Chapter 93 "Xiao Che, I can't stand with you..."
When she came to her senses, she saw that Xiao Jue had broken the medicine bowl that was placed by the bed at some point, and the flying shards of porcelain tore the hem of her skirt.
She quickly looked up and saw Xiao Jue bending down to pick up a shard of porcelain. He gave a bitter laugh, then pressed the shard against his neck with a sorrowful expression and closed his eyes tightly: "My mother has passed away, my father is displeased, and now he's a cripple. My position as Crown Prince is in grave danger, and even the woman I love most is abandoning me. In this world, there is nothing left for me to cherish. If that's the case, it would be better to die quickly..."
After saying that, she exerted a little force on her wrist, and faint bloodstains immediately appeared on her pale neck. This scene terrified Yan Jiarou so much that she almost lost her soul. She never expected that her arrival and the words she said would completely destroy Xiao Jue's will to live.
If anything were to happen to Xiao Jue because of her change of heart, she would be devastated and would live the rest of her life in the shadow of guilt.
Thinking this, she quickly got up and rushed over, using all her strength to snatch the broken porcelain from Xiao Jue's hand.
She only breathed a sigh of relief after she smashed the broken porcelain on the ground and watched it shatter into pieces, flying everywhere and disappearing from sight.
She turned to look at Xiao Jue, her eyes red and glistening with tears. Her chest heaved as she spoke, overwhelmed with emotion: "Are you crazy, Xiao Jue? Do you even know what you're doing?!"
Xiao Jue slumped against the bed railing, gave a bitter laugh, and said, "What am I doing? Jia Rou, what do you think I'm doing? I have nothing left, so why should I live on in this world? It would be better to die quickly than to linger on and be despised by others..."
“How could you think like that, Crown Prince? Please don’t think like that…” The little girl held his hands tightly and said earnestly, “No one will despise you. As long as you don’t despise yourself and don’t give up on yourself, everything will get better slowly. Life is only once, it is so precious. How can you treat yourself like this? If the late Empress’s spirit in heaven saw you like this, she would not be at ease.”
Xiao Jue's eyes twitched slightly, and he slowly raised his head. His dull eyes regained their sparkle. He grasped Yan Jiarou's hand in return, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Jiarou, you still care about me, don't you?"
Yan Jiarou frowned slightly: "Crown Prince..."
Xiao Jue looked at her, then slowly released her hand, and said with a self-deprecating laugh, "It seems that's not the case, is it?"
"Is there really no one who will despise me? What about your beloved Xiao Che? I'm afraid he would rather I die right now. I'm afraid my existence would only be an eyesore to him."
Yan Jiarou hurriedly defended him, saying, "No, Xiao Che isn't that kind of person..."
"Ha, you're protecting him, but I can't stand seeing you two being all lovey-dovey in front of me. Rather than dying of envy later, I'd rather die now and be done with it."
Yan Jiarou's nose stung again upon hearing this: "Crown Prince, please don't say such things, I beg you..."
Xiao Jue glanced at her, his eyes flickering slightly: "Jiarou, do you really want me to live?"
Yan Jiarou was taken aback: "Of course!"
"But if a person wants to live, he/she must have a reason to live."
Xiao Jue looked at her earnestly: "Jiarou, what reason do you think I have?"
Yan Jiarou said blankly, "Crown Prince..."
Xiao Jue grasped her hand again, his voice hoarse and almost urgent, "Jiarou, if you want me to live, you have to give me a reason. I have nothing left now, and if you can't give me a reason, I really don't know what the point of living is. Jiarou, I beg you, give me a reason... I beg you..."
A hot tear suddenly fell onto the back of her hand, burning her palm slightly.
She looked up in a daze and saw that Xiao Jue had already shed tears.
She had never seen Xiao Jue so distraught as he was today.
He could hear Xiao Jue's desperate pleas, but Xiao Che's handsome and arrogant face kept flashing through his mind. In the heat of passion, he leaned against her, drenched in sweat, and didn't forget to tell her, "Yan Yan, you must never let me down..."
She was in a state of extreme confusion.
Seeing that she was wavering, Xiao Jue pleaded with her even more pitifully. It wasn't entirely an act; he had suffered a series of blows and was already heartbroken and had no will to live. Seeing that Yan Jiarou was falling for his act, he decided to play along to the end. With a determined heart, he got out of bed and knelt down before her with a thud: "Jiarou, since you pity me and won't let me die, give me a reason to live..."
He looked intently at her: "I have nothing now. Tell me, what reason do I have to live?"
Amidst the shattered porcelain on the ground, he knelt down upright, and in an instant, blood spread along the patterns of the floor tiles, a truly shocking sight.
Yan Jiarou gasped, forced to utter words against her will: "Crown Prince, please don't do this... I... I'll give you a reason. You're not completely without anything. You... you still have me... I won't marry Xiao Che... I'll stay with you..."
Finally hearing the answer he wanted, Xiao Jue was overjoyed. He jumped up from the ground, pulled her into his arms, and almost cried with joy, saying, "Jiarou, I knew it, I knew you wouldn't be so cruel to me, you still have feelings for me..."
He held her tightly, his chin resting on her shoulder, greedily inhaling the scent of her neck.
He gazed ahead, his eyes landing on a point in the void. As if remembering something, a strange light suddenly appeared in his eyes: "Little Jiarou, don't worry. Although my foundation is damaged, and the imperial physicians in the palace are all helpless, I recently obtained a secret formula that can give me a second spring. It will grow even better than before, no worse than Xiao Che's..."
