you get married."
I don't understand why we could talk about such far-reaching things.
After breakfast, Bo Xia received a call from her father. She was silent for a few seconds when he asked if she was home. Lying wasn't easy for her, but she still said she was studying in the library.
Fortunately, she was talking about the library, because the next second the person on the other end of the phone asked her to go home, find her household registration book in her room, take a photo of it and send it to him.
Bo Xia agreed, hurriedly packed up her things and said goodbye to Wen Xin's mother: "Thank you for the hospitality, Auntie. I have something to go home for now."
"What's the big deal? Come back next time."
She bent down to put on her shoes at the door, smiled sweetly before leaving, glanced at Wen Xin, and then waved to the woman in front of her.
After going downstairs, Bo Xia ran wildly on the road. There were no green sycamore trees on both sides of the road, and the gray-white branches extended in the air, which gave an inexplicable feeling of loneliness and grandeur.
She suddenly felt a secret excitement because of the lie she had told.
The little bird locked in the cage tried desperately to fly out. Even though it was caught again after a brief escape, it could see the sky outside.
One day, she would leave this place that trapped her without looking back.
However, the price of indulgence was that she stayed up all night to make up for the test papers issued by the school. Bo Xia wanted to laugh when she thought that Wen Xin was probably also making up for the test papers. She glanced at her phone. Logically, Wen Xin should have bombarded her with all kinds of emoticons and asked her for the answers to the homework, but the phone was silent.
She sent several messages, but Wen Xin didn't reply.
Bo Xia held his cheek and thought, maybe something happened.
It was not until the day of school that Bo Xia learned that something had happened at Wen Xin's home. Because she was a little worried, she was too quiet the whole day.
Zhou Suiye came over to help the class representatives distribute English newspapers. Bo Xia said to leave one for Wen Xin. He lowered his eyes and joked with her, "She's not going to write, so she'll be happier if you don't give it to her."
"Zhou Suiye!"
Bo Xia's irritated look is a little cute, and she looks aggrieved. Her eyes are red as if she is going to slap you with her paw pads in the next second. She has no deterrent effect at all.
He had enough of the joke and handed her the newspaper: "What's the hurry? Here."
Meng Roujin took all of this in and couldn't help but complain, "Zhou Suiye, find someone else to bully. Bo Xia is an honest man. If he pushes you too hard, he might bite you."
He had seen how she chased him last time, but he couldn't imagine her biting anyone. She was always so cautious and polite to everyone, as if she was afraid of getting angry.
Zhou Suiye smiled casually: "Got it, I won't bully honest people."
Bo Xia carefully flipped through the notes, and took a copy for Wen Xin as well, even considerately marking it for her. She paid no attention to the people behind her who were still making noise.
Zhou Suiye and Meng Roujin were rude: "Can I bully you?"
Meng Roujin held the compass in her hand, poking the sharp end into the paper, her eyes sharp: "Try it."
Zhou Suiye: “…” Goodbye.
Bo Xia wondered if Wen Xin could keep up after missing these courses.
As soon as her evening study session was over, she couldn't wait to go back and send a message to Wen Xin, saying that she had taken notes for her and left her a test paper. She didn't know what had happened at home and was a little worried about her.
Wen Xin said it was nothing serious and they would talk about it when they returned to school.
Bo Xia asked hesitantly, "Are you really okay?"
"It's really okay, you don't have to worry about me." Wen Xin sent a hug emoji and said some light-hearted words as usual, and she finally felt relieved.
Without Wen Xin, her world seemed a little quieter.
When she was daydreaming, she would secretly look at Jin Yunyan and see him spinning a pen, his slender fingers making people unable to take their eyes away. Bo Xia couldn't help but imitate him, and the pen fell to the table with a snap.
It seems that her hands are not that flexible.
For some reason, she thought of what Wen Xin had told her about being a bridesmaid at a wedding that day, and suddenly she couldn't help but smile. She laughed at Wen Xin's strange way of thinking. Why did she think of such a far-reaching thing?
She couldn't even think of getting anywhere near his name.
The next class was to go to the opposite building to do an experiment. Bo Xia was assigned to the same group as Zhou Suiye and the others. She had written her own lab report and wanted to give a copy to Wen Xin, so she casually asked Zhou Suiye for Wen Xin's lab report.
The lab report she received was spread out. She didn't notice the name on it and saw that the previous page was blank. She was still wondering if Wen Xin hadn't been scolded by the teacher for doing her homework like this.
She didn't think much about it and copied her experimental data.
Halfway through writing, Zhou Suiye suddenly said, "Why is the book in my hand Wen Xin's?"
He reacted: "I was just thinking of filling in the data together, so I spread them all out here, and accidentally gave you Ah Yan's."
