Chapter 81 Rift Thank you for being so generous.
When he lowered his eyes, he saw Bo Xia looking at him, with such pure eyes that seemed just to observe whether he was happy about this matter.
Jin Yunyan couldn't help but raised his hand and gently stroked the corner of her eyes, with a sense of belonging that only travelers have after wandering.
She was being tortured by sleepiness at the moment and didn't have time to think too deeply. After looking at him for a while, she fell into a deep sleep with her head resting on his arm.
The smile on Jin Yunyan's lips deepened.
In the blink of an eye, Bo Yi's stay in Beijing was almost over. Originally, she and Jin Yunyan would not have the chance to meet again, but it happened that Jin Yunyan was free that day, so the three of them went out to have a meal together.
When they came back, they were playing games in the living room. Bo Xia went in to take care of some work for a while, and could vaguely hear Bo Yi's admiring voice.
Speaking of it, someone like Jin Yunyan who is good at playing games is probably quite popular among children.
During the conversation, Bo Xia heard Jin Yun say:
"No cheating allowed."
"Your sister never cheats."
"Well, she's better than you."
Just as she was about to answer the phone, she closed the bedroom door, shutting out all the noise. Bo Xia received a call from her parents. She thought they were just talking about some ordinary things, but she didn't expect them to ask Bo Yi to go abroad.
She asked in disbelief, "What?"
"Her child has poor academic and work abilities. If we don't worry about her, who will? As her older sister, shouldn't you help her more?"
At that moment, Bo Xia had a premonition: "You don't want me to pay for it, do you?"
"Well, I know you can't afford it all, so just cover the first year. Your sister's country of study isn't expensive. Think about it, if she becomes successful in the future, she'll be able to help you out, right?"
She could hear so clearly a string breaking in her mind that she really wanted to deceive herself that her parents didn't understand love, and she really wanted to deceive herself that it was normal for them to treat her like this.
But at what point will this scam no longer be possible?
When she was a child, she often came home in the rain, but later she found out that her father was so reluctant to let her sister suffer that he had to pick her up and drop her off every day.
It was when she was often not favored, and occasionally got a piece of candy that her father secretly hid for her, she was actually flattered.
It was when she had to do all the chores at home but was still scolded and beaten for not doing it well enough, when she had to get first place in the exam but her sister didn't have to do anything.
This was when she had good grades but it was difficult to get tutoring, while her younger sister could get tens of thousands of yuan in tutoring fees with just 30 points on the exam.
They told her from a young age: "You have to be sensible, you have to be obedient, you have to repay your parents, you have to get good grades, you have to do everything." But what happened later? She was so sensible and so willing to love them, but what did she get in return?
In return, I gained some knowledge and lessons - it turns out that the more sensible and well-behaved people are, the less they are cared about, and the more favored people are, the more fearless they become.
She really had to thank her sister for her existence, which allowed her to discover so clearly that love could be unconditional, and that some people could easily get love without doing anything.
It turns out that her efforts to become a better person just to gain her parents' approval and love over the years were such a stupid thing.
The most ridiculous thing is that, for something that seems so obvious now, she actually spent so many years looking for evidence that they loved her. In fact, when she doubted their love, it was already an established fact that they didn't love each other.
She once hated Bo Yi so deeply. She hated that Bo Yi took away everything from her, hated that Bo Yi could always easily get what she couldn't. But later, Bo Xia began to understand that it wasn't that Bo Yi took away her things, but that all these things didn't belong to her in the first place.
Her parents don't love her, and it has nothing to do with Bo Yi.
She wanted to ask countless times why? Was it because she was the eldest daughter?
Unfortunately, God cannot speak, and no one can tell her why.
When she was young, she didn't believe in fate, but later she found that those inexplicable things could only be attributed to fate.
Having few relatives is her destiny.
Bo Xia raised her face and wiped away the tears that were about to fall. She asked them if they remembered that she used grants and scholarships when she was in college. "You always say that life in Beijing is difficult, but you never gave me a penny."
She let out a breath. "My classmates' parents all provide financial support after graduation, and buy them houses when they get married. I don't ask you to push me up, but you always seem to be pulling me down. Do you know why I work so hard? It's just to stay in Beijing, just to avoid having to go back to you."
Her life turned out to be a grand escape, with the words "running away from home" running through her entire life.
After saying these words, even she herself found them ridiculous. What kind of family could raise a child who wanted to escape from home? And who on earth was it that kept saying gratitude, fearing that she would one day become an ungrateful person?
Could it be that people weren't made of flesh and blood? Could she not feel their kindness towards her? Would she be so heartless as to abandon them?
At that moment, everything around fell silent.
They didn't expect her to say such words, but if they really reflected on themselves, they would not be themselves anymore. Bo Xia knew this, so she hung up the phone decisively.
She endured the pain in the room for a long time, pinching her skin and using the physical pain to relieve the mental pain.
