Chapter 55: Revisiting: One cannot possess both youth and the feeling of youth...
Sometimes Zhou Suiye would wonder if the relationship between him and Bo Xia would be different if Jin Yunyan was not there.
But more often than not, especially when she said these words, he thought that perhaps this was the best, most enduring relationship between them. Even if he couldn't force it, being the only one in her heart was already the best outcome for them.
So he never went any further.
Zhou Suiye just typed: "Do we need to talk about this between us? Just treat me to a meal next time I come to Beijing."
Bo Xia smiled: "Okay."
Perhaps because the world of adults is so much broader, they often don't prioritize relationships over anything else like they did when they were younger. Getting what's best is best, and not getting what's not is nothing. No one looks back.
Bo Xia was only concerned about her work. She was so busy during that time that she had almost no chance to socialize with her friends in private. Even Wen Xin couldn't help but complain that she was a workaholic.
It wasn't until March that she was able to take a breath.
The project with Wansheng was gradually being finalized. Before construction began, she took time to visit the construction site to discuss design details with the person in charge. Jin Yunyan was also there. He clearly didn't have to do everything himself, but he still went to the site.
It had just rained that day. Jin Yunyan glanced at her while listening to someone talking. He saw her earnestly explaining the things to pay attention to in the dense rain with a focused expression.
When she came out, the ground was so muddy that her shoes were practically useless. She frowned, only displeased at the loss of a pair of shoes, not feeling particularly embarrassed.
But from a distance, the blue dress paired with the muddy shoes looked weird, and at the same time, she looked like a gorgeous flower growing out of the wet soil, making people unable to take their eyes off her.
Bo Xia simply dealt with her shoes and was about to go back when Jin Yunyan said he would send her off.
She always suspected he was picking her up on purpose, but she was also afraid she was being overly sentimental. Even though she was much more confident now, she always preferred to shut herself away in a closed room, and wouldn't believe him until he pounded on her door and repeatedly expressed his love.
If it was someone else, she would be more certain. But the person was Jin Yunyan, the one who would lend a helping hand to a classmate he didn't know well.
She hesitated and said she would not sit in it so as not to dirty his car.
"Get in." His simple words carried a certain air of undeniable authority. Though usually a gentle man, he exuded a certain aura of superiority. But after a moment, the feeling dissipated, and his tone remained gentle. "Do you think I can't afford this little car wash?"
Bo Xia got in the car anyway.
After a while, the driver stopped in front of the shopping mall. Jin Yunyan took her into a luxury store and picked out a pair of comfortable new shoes. She sat on a chair and bent over to fiddle with the shoelaces. Perhaps due to the design, the shoelaces were a little difficult to tidy up.
A shadow was cast in front of her, and before she could react, Jin Yunyan had already half-knelt down and gently helped her tie her shoelaces.
Her eyes fell on his broad shoulders, and she was a little dazed for a moment.
"Jin Yunyan..."
"Hmm?" The man raised his eyes and could tell she was hesitant to speak. He was about to say something. His deep eyes rested on her for a long time, and after a while, a smile appeared on the corners of his lips. "What's wrong? How are you going to repay me this time?"
Bo Xia also knew that she sometimes drew too clear boundaries with others. Others would think she was a good person but would not be able to get too close to her. However, between her and Jin Yunyan, she didn't know what went wrong and always felt something was unclear.
Sometimes he is ambiguous, and sometimes he maintains a sense of boundaries.
She didn't respond. He knew her thoughts too well, so it was not appropriate to keep responding in such a deliberate way.
Jin Yunyan stood up and let the clerk swipe the card. Suddenly, he asked her, "For a girl like you, would someone want to chase you and spend all your money?"
“…”
He seemed to be asking a very common question, but also seemed to be hinting at something. His always affectionate eyes kept looking at her, with a hint of temptation.
Bo Xia suddenly understood that some fish hooks seemed to attract fish without bait. She knew he was joking with her, and she was so busy thinking about the deeper meaning of his words that she forgot to refute him for a moment.
She obviously didn't have to accept the gift.
Making money is so hard, how could she let others take away her family's wealth?
Perhaps she was angry that he had said these things deliberately to make fun of her. She didn't pay for dinner either. Wasn't he making fun of her for giving back? She didn't give back.
Jin Yunyan thought she was going to be polite to him and was about to tease her, but when he saw her deliberately holding her chin and looking at him, he knew that she had just taken his words to heart.
He laughed, looked up at the waiter and said, "I'll pay the bill."
"good."
After dinner, Jin Yunyan didn't see her off, not because he was "retaliating" against her for not treating her, but because there was some sudden situation in the company and he needed to go back to deal with it.
Seeing him looking at her apologetically, Bo Xia thought to herself that she was not a child who could not travel alone, so she tilted her body slightly and waved at him.
"goodbye."
Jin Yunyan sat in the back seat, the words on the screen reflected on his glasses. He read the email for a while, and suddenly thought of the way she looked at him with a little coquettishness at the dinner table, and a smile appeared on the corner of his lips.
