Decide
The evening breeze was slightly chilly. Gu Hanzhi pulled her loose, light gray T-shirt closer, her washed-out blue shorts accentuating her slender legs. Her plain face exuded a cool, aloof air. Walking on the sidewalk, she inadvertently attracted the vague glances of passersby, but she remained oblivious, gazing at the warm yellow-lit restaurant not far away. Her steps paused.
The wind chimes on the glass door chimed softly as she pushed it open. Gu Hanzhi took a deep breath, her eyes scanning the restaurant, quickly settling on the window seat. Shen Zhihe was looking down at his phone, his fingertips lightly stroking the screen, the lines of his profile softened by the light. She walked over, pulled out the chair opposite, and sat down, saying softly, "You've been waiting for a long time, haven't you?"
Shen Zhihe looked up when he heard the voice, and casually placed his phone on the corner of the table. A faint smile spread across his lips: "No, I just got here not long ago."
"What would you like to eat?" Shen Zhihe pushed the menu over, a smile in his voice, "I heard that this restaurant's signature pasta is quite good."
Gu Hanzhi lowered her head and flipped through the menu, the aroma of food lingering around her nose, but she had no appetite. When she looked up, she met Shen Zhihe's gaze. His eyes were like obsidian immersed in warm water, and her heart skipped a beat. She quickly looked away: "Anything is fine, I don't have any dietary restrictions."
Shen Zhihe didn't ask any more questions. He called the waiter and ordered his meal, along with a glass of lemonade and an orange soda. While waiting, the air was so quiet that he could hear the cicadas chirping outside the window. Gu Hanzhi's grip on the water glass tightened slightly, unsure what to say first.
The air seemed to have been paused as the two sat silently across a square table covered with a beige tablecloth. The warm light from the chandelier cast a pale shadow on the surface of the table, illuminating Gu Hanzhi's fingers as they dangled from her lap. Shen Zhihe rested his fingertips on the rim of his cup, his gaze fixed on her slightly furrowed brow. Neither of them broke the silence.
The few seconds seemed stretched out so long that Gu Hanzhi could hear the erratic beat of her own heart. Finally unable to resist, she looked up at the person opposite her, her tone slightly tentative, "Why are you suddenly inviting me to dinner?"
Shen Zhihe's fingertips paused on the glass, and the fragmented shadows of the light were reflected in his black eyes. He did not answer immediately, but pondered for a moment before slowly speaking: "I will answer this question after dinner." His voice was not loud, but it carried an unquestionable certainty.
Gu Hanzhi was about to say something else when the door to the private room was gently pushed open, saving her from the dilemma. Two waiters came in with trays. The person in front carefully placed two plates of pasta. The tomato sauce formed a beautiful arc on the bottom of the plate, and the chopped basil sprinkled on top was bright green.
Following closely behind were two plates of steaks, their edges slightly charred, their interiors rosy and tender, still steaming softly. Another waiter set down two drinks: one lemonade in a clear glass, lime slices gently floating in the water, and the other orange soda, a vibrant orange-yellow, with fine bubbles rising along the sides.
The waiter said softly, "Enjoy your meal," and left. They were the only two left in the box again, but the air was filled with the aroma of food, which was a little lighter than before.
The waiter swiftly placed the plates on the table. The aroma of tomato sauce on the pasta, mixed with the scorching aroma of steak, instantly filled the air. Gu Hanzhi glanced at the bubbling glass of orange soda. Fine droplets of water still condensed on the bottle, clearly fresh from the ice bucket.
"Do you still remember that I like to drink this?" She unconsciously stroked the edge of the table with her fingertips, and there was a hint of surprise in her tone that she didn't even realize.
Shen Zhihe was cutting the steak into small pieces with a knife and fork. He looked up at her with a faint smile in his eyes. "Remembering some unimportant things is better than having a bad memory." He pushed the cut steak towards her. "I heard that their steak has a special aroma. You should try it."
Gu Hanzhi didn't ask any more questions, but she was a little slow to pick up her knife and fork. The soothing piano music drifted over from the restaurant, making the silence between them less tense than before and instead taking on a more inexplicable meaning.
