Chapter 182 Ah He, you are destined to be my wife
The background of the photo is that familiar old bayberry tree, with lush branches and leaves.
He sat in a wheelchair, wearing a clean white short-sleeved shirt, his small face serious, his eyes fixed on the little girl in front of him.
She sat on the ground in front of his wheelchair, completely unconcerned about her image, holding a large plate of purplish-red bayberries in her arms, laughing carefree at the camera.
The handwriting on the back of the photo looks very new, as if he had retraced it later:
[Summer 2001, Yujia Ferry. Our first and only group photo.]
My heart feels like it's been pricked with needles; even breathing hurts.
At that moment, a yellowed piece of paper fell out from the lining of the last page of the album.
The note was small, with crooked, illegible handwriting in pencil, interspersed with pinyin:
【Protect Zhen】
From now on, every year.
Yanzi's older brother wants to come and see Ah He, and go to school.
Bao Zhengren: Qu He
Guarantor: Yanzi's brother
The bottom line was crossed out with a black line, and below that was Zhuang Bieyan's newly signed name.
The handwriting is mature.
She remembers that when the bayberry season was almost over that year, her mother called her grandmother and she heard that she was about to start elementary school.
She leaned on Zhuang Bieyan's desk, swinging her legs, and asked, "Brother Yanzi, what's primary school like? Are there lots and lots of kids? Are the teachers strict? Do they have snacks like in kindergarten?"
The boy in the wheelchair fell silent, his expression stiffening and unnatural for a moment.
She later learned that he had grown up in the ancestral hall and received one-on-one education.
Therefore, he was unable to answer her questions about communal living.
But little Quhe at that time had no idea about these things.
She was still immersed in her wonderful dreams about the future and felt that going to school was a very sacred thing.
So she found paper and pen, and using the few characters she had just learned, mixed with pinyin, she wrote this childish but solemn "guarantee".
After writing it, she signed "Brother Yanzi" on it and gave it to him, even making him pinky swear and stamp it.
"That's great! Now I can see Brother Yanzi every time school starts! You promised me!"
"That's not my name, it doesn't count."
"It's a pinky promise, there's no going back."
She thought it was just a casual childhood joke, never imagining that he would keep this ridiculous note.
For the next twenty years, in the days she had long forgotten, he silently kept his promise all by himself.
"So that's how it is."
Qu He choked up, unable to speak.
She pressed the paper to her heart.
My heart is enveloped in a bitter taste.
The seed planted many years ago has grown into a towering tree in the shadows, unseen by anyone.
Only at this moment did she catch a glimpse of it.
Qu He put the note back into the photo album and opened the envelope.
The handwriting was neat and tidy; it was a familiar style to her.
【Ahe:】
As I write this letter, the sunset outside my window is in full bloom.
Please forgive my despicable act, which has bound your long life and future to me.
Countless opportunities have been presented to me to tell you the truth, to tell you that I am the Swallow Brother from back then.
But I was afraid.
Zhuang Bieyan is a coward.
I'm afraid you'll remember what happened back then, afraid you'll resent me for not keeping our appointment, afraid you'll know that I used so many underhanded methods to get closer to you.
So I missed opportunities time and time again, and kept things hidden until we were both driven to the brink of despair.
I'm sorry, Ah He.
I have lied to you again.
This deception began even before we first met.
Children who grow up in ancestral halls are used to protecting themselves with indifference and alienation.
The first few days after arriving at Yujia Ferry were long and tedious.
Then one day, a bell rang in the alley.
To prevent you from wandering too far and getting lost, your grandmother would always tie a small bell to your braid.
When you run, it makes a clanging sound, even the wind makes a sound.
When you have something to look forward to, the days don't feel long.
Every afternoon, hearing the bell ring at the alley entrance is my greatest anticipation and joy.
And that afternoon.
The ringtone didn't just flash by as usual; it stopped downstairs.
A small figure appeared on the old bayberry tree in the yard.