After that, Bo Xia and Jin Yunyan didn't see each other for a while. She thought she would see him again at work, but she never thought it would be in Nan'an.
She went on a business trip to Nan'an for study due to work, and happened to meet him at a dinner party. Both of them read a bit of surprise in each other's eyes. Probably no one expected to meet here.
Maybe fate really does matter between people. If it was a bit man-made before, it can now be said to be some kind of arrangement.
Jin Yunyan exchanged pleasantries with the people around him indifferently, and suddenly realized that his thoughts were a little unexpected. He didn't think too much about it at that time, so he didn't realize that only when he liked someone would he attribute coincidences to some arrangement of fate.
Suppose two people are really just ordinary friends, when they meet they will only say "what a coincidence".
There were many people present, so the two of them didn't have a chance to talk. Jin Yunyan only glanced at her when he had time, and saw that she was wearing a black suit, looking very capable. She calmly spoke to the people around her, a gentle smile on her lips.
Suddenly she also looked over, and their eyes met in the air. It was hard to tell who was the first to look away out of guilt.
If it were someone else, Jin Yunyan would not have called her after the dinner.
The two chatted for a while. It happened to rain continuously in the past two days, so she didn't think much about it and casually asked him if he still didn't like the humidity in the south.
He raised his eyes to look at her, as if trying to know from her eyes how much she knew about him.
There was silence for a while.
Bo Xia was about to end the conversation. He lowered his eyes and said that he didn't feel that unbearable now.
Revisiting an old place always gives me different feelings because of my different moods. I used to think that the southern eucalyptus would always return to the south wind, and the air was humid and hot, but now that time has passed, I have actually adapted to it a little.
He asked her how many days she planned to stay in Nan'an and suggested that they go back to No. 1 Middle School together.
Seeing her hesitation, Jin Yunyan raised his eyebrows: "Why, do you feel embarrassed to be with me?"
Bo Xia had a look of surrender on his face, and his tone was unclear whether it was a joke or a veiled tone: "Mr. Party A, please stop flattering me."
He reminded me considerately, "I remember it's not working hours now, you don't have to worry about anything else."
"Then what should I do? As a friend, I think I should agree to your request?"
The two people smiled at each other, and it seemed that the distance between them had unconsciously shortened a lot.
When I returned to No. 1 Middle School many years later, many places here had been renovated and new buildings had been built. It looked a little different from before.
The same thing is that the students inside are still as youthful as they were before.
Bo Xia suddenly remembered what their teacher had said: "When you get out into the world, you'll envy those in school who wear uniforms." At the time, he hadn't really grasped the meaning, but now, looking back, he felt a bit like "on first glance, you don't understand the play, but on second glance, you're already a part of it."
One cannot be both youthful and have the feeling of youth.[1]
Back then, I didn't think youth was beautiful, until one day I realized that summer back then was unique. Suddenly, I began to yearn for the past, a time when, despite the hardships, we always had a steadfast direction. So much so that even many years later, I still wanted to hide in that 18-year-old self, not wanting fate to find me.
They walked under the camphor trees and strolled outside across a wall.
The weather was still a bit chilly, so Bo Xia wore a long, plain green cheongsam with a light-colored coat embellished with bamboo leaf patterns. She already had a slender figure, and this outfit made her look even thinner from behind.
Jin Yunyan was afraid that she was cold, so he took off his coat and covered her shoulders.
A faint woody scent lingered at the tip of her nose, and for a moment she felt as if she was wrapped in his arms.
Students on the other side of the wall were taking a physical education class. A few naughty students saw the scene outside through the iron mesh and started to make a fuss, saying that someone was showing off their affection here. They thought they were not speaking loudly, but in fact, everyone outside could hear it clearly.
They even discussed their looks, saying they were quite a good match.
Bo Xia felt a little embarrassed, but the people around him were fine, their expressions remained normal.
She looked at the little brats and asked, "Were we so gossipy back then?"
Jin Yunyan recalled the time when a few people went to post things on the notice board and lowered his eyes: "I don't know if it's gossip or not, but anyway, they are not that honest."
Bo Xia also remembered and said that was the case.
Thinking about it now, I would be scared if I did anything out of the ordinary back then, as if it was an adventure or a war. But many years later I realized that those things were nothing, and sometimes the teacher couldn’t do anything to me.
Jin Yunyan slowed down and asked her what she would do if she could do it again.
Bo Xia looked back at him, still clutching his coat in her hand. She thought that if she could do it again, she would tell him how much she liked him and make the voice of her secret love louder so that he could hear it, but not for the sake of getting a result, but because she hoped that her youth could be brave and without regrets.
But there is no need to say these stupid things to him.
Bo Xia withdrew her gaze. It was clear that her eyes were filled with some story just a few seconds ago, but now the emotion in them had completely dissipated.
She thought about it and decided not to do it again.
She said: "Maybe everything is for the best."
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