The person holding the umbrella in front of him suddenly trembled, as if on the verge of collapsing.
Perhaps it was an illusion, because he did not actually fall down, nor did he show any intention of retreating.
Her complexion had turned ashen; if she had looked haggard before, she now appeared withered. Fu Xuanliao tilted the umbrella slightly towards Shi Meng, his stiff lips opening and closing numbly: "Do you need to go to the restroom? I'll take you."
Shi Meng did not go.
The temperature inside and outside the car was different. After standing outside for a while, the temperature of the hot and cold mingled together, which balanced things out quite a bit.
He wanted to find a car to go to Fengcheng, and Fu Xuanliao held his umbrella over him for as long as he waited there. Several buses stopped at the service station, but none of them were going to Fengcheng, nor were any passing through.
Getting a little impatient while waiting, Shi Meng went to the platform to ask someone.
He didn't like interacting with strangers, but he had no choice; he especially didn't want to be in the same enclosed space as Fu Xuanliao.
An auntie selling oden at the entrance of the service station answered him, saying that buses going to Fengcheng almost never stop here.
"Xuncheng and Fengcheng are not far apart. Even if we need to stop along the way, we will stop at the service station in Fengcheng County."
After hearing this, I was stunned for a moment, as if I was processing the fact that I had waited for so long in vain, and then I turned around and walked out.
Before she even stepped off the stairs, a black umbrella was held over her head again, and Shi Meng heard Fu Xuanliao's very low voice: "I'll drive you there. We agreed that you'd treat me as your driver."
“If you don’t want to see me,” he then repeated, “just sit in the back seat. I won’t touch you or look back at you.”
Although this idea did not change the fact that they were living together, it gave Shi Meng some sense of security.
He didn't realize that this sense of security came from complete trust; he only thought that if he didn't have to look into each other's eyes or make contact, he wouldn't be afraid of losing control.
Shi Meng agreed, got back into the car, sat in the back seat, and told the driver the address of the pet shop.
The second half of the journey was very quiet in the car.
Fu Xuanliao turned on the stereo and switched from the Cantonese songs that Shi Meng couldn't understand to the rhythmic light music he liked.
Shi Meng occupied the entire back seat, but only huddled in a corner directly behind the driver's seat, as if he didn't want to be seen.
His method of expressing resistance has always been direct: he shuts his mouth, closes his eyes, and physically isolates himself from head to toe.
This seems perfect, but it has a significant drawback: it's easy to fall asleep while pretending to be asleep.
Fortunately, Shi Meng was easy to fall asleep and easy to wake up. She didn't know how much time had passed when she felt the car slowing down and then slowly coming to a stop. Shi Meng opened her eyes and looked out into the twilight through the front window.
A narrow alley, barely wide enough for one car to pass, is adorned with flashing neon signs of various colors; its appearance is quite familiar.
"We're here." Fu Xuanliao kept his word, without turning around, one hand still on the steering wheel. "It's just ahead."
The rain from Xuncheng reached Fengcheng, leaving only a few fine drops. When Shi Meng got off the bus, the ground wasn't even wet.
Covered in the moisture he brought from Xuncheng, Fu Xuanliao got out of the car and handed over the umbrella: "The weather forecast says that Fengcheng may also experience heavy rain."
Perhaps worried that he would follow her again, Shi Meng took the umbrella.
Fu Xuanliao did not follow, but said when Shi Meng had only taken a few steps, "Call me if you need anything." He paused, then added, "Or call my name, I'm right here."
It wasn't until he crossed the alley and entered the pet shop on the roadside that Shi Meng remembered that he had blocked Fu Xuanliao's phone number. No wonder he had to add the last sentence.
However, this made no difference to Shi Meng and was not within his consideration. He found Mu Mu, who was being fostered in a cage, and told the owner that he was there to pick up the cat.
"Your cat was originally kept with other cats in the room with the cat tree."
Following the direction the boss pointed, Shi Meng saw a glass-enclosed space in the room, inside which was a cat tree as tall as a person, and two cats of unknown breeds lazily lying on the high place.
The shop owner continued, "But your cat is too fierce. It doesn't get along with anyone and is always fighting, so we have to keep it in a cage by itself."
Meng didn't know how to respond to this. He had raised this cat for less than three months in total, and perhaps he hadn't yet figured out its true nature. At least under his watchful eye, the cat was very well-behaved and never caused him any trouble.
When the cat was brought to us, it only came in a carrier. Now it's been sent back to its hometown, which is surprisingly nice. As soon as I picked it up, it lowered its head and crawled inside to sit down.
"They can't wait to go home," the boss said with a smile.
In reality, Shi Meng intended to take it back to Xuncheng, to Jiang Xue's home. He had previously discovered that this cat shared many similarities with him, such as both being treated as substitutes and neither having a real home.
After receiving the cat, Shi Meng didn't rush out. Instead, she stayed in the pet store, wandering among the rows of shelves, selecting cat food, canned cat food, and a cat bed that felt very soft to the touch.
