84 Pious
◎Hating her and then embarking on the path of looking up to her◎
When she inquired closer, she heard some say he was taken away. She thought it was just a minor matter. After all, Kong Wei had always danced online in her past and present lives. She had been worried before, but now she was numb to it and no longer surprised.
But for several consecutive days, Yan Xunzhi didn't wait for Kong Wei.
They don't live together now, so she can't know her whereabouts as clearly as before, and she doesn't know whether she disappeared because she was busy or just never came back.
Officer Yan was getting a little impatient and stopped by the cafeteria to check on Ning Yue. Ning Yue said, "I'm busy. I have something to deal with."
Normally, this would have put his mind at ease, but today, Yan Xunzhi didn't know why, and felt that something was not a good omen. He couldn't help but ask, "What's the matter?"
Ning Yue shrugged. "You ask me? She didn't tell me. Why don't you ask Sang Wanyin?"
Oh. She turned and continued squatting over Sang Wanyin, carrying her empty plate. Sang Wanyin had arrived quite late, listening to her talk while getting her food. As she walked towards the table with her food, her expression was conflicted. "First, I'm not sure, and second, I don't think you'd want to know..."
Is it related to her? Yan Xunzhi's heart skipped a beat. "Has the ghost in the tower above been found?"
Sang Wanyin looked at her with an indescribable expression, one that betrayed denial. Yan Xunzhi's mind felt a bit blank, not knowing if it was because she truly couldn't think of it, or if she simply didn't want to think about it.
"...The guide you mixed up with last time spread the news. Luckily, someone inside stopped it in time and it didn't spread completely. Kong Wei went to deal with it."
The hanging heart finally fell down with a snap and shattered into pieces on the ground.
"Before...didn't you handle it?" Yan Xunzhi heard his voice was hoarse, as if his throat was crushed. "At that time, Officer Sun asked me, and I thought I just dealt with it directly..."
Sang Wanyin looked up at her, "Didn't you say you warned her? Sun Yesuo didn't do anything for your sake, right?"
Yan Xunzhi pulled the corner of his mouth stiffly, wanting to say, what face did she have. But the fact was right in front of him: Sun Yesuo was about to execute him, and it was she who persuaded him.
Now, she almost implicated the entire experiment and dozens or hundreds of people.
Yan Xunzhi unconsciously clenched her hands. Her fingertips were cold, almost numb, and a sense of fear rose in her, as if everything she did was wrong.
Everything she did was wrong.
"Yan Xunzhi?" Seeing that she didn't move and was obviously distracted, Sang Wanyin pushed her and said, "Hey, can you hear me?"
Yan Xunzhi woke up and turned to look at her, "Oh, what did you say?"
"I said, Kong Wei will probably be able to go back tonight."
Oh, I'll be back tonight.
Is she planning where to go these days? Or is she going to file a report and go out on a mission in advance? Last time it was Kong Wei's fault, and she couldn't face her. This time it was her fault, and she still found it difficult to face it. Over the past few years, her skills as an ostrich have improved a lot.
Finally decided to accept the penalty.
She bought the most revealing dress in the store. The South Section was too small, and there were no secrets, especially not for her. The shopkeeper looked at her with an ambiguous, I-know-what-he-is-doing look, but Yan Xunzhi remained numb and didn't bother to respond.
Whatever, she really, really wanted to atone for her sins with her beauty.
I found someone to carefully put on a very gorgeous makeup look for me.
Perhaps she'd been too busy these days to take care of three full meals a day, so the person in the mirror looked thinner. They were closer in age, too, and with makeup on, they looked almost exactly like she remembered them.
Yan Xunzhi turned several directions in the mirror to look at himself, and with such a fake skin on, he knocked on Kong Wei's door tremblingly.
Kong Weiyi smiled as he opened the door, "...Is this what you use the memory for?"
Yan Xunzhi said nothing, suppressing his slightly trembling heart. He rubbed her twice, imitating her previous life, pressing his body against her chest, raising his head to please her. Kong Wei put his arm around her waist, scraped her nose, and kissed her.
Her kiss was gentle, stripping me bare, powerless, leaving only a sticky lingering feeling. It was also unique, like a quagmire after rain; the moment you step in, you struggle, afraid of sinking, but then you sink in, damp and silent.
"ha……"
At the moment of transition, Yan Xunzhi was able to break away and take a short breath.
Two words flashed through my mind: Liar.
She said she loved her, her body was so honest. She had never seen her so intimate and gentle before. It was just because she was living so much like her past life today.
But the surging sourness was drowned out by greater fear in the blink of an eye. Yan Xunzhi tried his best to devote everything he had.
