—What am I doing here?
When Shi Meng barely received the message, he also asked himself the same question.
His consciousness was shaken out of his body and shattered into pieces, and he couldn't find it back for a while. He only managed to grasp an important keyword through his instinct for self-preservation.
"Terminate...the contract." His voice trembled as Shi Meng mechanically repeated, "Terminate the contract? What does that mean?"
After several seconds of silence, Fu Xuanliao finally spoke: "Shi Meng, we..."
"Xiao Meng is back?" Li Bihan suddenly spoke from inside the house. "That's perfect, come in and let's talk."
Shi Meng couldn't remember how he went in or how he sat down. He also seemed unable to understand the conversations of his elders, or perhaps he heard them but didn't internalize them.
Because guests were visiting, Li Bihan changed into a more formal dress. Shi Sihui was also there. The mother and daughter stood close together, always smiling, as if they were talking about something trivial.
In the latter half, fragmented phrases such as "cooperation as usual," "share transfer," and "no hurt feelings" gradually seeped into Shi Meng's slowly awakening consciousness, but he resisted interpreting them and only found them noisy.
The only thing he cared about was what Fu Xuanliao had just tried to say.
Let's...let's be together.
Impossible. If you want to be together, why break the contract?
Let's break up.
It's even more ridiculous. They were never together, so how could they have broken up?
“Look at us, we’ve been making arrangements here for ages and haven’t even asked the children for their opinions.”
Seeing that they had reached a pleasant discussion and were getting along well, Li Bihan smiled and brought up a new topic, seemingly intending to end the conversation.
Among the elders present, only Shi Huaiyi seemed somewhat hesitant. Not wanting to say too much in front of so many people, he took the opportunity to hand over the speaking power to the younger generation and asked Fu Xuanliao, "Little Fu, did you propose terminating the contract?"
After a brief pause, Shi Meng heard Fu Xuanliao reply, "Yes."
"Have you told Xiaomeng about this?"
"not yet."
"That……"
I disagree.
A voice interrupted their conversation. Shi Meng had clearly not inherited Shi Huaiyi's mild-mannered caution; even his interruption was so inappropriate.
At the critical moment, Shi Meng finally regained his senses, raised his eyes and scanned the people in the room. Some were watching coldly, some were gloating, but no one was helping him.
Finally, his gaze fell directly on Fu Xuanliao, and Shi Meng said, "I do not agree to terminate the contract."
He appeared calm and collected, but Shi Meng was merely putting on a brave face, trying his best not to show any fear as he fought alone.
When everyone sat around the dining table to eat, they remained silent, allowing Shi Meng to finally catch his breath and relax his tense nerves.
He had already used all his strength, and now his hand holding the chopsticks was trembling uncontrollably. Several times, he dropped food on the table, picked it up with his hand, and then wiped his hand clean with a napkin.
Shi Meng didn't want to be looked down upon, so he put on an indestructible mask, telling himself—this is to defend my legitimate rights.
So when the Fu family was about to leave after the meal, he naturally said to Fu Xuanliao, "It's Saturday today, you can't leave."
Shi Sihui was the first to stand up and scolded, "Xiao Meng, don't be so insensible."
Then Li Bihan said, "Back then, you were the one throwing a tantrum and insisting that your dad sign this contract for you. Four years have passed, and you should have grown up by now."
“I’m not a child,” Shi Meng said. “The contract hasn’t been terminated yet, Fu Xuanliao can’t leave.”
The scene was at a standstill for a moment, with Fu Qiming looking sullen and Jiang Rong looking helpless.
The decision was returned to Shi Huaiyi. Not wanting to offend either side, he thought long and hard and came up with a compromise: let Fu Xuanliao stay at the Shi family home for the night and have a good talk with Shi Meng.
"Things will always be resolved." Shi Huaiyi patted Fu Xuanliao on the shoulder. "You two are both adults now, don't always make your parents worry."
Fu Xuanliao was forced to stay.
After watching the car carrying his parents leave, he stood on the porch for a long time.
There was a time when he was reluctant to go upstairs to meet Shi Meng face to face, and he would use this opportunity every Saturday night to delay, as long as he could. Now, he has rediscovered some of that feeling from back then.
