The 71st melon
It was already early morning when I returned to Qingchuan Village from the police station.
Director Yu had already dismantled the tents at Jiyun Mountain. After all, such a big incident had happened on the mountain, the guests probably weren't in the mood to continue camping.
Back in the room, the guests fell asleep.
The next day, the guests woke up at noon.
After what happened yesterday, Director Yu wanted to give the guests a holiday, but there was not enough material for this episode, so he continued recording as usual today.
But today's task is not important. It just so happens that the grandson of Grandma Zhang in Qiaoxi is getting married and has sent invitations to the guests. Director Yu set today's variety show task as going to Grandma Zhang's house to help and have a wedding banquet together in the evening.
Getting married in the countryside is something worth celebrating. Grandma Zhang's family is very popular in Qingchuan Village, and most of the people in the village came.
The guests’ tasks were also very simple. Those who had good handwriting helped with registration at the front desk, those who knew how to host went to the lobby to be emcees, and those who knew nothing served dishes as waiters.
"Congratulations!"
"May you have a long and happy marriage! May you have a baby soon!"
"I thought Xixi and Xingzhou were a good match when I was in school, but I never thought they would actually get married in the end~"
"Love will always find love~"
The banquet was filled with sounds of blessings and a joyous atmosphere.
Occasionally, you will hear similar remarks:
"Xingzhou has really become much more handsome over the years!"
"I used to be average looking, but now I'm so much better looking!"
"Boys change a lot when they grow up, hahahaha~"
The two people who were talking were classmates of Zhang Xingzhou in junior high school. They remembered that Zhang Xingzhou used to have ordinary facial features and was not noticeable among a group of boys. However, many years after graduation, his face became tough and even handsome.
"She had plastic surgery!" a boy next to her explained, then lowered his voice and said, "Stop talking, stop talking. Newcomers are coming!"
The two newlyweds took turns toasting at each table.
Facing the guests, the bride Xue Xixi was very relaxed. She is an outgoing person, and even though she hadn't seen her old classmates for many years, they still had something to talk about when they met again.
But the groom Zhang Xingzhou is rather shy, with his shoulders hunched, and he has little to talk about even when he is with boys.
"Maybe it's because of that accident that things turned out like this!"
"Oh, don't mention it. Such a big thing happened at home. Four lives were lost! It's not easy for Xingzhou to be strong."
"Yeah, the family was originally harmonious, but now only Grandma Zhang and Xingzhou are left. How can they be happy?"
"But luckily, Xixi is here now. I'll start a family with Xingzhou and have another child. Everything will be fine."
Lu Yanyan and Lin Cha were the hostess, following the newlyweds with various red, white and yellow drinks.
Hearing the guests' whispers, Lu Yanyan poked Lin Cha and asked in a low voice, "Does this family have melons?"
——From the beginning of the wedding to now, Lu Yanyan has felt the gazes of the guests. Although there are more praises and blessings, there is also a lot of sympathy.
Lin Cha looked innocent and confused, "I don't know!"
Although he said this, his brain had already wisely turned on the melon-eating system——
[Let me see~ I also think this family is not simple~]
[Ha! Found it!]
The guests were talking about the car accident that happened three years ago involving Grandma Zhang and her family. The Zhang family was traveling to the city when they were involved in a car accident. Besides Grandma Zhang and Zhang Xingzhou, the others, including Zhang's parents, Grandpa Zhang, and Zhang Xingzhou's younger sister, all died.
Zhang Xingzhou was burned and disfigured in a car accident, with his facial bones almost shattered. That's why he had plastic surgery. If you look closely, you'll see burn marks all over his exposed arms!
Lu Yanyan couldn't help but look at Zhang Xingzhou's arm.
Even though Zhang Xingzhou was wearing a neat suit with long sleeves covering the scars on his arms, when he raised his glass to toast, his sleeves slipped down, exposing the shocking wounds.
Lu Yanyan frowned.
How big a fire must it be to burn a person like this?
After the car accident, Zhang Xingzhou spent more than six months recuperating in the hospital. Unable to accept the death of her family member, Grandma Zhang nearly went insane.
[It was only recently that her condition improved.]
Zhang Xingzhou and Xue Xixi have been in love for many years and were originally going to get married three years ago, but a car accident delayed their plans. Now that Grandma Zhang's condition has improved, the couple's wedding is back on track.
Lu Yanyan couldn't help but sigh.
It’s really not easy for Grandma Zhang’s family.
Zhang Xingzhou and Xue Xixi’s marriage may be the only happy thing that has happened to her in such a long time.