The two of them had finished their meal, and the table still lingered with the warmth and faint aroma of the food. Shen Zhihe suddenly spoke, a barely perceptible hint of nervousness in his voice: "Hanzhi, there's something I want to tell you."
Gu Hanzhi looked up at him with a hint of doubt in her eyes.
He took a deep breath, his eyes fixed on her seriously. "Can we get engaged next month? I know it sounds hasty, but after spending time together, I clearly know that I want to take our relationship to the next level." He said solemnly, "I will be responsible for you and will use all my time to prove it. Please... accept my engagement."
As he finished speaking, he pulled an exquisite velvet box from his pocket and opened it with a trembling fingertips. Inside, a ring lay quietly, its delicate light shimmering under the light. The delicately carved rose pattern on the edge of the ring gave it an elegant and gentle appearance, a ring clearly chosen with care. He held the box, his eyes filled with anticipation, waiting for her answer.
Gu Hanzhi's fingertips curled quietly at her sides, her nails almost digging into her palms. She lowered her eyelids, her long lashes casting a small, trembling shadow beneath her eyes, as if she was afraid that Shen Zhihe would see the emotions surging in her eyes.
"Zhihe," her voice was a little lower than usual, and each word seemed to be squeezed out carefully from between her teeth. "Forgive me... I can't accept your engagement."
As soon as she finished speaking, she could feel the person across from her stiffen imperceptibly, as if the air froze at that moment. Not daring to look up, she continued, "I can't lie to myself about the past few days we've been together. I truly have you in my heart. I remember everything you've done for me, every place we've been."
At this point, her throat seemed to be blocked by something. She paused for a long time before continuing, her voice choked with a barely perceptible sob. "But it was only in these few days that I suddenly realized that what I pursued was never the stability of relying on others. What I want is true happiness, the kind that allows the soul to breathe freely."
She took a deep breath, as if she had made a huge decision: "I have booked the plane ticket and will go abroad to study in the next few days. I will go to a place where no one knows me, study the major I want to study, live the life I want to live, and pursue the freedom in my heart."
With the last words, she finally raised her eyes and looked in the direction of Shen Zhihe. There was guilt and reluctance in her eyes, but more of a resolute determination: "If you still love me deeply, please agree to my request. Let me go, and let yourself go."
After saying that, she quickly lowered her head again, her shoulders shaking slightly, as if she was trying hard to suppress something. Only her clenched hands revealed her uneasy mood at the moment.
Gu Hanzhi's fingertips paused on the ring box for a long time. Seeing that Shen Zhihe remained silent without even raising his eyelids, she finally closed the box gently. Her voice was as calm as a layer of ice: "This ring should be left to your future wife."
She pushed the box in front of him, and the table made a slight sound, but still did not elicit any reaction from him.
"I'll pay for this meal." Gu Hanzhi picked up the bag on the back of the chair, the metal chain making a small sound in the quiet room. "From now on, we will live our own lives."
Without another glance at him, she turned and walked toward the bar. The moment the waiter settled the bill, the glass door slowly closed behind her, completely isolating the silent figure and the table full of untouched food. The street wind blew fallen leaves past her ankles. She clutched the strap of her bag tightly, but didn't look back.
As Gu Hanzhi's figure disappeared in front of that familiar door, her steps, like clockwork, never faltered. The night wind was exceptionally chilly, causing her thin clothes to sway slightly, but it couldn't dispel the complex mixture of bitterness and determination that washed over her. Almost instinctively, she hurried home, the clacking of her high heels on the cobblestones resonating distinctly in the still night, each clatter urging her to flee, to return to the corner that temporarily offered her refuge.
Finally, the familiar door of her home appeared before her eyes. Gu Hanzhi stretched out her trembling hand and gently pushed it open. The door hinges creaked softly, as if a heavy burden had been lifted off her shoulders. Her tense shoulders instantly relaxed, and the tension in her heart suddenly relaxed. She breathed a long sigh of relief, and even her breathing became smoother. A warm yellow light was on in the living room, its soft glow dispelling the chill of the night and allowing her to calm down a little.
"Sister, have you packed your luggage?" A clear young voice came from the sofa. Gu Songyi was sitting there flipping through a travel guide. Seeing her come back, he immediately looked up, his eyes filled with anticipation for the unknown journey. "We're leaving for Country A tomorrow, don't forget anything."
