In the end, Fu Xuanliao managed to knock on the door as he had hoped.
It was dinner time, and Li Bihan had prepared a table full of dishes. In the past, there were many rules in the Shi family, and no one dared to make a sound at the dinner table. Now that there was nothing to do, Fu Xuanliao praised the dishes extensively, from their appearance to their taste and nutritional balance, making even someone as composed as Li Bihan smile broadly.
"You can smell the aroma of this fish even from outside. It's not as fresh as the fish my mom makes."
“Be careful, or I’ll tell your mother,” Li Bihan said.
“I’m telling the truth.” Fu Xuanliao used serving chopsticks to put a piece of fish belly meat on Shi Meng’s plate. “If you don’t believe me, ask him.”
Shi Meng was a quiet person, no matter where he was. He couldn't do two things at once when he was painting, and he couldn't do two things at once when he was eating. He was inexplicably dragged into this flattery and blankly said "hmm". Fu Xuanliao took it as his approval and said, "See, I told you so."
Li Bihan was already in a good mood, and after a meal, she was surrounded by two younger relatives praising her, which made her even happier. She couldn't stop during dinner and went into the kitchen to research desserts.
Shi Meng went to paint and wouldn't let anyone watch. Fu Xuanliao sat on the sofa to rest, feeling bored. Half an hour later, Li Bihan came out of the kitchen and saw him leaning against the sofa, asleep.
Shi Meng hesitated whether to wake him up, but Li Bihan said softly, "He must be exhausted from all the running around these past two days. Let him sleep for a while."
"What did he go to do?" Shi Meng asked.
Li Bihan shook her head: "He didn't say anything before he left. It's probably something to do at home. He hasn't been to work for a long time."
Shi Meng understood after a moment's thought; after all, not everyone can work from home like him.
Worried that Fu Xuanliao might catch a cold while sleeping like that, Shi Meng picked up a quilt from the side and covered him with it. As she covered him, her fingers touched his chin, and the unusual heat made Shi Meng pause in surprise.
Seeing him lost in thought, Li Bihan asked, "What's wrong?"
Shi Meng flattened her palm and placed it on Fu Xuanliao's forehead, then touched her own forehead and looked confused after comparing them: "He has a fever again."
Fu Xuanliao has always prided himself on his strong physique. Apart from a chronic respiratory ailment, he rarely even catches a cold. Now, he has been running a fever for a short period of time, making him look like a weak child. He is quite embarrassed.
Shi Meng shook him awake and said she would take him to the hospital, but he resolutely refused to go.
Fortunately, he had fever reducers at home, which he swallowed with hot water. After putting down the cup, Fu Xuanliao saw Shi Meng sitting next to him, looking at him, and asked, "Do you want to go lie down on the bed?"
Fu Xuanliao was determined to go.
Shi Meng arranged for the patient to stay in his own room and came to take his temperature every half hour, treating Fu Xuanliao like a child.
Although Fu Xuanliao did not intentionally make himself sick, he still appreciated being taken care of like this.
However, Shi Meng is sometimes too serious; if he wants to know something, he has to get to the bottom of it.
"Did you go to work the other day?" Shi Meng asked.
Fu Xuanliao didn't want Shi Meng to know where he had gone, so he vaguely replied, "Yes."
"Your father sent you?"
"Um."
"He didn't know you were sick?"
"...You probably don't know."
Don't you know it yourself?
"I've been a bit busy these past couple of days, I didn't expect..."
I never expected that getting caught in the rain and catching a chill would cause a fever, or that excessive fatigue leading to a weakened immune system would also cause one.
To this, Meng said, "You're not a child anymore, and I don't need you to always revolve around me."
Fu Xuanliao's heart skipped a beat, thinking that Shi Meng had taken this as a "self-inflicted injury" ruse.
"I don't……"
However, before he could finish speaking, Shi Meng stood up and left.
She was furious and even took the untouched dessert with her.
When they got downstairs, Li Bihan was still knitting, not asleep yet. Seeing the bowl Shi Mo was holding, she asked, "Isn't he eating?"