The dead are gone, and the living must still look forward.
The wedding continued, and the guests toasted and walked around, meeting many acquaintances from Qingchuan Village.
Grandma Xia also brought her family members to attend the wedding banquet. When she saw the young couple coming to toast, Grandma Xia specially packed a huge red envelope and patted Zhang Xingzhou on the shoulder.
"It's going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay."
Zhang Xingzhou was stunned holding the heavy red envelope. After a while, he nodded heavily to Grandma Xia.
"Thanks."
After toasting all the guests, the wedding came to an end. In the evening, the guests escorted the bride and groom to the bridal chamber and the wedding banquet ended.
Grandma Zhang has been sitting in the main seat. In the past, she rarely smiled because of the death of her relatives, but today, she was cheerful all day long, which was a rare occurrence.
Zhang Xingzhou's marriage was confirmed, and the heart that had been hanging in the air finally relaxed.
She was old, and as the only elder in the Zhang family, she had been working hard all day. Her face was gloomy and she coughed occasionally. Then she was helped back to her room.
The one-day wedding shoot at Qingchuan Village went very smoothly.
Originally, the commentators were worried that the appearance of guests with "bloody" personalities at the wedding would make the wedding a mess.
This marriage may not be completed.
Unexpectedly, there were no problems from beginning to end.
[Director Yu: My show is finally not full of gore and violence! I'm so touched!]
[Hahahaha, Director Yu probably still hasn't recovered from the last episode of him accidentally entering the duck's nest~]
[It seems the production team also promised the newlyweds that they would film the entire wedding process. I’m so jealous! It’s sure to be great!]
[After all, it’s a professional filming team, and there are so many netizens blessing us in the live broadcast room!]
[The newlyweds who can survive the show "Eating Melons" will definitely have a happy marriage~]
[Be happy~ I'm very optimistic about this couple!]
The live broadcast room and the internet were filled with blessings from viewers and netizens. The red silk ribbons were not removed, and Grandma Zhang kept smiling.
But this short-lived happiness only lasted until the next morning.
The next day, after the guests said goodbye to the audience at the entrance of the leisure courtyard, the live broadcast ended. At the same time, Lin Cha's voice suddenly rang out:
【Oh shit oh shit oh shit! 】
Xue Xixi returned to her parents' home early this morning, pulled out her marriage certificate, and demanded a divorce from Zhang Xingzhou! Wasn't everything going smoothly yesterday? Why is it like this today?!
The guests who had just stepped into their own RV were all confused.
What what what what what?
They just got married yesterday, how come they are getting divorced today?
"This matter... has nothing to do with us, right?" Zhou Zexu asked cautiously.
The other guests also looked at each other in confusion.
They saw the posts on the Internet saying that they had "bloody" physiques, and Director Yu said that when they were asked to attend the wedding, their hearts skipped a beat.
They are going to the scene, can this marriage really happen?
After all, it would be abnormal if nothing happened every time they participated in any activity, whether in the village or outside the village.
Since it's a wedding, the worst thing that could happen is that the wedding can't take place.
But they sent the invitation, and Director Yu also contacted Grandma Zhang and suggested that a professional team film the entire wedding process for the newlyweds. Grandma Zhang and Xue's parents were so happy that they couldn't contain themselves.
The guests gritted their teeth and came.
——Lin Cha’s ability is just to be a melon carrier, she is not a gossip maker!
Moreover, everything was fine yesterday, which also proves that they are not prone to blood and gore!
But why did something happen again today?
"Want to go and have a look?"
Lu Yanyan's eyes sparkled, and her intuition told her that there must be something fishy going on!
"That's not good, is it?" Liu Mingqian whispered. "It looks like we're just there to join in the fun and eat melons. It's not a good impression."
Chen Xianzhi also agreed, "We are not such gossipy people! It's just that gossip has always followed us!"
"So you're really not going?" Zhou Zexu asked curiously. But his feet were already heading towards the courtyard door, full of impatience.
The guests were silent.
I really want to go...
But if you go there, you'll get criticized...
But I really want to go...
At this moment, Lin Cha seemed to have discovered something, and his heart was filled with excitement——
【Wow wow wow wow! 】
[I found out the reason why Xue Xixi and Zhang Xingzhou divorced! It turned out to be because of sexual disharmony!]
【Hahahahahahahahaha! 】
[This girl is quite opinionated! But, what era are we in now? Of course sex is important! How can a marriage last without a harmonious sex life? This marriage must end in divorce!]
All guests:!!!
Yes! This marriage must be divorced!
Return this melon to them, they must eat it!
