(Four) (Five) (Six)
(Four)
The appearance of Qiao Lingxue helped Madam Yuzhu ease the pain of losing her daughter.
But he missed Yingying even more. Whenever he thought of Lingxue, he would murmur in his heart: "Yingying, if you were still alive, how wonderful it would be."
Ling Xue was supposed to live with Madam Yuzhu in Bodhi Garden, but she said she liked an elegant room in the other garden, so she stayed there. He knew in his heart that Ling Xue had fallen in love with his elder brother at first sight.
Therefore, he seldom went to the other gardens. Every time he finished discussing state affairs with his elder brother, he would always urge him to go back early.
"City Lord, you know what I am thinking." said the eldest brother.
"I know that you like Leng Yue," he said, "but Ling Xue is still young, and she's so devoted to you. If you keep hiding from her like this, I'm afraid she'll be sad again. You should give her some more time."
"Is the City Lord thinking of Yingying again?"
"I know she's not Yingying. I just can't bear to see her sad."
He had seen Ling Xue cry more than once. Whenever Ling Xue cried, he would recall his past, remembering how he had often upset Ying Ying out of loyalty to his friend. But he had never seen Ying Ying cry. Ying Ying was lively and strong, and even at the moment of her passing, she was smiling.
Hearing Ling Xue's crying, his heart was in turmoil. He was afraid to see Ying Ying crying, even if it was just Ying Ying's shadow, he would feel heartbroken.
She thought, maybe entering the palace was a mistake.
So she packed her simple bag and prepared to leave. She was able to support herself, and she didn't want to trade her appearance for a life of luxury, nor did she want to live her life under someone else's shadow. She wasn't Ouyang Yingying, her last name was Qiao, and her name was Qiao Lingxue.
She didn't know how to say goodbye. Would anyone try to keep her? If someone did, would she leave or not? She hid in the dark, pondering over and over again—should she say goodbye, or should she just leave without saying goodbye?
She heard her elder brother talking to the city lord.
"Not a day goes by that I don't miss Yingying. Back then, I really shouldn't have ignored her. Now, every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I can't help but wonder what kind of life I would be living now if I had stayed away from the hustle and bustle with her. But what happened did happen after all, and under the circumstances at the time, I couldn't really abandon my friend and live my own life. Even if I could turn back time, it would be difficult for me to make a different choice. Perhaps this is the helplessness of people in society."
"You're right. Don't let Yingying feel sad for you in heaven."
"So I'm living a good life now. All the memories, every little bit with Yingying, are the most precious treasures in my heart. I remember that Yingying always liked to throw tantrums at me, but whenever I was in danger, she always protected me without hesitation. Perhaps this is love. I did a really bad job on this point. Big brother, you must cherish the person in front of you and don't let yourself regret it."
She listened silently and couldn't help shedding tears.
At that moment, she decided not to leave.
(five)
In the past, she simply "wanted"—wanted attention, wanted love, wanted to be with her loved one. When she couldn't get what she wanted, she felt aggrieved, entangled, and in pain. That "want" gradually became a constraint, leaving her unable to clarify what she truly wanted.
But after listening to the conversation between the city lord and her eldest brother, she finally understood.
What she understood was not "what love is", but that her feelings for her elder brother were not true "love".
The city lord said that love isn't about worth or not, only about willingness. He bravely survived for Princess Yingying, managing Sifang City and serving his parents, his longing undiminished. Who was she to mock his pain? Shouldn't such a profound love be respected?
The same goes for Big Brother. Even if Leng Yue isn't worthy of his love, as long as he still loves her, she shouldn't barge in unnecessarily. Even if Big Brother and Leng Yue are truly not meant to be, Big Brother should be given enough time to heal his wounds. She only wants to be with Big Brother, but has never truly put herself in his shoes.
So, when the eldest brother asked her about her understanding of "love", she said she didn't know.
She was telling the truth. Her long-standing obsession and jealousy had been nothing but a muddled, maddening, and foolish self-destruction. Although it was difficult to accept, she had finally decided to let it go.
"Maybe one day in the future, I will be able to understand what they are feeling now and feel the selflessness and greatness of love," she thought.
She would never again act unreasonably in front of her elder brother about Leng Yue's affairs. This basin of cold water from reality not only extinguished her jealousy, but also extinguished the troubles of her elder brother and others.
