Chapter 55 Chapter 55 Do you have the guts to seduce me?
Not only Zhang Yan didn't expect it, Cen Xue also didn't expect Lu Yanxi to actually answer the phone.
It was obvious that the number he dialed was not the one Lu Yanxi usually used now, but to be precise, the number from seven years ago.
The memory of this number originated from seven years ago, when the filming of "Adolescence" was completed. Lu Yanxi accompanied him to buy a mobile phone and told him to write down this number in his address book and contact him if he needed any help.
Although Cen Xue only called once in the end - and the other party did not answer.
However, since his address book only contained these few contacts for a long time, his memory of them is particularly clear.
...Apart from the calls from his mother and Yan Zijiao, there was also the third phone call that he would remember and recite by heart.
This was also the number written on the note I left for him in Flash Revolution.
He was afraid that Cen Xue wouldn't recognize him.
Cen Xue was also surprised. She didn't expect that after so many years, Lu Yanxi still kept it in mind and replied to all the text messages she sent immediately.
Maybe it's the fear of missing out.
So this time I opened the door for him.
…
The door was only open a crack, and Cen Xue squeezed herself in without hesitation. She gestured to Zhang Yan, asking her to wait for news, and then closed the door.
When he saw Lu Yanxi's eyes, he immediately understood that this man was in a very bad condition.
The spring water in his eyes seemed to be almost dried up and about to be boiled dry.
Because he didn't eat well, he lost a lot of weight, and his facial features were more profound than when he filmed Sheng Tianque. One could vaguely get some of the torment and struggle of a last-ditch effort. The word "pain" was embodied on Lu Yanxi's face.
This is really too shocking.
Only an actor with good looks could pull off the role of a seasoned, mature male protagonist like in the movies. Cen Xue felt that he could fit in seamlessly.
Cen Xue opened her mouth, but for a moment she didn't know how to start the conversation: "..."
Lu Yanxi only glanced at him for a moment when she entered the room, then quickly lowered her head, a look of uneasiness flickering on her face. She seemed to feel that she was blocking his way, and hesitantly walked in, holding onto the cupboard.
Cen Xue didn't even have time to change her shoes.
He hurried to catch up and grabbed Lu Yanxi: "Come with me to see a doctor."
Lu Yanxi struggled slightly, but even at this point, she instinctively didn't want to be too rough with Cen Xue.
So Cen Xue only heard his hoarse voice: "...I'm not going."
"Not going?" Cen Xue asked absurdly. She understood what Zhang Yan meant by being overwhelmed. "Look at you—"
Lu Yanxi suddenly covered her face and trembled: "I know, it's ugly... Can you please stop looking at me?"
The most painful thing in the world is probably to suffer so much and have the person you love witness you in your most miserable and ugly state.
Even so, he would not miss Cen Xue's call and would not refuse Cen Xue's request.
When darkness covered his eyes and the scenery he had dreamed of at midnight was about to return in his hallucination, how could he forget? How could he forget? It was because he hadn't received that call -
Not long after, I learned of Cen Xue's death.
"I heard that you had a serious illness recently. Turns out it's true."
In countless regurgitations, he was forced to repeat the same mistake ten thousand times. The man who slightly resembled Yan Pei sat before him, observing him carefully before uttering such meaningless words, a meaningless foreshadowing of the tragic news that followed.
"If you're looking for Yan Pei, he's no longer in the country. If you have any questions, perhaps I can answer them. After all, I'm his cousin."
"However, what you want to ask is about Xu Lin..."
"I'm sorry, he's dead. We're sad to hear this news."
…
The string in Lu Yanxi's mind was tense and almost broke.
He did not see Axue for the last time, he only saw a picture of the death certificate, but Cen Xue's countless deaths as a mute slave filled in this memory, and the two flashbacks intertwined and almost merged into one.
Reincarnation is in his dreams.
In reality, he couldn't save Cen Xue, and neither could he during the filming of the movie.
Not to mention in a dream.
The aftereffects of getting into the role this time were so strong that I couldn't resist.
He nervously rubbed his face with his palms, as if to wake himself up more.
Looking around anxiously, Lu Yanxi was searching for something everywhere in the house.
Cen Xue was startled and followed him around. Seeing him rummaging through boxes and drawers, she asked, "What are you looking for?"
Lu Yanxi said, "Painkillers." At this time, his voice was a little shaky.
Cen Xue remembered what Zhang Yan said about finding an empty medicine bottle.
Overdose.
The concept formed by these four words was somewhat distant to Cen Xue, and she had only seen it occasionally on the Internet.
Lu Yanxi overdosed? A voice that was a little unbelievable emerged in his heart.
Cen Xue couldn't help but shout, "You always do this?!"
"...No." Lu Yanxi leaned against the wall. "I just...just felt that one or two pills were too slow to work. I was in so much pain...I ate them all when I came to my senses. Ah Xue, I didn't."
Cen Xue keenly caught a word: pain?
Headache? Or something?
However, he remembered that eating too much at once could be dangerous, so he continued to ask, "Did you feel uncomfortable after eating?"
"Nausea, headache, vomited."
Lu Yanxi lowered his head, as if he had just felt a sudden pain. He took a deep breath and continued to rummage through the closet impatiently.
The unvented anger was transferred to the poor clothes.
When rummaging around, the hangers were squeezed and deformed by the force of the clothes being pulled, making a creaking and crashing sound.
Occasionally, if there are a few pieces that cannot be separated, I pull them off and throw them on the bed.