Shi Meng shook his head: "Don't give it to him."
Li Bihan was taken aback at first, then laughed: "Are you having a tiff?"
Shi Meng shook his head again.
"So that means... feeling sorry for him?"
Shi Meng neither shook his head nor nodded.
Li Bihan gestured to the single sofa for Shi Meng to sit on, then brewed two cups of flower tea and brought them over. The steaming tea created a warm and inviting atmosphere for conversation.
He had expected Li Bihan to ask about his relationship with Fu Xuanliao, but instead she asked, "Are you planning to stay here from now on, or do you have other plans?"
Shi Meng paused for a moment, then answered truthfully, "I haven't thought about it."
"It's alright, there's no rush," Li Bihan said gently. "Let's make a hypothetical scenario: if I, or Xuan Liao, wanted you to return to Fengcheng, would you agree?"
For a long time after he finished speaking, Shi Meng couldn't answer.
Li Bihan had anticipated this, and she said with a smile, "It is precisely because we know you are hesitant and that you have a knot in your heart that we will not force you to make a choice, but instead come here to accompany you."
“But I don’t want you to be like this.” Shi Meng struggled for a long time before saying, “You will get sick, you will suffer… you will be unhappy.”
He was used to being mistreated and ignored, and he could never calmly accept this.
He even felt that their being together should be painful and unfortunate.
Li Bihan asked him, "When you love him, do you suffer?"
Shi Meng nodded.
"Does it feel sweet?"
Shi Meng thought for a moment and then nodded.
“That’s right,” Li Bihan said with a smile. “You will feel pain, even more pain than sweetness, but you will still be willing to endure the pain for that little bit of sweetness.”
“You’ve been through all of this; we’re the same.”
They are all sticking to what they believe is right, feeling guilty, making amends, and giving love and care.
Those caught in the whirlpool of emotions cannot escape this kind of pain; the important thing is whether the little bit of sweetness gained in return is worth it.
When Meng looked up, he realized that the gentle and beautiful woman in front of him had her eyes filled with tears again.
“Everyone outside laughs at me, saying that I raised Shi Huaiyi’s mistress’s son for twenty years, but ignored my own son who was my own flesh and blood. I have regretted it and resisted it passively, but the facts have proved that I am still lucky.”
Li Bihan neither flinched nor dodged, but looked straight at him. "At least I've seen their true colors and no longer harbor any illusions. At least I've acknowledged you, and I have many years to treat you well in the future."
"Whether you are fortunate or unfortunate is not determined by fate, but by yourself."
Since childhood, people have told Shi Meng that he deserves to be an illegitimate child who cannot be seen in the light of day, and deserves to be hated by everyone. This is the first time that someone has told him that no one or no relationship is born destined to be unhappy.
Shi Meng remained silent for a long time, so long that the half-cup of flower tea on the table had gone cold, before finally speaking, "Then, what about Shi Mu?"
He had many questions in mind—did you still love him? Did you miss him? Did you come to me because you lost him, or to fill the void in your heart?
My thoughts were too jumbled up, and all that came out of my mouth was a single name.
Fortunately, Li Bihan understood him and immediately said, "If he didn't know about that, he would still be my child. But he clearly knew, and was fully aware of the possible consequences, yet he still chose to hide it and even used me to achieve his sinister goals."
It's about stealing the painting and framing someone. Mentioning her dark past, Li Bihan took a deep breath: "From the moment he decided to lie to me, he was no longer my child."
She spoke of it casually, but Shi Meng couldn't imagine how much strength and courage it would take to go from accepting it to completing such a momentous psychological transformation.
She even sent her daughter to prison for him.
Shi Meng lowered her eyes and said softly, "It's okay if it's not like this...".
He admitted that he had hated Shi Mu, but whenever he thought that the man was dead, the hatred suddenly became very light, and then slowly floated up, turning into a piece of duckweed with nowhere to land.
So he didn't mind that Li Bihan still cared about them; it was only natural, and he should learn to see things in a normal way. Even though he was actually someone who was used to lacking things, and always wanted something unique, he didn't care.
