Empty White
After the Mid-Autumn Festival, I cried in my house.
I cried until the sky was dark, cried without caring about others, cried until my ears hurt and I became sick, cried until I lost track of time, cried until I couldn't tell the difference between morning and night, cried until the drums sounded, I only remember crying from the cool of the day until the cold of the day...
One day, tears were streaming down my face again. When I looked up, I saw the mistress of the Yan family in the bronze mirror.
"Just for a vain dancer?" She laughed happily. "Look, you don't look like your parents at all, not even your grandparents. You look like the master of the family, like Yan Xiang. You're such a sentimental person."
She came to laugh at my joke, she came specifically to laugh at me.
What I hate most is that people often say that Yan Xiang is loyal and noble, but I am not like him. I am not like him.
I stood up, straightened my back, wiped away my tears, and returned to my vicious look of killing without blinking an eye and eating people without leaving any bones. My body and mind returned to normal in just a moment.
Pointing my finger, I asked her to get out.
A dancer who only knows how to curry favor with powerful people, and a slave who is scheming and deceives me. I am the most cruel and ruthless person in Chang'an City. How could I fall in love with a dancer and a slave?
That day, the mistress walked out of Xingningfang with a smile, and I walked out of the City of Tears with tears.
A few days later, Prince Rui died in the palace.
Li Shierlang died young, and in order to show his brotherly love and respect for his younger brother, the sage specially ordered the clan women and women from both the inner and outer clans to enter the Taiji Palace to guard his body.
I was there too, so I had to enter the Tai Chi Palace.
On the night of Your Majesty's birthday, I cursed the Saint all over Chang'an, and all the officials impeached me. However, the Lord did not pursue the charge of treason, and no officials dared to submit another petition.
If you can't hear, you can't see.
That day in Xingqing Palace, the saint was behind me. He neither beat me nor scolded me. He just almost strangled me to death with a thin rope.
"If you dare to throw it into the East China Sea Lake again, or give it to the dancer again, I will make you serve the tyrant king day and night."
The saint laughed and threatened in my ear.
I gave the half jade disk given by the late emperor to the saintly Concubine Wu. That day, it returned to my heart again.
I would rather die than be a palace maid than serve a tyrant day and night and be a slave to a sage.
I put that half piece of jade disc under my clothes and kept it close to my body, and never threw it away or gave it away again.
Keep vigil for seven days and kneel on the ground for seven days.
On the seventh day.
Outside the mourning hall, under the palace.
Concubine Wu found me, she was crying like a pear blossom in the rain, she knelt on the ground to stop me, she stopped me and would not let me leave the palace.
"My lady, will you please take me out of the Taiji Palace? I like you, but I don't like the palace, and I don't like saints. We should just be like before, and I am willing to be your slave..."
She begged me bitterly.
"Taiji Palace is a great place. Beauty would never leave, and beauty is more than happy to be here. The Saint likes you, and tomorrow you will be the Imperial Concubine. The Queen Mother also likes you, and the day after tomorrow you will be the Empress. Isn't it good to be an Imperial Concubine in the palace? Why bother to go back to the Marquis of Luoyang's Mansion and be my slave again?"
As I spoke, I slowly pulled my sleeve back from her hand.
She cried even harder, but I ignored her.
"No, Taiji Palace is not a good place. It's not good... not good... none of it is good. They treat me badly and they don't like me. I would rather be a slave in the Marquis of Luoyang's mansion than an imperial concubine in Taiji Palace."
Xier had been in Taiji Palace for only a month and a half, but her pretty and delicate little face had been ravaged beyond recognition.
She became timid and submissive, like Concubine Feng and Concubine Xue.
The beauty shows weakness to me, the beauty complains to me.
"In the palace, everyone bullies me, everyone beats and scolds me." She cried loudly.
"Beauty is the beauty of a saint. Who dares to bully a beauty? Who dares to hit or scold a beauty?"
I asked randomly, a little impatiently.
"He is a saint, he is a saint, he is a saint and he beats his concubine."
Lady Wu's eyes were filled with tears.
"Nonsense!" I said angrily.
The saint has always only killed people and never beaten them. I have disobeyed his orders many times and disrespected him many times, but the saint only scolded me and never beat me, only killed me and never beat me.
The saint is the emperor, how could His Majesty hit someone with his own hands?
Our emperor only whipped the former Prince of Fu. Li Sanlang coveted the position of crown prince and the position of heir to the throne.
In the struggle for the succession to the throne of the Li Dynasty, beating and scolding were considered minor matters.
Concubine Wu is the most beloved beauty of the saint. How could the saint hit her?