Gu Hanzhi looked at her brother's face, which was still childish but already revealed a bit of heroism. She walked over, reached out and took his arm, indicating that he should sit on the sofa with her. Her fingertips were still a little cold, but when they touched Gu Songyi's warm skin, she felt inexplicably calmed down. Silence filled the air for a few seconds before she spoke softly, with a barely perceptible hoarseness in her voice: "Songyi, do you... like Brother Zhihe?"
Gu Songyi was stunned for a moment, as if he hadn't expected his sister to ask this out of the blue. He put down the strategy in his hand, thought carefully, then raised his head and looked at Gu Hanzhi with clear and frank eyes: "Brother Zhihe has always been very good to us. Besides, as long as it's someone that I like, I will like them too." He said it as a matter of course. In his heart, his sister's preferences have always been an important criterion for him to judge whether a person is good or bad. What's more, Shen Zhihe's treatment of them is indeed impeccable.
When Gu Hanzhi heard this, her heart seemed to be hit lightly by something, and a sour feeling surged up instantly. She lowered her eyelids, and her long eyelashes cast a light shadow under her eyes, and her fingers unconsciously clenched the fabric of the sofa. Yes, Song Yi is still young, he doesn't understand the twists and turns here, and doesn't understand her struggle and reluctance at the moment. She sniffed, trying to suppress the sob in her throat, reached out and touched her brother's head, and said in a low voice: "Well, you are right." But in that "like", how many unspeakable thoughts are hidden, probably only she knows.
The early morning darkness, like a piece of velvet soaked in ink, silently enveloped the entire city. Even the wind outside the window had calmed down, carrying a touch of the autumn night's coolness, yet the stillness was unwavering. Gu Hanzhi stared open her eyes at the blurred lines on the ceiling. In the dimness, they formed an invisible net, gently enveloping her.
Gu Hanzhi lay flat on her bed, eyes open, staring at the blurred lines on the ceiling. Moonlight streamed in through the gaps in the curtains, casting a thin, silvery streak across the sheets, like an unhealable wound. Her hand gently rested on her abdomen, where a secret lay hidden, a secret that could destroy all tenderness—late-stage stomach cancer.
She didn't know whether this decision was a salvation for each other or a foreshadowing of the abyss.
Is it a blessing?
She turned sideways. On the bedside table was a framed photo of her and Shen Zhihe. In the photo, he was wearing a white shirt, smiling and holding her shoulders. The sunlight fell on the tips of his hair, so dazzling that it was impossible to look away.
Shen Zhihe, the man who had spoiled her like a princess, the man who had promised to accompany her to see the world. If she left, went to that distant country A, and completely disappeared from his world under the pretext of "studying abroad," would he not have to face her increasingly haggard face, toss and turn in bed late at night because of her pain, or spend all his savings only to watch her leave?
For him, this was a blessing. He didn't have to be burdened by her illness, his memories no longer tainted with bitterness. He was still young, and he could meet new people and live the bright, smooth life that was meant for him. She had even thought of her words, written that "calm" suicide note, every word pushing him away, like cutting her own flesh, yet forcing herself to say, "It's worth it."
But... is it a disaster?
She closed her eyes, a familiar dull ache throbbing in her stomach, like a hand gently twisting it. Three months, in a strange country, without his voice, without his earnest explanations, without his clumsily learned strength in massage. She had to face the side effects of chemotherapy alone, alone when she woke in pain late at night to face an empty room, alone...towards the end.
What would these three months be like? Would she be tormented by longing for him, or struggling with the fear of death? She didn't even dare to think. When she was truly gone, would Shen Zhihe one day discover the truth? Would he blame her? Would he, at some point, miss her, the one who had left without saying goodbye, just as she missed him now?
The wind finally moved, causing the edge of the curtains to sway slightly, bringing in a hint of light from a distant street lamp, casting a slender shadow on the floor. Gu Hanzhi curled up and buried his face in the pillow, which seemed to still retain the warmth of his last night's leaning.
Whether it was a blessing or a curse, she seemed to no longer have the energy to distinguish. She only knew that she couldn't let Shen Zhihe's world be tarnished because of her. Even if behind this choice was a dark and long road that she had to walk alone.
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