Struggling Heart
Chou Doufu kept wiping Ling Xue's face and hands with a towel. Ling Xue, who had a high fever, groaned from time to time because of the pain in her wounds. In addition, she had nightmares one after another and kept talking in her sleep.
"City Lord, be careful... Don't let anything happen to you... It won't happen... Yingying will protect you... Lingxue will too... Don't..."
Chou Doufu's tears had already burst out. He covered his mouth and tried to restrain himself, crying out in his heart: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's all my fault! I'm not a lucky star, I'm your disaster star..."
Stinky Tofu wiped away his tears and held Ling Xue's hand in his, recalling every detail of their acquaintance. Unlike Ying Ying, Ling Xue was a subtle woman, leaving Stinky Tofu with only scattered memories.
"I really don't know why big brother likes Leng Yue." Ling Xue said with a pout.
"Ling Xue really doesn't understand what love is." Ling Xue said with her head down.
"Ling Xue only wishes everyone to be happy. Even if I have to be Princess Yingying's shadow for the rest of my life, Ling Xue will have no regrets." Ling Xue said sincerely.
"City Lord, Princess Yingying would definitely not want to see you unhappy, right?" Ling Xue said understandingly.
"So, the city lord should be happier, because only when the city lord is happy can he make Princess Yingying in heaven happy, huh?" Ling Xue said mischievously.
Every word and every sentence brought him to tears.
As humans, we are not plants or trees, so who can be heartless? Yingying holds a unique place in Chou Doufu's heart, but that doesn't mean he will ever lose the right to love and be loved. Especially when there is a woman like this who loves him without regrets, silently dedicates herself to him, and is even willing to sacrifice her own life for him, how can he be completely indifferent?
In the past, Ling Xue desperately longed for love and attention. She always hoped for someone to rely on for her whole life, and for the person she loved, she was filled with grief, jealousy, and anxiety. But at some point, the jealous, anxious Ling Xue quietly grew up. She carefully put in her hard work and devoted her heart. Knowing that he loved Yingying, she willingly became Yingying's shadow, no longer confiding her feelings to Chou Doufu, nor did she talk about love or hate. Everything she said and did was simply to share his worries and make him happy.
She said that this was what she should do. But Chou Doufu knew in her heart that this was not the case at all.
"Actually, how could I not know your heart? Although you don't say it, I'm not stupid, I understand everything in my heart. But I'm really scared. How many people have lost their families because of me, and how many people have been injured or even killed because of me. I am an ominous person. I can't even protect Yingying. I watched her die for me. I am really useless... I'm so scared..." Chou Doufu's voice was full of desolation, and this desolation came from the bones.
It's not that Chou Doufu doesn't love, but rather that he doesn't dare to love. He doesn't want anyone around him to be hurt in the slightest. Yingying's death tore him apart and made him close his heart. He dared not even think about the word "love," let alone talk about it, fearing that someone else would be hurt again, or even die like Yingying.
However, when it comes to matters of the heart, how can reason alone determine the outcome? He and Ling Xue treated each other with respect, neither daring to cross the line. He had thought that as long as they weren't together, she wouldn't be implicated, but he never imagined that Ling Xue would become what she is now, just for him.
"City Lord..." Ling Xue frowned and called him with difficulty.
"Lingxue, I'm here." Chou Doufu grabbed Lingxue's hand and said.
Ling Xue slowly opened her eyes and forced a smile. Stinky Tofu frowned, his eyes filled with heartache.
"I'm very happy." Ling Xue said, "Sister Yingying can protect the city lord, and Ling Xue can too."
Stinky Tofu's tears dripped onto the back of Ling Xue's hand. He trembled and said, "Ling Xue, stop talking. It's all my fault."
"City Lord, are your tears shed for me?" Ling Xue asked.
Stinky Tofu struggled to control his emotions and nodded repeatedly.
Ling Xue smiled happily: "That's great, the mayor is crying because of me."
Stinky Tofu wiped her tears and said gently, "Lingxue, stop talking and have a good rest."
Ling Xue shook her head gently: "I'm afraid if I don't say it now, I won't have the chance to say it again."
"No, no," said Stinky Tofu, "Brother said your injury will heal in a few days. You will be fine."
Ling Xue ignored Chou Doufu's words and continued, "I'm very happy to die for the City Lord."
"I'm very happy to die for you."----Yingying once said the same thing.
"What nonsense are you talking about? You won't die. Big brother has saved your life. You will be fine." Chou Doufu smiled and said softly.
"City Lord, I want to hear the story between you and Sister Yingying. Can you tell it to me?" Ling Xue asked.
"Okay, I'll tell you when your injury is healed," said Chou Doufu.
"I want to listen now." Ling Xue insisted.
Stinky Tofu wiped away her tears, nodded, and said, "Okay, I'll tell you. Yingying and I met when we were chasing a flower thief. At that time..."
Ling Xue drifted off to sleep while listening to the story. Chou Doufu tucked her in, looking at Ling Xue's pale face. He suddenly felt a strong urge to touch her. But before his fingertips could even touch Ling Xue's face, he pulled his outstretched hand back.
"No, I can't do that." Stinky Tofu sighed.
There were thunder and lightning and heavy rain.
When Leng Yue first appeared, it was also in this weather and on this night. However, my mood back then was completely different from now.
At that time, Leng Yue was excited, but now Leng Yue's heart is full of helplessness. In the past few months, she has experienced too much helplessness.
Leng Yue was actually very afraid of this kind of lightning and thunder, especially the white lightning, accompanied by the terrifying thunder, which seemed to split the sky and the earth apart. A few months ago, on a night just like this, she had stayed with Mingri all night. The lightning, as bright as daylight, not only did not frighten her, but instead made her feel extremely happy. Under the silver-white light, Mingri's gentle and delicate face became even more charming.