For a whole week, he spent all his time outside of work thinking about this, wondering how to tell Shi Meng.
After more than four years of getting along, he could anticipate Shi Meng's reaction, but when he opened the door and met Shi Meng's eyes in the afternoon, he was inexplicably lost and helpless, as if all his preparations had been wasted and he had completely forgotten how to deal with it.
In those clear eyes, there was astonishment, panic, and a sense of loss and sorrow he had never seen before.
Fu Xuanliao thought, "So Shi Meng can be sad too. It's ridiculous that such a cruel and vicious person could have such a vulnerable and helpless side."
Although he forced a smile, he didn't actually laugh.
On my way upstairs, I ran into the aunt coming out of the living room. She was carrying a winnowing basket containing a bunch of roses with withered petals and broken petals.
Fu Xuanliao realized that Shi Meng had brought the flowers back, and it was obvious who he intended to give them to.
"Young Master Fu."
The aunt, who was over fifty years old, had called him that since he was a child. Seeing him staring at the flowers in the winnowing basket in a daze, she stopped and looked down in the direction of his gaze, sighing, "What a pity, such a beautiful bouquet of flowers."
Fu Xuanliao sensed a hidden meaning in the aunt's words.
I forget which year it was, probably not long after that humiliating contract was signed, the housekeeper passed by him standing on the porch, passively resisting, while cleaning the house, and earnestly advised him: "The second young master is just not good at expressing himself and is using the wrong methods. Young Master Fu might as well try to treat him better, and he will definitely treat you better in return."
Fu Xuanliao couldn't recall his feelings at the time, but he imagined that half of it was incomprehension, and the other half was uncontrollable rage.
Looking back now, his aunt was at least half right, but he didn't want to verify the other half, nor was there any need to.
The coldest days of the year in Fengcheng during the depths of winter.
Pushing open the door and entering the room, which was filled with a chill, Fu Xuanliao was immediately enveloped by the warm air. He saw Shi Meng squatting in the corner by the bed, teasing the cat that had poked its head out of its carrier.
Shi Meng's hair was very short, as if he had just had it trimmed recently. Hearing the door open, he didn't look up, seemingly immersed in his own world, as if nothing had happened.
The silence was unsettling.
Fu Xuanliao stepped forward and casually asked, "Where did this cat come from?"
I thought Shi Meng wouldn't answer, but to my surprise, he frowned slightly, as if annoyed at being interrupted, but still answered, "My mother raised him."
He gently scratched the black and white cat's head with his slender fingers, and after a while, he said, "She's going out and asked me to help take care of her."
Unlike others, Shi Meng's abnormalities were always silent, so Fu Xuanliao did not let his guard down. After grunting "hmm," he stood still and continued to wait passively.
It didn't take long.
Picking up the chubby cat, placing it on her lap, and sitting down on the edge of the bed, Shi Meng introduced it, saying, "Its name is Mu Mu."
He rarely spoke in a continuous long passage. He paused for a few seconds before continuing, "The 'Mu' in 'Shi Mu' is the same as the 'Mu' in 'wood'."
He rarely mentioned Shi Mu's name, so even when he spoke of it calmly, there was a hidden sense of suspense.
As expected, the calm was just an illusion; the moment the storm that was hidden beneath was unleashed, it was destined that no one could escape unscathed.
But at this moment, Fu Xuanliao suddenly felt a sense of detachment, as if he had been liberated, and his whole body felt empty.
Fu Xuanliao exhaled, intending to say that they should part amicably, but then he thought that the word "part" seemed irrelevant to the two of them, so what came out was: "Shi Meng, let's end it here."
Finally hearing the complete words he had missed earlier, Shi Meng was stunned.
He looked up at Fu Xuanliao, as if to confirm whether those words had come from his mouth.
Then he quickly lowered his head, as if trying to avoid the question, and stroked the cat's back fur repeatedly: "So, will you come again next Saturday?"
Fu Xuanliao remained silent.
Receiving no response, Shi Meng grew anxious, his hands tightening uncontrollably, his breathing quickening. The cat, which had just become familiar with him, sensed something was wrong with the person holding it and jumped off him.