At that moment, I barely hesitated. I immediately went downstairs, sat back in that cold wheelchair, and waited quietly under the tree.
Then, sure enough, you fell down and crashed into my arms.
Ah He, please forgive me.
Our first formal meeting began with a little scheme of mine.
I despicably created a "hero saves the damsel in distress" scenario for myself.
But, Ah He.
The ancestors in the ancestral hall taught me in the strictest way that there is never any good intention without a reason in this world, and everyone who gets close to you may have ulterior motives.
I was on guard, scrutinizing everything around me, including you, who had suddenly intruded.
So, at first, I thought that five-year-old Quhe was really chattering.
Every time, you would come to me with that basket of bayberries that was bigger than you, and force those fruits into my mouth, completely ignoring my furrowed brow.
Later, you always volunteered to push my wheelchair, saying you wanted to take me to see the alleyways and the excitement. In the end, I was usually the one operating the wheelchair, while you would fall asleep on my lap when you got tired.
When I'm writing, you'll steal my pen and draw all sorts of ugly swallows on my clean notebook.
Faced with your enthusiasm, I repeatedly reminded myself:
At the farewell banquet, you are leaving.
You're just a passerby here. This annoying little girl, who's like a little sun, will never cross paths with you in life.
You can't be soft-hearted, you can't get used to it, and you can't become addicted.
I am leaving, I definitely am leaving.
But what if you get bullied by others after I leave?
later,
When you placed that ceramic swallow in my palm
All the defenses I had built up crumbled instantly.
I don't want to leave.
I want to stay in Yujia Ferry.
I'll stay in the summer with you.
I want to be your Swallow Brother forever.
Ah-He, I'm sorry.
I broke my promise.
I thought our life trajectories would remain parallel from then on, never to intersect again.
I silently kept that promise.
Until we met again at the City Park.
When you put the lotus keychain in my hand.
At that moment, eighteen-year-old Zhuang Bieyan had something he wanted for the first time.
That's you.
But I dare not go near.
I can only watch you grow up silently from a place where you can't see me, like a despicable voyeur.
The time difference between China and the UK is seven hours, but I miss you for thirty-one hours.
I think of you in the rainy London, I think of you frantically during my short flight home, and I think of you hopelessly in every dream and reality related to you.
When I finally thought I was qualified to approach you, I returned home with trepidation and anticipation, wanting to tell you everything.
But I saw that someone else was already standing next to you.
Holding the flowers, you ran smiling towards his umbrella.
My swallow, in the end, flew into someone else's arms.
At that moment, I heard the sound of my world collapsing once again.
Every time I think of you after that is a desecration.
Later, I revisited the Zhuang family's ridiculous 321 rules.
I tried to use these rules and regulations to restrain my out-of-control mind and to rein in those wildly growing delusions.
I thought that as long as I restrained myself enough, I could forget.
But I was wrong, terribly wrong.
Ah He, how can love be bound by rules?
It will only burn more fiercely and desperately on the barren wasteland of forced suppression.
Therefore, I used the most despicable means.
I know this is selfish, shameless, and utterly despicable.
But, Ah He, I have no regrets.
Even if I had to do it a thousand times over, I would still make the same choice.
Even if it means going to hell, I'll accept it.
This ten-year unrequited love, hidden from the light of day, this long wait and vigil that almost drove me to despair...
Finally, at the moment you rushed into my arms in your wedding dress, I heard the most compassionate response.
Even the gods and Buddhas have mercy on me.
Ah He, look.
You are destined to be my wife.
It seemed like destiny.
You are destined to be entangled with me, a sinful and cunning man, for the rest of your life.
I know that you must hate me right now.
They hate me for concealing things at every turn, hate my meticulous scheming, hate me as a complete liar.
I dare not ask for your forgiveness.
But I still want to tell you,
I love you, Ah He.
This love has never changed for a single moment.
The sunset outside the window was fading, and the letter paper was full of writing.
Ah He, could you spare me a little more of your love?
husband,
Farewell banquet.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
