Confession
The Yan family and Prince Qing's mansion are separated by only a wall.
A fence cannot contain sounds, cannot contain ridicule, and cannot cage people's thoughts.
Of course, I can't stop those two words.
After leaving the Yan family, there is the prince's palace.
As long as I stay in Chang'an City, I... will never be able to escape the label of a bastard.
With my arrival, these two dirty words jumped between the lips of the Li family's children in an offensive and inappropriate manner.
Royal relatives, nobles, princes and grandchildren, and golden branches and jade leaves.
They are all human beings.
They are not gods who have endured countless trials and tribulations and are filled with great compassion.
Noble titles, powerful identities, and noble status are all inseparable from human skin.
Even the gods in the Immortal Palace in the Divine Capital are humans who practice cultivation.
Even if a person becomes an immortal, he may not necessarily be free from contact with the mortal world.
Heaven is no different from man.
It's just that when one person succeeds, everyone around him will benefit.
This is true for the immortals and the heavenly beings as well.
He is not only a human being, but also a pampered person worshipped by the people. He is born several levels higher than ordinary people. If he does not become arrogant and contemptuous, he will be an alien of the Li family.
The wet nurses can't discipline me, the nannies can't restrain me, the concubines can't stop me, so why should Ru Ren speak up for me?
And I am indeed a bastard.
Because of me, the descendant of Prince Qing's palace, you unknowingly tore apart my childish innocence and revealed my true face that cannot be unreasonably attacked.
In the Prince Qing's Mansion, the only people who had never called me a bastard were Li Liu, Le Yang who couldn't even speak yet, the unborn Chun Yang, Zhao Yang, Li Shiyi, and Li Twelve...
Besides the child, there was another person.
That is the Prince of Qing.
Prince, he has never called me a bastard.
Animals are animals, why should we identify them separately?
A bastard is a bastard, why should we curse him intentionally?
In the city of Chang'an, all grudges can be settled with death.
In the Taiji Palace, all barriers have disappeared over hundreds of generations.
Saints - except for tyrants.
I don't care about trivial matters.
But... the first time I met the Prince, I remember it clearly, or I can even say that I will never forget it until I die.
That day, the nanny beside the princess took Ah Xiang and me to meet the prince of Qing Palace. We stood outside the study. The nanny spoke and it took a long time for someone inside to respond.
As the lattice door opened, the wind blew in, and the paperweight was no longer on the paper. The flower curtain paper flew out of the door like a moth to a flame and fled to my feet.
At that time, Xiaohan was eight years old. He was not deaf or had lost his humanity, and still had some kindness in his heart. I... picked it up without thinking.
There are ink marks on it, but I haven't looked at it carefully.
The prince walked quickly towards me, lowering his eyes so as not to look at me, and hurriedly snatched his things back. He turned his back to me and threw the black and white words into the fire with disgust.
He didn't say a word, the paper burned to ashes, along with my only kindness.
The majesty of heaven is as high as Mount Tai.
I... stood there in a daze, at a loss as to what to do and how to escape.
The Prince Qing’s Mansion is the Prince Qing’s Mansion, and the Crown Prince is the Crown Prince.
The royal family’s methods of humiliating people are a hundred times more severe than those of their subjects.
The mistress asked the noble ladies to laugh at me and humiliate me, which was a waste of time, effort and saliva, but all of that... was nothing compared to the Li family's young master's casual throwing away of things.
A pot of fire burned me to ashes and I fled.
On the way back, I couldn't hear a word Ah Xiang said.
As expected, Ah Xiang and I took the wrong road and were unable to return to the princess's courtyard. Instead, we walked into Ruren's courtyard.
In the yard, little Anyang was holding a baby, little Huayang was playing on the swing, and the lady was looking at Anyang and Huayang with a smile.
On the same day, at the same hour, that was the first time I met Mrs. Tong.
After a long time, Ruren saw me, smiled and waved to me to come over. Huayang also saw me, and she ordered me to stop and not move.
"She's a bastard, mother, don't let her in..." Xiao Huayang cursed.
"She's a bastard, mother, don't let her in..." Little Anyang imitated.