But Li Bihan said, "What should I do? You're my only child now."
She saw his kind nature, which made her feel gratified and, moreover, a sense of expected joy.
“I will always follow you from now on and will still call you baby. Baby, it’s time to eat. Baby, you draw so well... I’ll keep calling you baby and make up for all the times I was missing before.”
Li Bihan pulled Shi Meng's hand over and held it in her soft palm, while her other hand caressed his cheek.
Gently, trembling, it was the first time we had been so close since we parted on the day we were born.
She spoke through the lens of motherhood, and from the bottom of her heart: "My baby, how can you be so beautiful and so cute?"
Seeing her tears, Shi Meng was at a loss and in her panic called out "Mom".
Her smile was equally genuine. Li Bihan curved her lips and replied in a hoarse voice, "Yes, Mom is here."
The night always passes quickly when you're asleep. When Fu Xuanliao opened his eyes and saw the sky just beginning to lighten, it took him a while to realize where he was.
His skin wasn't as hot anymore, and his dizziness had eased. Fu Xuanliao sat up to get some water, and when he turned his head, he saw a furry head lying on the side of the bed.
Shi Meng's hair had grown a bit longer, perhaps due to his improper sleeping posture, with a few soft, wispy strands sticking up on his head. Fu Xuanliao couldn't help but reach out to press it down, but it would stand up again. Pressing it down again didn't change anything, just like Shi Meng himself—stubborn and with his own temper.
After being disturbed like this, the light sleeper slowly woke up. When her sleepy eyes met her smiling eyes, Shi Meng was stunned for a moment, and then said "Oh" as if to confirm, "You're awake."
Fu Xuanliao was amused by his serious-looking foolishness and laughed out loud until he coughed and gasped for breath. He immediately received a blindfolded dagger as a reward.
After drinking water and catching his breath, Shi Meng asked, "Are you still feeling unwell?"
Still feeling a bit sore and weak, Fu Xuanliao attributed his fever to the fact that he had gone back to the company yesterday amidst his busy schedule and had been forced by his father to handle work, which had taken a toll on his energy. Leaning back against the headboard, he sighed, "I won't die."
Shi Meng remembered these three words; Fu Xuanliao had said the same thing when he had a fever last time.
He almost fainted later.
Therefore, Meng was extra vigilant and took Fu Xuanliao's temperature with a thermometer. She even squeezed a wet towel and put it on Fu Xuanliao's forehead, just like in TV dramas.
As soon as she finished doing all that and straightened up, Fu Xuanliao grabbed her wrist.
"Sleep a little longer." Fu Xuanliao pulled him down to sit, then moved to the side himself. "Just keep me company."
Meng realized something was off about the logic of "sleeping together" when he was already on the soft bed, lying side by side with Fu Xuanliao.
It was another early morning, and a sliver of light peeked through the gap in the curtains as the air flowed quietly.
Fu Xuanliao, however, insisted on breaking the silence, asking, "Are you still angry?"
Shi Meng looked at the ceiling: "I'm not angry."
"Then... can I still pursue you?"
"We'll talk about it when you're better."
Thinking of his earlier remark, "Let's talk after you knock," Fu Xuanliao chuckled: "You've gone astray. Did that brat next door teach you that?"
Shi Meng said, "No."
"Alright," Fu Xuanliao said, "Spare his life."
After a while, Shi Meng spoke up: "I also have something to ask you."
Fu Xuanliao wasn't sleepy to begin with, and upon hearing this, he perked up even more: "Go ahead and ask."
Having finally waited for Shi Meng to take the initiative, Fu Xuanliao simulated many possibilities in a very short time, including but not limited to the matter of seizing shares back then, the matter of "Flame", and everything about Shi Mu.
To his surprise, Shi Meng waited anxiously for a long time, his heart pounding like a drum, swallowing hard several times, but Shi Meng didn't ask a single question.