And you have to eat it hot on the spot!
Half an hour later, in the Zhang family hall.
Xue's father couldn't understand:
Her daughter has always been well-behaved and sensible. Why did she file for divorce on the second day of her marriage?
He also couldn't understand:
The divorce was originally a matter between the Zhang and Xue families...but what's going on with these six men and women who suddenly appeared next to them and were still eating melon seeds?!
Half an hour ago, Xue Xixi ran home and told her parents in tears that she must get a divorce.
Xue's father and mother had no choice but to bring Xue Xixi to Zhang's house.
Coincidentally, I ran into the guests who came to Zhang's house specifically to deliver yesterday's wedding documentary.
In the hall, the guests looked at the Xue family with smiles.
The Xue family also looked at the guests with smiles.
Xue family: Why don’t these six outsiders leave yet?
Guests: When does this melon start? They are all hungry!
After a stalemate of half an hour, Xue's father and mother saw that these people had no intention of leaving, so they had no choice but to tell Grandma Zhang that Xue Xixi wanted to divorce.
"divorce?"
Grandma Zhang's kind face froze for a moment, she looked a little helpless, and the teacup in her hand fell to the ground.
Lin Cha was closest to Grandma Zhang, so he quickly caught the teacup and wiped the tea off the table to prevent it from wetting Grandma Zhang's clothes.
"Why do you want a divorce?" Grandma Zhang asked in confusion, her voice trembling. "Isn't our Xingzhou good enough? If there are any conflicts between the young couple, we can talk about it! We can solve it. Don't get a divorce, okay?"
Xue Xixi remained silent.
Because it is somewhat difficult to talk about such disharmony, let alone in front of elders.
Xue's parents also had only a vague idea about Xue Xixi's desire for a divorce, and it was even harder to explain.
"As elders, we shouldn't interfere in matters like this. Let the children decide!" Father Xue said gritting his teeth.
Grandma Zhang's eyes showed confusion and helplessness. She opened her mouth and wanted to say something, but in the end she said nothing and just nodded silently.
Xue Xixi then lowered her head and left the hall temporarily with Zhang Xingzhou.
Guests: Huh?
These people are gone, so what’s next?
What exactly is the disharmony?
Is it not working? Or is it too short? Or is it just not feeling it?
You guys should finish talking before you leave!
Ahhhhhhhh!
What is it? I’m really curious!
Lin Cha was equally curious.
However, it was obviously unwise to follow the two newcomers out at this time, so she could only quietly open the melon-eating system.
Xue Xixi was too embarrassed to tell Zhang Xingzhou the truth! It was too embarrassing to say it out loud!
[But when she decided to divorce this morning, she told her bestie the truth about her desire for a divorce! Let me look up their chat logs from that time!]
In the hall, everyone sat upright, smiling stiffly and awkwardly.
Only Lin Cha was there, his eyes blank.
At the same time, the remaining six guests pricked up their ears and leaned closer to Lin Cha——
[Huh? The real reason Xue Xixi wants a divorce isn't because Zhang Xingzhou isn't good enough, or because they haven't been together long enough, but because... Zhang Xingzhou's thing isn't the shape Xue Xixi likes???]
Guests: ???
The guests all had indescribable expressions on their faces.
What the hell is this?
This thing has different shapes?
Lu Yanyan's eyes lit up. With many years of experience in reading erotic novels, she actually knew that this thing really did come in different shapes!
"As I recall, the one that bends upwards is called a banana; the one that bends downwards is called a reverse banana; the one that's completely straight is called a cucumber; the one with a small head and a large body is called a cone; the one with a large head and a small body is called a mushroom; and of course, the one that bends uncertainly left and right is called a wobbly type!"
Other guests: "..."
While listening, I recalled my own shapes in my mind and compared them one by one.
Liu Mingqian: "I'm actually a banana!"
Chen Xianzhi: "I'm a banana too!"
Jiang Mingkai: "Me too, me too!!!"
Zhou Zexu: "So I'm the only one who's a cucumber?"
Mr. Xue, Mrs. Xue, and Grandma Zhang:?
How come these guests suddenly turned into fruits?
Are they mentally normal?
Lin Cha did not hear the guests' whispered conversation. Her attention was all on the melon-eating system. When she heard the guests' voices, she looked up blankly, but saw Lu Yanyan just smiled at her. Lin Cha also smiled back, and then continued to dive into the ocean of melons.
[Zhang Xingzhou is a banana type, while Yue Xixi likes cucumber type, so her interest in Zhang Xingzhou has dwindled significantly!]
