(5) (6) (7)
(five)
Even if everything is fictional, I don't want her to suffer because of me.
I didn't want her to practice swordplay with me, but I couldn't stop her. I didn't want her to dwell on her past, but I couldn't stop her. Leng Yue's toxicity finally took hold, and Master said she wouldn't survive more than seven years.
Seven years? Three and a half hours, wouldn't that be seven years? My guess turned out to be true.
I hate the person who wrote it. I dare not say whether my story is a comedy or a tragedy. I only know that from the past to the present, everything has gone against my wishes.
My requirements are really not high, why do others have it but I don’t?
You who hold the power of life and death, what on earth do you want from me?!?
I don't want this kind of drama, I don't want unforgettable tragedy. I just want simple feelings, I just hope everyone is safe and sound.
I don't want that feeling of powerlessness. That feeling of failure makes me feel more like a failure than being disgraced.
One day, I came back from sword practice and saw Nong Yue Gongzi kissing the sleeping Leng Yue quietly and tenderly. Compared to my impulsive kiss, he was so careful and gentle that I couldn't help but be moved.
Nong Yue is so devoted to her, and I will only hurt her. Perhaps, he is the one who can bring her happiness.
But how can I quit?
Seeing me, Nong Yue smiled generously and pointed at Leng Yue on the bed. Leng Yue's face was as pale as paper, and her eyes were closed. I gasped and quickly took her pulse.
Unexpectedly, Leng Yue's condition not only didn't worsen, but seemed to be improving. I was overjoyed and pulled Nong Yue's sleeve, asking, "What on earth is going on?"
Young Master Nong Yue told him the whole story. It turned out that Leng Yue had decided to resolve her inner demons, and Young Master Nong Yue was just standing by to protect her. I'm being overly sensitive again.
While Leng Yue's method was excellent, it was possible for her to become possessed without someone nearby. Young Master Nong Yue, despite his heavy responsibilities, still took the time to protect her. I was truly grateful.
He said he just did what he wanted to do.
Despite what he said, I do know the general situation of the Shenyue Cult. No matter how hard they try to suppress it, the number of followers continues to grow. The Dark Clothes Squad alone is already keeping him busy, let alone finding time to accompany Lengyue.
So I said, I will take good care of her. Perhaps deep down, I also had a little selfish desire, hoping that the person who stayed with her would be me.
I looked at Leng Yue who was sleeping soundly, held her little hand, and made up my mind secretly: No matter what choice you make, I will firmly support you.
She was so brave, facing the pain of the past, while I had been living in fear and avoidance.
The more entangled my heart is, the more helpless my life becomes. Although escape brings suffering, it is always easier than facing it. Perhaps I should also face my true self, face my fears and my insecurities, and tear off my gorgeous and perfect mask.
Since the author has forced me onto this path, I will bravely take it and see what the result will be.
Facing challenges head-on is also a process of going with the flow.
(six)
The battle against the inner demon was very arduous. Although Leng Yue's condition had improved, she also became increasingly haggard.
I couldn't bear it, and I often asked her if she wanted to give up. But she always said, "I won't give up. I want to stay." For several days, I kept thinking there was someone outside the door, but when I opened it, there was no one. Until one day, Nong Yue Gongzi knocked on the door and asked, "Are we being too selfish?" I realized it was him.
I had never imagined that Shi Qiuyan would cause such deep pain to her heart. Seeing her in such pain, I couldn't help but feel distressed and blame myself.
"In that case, let's help her." Young Master Nong Yue took out a small bottle from his arms.
I reached out to grab it, but he blocked it with his folding fan.
"Sai Huatuo, don't you love him very much? Leng Yue always thinks of us, shouldn't we think of her too?" he asked.
"But we should respect her choice, right?" I said.
"That's your excuse!"
"I won't let you hurt her!"
Leng Yue was woken by the sounds of our argument and exchange of blows and asked what was going on. Nong Yue said he hoped Leng Yue would treat him better. I also made it clear that if she really decided to leave, I would not try to keep her this time.
Nong Yue and I both hope that she can make the best choice.
She said that she sincerely chose to stay and that she would have to face these pains sooner or later because the person she really needed to forgive was not others but herself.
Leng Yue used my own life experience as an example. On the surface, I hated my father for abandoning me, but in reality, I hated myself. I understood this truth, but it was always easier to blame others and shift the blame.
"You didn't have the right to choose. It's not your fault that you were born with soft bones. If you could forgive yourself for your past shortcomings, forgive that innocent self, you would see that it was precisely because of your congenital disability that you were sent to the master, became the unparalleled Hua Tuo, met friends like us who shared life and death, and achieved all this today. If you no longer hate yourself, then would you still hate your father?"
Yes, if my father hadn't abandoned me because of my congenital disability, perhaps I wouldn't have met my master, wouldn't have become the Hua Tuo I am today, and wouldn't have met Leng Yue. No matter how my father treated me in the past, he has now paid the price for his crimes. Why should I worry about the past?
Forgiving someone for hurting you is a painful process, but it brings true relief afterward. Because once you let go, those things will no longer weigh on your heart.
I let out a sigh of relief.