He deliberately delayed, so he chose to go very slowly. So slowly that when Jiang Xue drove up, she opened the door and exclaimed, "I just saw that guy's car! You didn't come back with him, did you?"
After paying the bill, the two left the pet store and found a restaurant nearby to sit down.
There were many customers at mealtime, but Jiang Xue didn't mind the noise. She happily ordered a table full of dishes, saying that it had been a long time since they had met and that they would drink until they were drunk tonight.
"I can't drink," Shi Meng said. "I have to go back tonight."
Jiang Xue had already opened a can of beer for him and pushed it in front of him: "You're not driving."
After a while, she tentatively asked, "Isn't he going to take you home?"
Shi Meng shook his head. It wasn't that he didn't want to see me off, but rather that even if he wanted to, I would return home by myself.
Jiang Xue didn't know whether she understood or not, but she didn't ask any further questions. Instead, she took advantage of the rare opportunity to meet Shi Meng and inquired about his recent life.
When she heard that Shi Meng got along well with her neighbors, she breathed a sigh of relief, but then worried about other things: "If only I had bought the house in the city, I was afraid that if you stayed there for too long, you would forget how to paint and instead learn a lot of square dancing skills."
These words tickled Shi Meng's funny bone. He smiled and said, "No way."
His eyes sparkled when he smiled, making him far more expressive than when he was expressionless.
Jiang Xue couldn't help but glance at it several times, then leaned closer to look at his hand after the bandages were removed. Her delicate eyebrows furrowed slightly, as if she were lamenting a piece of white wall that had been shattered: "This scar should be able to be removed, right?"
Shi Meng glanced at it as well: "It's okay if it can't be removed."
"How can it be nothing?" Jiang Xue slammed her hand on the table and said, "If she gets a scar, I'll make sure that Shi Hui suffers in jail, even if it means going bankrupt!"
Just saying, after all, we're all law-abiding citizens.
Since this topic has come up, Jiang Xue casually added, "Actually, the fact that it was resolved so quickly is really thanks to that person."
She said she didn't expect that person to be so capable, efficient and clean in handling matters, and not bound by so-called personal relationships. She had previously thought he was a typical businessman who only knew how to be cunning and seek profits for his own company.
This reminded Shi Meng of the day Fu Xuanliao came into the room to help him set up his easel, and the conversation the two had in front of the island counter.
“It’s not about being cunning,” Shi Meng said. “Those were what he deserved.”
Jiang Xue did not intend to speak up for Fu Xuanliao; she simply stated the facts and left the choice to Shi Meng.
"Putting aside the misunderstanding, that person is actually quite nice as a friend, it's just that..."
She didn't finish speaking, but Shi Meng could roughly guess what she wanted to say.
Once it's missed, it's missed; there's no going back.
Because of the frequent phone calls, Shi Meng had heard that Jiang Xue's ex-fiancé, the "young talent" who had earned his doctorate by living off the Jiang family and started his own business, had started pursuing Jiang Xue again.
"We've both had quite an eventful life so far, running into these kinds of strange things." Jiang Xue took a swig of beer, then clinked her glass with the can in front of Shi Meng, saying, "To my half-brother, who shares my fate despite our different fathers!"
Not wanting to spoil her mood, Shi Meng took a small sip of her wine and asked, "What about Gao Lecheng?"
Jiang Xue laughed at his foolishness: "What do you mean, 'what to do'? I didn't say I wanted to go back to an old flame." She raised her index finger and shook it. "In a relationship, everything is forgivable except for reason and calculation."
After drinking a little, Jiang Xue started to speak recklessly. She heard that there was a young man in Shi Meng's neighbor's family who was studying for a master's degree. She had just said that Fu Xuanliao was a good person, but then she turned around and started urging Shi Meng to ask the neighbor if he was straight or gay.
“Based on your description, I think there’s an 80%... no, a 99% chance that he’s interested in you.” Jiang Xue smiled teasingly. “It’s better to be lucky than early. I think you might as well give it a try and experience the thrill of being with someone younger.”
Shi Meng has always been opinionated and ignores other people's advice like it's nothing.
As the meal drew to a close, Jiang Xue propped her head up and looked out the window: "Do you know how I fell in love with him back then?"
She rarely talked about the past, so Shi Meng was unaware of it.
"One year, my cousin and I went to play on the campus of University A. We accidentally wandered into a grove of trees near the river. There was a bench there, and he was sitting on it, holding a thick book. Hearing the noise, he looked up and glanced at me."
"I was captivated at first sight."
"But recently I realized that no matter how he looks at me, I can't find the feeling I used to have. This is probably the shadow of betrayal. I can't forget the way he looked when he said he had never loved me. That was the first time in my life that I felt my self-esteem was trampled underfoot and I felt like I wasn't even human."
"It's just that I didn't love him enough, or perhaps what I loved was just that shadow on the riverbank back then."