Just as he thought Shi Meng was asleep and breathed a sigh of relief, his hand under the blanket was about to steal a touch of Shi Meng's hand when Shi Meng suddenly moved, turned over, and faced Fu Xuanliao.
As if after a long period of thought, Shi Meng finally made the decision to be honest and face it head-on, looking directly into Fu Xuanliao's eyes: "Last year on my birthday, I made three wishes."
This beginning was completely unexpected. When Fu Xuanliao recalled that time, the clearest image he had was of Shi Meng waiting for him in the rain. And he, because of his unreasonable competitiveness and the guilt that bound him to himself, hadn't even prepared a cake for Shi Meng.
But Shi Meng still made three wishes: for the ice cream at the amusement park, for the instant noodles in the bowl, or for the sudden and fleeting downpour.
Firstly—
"I hope Fu Xuanliao will stop hating me."
Second—
"I hope Fu Xuanliao can love me."
Thirdly—
"I hope Fu Xuanliao can love me the way he loves Shi Mu."
The same beginning, and even the same meaning of the three wishes, are all expressions of Shi Meng's wholehearted love for Fu Xuanliao.
People say that the one who falls in love first loses. In Shimeng, this means that to love is to abandon one's self-respect, throw oneself to the ground, and let others trample on one's flesh.
Last night, encouraged by Li Bihan, she said, "Why don't you ask him about the things that bother you?"
After much deliberation, Shi Meng resorted to the most shameful and foolish method: laying bare the past before Fu Xuanliao, bones and skin intact, and telling him that he was beyond redemption and could not forgive the past.
Even though I've died once, love still feels exclusive to me. The more I give my heart, the less I can tolerate any imperfections.
While others were on edge and saw threats everywhere, Shi Meng, who had struggled with jealousy for years, just wanted to know whether Fu Xuanliao was looking at Shi Mu through him or had truly fallen in love with him.
It's not that he can't accept kindness from others, but he can only accept kindness from someone named Shi Meng. Any kindness mixed with other things is unacceptable.
However, Fu Xuanliao's reply to him also included "no".
Fearing that he would try to escape again, Fu Xuanliao went all out and flipped over to pin Shi Meng down, leaving him nowhere to run and forcing him to continue looking at him.
Then he answered each question one by one: "Yes, yes, no."
Upon hearing the word "no," Shi Meng's eyes widened, but the subsequent explanation brought him back to his calm.
Firstly—
I shouldn't have hated you in the first place.
Second—
"I love you."
Thirdly—
"If I had to find a point of reference, I would say that I love you more than I love my own life."
Even though he had seen the proof, Shi Meng didn't feel his shaken heart return to normal until he heard him say it himself.
Shi Meng confirmed again: "Really?"
Fu Xuanliao nodded: "It's true, I made a mistake back then, actually I've always..."
Shi Meng pressed a finger to Fu Xuanliao's lips, and the rest of his words fell silent. It was as if as long as that one resolute "really" was an affirmation, he could believe anything.
"Shh—" Shi Meng yawned slightly, squeezing out half a tear, "I'm sleepy."
Like being doused with cold water at the most exciting moment, Fu Xuanliao, who had a bellyful of words left unsaid, stood there dumbfounded until Shi Meng moved his hand away, and then asked incredulously, "You...you're sleepy?"
Shi Meng, who was trapped beneath him, rolled over and silently counted to one hundred. He thought to himself that he had managed to support his arm for so long without falling down, so he must have recovered quite well.
"Hmm." But what he said was, "How long are you going to hog my bed?"
"Of course... the longer the better."
As if a self-protection mechanism had been activated, the years of pain were temporarily buried underground, covered with a layer of asphalt to prevent corrosion and moisture, so that even the heaviest rain could not seep in.
Accepting things that taste sweet, not being afraid of them getting damaged by insects, and not needing to argue.
When the arms came up from behind and wrapped around her waist, Shi Meng, who had been busy all night, was almost asleep.
He heard Fu Xuanliao's slightly mournful voice: "So what did you wish for on your birthday this year?"
Shi Meng yawned again and muttered, "I'm not telling you."
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