"In a way, it's a blessing in disguise," he gently pulled her away, reached out to stroke her cheek, looked at her with fascination, and said in a hoarse voice, "Jiarou, I will make you happy..."
Yan Jiarou frowned slightly but did not respond.
The two were now very close. Yan Jiarou noticed that although Xiao Jue looked haggard, as if he hadn't groomed himself for days, strangely, the skin around his lips was pale and completely free of stubble. A strange feeling welled up in her heart. She turned her face away and casually said, "Brother Crown Prince, I believe you will get better..."
………
The moment Yan Jiarou emerged from the East Palace, she finally felt breathless.
The atmosphere in the East Palace was too oppressive. If she weren't worried that something might happen to Xiao Jue, she wouldn't want to stay a moment longer.
The summer heat has gradually subsided, the weather has turned cooler, and the sunlight is much gentler, feeling warm and comforting on the skin.
Yan Jiarou stood in the sunlight for a moment. Outside the East Palace wall, several osmanthus trees had already bloomed, and a gentle breeze carried their fragrance through the air.
She suddenly remembered something, looked down to check her body, and saw that the sachet Xiao Che had given her was still on her body intact. Only then did she feel relieved and continue walking forward.
—Just now, after persuading Xiao Jue to give up his suicide attempt at the East Palace, he held her hand and talked for a long time. She felt that each day was an eternity. Later, he accidentally noticed the sachet she was wearing at her waist and asked her about it. She almost let slip that it was a gift from Xiao Che and contained the lives of the people of Lanling…
Fortunately, before she could utter the word "door," she noticed something was wrong with Xiao Jue's expression. She quickly realized what was happening, stopped talking, and made up some random words to brush it off.
Later, Su Quan served tea to the two of them. He was usually very meticulous in his work, but for some reason today, he was a bit clumsy and spilled the tea on her.
This forced her to change her clothes. She used to come to the East Palace to see Xiao Jue every few days, so the East Palace always had clothes for her.
To change her clothes, she had to take off her brocade pouch, which was nothing unusual. However, after she changed her clothes, she found that the brocade pouch was missing. She was shocked and was about to go out to look for it when Su Quan smiled and returned the brocade pouch, saying that she had accidentally dropped it on the ground. Fortunately, he had sharp eyes and had not lost it.
She quickly took it, opened it, and saw that the note inside was still there. She breathed a sigh of relief and sent Su Quan away.
Because of this incident, she checked the sachet again after leaving the East Palace, and was relieved to find that it was still there.
After all, this is an important item, concerning Xiao Che's life, and cannot be taken lightly. However, she has never been meticulous enough, and if she carries it with her, she might lose it at any time. She still needs to hide it carefully.
That was her original plan, but upon returning to the palace, she heard that Xiao Jue had encountered an accident, so she rushed to the East Palace and took the sachet with her.
When I get back, I must keep that sachet safe and sound.
——
Upon returning to Chenghuan Palace, Yingxue immediately came to greet her, seemingly wanting to say something. However, exhausted at the moment, she waved her hand, telling her to leave first.
She returned to her bedchamber alone, and had just closed the door when she bumped into a warm, hard chest from behind. The man's hot breath brushed against her ear, and he said in a hoarse voice, "Baby, where have you been?"
Yan Jiarou paused, a familiar scent surrounding her. During that time, they had been inseparable day and night, and he had become the closest person to her in the world. She was extremely familiar with his scent, temperature, and heartbeat, as if they were engraved into her very bones.
She knew who was behind her, of course, but thinking about where she had just been, who she had met, what she had done, and what she had said, she felt inexplicably guilty: "Xiao Che, I..."
Xiao Che, oblivious to her unease, smiled and turned her around: "Hmm? Did you go to ask Father Emperor for a decree to grant us a marriage?"
Xiao Che gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, raised an eyebrow, and smiled teasingly: "Baby, are you in such a hurry to marry me?"
Normally, if Xiao Che flirted with her like this, she would definitely be embarrassed and annoyed and playfully fight with him, followed by a lot of sweet talk. But today she really wasn't in the mood, and just lowered her head and said lightly, "Xiao Che, I didn't go to Father Emperor to arrange a marriage for us."
Xiao Che's expression froze, and the smile on his face gradually faded: "What's wrong? Why do you look so listless? Are you feeling unwell?"
Yan Jiarou shook her head.
"What happened?" He laughed again, his tone casual. "My younger sister didn't go to Father Emperor to ask for a marriage decree because she's shy and too embarrassed to go to him?"
He pinched her cheek: "It's alright, little rabbit. I wasn't planning on having you go to Father Emperor anyway. How could I let a young girl like you handle something like this? How about this, I'll go to Father Emperor myself tomorrow and ask him to issue a decree to grant us marriage. The sooner we get married, the better, okay?"
Yan Jiarou's thick eyelashes trembled slightly, and her fingertips, hanging at her sides, curled up slightly. After a long while, she said softly, "Not good."
She said, "Xiao Che, I can't marry you right now."
It was getting dark, and the evening breeze carried a chill, seeping in through the cracks in the window and causing the pages of the storybooks on the table to flutter.
The shadows of the two people by the window were stretched long by the setting sun, and the room was silent.
The light in the young man's eyes gradually dimmed, a chill rose within him, and his voice carried a coldness, like the faint sound of icicles breaking inch by inch under the eaves during the first snowfall—a very light sound, yet inexplicably startling.
He stared at the person in front of him and asked, word by word, "What did you say?"
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