Until everything was over, at the end, she leaned on her pillow, her head leaning against her, leaning against her formlessly. Feeling the peace all over her body, he raised his eyes cautiously.
"You..." Yan Xunzhi just squeezed out a word from between his teeth with difficulty, and the rest was piled up.
"It's about the mixed team guide." She only started, but Kong Wei already knew what she wanted to ask. His tone was dull, as if she wasn't the one who had been rushing around these days and almost failed. "She reported it to her superiors and was discovered. I went to deal with it."
Yan Xunzhi didn't dare and couldn't ask what the result of her words was. She almost hurt so many people. If it weren't for Kong Wei, these people would have paid the price for her momentary weakness. "I'm sorry... I thought she was a grounded person and would be conservative..."
Kong Wei just gently untangled her messy hair, ruffled it, and said, "I know."
"Actually, I didn't realize there were so many branches within the ground faction." She laughed. "I used to think that those who existed on the ground faction but didn't want to return to the ground were reluctant to leave everything in the underground city. Later I realized it's not that simple."
"The funniest thing I've ever heard is that some people believe that humans should retain their most primitive genes. My experiment was successful, but it was essentially a human mutation. If humans eventually have to return to the surface through mutation, then what's the point of living in the underground city for over two hundred years? We're all in the same place, so what's the difference?"
Yan Xunzhi stared at her blankly.
She twisted her hair with her fingers, making slow circles, "But we've all gone through body transformations. When she said that, she was a sentinel herself."
"Real humans, splitting into different directions?"
“…”
Two hundred years in the underground city are also two hundred years on the ground. The ground has already defined its boundaries. If you want to live on the ground, you will definitely end up in the same place.
The world moves forward, and humans can only follow.
Yan Xunzhi lowered his head and said, "I will never make decisions on my own again..."
Kong Wei smiled. "It's okay. This is normal. It's nothing serious. If the experiment is so easily exposed, then all my years of planning would be in vain. I'll just have to start over."
Yan Xunzhi couldn't help but laugh. A thousand-mile dam can be destroyed by a single ant's bite. Sometimes the most fatal mistake is just a tiny mistake...
"Besides, you have the right to kill her or let her go. Being able to make decisions is better than many people."
She shuddered slightly.
Kong Wei gently tugged at the ends of her curly hair and said, "Look, Sun Yesuo threw this job to me a long time ago, preferring to clean my ass."
Huh? Yan Xunzhi looked up at her, "...Why?"
Kong Wei was a bit casual, "Making a decision means taking responsibility, but people are prone to being soft-hearted, hesitant, and short-sighted. It's impossible to always make every decision calmly."
"...You too?" She looked up.
"Didn't you see it?" She glanced at Yan Xunzhi and said with a smile, "Me too."
Yan Xunzhi looked up to her as a myth, but she bent down and never showed any difference.
Kong Wei asked her if she wanted to move back. Yan Xunzhi hesitated and refused. She looked at her with a smile and said, "Okay, what a pity."
She spoke of regret, but laughed happier than anyone else. Yan Xunzhi secretly complained a few words, and two days later, he received another invitation from her. The sentry was furious, "Does playing with me make you happy?"
Kong Wei actually nodded, "Of course."
"..." Yan Xunzhi lost his temper and said weakly after a long while, "Get lost."
Kong Wei laughed, "Then I'm leaving." She paused and added, "Before you leave, tell me that I think you want to move back, otherwise I won't ask you."
...Does she want to?
Yan Xunzhi was a little reluctant to know.
The schedule to return to the East District was inexplicably postponed for various reasons. Officer Yan was accustomed to being assassinated in the more chaotic and unprotected South District. Looking at the shadow of the other party falling down, it seemed that she had accepted it.
One time, Sang Wanyin happened to be bumped into nearby. Yan Xunzhi witnessed for the first time what it meant to have brains splattered. He grimaced at the scene and said, "You... this is too violent."
Sang Wanyin shook her hands and took out a bottle of potion, "I don't have an exoskeleton, otherwise I could be even more violent."
Yan Xunzhi glanced at the bloody mess with disbelief and looked away, "It's very troublesome to clean it up like this..."
She didn't care at all, she opened her mouth and gulped down the medicine, "He didn't kill me. I'll leave it here for them to watch and see who comes next time."
Sentinel Yan didn't dare to speak.
But it seemed like this method was really effective, or maybe they had cleaned up a lot recently and the people were all gone. After that day, no one really followed her.
Officer Kong invited her for the third time. Yan Xunzhi vaguely realized that this was the last time. Kong Wei never forced anything. She was silent for an unprecedented moment. "... Let me think about it."