At the same time, Nong Yue's heart knot was also untied. Perhaps Leng Yue was right, facing the pain and learning to forgive is a very meaningful and beautiful thing.
But I knew in my heart that she was not doing this just for herself. A big part of the reason was still for me.
She loves me more than I love her.
The battle against inner demons is never smooth. As Leng Yue said, the one she couldn't forgive was not others, but herself.
She said that she gave herself to Shi Qiuyan out of fear, so she felt ridiculous and was reluctant to forgive herself.
I actually don't really care. Although I'm a little surprised, I can still understand it. I've seen Xiaoyan's temper before. Lengyue's personality is sometimes too soft, so it's understandable that she would compromise.
"Don't you think I'm cheap? Can you forgive my absurdity?" she asked me.
I said, "It's not about being mean, but you had no other choice under the circumstances at that time."
"So what! No one held me to a knife. I ruined my reputation. I deserve it."
"You blame yourself too much..."
I suddenly heard a noise outside the door, and my heart trembled. Young Master Nong Yue hadn't come here today, so who was hiding outside? Leng Yue valued her reputation so much, what would happen if others heard these words?
So I quickly whispered, "That's all for today, you can rest."
I hurried out of the room, only to find the figure had disappeared. Leng Yue was in a bad mood, and if I insisted, I was afraid I would go crazy again, so I went back to my room.
Sitting by the window, I felt distraught. Back then, her smile had been so beautiful and pure, but Leng Yue wasn't as carefree as before. I didn't know how to soothe her wounded heart. Shouldn't mutual affection be a happy thing? Why had our mutual feelings for each other led to so much trouble?
Suddenly it seemed to me that she was very tired, and I began to feel a little tired too.
Is it really that difficult to fall in love? How wonderful it would be if it were as pure as when we first met.
"Really?" Young Master Nong Yue sneered, "Compared to Hua Tuo, are your feelings for her so fragile?"
"It's you." I breathed a sigh of relief. Fortunately, it was him.
Young Master Nong Yue said:
"It's harder for a person to admit that he's wrong than to admit that he's committing suicide. Leng Yue is in this situation because she cares too much about other people's feelings. If she didn't care about that person's feelings back then, I believe no one could take her away; and now, if she didn't care about your feelings, how could she say these heartfelt words to you?"
"Don't you have the darkest side of your heart? Don't I have it too? Sai Huatuo, I don't care what you think. In Nong Yue's heart, Leng Yue is pure and innocent, and her heart is even more dazzling. If you still have any grudges, you might as well give up on her. Nong Yue takes his leave."
His back is very sad. And I also understand his intention.
Nong Yue's love for Leng Yue is no less than mine. Leng Yue chose me, and if I make her sad again, wouldn't that be a waste of Nong Yue's painstaking efforts?
Thinking of this, I immediately stood up and walked towards Leng Yue's room.
I believe that total acceptance is the best comfort.
(seven)
I don’t know since when, I am no longer the calm and free-spirited Ouyang Mingri.
Perhaps I have never been carefree. Once I take off my pretense of being carefree, my inner fragility is exposed.
I also get depressed when I feel powerless.
I also get jealous when I see the deep love between Leng Yue and Nong Yue.
I would also be afraid when Sifang City was broken and Daddy and Ling Xue were seriously injured one after another.
I will also be sad when she leaves this world.
I know I'm not perfect. Even though some things didn't go as planned, I tried my best. I know that no matter how perfect my disguise was in the past, it wasn't the real me.
I want to live my true self.
Perhaps Leng Yue's dream is also a dream in my life. A dream that lasted seven years.
These seven years of life were too beautiful to be true. No matter how many twists and turns there were, the outcome was always safe and sound. My father regained his memory, Bantianyue and the Shenyue Cult were completely eradicated, Choudoufu and Lingxue were happily married, and Miss Shangguan and Sima Changfeng finally became a couple. The same was true for Lengyue and me.
To be married to my beloved, to have my family and friends safe and sound, to have all the knots in my heart untied... All of these things were what I longed for so much but could never achieve no matter how hard I tried. Now, they are all fulfilled.
I think, in addition to being grateful to the author for showing mercy, I should also be grateful for my courage at the time.
If I had not been honest with my feelings at the beginning, Leng Yue might have left me long ago.
If I had held on to my hatred for my father, I might not know how to face him until now.
If I had harbored any grudge against Young Master Nong Yue, I might have lost a true and close friend.
If I had given up on Leng Yue out of cowardice, perhaps we would not have been able to get married later.
True or false, this is our life. Destiny may be set, but happiness must be earned.
Even if all else fails, don't let go easily. Even if the outcome isn't what you expected, just be at peace with yourself.
I was very calm the day Leng Yue left.
That day, I sat with her on the stone steps of Chunfengdeyi Palace. That was where I told her I loved her.
She cried and said she couldn't bear to leave me, and I comforted her calmly: If there is an afterlife, I will go to her world to find her, just as she came here to find me.
She asked, what should I do if I can’t find it?
I said, no.
And just like that, she left. I didn't shed many tears, because I knew that since the author had written our story so beautifully, why wouldn't they let us reunite? That would be a disservice to their good intentions.
So Leng Yue, don't worry, I will definitely find you in the next life, no matter what method I use.
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