Wu Xier is full of hypocrisy and lies. I will never believe a single word she says again.
"I'm not talking nonsense. The Saint hit me, Empress Dowager Feng hit me, Concubine Dowager Tong also hit me, and the nobles' hands all hit my face..."
She cried loudly and sobbed.
Empress Dowager Feng disliked Concubine Feng and Concubine Xue in every way. Even Concubine Xue was beaten by her. If she really wanted to beat or punish them, she would order the palace chief and the female officials to punish them. How could she do it herself?
Concubine Tong would not do that either.
It would be bad enough if they slandered the saint, but they even dared to insult Empress Dowager Feng and Concubine Tong. How unruly.
"Han Chongrong also beat me. The Queen came every day and never stopped."
Tears fell from her eyes as she continued to cry.
She is still lying to me.
"Xier is the most well-behaved girl, how could she hit you?" I asked.
Han Xier is not Wu Xier.
Xier is well-educated and sensible, so how could he hurt others?
"No, she is not well-behaved. My wife was deceived by her."
Lady Wu lifted her dress, revealing her flesh. I saw that she was covered in wounds, but I was not moved.
This must be caused by her own injury, and she deliberately framed Xier.
"The princesses also beat me. Four or five princesses took turns beating me. The princesses looked alike and had similar titles. I couldn't tell who was who. They all beat me."
When she saw that I didn't say anything, she frowned and cried.
The princess beats the empress?
The princess of the Li family usually only beats the Li family's son-in-law, not the Li family's imperial concubine. Concubine Wu is full of tricks, just to deceive me.
"The princess also beats the concubine."
She cried so hard that she couldn't speak.
The princess beats the imperial concubine?
"Since the beauty said that the princess hit you, which princess was it?" I asked.
It could be Princess Yu, Princess Ying, Princess Shu, or Princess Heng, but it couldn't be Princess Yue.
Concubine Wu swore that she was the Princess of Wei.
She lied again, she deceived me again.
Princess Wei, He Zhitao, she is the prime minister's granddaughter.
Back then, when I was in power, I valued virtuous and capable officials, and many affairs of the court were handed over to the Princess of Wei to handle.
The princess has never overstepped the boundaries in her official duties. I have no personal relationship with her, let alone Concubine Wu?
Princess Wei has a cold and solemn temperament, how could she hurt others for no reason?
I don't believe what the beauty said.
"In Taiji Palace, everyone beats me, everyone bullies me. I want to leave the palace. I want to leave the palace..."
She cried heart-wrenchingly, and Lady Wu begged me again.
"I used to like beautiful women, but I never said a harsh word to them..." I said to her.
"Yes, my lady, please take me out of the palace, and we can continue to be master and servant like before, okay?" she asked me tentatively.
"You are full of lies and nonsense. How can we ever be like before?" I asked.
Lady Wu said she knew she was wrong and asked for my forgiveness.
Unfortunately, she only knows that I am rich and powerful. She thinks I was born like this, but she doesn't know that I fought for it openly and secretly. She only knows that I am covered with scars, but she doesn't know that I got them by hurting myself. I am cruel to power and I am cruel to myself, so how can I be soft-hearted with her?
"I have never seen it, I don't know it, I haven't heard it, but the one who loves to bully others the most in this majestic Taiji Palace is clearly a slave..."
After I finished speaking, I grabbed the beauty's hair and dragged her to the empty corridor. She was full of lies, slandering my mother and my concubines, and defaming my brothers and sisters. Naturally, I would repay her by covering her body with scars.
"I've already said that once you enter Taiji Palace, you can never leave. My beauty, just enjoy your own suffering."
This is the last sentence between Lady Wu and I in this life.
At the end of autumn and the beginning of winter that year, my elder sister-in-law, Yan Qi, and Yan Lin returned to Chang'an from Luoyang, and I went to the outside of the city to greet them.
Also entering the Western Capital was a member of the Luoyang royal family.
Prince Anle and the Yan family traveled together to Jingzhao.
Outside the city of Chang'an, King Anle smiled at me when he saw me, but I pretended to be deaf and dumb and ignored him.
The son of the Li family, Li Sanlang fled to Qianzhou, Li Jun's head was on the high wall, and the saint was ill on the dragon bed.
One left, one died, one fell ill, and then another King Anle came.
One after another, endlessly.
That year, the feud between the Saint and I was still a fight to the death, but it had not yet reached the point of a life-or-death struggle.
That year, it was a life-and-death battle between me and King Anle. He would die and I would live. Hatred could not be reconciled, and life and death could not be reconciled.
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