And now, they were all stuck in Chunfengdeyi Palace, Bantianyue was in power, and the palace had fallen. All of this was caused by Lengyue. If she had withdrawn earlier, perhaps none of this would have happened. If she hadn't been so obsessed with the young master, if her desire to die had been stronger, her farewell more resolute, perhaps the incident with Shi Qiuyan wouldn't have happened, and there wouldn't be a Bantianyue today.
But now, it was too late. Even if she died now, at most, Shi Qiuyan would be gone. The Divine Moon Cult had become a powerful force, the imperial palace had been lost, and Ban Tianyue had already cultivated the indestructible body of the Golden Buddha. Since the ice didn't freeze overnight, how could we rush to thaw it?
So she was anxious and angry, but she couldn't panic.
To convince Shi Qiuyan to leave the Shenyue Cult, she had to first resolve the emotional entanglement between them. Leng Yue had been working on this for over a month, unwilling to do so because it was too painful. She hated him, but she didn't want to forgive him, neither herself nor him. She was accustomed to criticism, to self-blame, and to the pain she felt at the mere thought of this. For a long time, this had been a part of her life, and a crucial part of her love life.
“No one wants to do something that is not good for themselves. Behind everything, there are some benefits, and the same is true for pain.”
She needed this pain; it was a strange kind of protection. With this criticism, this pain, she could avoid looking for a new boyfriend, avoid hurting others, and even prevent herself from suffering the same hurt again. So, all along, she was unwilling to lose this issue. She truly didn't want to forgive, didn't want to condone, and even less did she want to say goodbye. She didn't want to let this matter go, because he was her first love and the only boyfriend she had ever had.
But now, she fell in love with tomorrow. Not a maybe, but a definite, unwavering love.
Then, Shi Qiuyan naturally jumped out. How could he not jump out? Shi Qiuyan was the only shadow in Leng Yue's emotional world.
If you want to escape, you can't escape. If you want to love someone completely, you must first say goodbye to that person completely. Even if that person once brought her more pain, this farewell is still painful. Because pain can become a habit, and changing habits is never easy.
----"I'm doing this for myself."
----"It's an interesting excuse, you and I both know it."
Nong Yue understood her and knew the real reason why she stayed and the real reason why she forced herself to face the past.
But if she doesn't do this, what else can she do?
Leng Yue turned back and saw Ming Ri had fallen asleep beside Ouyang Feiying's bed. She walked over, took off her coat, and put it on Ming Ri.
The rain outside was getting heavier, and the wind carried cold raindrops, wetting and messing up Lengyue's hair.
"Wild winds and heavy rains, wild winds and heavy rains, don't be complacent, it's no big deal..." This line of lyrics is probably the most appropriate to describe Leng Yue's mood at the moment.
Leng Yue smiled and let out a long breath.
What is coming will eventually come.
Rumbling thunder, heavy rain, empty room, and lonely moon.
"Poor child, can I be your mother?"
"Xing'er will always be yours."
"Today is a good day for drinking and talking." ---- "Okay, let's become drunken immortals on Yaotai."
"Sister will protect you."
Nong Yue's life was filled with few moments of tenderness. Those who had accompanied him left him one by one. Today, Chunfengdeyi Palace is a completely different place. Without Palace Master Wuyou or Xing'er, there's only him, all alone.
My brother has Shangguanyan, Mingri has Lengyue, but what does Nongyue have? Only some memories.
----"This time... when you come back..., don't think about sacrificing yourself... to protect... that person..., why not work together... and unite... hiccup!..."
"That's all? Nothing else?"
"This... is very important! You... agree to it..."
----"Sir, you are not... drunk..."
Before he finished speaking, Mingri's lips were already pressed tightly against Lengyue's lips.
----"Ha! Could it be that you like me?"
"No? Huh?" Nong Yue handed the jade hairpin to Leng Yue.
"Thinking back to when you gave the poisoned red fragrant flower to Miss Shangguan, I don't think you had any feelings for her. Similarly, giving me flowers doesn't mean you have any feelings for me."
"Why did this happen? If all this is a story, why did the person who wrote it kill my entire family? Why did he arrange such a miserable life for me? Why did Nong Yue's life have to be manipulated like this? Why?"
"Since everything has happened, there's no point in thinking too much. I shouldn't have said this to you and made you sad. I'm sorry. It's all my fault, it's all my fault. Good brother, don't scare me, don't do anything stupid, promise me, okay?"
Leng Yue patted Nong Yue's back gently: "Good brother, I'm here. I will protect you. You and your brother will never be hurt again. Good brother, don't be sad, okay?"
"You're just saying this to try to match me up with Mingri. Actually, I think you and Sai Huatuo are a good match."
"Nong Yue doesn't have any male or female preferences."
"In fact, the friendship between men is sometimes more precious than the relationship between men and women."
"Sister, please don't make fun of me, otherwise, Nong Yue won't help you."
"Nong Yue, you are incredibly intelligent, but your inconsiderate nature is what's most worrying. Now that you're the master of Chunfengdeyi Palace, the City Lord and all the seniors are here. If you have any ideas, you must consult with them. We can't afford to lose. Unless you're absolutely sure of victory, you must not act rashly. This is both a matter of self-preservation and a strategic consideration, and it's also about the overall situation."
Nong Yue came back to her senses from the past, with a beautiful curve at the corner of her mouth, as cool as usual.
"What else can I not be satisfied with? Warmth, just a little bit is enough."
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