Her hands suddenly felt empty, as if she were grasping only a wisp of weightless air. Shi Meng hurriedly asked, "Will you still come here on Saturdays from now on?"
The second hand of the clock ticked forward silently, and Fu Xuanliao responded with silence.
A lingering fear of being unable to grasp something slowly surged up, and Shi Meng stood up, but her heart continued to sink.
"Then, let's not go out. Let's stay home." Shi Meng stammered as she tried her best to express herself, "Next Saturday, and every Saturday after that, will you come over again?"
Fu Xuanliao remained silent.
Shi Meng didn't understand what was going on. Only now did he begin to think back and look for the reason, but the reason came out of nowhere. How could he find it just by looking for it?
Just a few days ago, he and Fu Xuanliao were doing well. They kissed, made love, and went on vacation like any ordinary couple. Fu Xuanliao even gave him a gift.
Oh, and a gift!
Shi Meng touched the sapphire necklace on her left wrist and yanked it off abruptly: "This isn't for me, I don't want it."
He grabbed Fu Xuanliao's hand and stuffed the necklace into his palm, both to keep him there and to protect himself: "It's not for me, take it away. I don't want this, I only want..."
Before she could even utter the word "you," she was shoved hard, stumbled back two steps, and fell back onto the bed.
Fu Xuanliao became irritated by Shi Meng's incomprehensible behavior. Even though he couldn't deny that he was stung by Shi Meng's gaze, and for a moment he even had the thought of wavering.
Fortunately, reason prevailed, and the promises he had made became a constraint, preventing him from straying further. Fu Xuanliao clenched his fists, refusing to take the bait, and frantically used his arm to push away the persistent person: "Shi Meng, don't go crazy."
In the instant he was pushed away, Shi Meng suddenly remembered that Fu Xuanliao had said the same thing to him in the dimly lit backstage room of the hotel auction.
Don't be crazy.
And also—what isn't yours will never belong to you.
So that's how it is.
But if it doesn't belong to me, then to whom does it belong?
The clock ticked away, its fingers swiping back to the starting point. Four years and five months ago, a contract in black and white, an absurd agreement—the end of a one-man show, the beginning of a story. All the beautiful expectations he had placed upon it were, for Fu Xuanliao, just the start of a nightmare.
It turns out that from the beginning to the end, he hated me, loathed me, and never liked me.
Blood vessels crisscrossed in her eyes. Shi Meng opened her eyes wide and clenched her teeth, enduring the pain with a ferocious expression, refusing to let herself shed a tear.
“If, if I were Shi Mu, wouldn’t,” Shi Meng gasped for breath, “wouldn’t I…”
As soon as he said it, Shi Meng realized that the hypothesis was meaningless.
And this time, Fu Xuanliao answered him: "You are Shi Meng."
Yes, he was already stunned, already in pain, already riddled with wounds.
Nobody likes it anymore.
Shi Meng propped himself up on his arms and sat up, then stood up.
He walked to the bedside, entered the password, opened the drawer, and took out a stack of A4 papers.
It was a contract they signed four years ago.
Fu Xuanliao looked at him, thinking he had been persuaded. The vague regret in his heart was overwhelmed by relief, so much so that he ignored the emptiness that followed.
However, Shi Meng walked over, flipped to one of the pages of the contract that Fu Xuanliao had been dreaming of destroying, pointed to the date on it, and held it up in front of him as if afraid he wouldn't be able to see it clearly.
"Ten years," Shi Meng said. "Fu Xuanliao, we made a promise."
Her fingertips trembled so badly that she could barely hold a few thin pages of paper, but Shi Meng forced herself to stay awake and even managed to force out what she thought was a proper smile.
He smiled at Fu Xuanliao, intending to tell him "I'm not afraid at all" and "I'm fine".
Even though he looks shaky and could fall over with a gust of wind.
"Ten years, three thousand six hundred and fifty days." Following the time limit in the contract, Shi Meng smiled, but coldly announced, "Not a single day less."
No one was willing to make a promise to Shi Meng; he had to fight tooth and nail to get even a simple agreement.
So call him crazy or laugh at his obsession, he can give up everything else, but he must hold on tightly to Fu Xuanliao.
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