Bo Xia paused, a black dot spreading across the white paper. It felt like a drop of ink slowly spreading across her chest. Was this Jin Yunyan's work?
"Forget it, it's the same anyway." After saying that, Zhou Suiye complained to Jin Yunyan that the dog was called away by the teacher and had to do his homework by himself, but judging from his expression, he didn't seem to be disgusted.
She couldn't help but flip forward, and sure enough, the paper was printed with his elegant and bold handwriting. It is said that the handwriting reflects the person, but Jin Yunyan's handwriting is a bit more unruly than his own.
As Bo Xia continued writing, her mood had completely changed. She had actually left traces on his belongings. Would she one day be able to leave such traces on his life as well?
"Coming?"
"Um."
Jin Yunyan walked in from the laboratory door, wearing a black turtleneck sweater under his school uniform, and his Adam's apple was visible from under the dark clothes.
Sometimes Bo Xia admired herself very much. The person she secretly loved was like a built-in radar, able to detect his voice and everything related to him at the speed of light. She could even look up before him when she heard his name.
She heard Zhou Suiye say that his notebook was with her, and felt a slightly warm breath behind her. He was so close to her, so close that a slight rise in temperature was enough to melt her.
"Did you write this for me?" He seemed to be looking at her handwriting, and finally said politely, "Thank you."
Zhou Suiye was a man who loved to stir up trouble, and he immediately said, "Just say thank you? You have to treat me to a gift or something."
"Okay," Jin Yunyan has never been a stingy person, "What do you want to eat?"
He walked to the other side, his eyes meeting hers, making her almost forget to think. That small lake made her feel sticky, making her afraid to look directly at it, yet secretly hoping that it would always hold only her.
The silence lasted long enough. Bo Xia opened her lips, wanting to refuse but also wanting to agree. In the end, she didn't want to miss out on the gift he gave her: "I... I want to eat potato chips."
"good."
Whether it was an illusion or something else, Bo Xia sensed a hint of amusement in his rising tone. She was like a moth that had encountered a tiny ray of light, almost rushing towards it without hesitation.
Could it be that he also has some feelings for her?
As she thought about this, she wondered if he was laughing at her for eating junk food. There were so many thoughts in her mind that she felt restless.
When she came to her senses, it was almost time to end the get out of class. Jin Yunyan was reading her lab report. Zhou Suiye followed his gaze and said, "Don't tell me, this handwriting has some of your flavor..."
Suddenly remembering something, Zhou Suiye said, "Oh, yes, she came to see me last time..."
Bo Xia realized that Zhou Suiye wanted to talk about the calligraphy, and hurriedly stopped him: "Zhou Suiye!"
"ah?"
"You go buy potato chips with me."
"Wait..." Zhou Suiye was dragged away before he could react. He didn't know where the girl got the strength from, but she pulled him out regardless of anything, like a rude bull.
"Bo Xiaoxia, there's something wrong with you."
When they got outside, she let go of his hand and stammered, "No, I just really want to eat snacks."
The person in front of me said "Oh" meaningfully, and said something like "I thought you wanted to be alone with me."
Bo Xia gave a wry smile, no longer bothering to deal with his narcissism. She even wanted to agree and say that she liked him, so that he wouldn't do this for no reason.
The bell for the end of get out of class had just rung, and there were few people in the canteen, so it looked very quiet.
Bo Xia walked to the shelf to pick out potato chips. Seeing the person behind her pick up a bottle of lime juice, she frowned. The color made her feel particularly sour. "Do you like this flavor?"
"Your brother Jin likes it, bring him a bottle." Zhou Suiye raised the corner of his lips and smiled ostentatiously, "How about it? It's a touching brotherhood."
She said nothing and silently followed and took a bottle.
Zhou Suiye suddenly felt something was amiss and looked at her with a sizing look. Feeling guilty about being stared at, Bo Xia explained without waiting for the other party to ask, "I think the drink Jin Yunyan likes must be delicious." It seemed like she was being evasive.
He picked up a bottle of grape juice: "I like this, you try it."
"No, I don't like this."
After saying that, Bo Xia took the snacks and went to the cashier. Zhou Suiye stood there for a few seconds, then paid the bill before she could pay. "I'll ask Ah Yan to reimburse me later."
She nodded, went back to the teaching building, and when she reached the corner, she unscrewed the lime juice and took a sip. When she looked up, she saw Jin Yunyan not far away. Next to him stood a tall girl with long hair in exquisite curls. The ordinary school uniform on her gave her a pure and elegant temperament.
The taste in Bo Xia's mouth slowly spread, making her frown.
So sour. Like her secret love that never sees the light of day.
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