She came out after her spirits stabilized. Jin Yunyan noticed that something seemed wrong with her and asked her what happened. He walked over and put his hand on her forehead: "You don't seem to have a fever."
He had just found an excuse, so she followed his lead and said, "I'm feeling a little uncomfortable. I want to lie down for a while."
"I'll take you to the hospital."
"No, just a little dizzy, that's all."
Jin Yunyan seemed to be hesitant to speak, but in the end he didn't ask any further questions: "Call me later if you feel uncomfortable."
"good."
Fortunately, Bo Yi was going back to Nan'an a few days later, and Bo Xia sent her back, thinking that this matter would probably be over from then on.
When they were halfway there, she didn't expect Bo Yi to say to her, "Don't you want to send me abroad?"
Bo Xia finally spoke out the unbearable thoughts deep in her heart: "Why should I help you do something that I can't do myself?"
"It doesn't matter. Brother Yan said he could send me abroad anyway," Bo Yi made a face. "He's much more generous than you. He's not a stingy person like you."
Bo Xia took a deep breath and controlled his voice: "Say it again."
"I said he agreed. He's so rich, this money shouldn't be a big deal to him."
Bo Yi was a little clever in her studies. From the gift Jin Yunyan gave her, she could tell that he came from a noble family, so she tried to get close to him.
Sure enough, to Jin Yunyan, that money was nothing at all.
She laughed out of anger, and after sending the man away, she could no longer bear the surging emotions.
For a moment, she even felt like vomiting.
The self-esteem that was so precious in Bo Xia's heart was so easily shattered. Of course, she could ask Jin Yunyan for it. Would Jin Yunyan give it to her? Of course he would.
But the things she had carefully maintained were worthless to others.
It was raining outside, and Bo Xia returned home in a state of despair. It just so happened that Jin Yunyan had found some time to come see her. She had lost her mind at that moment, and the moment she saw Jin Yunyan, she automatically classified him as an enemy.
The whole world seemed to be against her, giving her things to others, and Jin Yunyan seemed to be one of those who oppressed her, and he became an accomplice.
She lowered her voice and asked, "Did you promise to send my sister to study abroad?"
Jin Yunyan noticed that something was wrong with her, but he still spoke gently: "It depends on you. Isn't she your family member?"
He could help her unconditionally, but he was not a person without a sense of boundaries. He just planned to ask a few questions later.
Bo Xia's eyes flushed red, and he spoke as if torturing himself: "Yes, I don't want my family to be well."
"Jin Yunyan," she was still used to calling him by his full name, but usually she was gentle, affectionate, and coquettish, but not as distant as she was at this moment. She said, "I don't want you to meddle in my family affairs. This is my own business."
She didn't want to show him her ugly side. At least while they were still together, she hoped there would be only good things between them.
At that moment, Jin Yunyan suddenly remembered what she had said before, and the crack that had already existed reappeared. He finally realized that what she said was not a joke.
Jin Yunyan lowered his eyes to look at her, his deep eyes filled with loneliness: "Bo Xia, have you never thought about having a future with me, even once?"
Her ears fell silent, and she didn't respond, but that reaction meant tacit agreement.
But she never thought about the future, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him.
She just felt that the dream dissipated too easily. She knew from the beginning that there would probably not be too deep an intersection between them, but even she herself did not expect that they would be so deeply entangled now.
Jin Yunyan looked at her for a long time, the corners of his lips twitching slightly, with a hint of sarcasm. The man picked up the coat on the chair next to him and walked towards the door. The wind brought a slight chill when he brushed past her.
After this incident, Jin Yunyan went on a business trip and Bo Xia did not contact him. It was not that she could not face Jin Yunyan, but that she could not face that unbearable self, that ugly face that was completely different from her usual self.
Some people are so kind in their daily lives, but they harbor hatred towards their families. Jin Yunyan could never have imagined that the person he likes is like this.
Love always seems to start with a lie and end with the truth.
She knew from the beginning that this would happen one day.
Bo Xia accidentally dropped something on the table while she was daydreaming, and she suddenly found a letter that did not belong to her tucked inside the book.
She opened it and saw vigorous and powerful handwriting on it, which looked very familiar.
"Seventeen-year-old Xiao Bo—
How's the weather in Nan'an? Is it raining? Are you still memorizing those words on that road?
Was I a jerk at seventeen? He couldn't even see the dazzling you. He always ignored your existence, letting you follow him alone, giving you the possibility of tears. But I want to tell you that I loved you so much later on, loved you so much that I wanted to be by your side at seventeen, loved you so much that I regretted that my love was too late..."
The second piece of letter paper is written to her now——
"Xiao Xia, I actually love you more than you can imagine, and I understand you better than you can imagine. I know you don't dare to show your vulnerability, because you think it will prevent you from becoming a strong person. You always have secrets, and you are always afraid to expose them in front of me.
I know everything.
But I still want to wait until the day you take the initiative to speak.