"Ah, this... Bananas have their own advantages, why do you prefer cucumbers?!"
Liu Mingqian, Chen Xianzhi, and Jiang Mingkai: That's right! Bananas are great too! What's wrong with bananas?
Cucumber is an exception!
Thinking of this, they glared angrily at Zhou Zexu, the cucumber representative.
Zhou Zexu:?
Besides that, Yue Xixi also thought Zhang Xingzhou was too dull! Last night, she jokingly said, "You're annoying! I don't want you!" And then Zhang Xingzhou actually left and went to spend the night in the next room!
[Wedding night! He actually slept in the guest room! Has Zhang Xingzhou really read too many novels and thinks he's one of those overbearing bosses who marry first, fall in love later, and are extremely abstinent?]
[What kind of straight man is this? Even I know that Xue Xixi's words are meant to be romantic, but how come Zhang Xingzhou doesn't understand at all?]
The guests also shook their heads: Young man, this is not possible!
Not only is the shape wrong, but he also doesn't know how to please a girl! On the wedding night, the girl played hard to get and had some fun. What's wrong with the fun?
Can't you hear the hidden meaning here?
So the reason this wedding didn't go through wasn't because of their "bloody" nature, but because of the way these two interacted with each other! The guests just happened to take advantage of the wedding video to get a taste of the fun!
That's it!
"I wonder how Xue Xixi and Zhang Xingzhou are talking," Lu Yanyan asked curiously. "They've been chatting for ten minutes now, so they should have come to some conclusion by now!"
"Do we even need to think about the outcome?" Liu Mingqian sighed and said, "Given Zhang Xingzhou's personality, if Xue Xixi asked for a divorce, he would probably just say, 'Let's get a divorce,' without any insistence..."
[Oh my god! Zhang Xingzhou actually refused!]
【I just woke up at this moment! 】
well?
The guests looked at each other in confusion.
This is something I never expected.
It seems that this melon will not end so easily.
[Is Xue Xixi going to say that she doesn't like Zhang Xingzhou's appearance? ]
【Hahahaha, what a social bummer! 】
[I don't know who will be the one to suffer social distancing after this is revealed, Xue Xixi or Zhang Xingzhou?]
Everyone is socially dead...
The guests tapped their toes when they thought of that scene!
However, there was one thing Lu Yanyan couldn’t understand.
When she was working as a hostess yesterday, she heard people around her talking about Zhang Xingzhou and Xue Xixi. The two had known each other since childhood, had a good impression of each other, and had been together since college.
That is to say, from the past to the present, the two have been each other's first love.
After so many years of relationship, Xue Xixi actually thought that one thing was wrong and was determined to divorce?
Isn’t this a bit too hasty?
unless--
[Zhang Xingzhou...is not Xue Xixi's first man!]
Lin Cha's inner voice echoed again, her tone filled with excitement. [Xue Xixi actually had sex with another man before. That man, that man was a cucumber type!]
[No wonder I love cucumbers. There's a story behind this!]
[Oh, that's not right. Aren't Zhang Xingzhou and Xue Xixi each other's first love? ...Xue Xixi cheated?!]
Chen Xianzhi was the first one to widen his eyes.
Yesterday, he was the emcee, describing to the guests their journey from childhood sweethearts to marriage in a moving voice. Chen Xianzhi and Liu Mingqian lamented many times about this long-running relationship, from first love to marriage.
So, Xue Xixi got another man midway? !
who!
Who is this mistress!
[This cucumber-shaped thing... is actually Zhang Xingzhou?] Lin Cha's heart was filled with confusion. [Xue Xixi's first man was also Zhang Xingzhou?]
[Will this thing change shape when it grows up?]
"Of course not!" Liu Mingqian frowned, "This thing is hereditary, how could it possibly change!"
"But if this thing doesn't change..."
Lu Yanyan's expression froze, and she suddenly remembered the guests talking about Zhang Xingzhou's plastic surgery. "Then the person outside is not Zhang Xingzhou!!!"
At this moment, Zhang's balcony.
Xue Xixi asked Zhang Xingzhou for a divorce for the third time, but Zhang Xingzhou still refused.
Xue Xixi gritted her teeth and finally spoke to the completely unfamiliar Zhang Xingzhou, "I know you're not Xingzhou! Who are you?"
Zhang Xingzhou's usually indifferent face suddenly became extremely gloomy at this moment.
He lowered his eyes and stared at Xue Xixi sinisterly, his eyes cold, like a poisonous snake crawling out of hell.
"You know, it's too much."
Tragedy caused by a chicken
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