Kong Wei raised his eyebrows. "Okay. I'll go to the surface the day after tomorrow. You can think it over carefully for two days."
But at night, when I pushed the door open, I saw her. Her hair was disheveled, she was leaning back in a chair, her eyes half closed, and she seemed to be half dazed. When she heard the door open, she propped up her head and got up.
"You've been drinking."
Yan Xunzhi took a moment to react, then nodded uncontrollably, "Yeah, I drank it." She smiled with her eyes curved and gestured, "Sang Wanyin treated me to it, it's very expensive! I never drink it..."
"They all say that drinking makes you drunk and stupid, and you forget everything. But I drank and didn't feel anything." She shook her head again, "I still remember, so I drank again... I still remember everything, everything..."
She leaned towards Kong Wei, her head a little weak, and nudged her bit by bit. After a while, she grabbed the corner of her clothes and raised her head. Her face was naturally soft, and her eye sockets were filled with water, so soft and bright that it almost broke. "How come I am the same as you in this aspect? Why can't I get drunk..."
Kong Wei leaned over and covered her eyes, "You are already drunk."
His palms were wet. Yan Xunzhi said, "I'm not drunk. If I were drunk, I would forget everything, but I remember everything."
"Why can't I love you again without restraint? Why do I always think about the past?"
As a young recruit in the East District, she has a sincere heart.
But why doesn't she love her?
She is such a bitch, she doesn't love others who love her. She sticks to those who take advantage of her.
"Kong Wei, tell me, if I hadn't met you first, would I not love you?"
Kong Wei said gently, "Yes."
"Really?"
"Really." She said without disguising, "You didn't love me in your previous life."
It turned out that Kong Wei knew very well that she was the only one trapped.
Even though she saw it with her own eyes in her memory, she still had doubts and found it hard to be sure.
Yan Xunzhi's tears fell.
"But I feel more and more that we are similar. Why do I hate you so much and want to stay away from you so much, but in the end, I am still chasing after you."
Even if she hadn't met her, she would still adore her and look up to her. If she had met her, she would have loved her.
"We shouldn't be the same kind of people. We shouldn't be. Why should we be the same kind of people?"
She was so afraid of her, yet she walked towards her step by step.
She had to admit that Kong Wei had lived two lives, immersed in this world for many years, and had mastered the rules of the game. She was the most adaptable person to the underground. Everything she did was based on profit. In the face of endless underground and death, speed was the least sacrifice.
Someone must contribute to the federation, someone must be consumed as lubricant on the mechanical gears; the interests of the individual and the collective can never be completely aligned. Kong Wei personally selected the smallest loss, at the cost of his choice.
She is the cold-blooded one, but the result is the merciful one.
The only one in that special case was given to her in her previous life.
Yan Xunzhi laughed dizzily.
In the previous life, Kong Wei loved her, and she used her as a shield. In this life, he came back, which was great. God didn't owe her anything.
"If you think this specialness is love..." Kong Wei said after a moment, "I can also give you specialness."
She just didn't understand love, not that she couldn't learn it. No one in the world was born with the ability to distinguish between joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness. Only by seeing others can you understand what emotions are. She just lacked this awareness, which made her seem so unfeeling.
If Yan Xunzhi feels that this is love, she doesn't mind making her feel at ease.
“…”
Those words, fueled by alcohol, seemed so alluring and seductive. Yan Xunzhi paused for a long moment, feeling his heart beating so rapidly, like a drum, it almost hurt.
As if waking from a dream, he struggled to push her away, "...No."
"Don't be special to me, don't change for me."
"Kong Wei." She sat up straight, a little drunk, her voice sharp and fierce, as she spoke each word, "Don't give in to me."
Don't give in to me, don't tolerate me, feelings are feelings, too much giving in and concessions will only wear them out. She came back because I loved her, and even more because I admired her.
She was the sun on the ground, scorching and dazzling. She couldn't help but be attracted to it, stepping on the path she walked and falling behind her. As long as Kong Wei moved forward, the further she walked, the longer she would follow.
Staying with her doesn't necessarily mean love.
If she is still uneasy, there may not be any result.
The destination was ethereal, and she was willing to be a believer, viewing her as a god. Gods never lie, and every cause has its consequences. Control is no longer control, manipulation is no longer manipulation, and those deceptions will eventually be dispelled, and hatred and pain will have a place to return to, sinking heavily to the ground.
Let her chase her and look up to her, instead of... loving her.
【Author’s words】
Pickled Fish: There are obstacles? No problem, I can hypnotize myself and bypass them.
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