She won't cry anymore.
He originally thought Ling Xue was just an ignorant child.
That night, her elder brother asked her about her understanding of love. She lowered her head and tremblingly said, "I don't know."
However, her subsequent words made him look at her with new eyes.
Ling Xue said, "It's easy to die for love, but it's hard to live alone. The City Lord bravely survived for Princess Yingying, managing Sifang City and serving his parents. His longing for them never diminishes, and his love for them is even deeper. In comparison, Ling Xue's love for them is not even one-tenth of what the City Lord has. Ling Xue only wants to win her eldest brother's heart, but she has never given anything for him. This kind of love, perhaps, cannot be called love at all. That's why Ling Xue said that she really doesn't understand what love is."
His eyes moistened. Whether this inexplicable feeling of emotion was due to the words themselves or because she mentioned Yingying, he couldn't tell. But he certainly hadn't expected Lingxue to be such a sensible girl.
"No, Lingxue, you already understand what love is." said the eldest brother.
Ling Xue wiped away her tears and said with a smile, "Yes. City Lord, Big Brother, from now on I won't cry anymore. Thank you, really."
He looked at her eyes which suddenly became strong and felt awe in his heart.
The eldest brother said that she had understood what love was, and he agreed with this.
She already understood it, but she didn't know it herself.
(six)
Life does not lose its meaning because of the loss of love.
Honestly, she was reluctant to leave her adoptive mother Yuzhu. She hadn't completely let go of her feelings for her eldest brother, and she hadn't yet repaid everyone's kindness to her. So, she decided not to leave.
She moved out of the villa and went to Bodhi Garden.
So what if they look alike? One's body and hair are inherited from one's parents, and that cannot be changed. Yuzhu's adoptive mother is gentle and kind, and this rare mother-daughter bond is a gift from her biological parents. On reflection, there's nothing wrong with that.
She and her stepmother fasted and chanted Buddhist scriptures, praying that the Buddha would bless everyone with safety and health. She prayed that she could completely let go of her obsession with her eldest brother and that one day she would be able to experience the willingness of love.
One day, an idea suddenly occurred to her: no matter how similar they looked, she was not Ouyang Yingying.
She was just Ling Xue, who looked a lot like Yingying. She wasn't Ouyang Yingying, nor was she her shadow. She was a living person, completely different from Yingying. No one really thought of her as Yingying; they were just emotionally moved by the scene. They had their own vulnerabilities.
Yes, she is just Qiao Lingxue.
This answer made her burst into tears again.
Ling Xue's change was beyond his expectations.
She no longer hung around her elder brother all day long. She began to help him take care of his parents-in-law. She even took care of Leng Yue together with Shangguan Yan.
"Leng Yue is a good person. Big brother didn't love the wrong person." she said.
That ignorant little girl seemed to have grown up overnight.
One day, he went to visit his father-in-law, and Ling Xue was clapping and singing with his father-in-law.
"Lingxue, thank you." he said.
"Stinky tofu, how come you don't even recognize Yingying? Do you have another woman?" The father-in-law frowned unhappily.
She shook her father-in-law's arm and said coquettishly, "Stinky Tofu only loves Yingying, Daddy, don't let your imagination run wild."
He stood there in a daze, with mixed feelings in his heart.
On the way back to the palace, she said, "Father has always treated me as Yingying. Can the City Lord please promise Ling Xue not to expose this lie?"
"But this is too unfair to you."
She shook her head: "I'm not wronged. Ling Xue just wants everyone to be happy. Even if I can only be Princess Yingying's shadow for the rest of my life, I have no regrets."
In the past, she was most reluctant to mention Yingying. But every time he saw her, he couldn't help but connect her with Yingying. Now, she said she had no regrets being Yingying's shadow, but he saw a life completely different from Yingying's.
"City Lord, Princess Yingying certainly doesn't want to see you unhappy, right?" she asked.
He nodded.
"So, the city lord should be happy, because only when the city lord is happy can he make Princess Yingying in heaven happy, huh?" She smiled mischievously.
He tried to calm himself down. After a long moment, he smiled brightly and said firmly, "I will. Thank you, Lingxue."
Maybe she is not very clear about her feelings, but he is no longer young and he understands it better than anyone else.
But he is not a lucky star, but a disaster star.
Therefore, he didn't want to say anything more to her. He continued to be polite and respectful to her.
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