If you're still worried about something, it's never too late to talk about it later."
Bo Xia's fingers trembled slightly. She seemed to always assume that no one in this world would accept her completely, and no one would stay with her forever. He would leave one day.
This is her short life experience of more than twenty years.
So she fell in love with him with the idea that just having one relationship would be enough, and she hoped that their love could stay in the best place.
But what if Jin Yunyan would be the exception?
Even if he wasn't, would she always be stuck in the past? She already had the courage to throw herself into the flame and could accept a worse ending for them, so why should she be afraid of continuing to indulge herself?
She finally calmed down. At this time, there was an emergency at home, and she was anxious to deal with it, so she sent a simple message to Jin Yunyan, saying, "I'm going back."
No matter what happens next, she has to sort it out first, and then let Bo Xia, who has come out of the haze of the past, tell him everything, so that she can be worthy of their love during this period.
When Jin Yunyan came back, she couldn't get through to him on the phone.
I went to Bo Xia's residence and found a letter he had written to her on the table, with an extra line of words below:
"Jin Yunyan, thank you for being so generous and willing to fulfill my childhood dream."
If this was their ending, she would accept it.
Jin Yunyan hadn't thought about breaking up. He just wanted to spend a few days with her to calm down. When he came back and saw this scene again, it seemed different from what he had imagined. He felt that those words were so glaring, like a slap in the face. He called Wen Xin and Meng Xubai, but Wen Xin's call didn't go through. Meng Xubai was probably a little annoyed that he had disturbed his rest. He deliberately asked, "What happened to your girlfriend? You don't know what happened to me, and you still ask me?"
Meng Xubai didn't know what had happened, but based on past experience, he said, "Maybe he went back for a blind date."
He was kind enough not to say anything more.
“…”
It was rare for Jin Yunyan to lose his composure like that. He sat on the sofa and took off his tie. He hung up the phone and booked the nearest flight to Nan'an.
During this period, Jin Yunyan ran back and forth, but he couldn't fall asleep during the long journey.
In his mind was the moment when she firmly said, "It's you I want." She had beautiful eyes, and she always liked to hold his face and look at it carefully. She would also rely on him and stick close to him. She seriously found someone to repair her broken watch, just to make him happy.
She obviously loved him so much, so much so that he could sense it at any time, yet she left so suddenly and wanted to break up with him.
Jin Yunyan remembered that time when she said that she had let it go, that she would no longer need those dolls when she grew up. He used to be so proud and conceited, thinking that she would still love him even so. But now, she let go just like that, just because he would never be as good as the Jin Yunyan in her imagination?
Is he just a tool for her to fulfill her girlhood dreams?
As soon as we arrived in Nan'an, a rainstorm suddenly hit outside, washing away the lush greenery and making it sway fragilely in the wind and rain.
Just like the moment they met again.
Bo Xia hadn't rested well at that time and didn't even notice that her cell phone was out of battery. The attending doctor was her former friend. They met in the hospital and happened to have dinner together.
She had even taken leave specifically to return, believing her mother was ill. Upon arrival, she discovered it was a relative who, upon seeing her arrival, asked her to find some connections. She hadn't lost her temper because she was in the hospital. After she left, she learned that Jin Yunyan hadn't fully agreed that day, insisting that Bo Xia still had the final say. Because they couldn't get Jin Yunyan's confirmation, they resorted to deception to get her home, just to achieve their goal of leaving the country.
She was exhausted and felt that she had never been so tired in her life. She didn't even have time to contact Meng Xubai to explain the situation.
When she first came out, it was pouring rain, washing away everything in the world. Bo Xia suddenly remembered the day she met Jin Yunyan again, when he had handed her an umbrella when she was lonely and helpless.
But now her world is so gloomy, just like that moment, but there is no longer the person who gave her the umbrella.
He had left her and it seemed that he would never come back to her.
Because of a misunderstanding, the rift that already existed between them was completely shattered. Thinking about it this way, separation seemed inevitable. The underlying illness in her body was the culprit that prevented them from being together.
Bo Xia's eyelashes were stained with moisture, and she stood in front of the rain curtain in a cold manner. When she looked up again, she saw someone coming towards her with an umbrella from afar. Under the umbrella was a face that she was very familiar with, as if walking towards her across many long years.
"Jin..."
Jin Yunyan looked at her from afar through the cold rain. He glanced at the person next to her and thought of what Meng Xubai had said: "Did I disturb your meal?"
The doctor was a discerning man, and he knew at a glance that there was something unusual between them. "Don't get me wrong, we have nothing to do with each other. Xiao Bo, I'm leaving now. You guys continue chatting."
Bo Xia never expected that the person she thought she had lost would come back to her after crossing a long distance.
The crackling of rain in her ears drowned out all other sounds. Bo Xia opened her lips, thinking that after not seeing each other for a few days, she could say a lot, but she swallowed it back.
She raised her moist eyes and said in a sad voice, "You're all wet."
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