As the party ended and we stepped outside, the cool breeze dispelled the lingering smell of alcohol, and the flush on our cheeks faded somewhat.
Shi Meng hailed a taxi for Jiang Xue. Before they parted, Jiang Xue said very shrewdly, "Just take his car back; consider it saving on travel expenses."
Shi Meng didn't respond. After the taxi drove away, he caught a glimpse of the black Land Rover still parked by the roadside. Without hesitation, he walked over, opened the back door, threw the umbrella in his hand inside, turned around and hailed another taxi, got in, and headed to Xuncheng.
There are no buses running at this time of day. It's a two- or three-hour journey, and even with an empty-load fee, Shi Meng can afford it.
There are few vehicles on the highway at night, so it's easy to spot a car following slowly behind in the rearview mirror. Shi Meng pretended not to see it, but the driver was very alert.
“That Land Rover behind us has been following us the whole way, neither falling behind nor overtaking. It must be intentional.” After analyzing the situation, he asked Shi Meng, “Young man, do you recognize this license plate?”
Shi Meng said he didn't know, but his master looked unconvinced.
At a rest stop along the way, the driver refueled, and Shi Meng went to a store to buy water. When she was paying, there was a person standing next to her, still damp and chilly, sneezing as he pulled out his wallet from his pocket. As Shi Meng paid, she glanced at him and saw a photo tucked inside through a transparent cutout.
In the latter half of the journey, Meng kept urging the driver to go faster, as if confirming that someone was chasing them. The driver was very responsive; even after exiting the highway, he didn't let up, flooring the accelerator and drifting a few times before coming to a smooth stop in front of Jiang Xue's retirement villa.
I thought this speed was unprecedented, but then the engine roared up behind me, and in less than half a minute, the other car stopped on the side of the road, front to back.
With a sigh of admiration, as if they had met their match, the driver took the money, turned the car around, and drove off. Fu Xuanliao parked the car where the taxi had been, opened the door, and got out.
A dim streetlamp, puddles of rainwater everywhere, two people gazing at each other from afar, as if they had gone for a walk outside and then somehow returned to where they started.
Shi Meng, carrying the cat in one hand and with her other hand in her pocket, watched the person approach step by step. Suddenly, she remembered the riverside Jiang Xue had mentioned, and that one glance.
But it's different; he's not an illusory shadow, and he himself has long since trampled on all dignity.
At sea, it is the shadow that is destroyed; the body is the vessel. Destruction and survival are inherently contradictory. As long as one is alive, one is always a vessel of memory.
Only by constantly pushing it away or breaking it, without giving it any chance to be rebuilt, can we truly transform it.
"Aren't you going back to Fengcheng?" Shi Meng heard himself ask.
Fu Xuanliao stopped less than a meter away from him and said, "I'm not going back."
"Why?"
I'm worried about you.
Shi Meng chuckled softly: "That's really true..."
"Am I shameless?" Fu Xuanliao's voice was slightly deep, carrying an lingering chill. "Yes, I am shameless. If I weren't shameless, why would I have followed you here?"
He spoke somewhat hastily, but his tone wasn't one of despair; rather, it was a genuine feeling that he might as well say it out loud.
His face was terrible, ashen and pale, not from anger, but from being caught in the rain and not having had time to change his clothes, the kind of wretched look he had before he fell ill.
Shi Meng withdrew his gaze and fixed it on a point in the void: "I didn't ask you to do these things."
“Yes, you didn’t. I did it myself.” Fu Xuanliao gritted his teeth, trying to make his voice clear. “So, I’m the one who’s shameless.”
"It was me who got it but didn't cherish it. I knew there was no way to get it back, but I still humiliated myself and insisted on forcing it... Everything was my own choice, and I will bear all the consequences."
"Who wants you..."
"I know I made a mistake." As if afraid of being interrupted and losing the chance to continue, Fu Xuanliao held his breath, "But you can't... not even give me a chance to make amends."
A few hours ago, in the biting cold rain, Fu Xuanliao thought about many things, yet it seemed like he thought about nothing at all.
The cold was so intense that his mind seemed to go blank the moment the car door opened. However, when he asked himself why he was there, the answer was still clear: because Shi Meng was there.
He came to make amends, and since it was a one-sided effort, he shouldn't have expected a response.
So he faced the challenge head-on, remaining calm even when treated as if he were invisible.
Therefore, there is no need for lengthy explanations; straightforward proof is sufficient.
Even though he had countless times almost frantically tried to tear open the shell that the person in front of him used to protect himself, to see if the heart hidden inside was still as devoted to him as before.
The more afraid he was that Shi Meng would no longer love him, the more thoughts of backing away he had.
But he had sworn that he would treat Shi Meng well and would never let him suffer again.
"I said I was willing, you can continue to treat me like this, take your revenge as you please, and make me suffer as much as you want."
Fu Xuanliao took a trembling breath, his strength waning yet his resolve unwavering, "Anything you give me, I'll take."
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