He kept muttering, "No—still no."
Before Cen Xue could even reassure herself that she was not in any immediate danger, she stood there in shock watching all this abnormality unfold.
He felt that Lu Yanxi really needed to see a doctor.
Lu Yanxi is a little crazy.
But what is even more unacceptable is that a solid and seemingly unchanging image in my heart has been shattered.
As a symbol of first love.
That was the first person he liked.
The first person willing to open up.
She is always gentle, tolerant, emotionally stable, and always puts him first. She doesn't have to worry about being hurt or violated like she does when facing Yan Pei, nor does she need to act maturely and guidingly in front of Fu Rouyun.
Cen Xue has been enjoying this strange sense of security.
Now he found that was not the case.
Lu Yanxi also has unrelieved pain.
But Cen Xue thought, no matter what method he used to resolve it, the last thing he expected was to become like this.
It made him feel strange...and scared.
Fear was always tied together with anger. Cen Xue didn't know where he got the strength from. He forcefully squeezed in front of Lu Yanxi, lifted his collar, and pushed him down on the bed.
Cen Xue rode on his waist and pressed his chest.
His painful and disordered heartbeat was transmitted through his bones, flesh and skin to the palm of Cen Xue's hand.
"Lu Yanxi, I'm warning you," Cen Xue said through gritted teeth, "If you become dependent on this... I will never forgive you."
"Why are you trying to use this to escape? What exactly are you suffering from? Where is the pain that's unbearable? Everything you avoid talking about—why, why…"
Putting aside the sacred symbol of first love, Lu Yanxi is actually a hard stone.
I insist on taking responsibility for everything, I insist on torturing myself, and I insist on living with guilt for the rest of my life.
Cen Xue couldn't understand.
The pains are also connected, and he thought of what happened seven years ago.
Looking at Lu Yanxi's numb face staring at the ceiling, Cen Xue's voice trembled and he tried his best to restrain himself. He hadn't recalled the past for a long time.
He didn't say anything else, but just asked, "At that time... I didn't even think of doing this. What gives you the right?"
Lu Yanxi's sore eyes gradually began to gleam with tears.
But it doesn’t mean resurrection from the dead, it just means that all the accumulated emotions are poured out.
Cen Xue looked at his tears and repeated, "Lu Yanxi, say something."
He leaned forward, using himself to block the glaring light from the ceiling light, and wiped his tears pitifully with his fingertips. They were face to face, and Lu Yanxi had no way to escape except to close his eyes.
Amid the rustling sound of bed sheets, Lu Yanxi's hands covered Cen Xue's.
His hands were larger than Cen Xue's. When they compared hands years ago, their palms were longer and wider than a finger. But now, he didn't have the strength to push Cen Xue's hand away. He could only wish, as if it were a luxury, for him to completely cover his eyes.
Soon, my palms became wet.
"Axue, I can't go to the doctor, I can't go..."
Lu Yanxi said in near despair, "Do you want me to tell others that I always believed that I was responsible for your death?!"
This was like opening a floodgate, and there was no stopping it.
Everything Cen Xue wanted to know came rushing out.
"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the same sex; if I hadn't disappeared, you wouldn't have been deceived by Yan Pei; you wouldn't have been hurt by him and forced to disappear... If something like that happens again—it's all my fault."
In the end, he used vague words to refer to death escape. After all, he was not qualified to judge Cen Xue's hardships.
"Even...even seeing you stand in front of me again."
Lu Yanxi gradually collapsed, analyzing her own ugliness, revealing it all to Cen Xue.
"I actually feel a little bit lucky."
The moral bottom line is too high, and it is unwilling to tolerate even this little bit of relief, and quickly throws away the purgatory of further guilt.
"So...how can I ever make it up to you? Even if I give you everything I have, it won't be enough. Your life—"
"My life?"
Cen Xue suddenly interrupted his confession.
There was an absurd irony in his rhetorical question.
What? His life is being taken on by others in such a self-righteous way.
It was as if all his efforts over the past seven years were meaningless and he just needed to wait for compensation.
"Lu Yanxi, open your eyes and look at me."
Her hands slowly moved from his eyes to his cheeks. Her palms were mixed with his tears, cold sweat, or something else, and were unexpectedly cold. The temperature difference between the two sides made them feel as hot as fire.
In front of Lu Yanxi's trembling and fragile eyes, Cen Xue said:
"Have I ever granted you mercy? Do I need this in return?"
A hint of panic appeared on Lu Yanxi's face.
If giving everything he has is not enough, then he has no value.
Cen Xue felt like laughing for some reason: "But you're right about one thing. You're a coward. You always act so wishfully."
"That time in the teahouse, I introduced you to Fu Rouyun as my friend. You were actually quite delighted, weren't you?" He pointed out what Lu Yanxi was thinking at the time. "As if that would allow me to stay within the safety line, to compromise and let me command, and not pretend to be understanding?"
How is it not considered a transfer of responsibility?
Lu Yanxi has been stuck in a vicious circle for too long, and he needs a drastic measure.
Cen Xue moved back, pressed on his crotch, hooked his collar, and before she used any force, the latter stood up obediently.
The waist strength is considerable.
"I'll give you one chance," Cen Xue deliberately stuck out the tip of her tongue, her lips slightly red, "Do you dare to kiss me?"
It was like a whisper of temptation, trying to destroy the rules that Lu Yanxi had consistently adhered to.
"If you have the guts, come and seduce me. Now is the time."
If you do it, you will be an accomplice.
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