The lady did not agree with them. She coaxed me with soft words and still asked me to stay closer to her. I didn't like Huayang Anyang, and I was afraid that the people in the palace were as hateful as the prince. But the lady was so gentle that I walked in for some unknown reason.
I walked in, but didn't dare to go any closer.
The lady happily held me in her arms. Her embrace was soft and fragrant, with a faint scent of tea and a hint of jasmine and sweet gardenia lingering around. It was delicate and embracing.
The taste is the same as Sunhwa.
Smelling the scent of the lady, I hugged her and couldn't help crying softly.
Whenever I started crying, the lady would comfort me tenderly. The more she comforted me, the more I cried.
I don’t know how long I cried, but I couldn’t stop crying and feeling wronged.
I cried so much that my tears ruined the new clothes that the lady had made for me, but she didn't care and didn't scold me.
At that time, Ruren was pregnant with Zhaoyang. The nanny was afraid that I would disturb the fetus, so she pulled me up with all her strength. Ruren held me tightly and refused to let go, so the nanny had to give up.
After I cried enough, Ruren wiped my face. Huayang didn't want to pay attention to me but she couldn't persuade Ruren, so she pulled her sister and was about to leave. Little Anyang stayed there and didn't know how to move.
Anyang has been plump and round since she was a child. Huayang tried his best to pull and tug, but he couldn't shake her at all.
I heard Huayang groaning and panting, and saw that she had lost the swing, her mother, and her sister, and ran away to play by herself.
Xiao Huayang is difficult to capture, but Xiao Anyang is easy to defect.
Anyang hugged the baby and kissed him a few times. Ruren hugged me and kissed me a few times as well, saying with a smile, "The human body is made of clay, the face is made of white porcelain, the jade tree is made of bones, the white jade flower is made of blood, and the eyes are made of ice. An'er, look at Li'er, what does he look like?"
I looked at Anyang's round little face. Anyang was grinning at me with two upper teeth missing, and I burst into laughter.
Like what?
Anyang couldn't understand it, and I couldn't figure it out either.
Tong Ruren picked up Anyang's doll and held it against my face. Anyang took a closer look and exclaimed, "It looks like a doll, like a doll, like An'er's silk doll... Sister, look, she's a doll, she's not a bastard!"
Huayang stubbornly held his head in a state of disbelief. Tong Ruren looked at Huayang and said loudly to me, "Li'er, who dares to bully you again? Good nanny, go and tell the princess for me..."
The nanny pretended to leave, and Huayang tried to stop her, but he couldn't do it with his hands and feet. He immediately burst into tears, and she cried and admitted her mistake, promising never to mention the word "bastard" again.
Seeing that she had surrendered, the lady held the three of us and asked the nanny to come back and not tell the princess.
Huayang was not afraid of Ruren A'niang or the prince, but only of the princess. She was afraid of being slapped on the palm by the princess.
Princess Qing was a fair person. Every child in the Qing Palace who said something bad about me, no matter if they were the eldest daughter or not, was slapped on the palm of her hand.
One-year-old Nanyang, including the princess's biological son Li San, the concubine's children, and the concubine's children, all without exception.
Anyang didn't know what a bastard was, Huayang also had a vague idea, and the people of Nanyang were still in their cradles, learning to speak. The girls followed Jinyang Hun's words, and the boys imitated Li Erlang.
Li Er and Jin Yang are the eldest son and daughter of Mrs. Xue.
Who did you learn this from?
Finally, the nanny beside Mrs. Xue came out to claim the body, and the princess severely punished her.
The princess made decisions for me not only to win over the ministers, educate the children, and suppress Mrs. Xue, she was just making decisions for me.
Shanhua is my grandmother, Ruren is like my biological mother, and the princess is better than my biological father.
Princess Qing treats me like her own son.
But the saint is the eldest son, the crown prince, the prince of heaven. How can an adopted daughter compare to a biological son?
The Empress Dowager wept and cursed, "Let me be buried alive with the Saint." I knew she was heartbroken at the loss of her son, but I only pretended she was mad...
The saints have committed great sins, and I have also made great mistakes.
I don't blame the Empress Dowager, I just hope that my mother won't bear a grudge against me.
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