Moonlight and tears
On the third day after the monthly exams, the morning sun streamed through the classroom windows, casting a crisscross pattern of light and dark across the desks. Shen Zhihe sat by the window, his fingertips unconsciously caressing the pen. The camphor tree outside rustled in the breeze. He watched his classmates chattering in groups in the hallway, his heart a stagnant pool, calm on the surface but surging beneath.
Gu Hanzhi walked in from the back door, her ponytail swaying gently with her steps, clutching a stack of workbooks. She habitually glanced at Shen Zhihe, who was staring out the window, lost in thought. They hadn't spoken properly for a week, ever since they'd gone home after school that day. They'd seen each other in the exam room during the monthly exam, but it had been nothing more than a nod.
After class, when a classmate learned that the monthly exam results were out, everyone rushed to the notice board in the playground like crazy. There they saw the first and second place clearly listed.
The crowd erupted in excitement. A girl in the front row stood on tiptoe, pointing at the top of the list and gasping, "Shen Zhihe's number one again! This is the third time in a row, right?" Before she could finish her words, a boy in the back row pounded on the wall exaggeratedly, "Gu Hanzhi is still second! Are this 'fairy couple' going to dominate the list until graduation?"
"Let's make a move!" Several boys crowded around the notice board. One of them pointed at a name with wide eyes. "I bet ten bags of spicy noodles that there's definitely a dark horse this time—" He trailed off before finishing his sentence. "Well, it's these two MVPs again. I accept defeat with conviction." The boy with glasses pushed up his glasses and said, "The first and second place in the grade are like their exclusive seats. They're unshakable."
Before he knew it, a drizzle had begun to fall as the school bell rang. Shen Zhihe packed his schoolbag, looked out the window at the drizzling rain, and fished out a black umbrella from the drawer. He walked out of the classroom and paused at the stairs at the end of the corridor—Gu Hanzhi was leaning against the railing, staring blankly at the rain below.
"Let's go together." Shen Zhihe's voice broke the silence.
Gu Hanzhi turned her head, a flicker of surprise in her eyes, and then nodded gently. The two walked side by side up the stairs leading to the rooftop, their footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. As they pushed open the iron door leading to the rooftop, a damp wind, laced with raindrops, blew in, rustling the corners of their clothes.
The puddles at the edge of the rooftop reflected the gloomy sky. Shen Zhihe folded his umbrella and leaned against the rusty iron railings. Gu Hanzhi stood a few steps away from him, her fingers unconsciously tugging at the strap of her schoolbag.
"I lost this time." Gu Hanzhi was the first to break the silence, with a hint of unwillingness in her voice, "But in the next monthly exam, I will definitely surpass you."
Shen Zhihe chuckled and said, "I'm always at your service." He paused, then added, "Actually, every time we take a test, I hope you can beat me."
Gu Hanzhi looked up suddenly, his eyes full of confusion: "Why?"
"Because..." Shen Zhihe looked at the tall buildings shrouded in rain and fog in the distance, "Only when I'm taking the exam can I temporarily forget about the troubles at home."
This sentence seemed to open a valve, and Gu Hanzhi's expression instantly became complicated. She bit her lip and said, "Me too. Every night, listening to the sound of my drunken dad smashing things, I could only lock myself in my room and do homework. Only by immersing myself in those formulas and words could I feel alive."
Shen Zhihe turned around, looking at Gu Hanzhi's wind-twisted hair and the tired look in her eyes, and a bitter feeling welled up in his heart. He thought of his own situation at home—facing his stepmother Xu Huanxi's hypocritical smile and his sister Xu Zhiyi's occasional overly caring attitude, wasn't he also forcing a smile?
"My stepmother treats me very well on the surface. She always acts hypocritically in front of others. Others think she is a kind mother." Shen Zhihe's voice was a little hoarse, "But as long as it's just the two of us, she will humiliate me with the most vicious words. She said I was an unwanted bastard, and that only those who are not loved are mistresses... Hearing what my stepmother said, I even thought she had killed my mother."
Gu Hanzhi's body trembled slightly. She hadn't expected the seemingly prosperous Shen Zhihe to have such a shameful side. "My mother died when I was very young," she whispered. "My father started drinking heavily after that. During the day, he was the resolute and decisive Mr. Gu at the company, but at night, he turned into a drunkard when he came home. Sometimes, when he sobered up, he would hug me and cry, saying sorry to me and Mom, but the next day, he would be back to his old ways."
Shen Zhihe's pupils suddenly contracted. It turned out they had all lost their mothers, struggling to survive in broken homes. He suddenly remembered the warm memories of his childhood, when his mother was still alive, of the three of them. But now, everything had changed.
"I hate this kind of life!" Gu Hanzhi suddenly became emotional, her voice tinged with tears. "I hate living in fear every day. I hate that my mother died the same month I was bullied in junior high school. I hate pretending to be calm in school. I hate that everyone thinks I'm pretending!"
"So am I!" Shen Zhihe also raised his voice. "I hate Xu Huanxi's hypocrisy, I hate my father for bringing Xu Huanxi home, I hate Xu Zhiyi's excessive love, and I hate that everyone thinks I have a happy family!"
The sound of their quarrel echoed on the empty rooftop. The rain soaked their hair and clothes, but no one cared. Gu Hanzhi was so angry that she was shaking all over, and Shen Zhihe's eyes were red.
"Do you think you're the only one suffering?!" Gu Hanzhi shouted. "At least you still have money and a good life! But what about me? Every day I worry whether Dad will bankrupt the company, whether my brother will develop a chronic illness from living in this kind of family, and whether my next birthday will be spent with only my brother and the nanny!"
"Money?!" Shen Zhihe sneered, "Do you think money can buy family affection? No matter how expensive clothes Xu Huanxi buys me or how nice the gifts she gives me, it can't change the fact that she hates me! Ever since my father married that Xu Huanxi, he has never been as close to me as before. Now I feel like an outsider, a decoration in that family!"
The argument intensified, and both men poured out years of pent-up grievances and anger. Suddenly, Gu Hanzhi's foot slipped, and she fell backward. Quick-witted, Shen Zhihe rushed over, grabbed her wrist, and pulled her into his arms.
The two were so close they could clearly hear each other's rapid breathing. Gu Hanzhi's eyes were still filled with tears, and Shen Zhihe's chest was heaving violently. Just then, a strong wind blew past, knocking Gu Hanzhi's schoolbag over, scattering its contents to the ground.
A faded photo floated to Shen Zhihe's feet. He bent down to pick it up. It showed a young woman holding little Gu Hanzhi, who was only seven years old at the time. They were both smiling happily. On the back of the photo were small words: "To my beloved Hanzhi, Mommy loves you forever. - 2012, Su Wanqing"
Gu Hanzhi also saw the photo, and tears welled up in her eyes again. Shen Zhihe looked at the photo and thought of the family photo he had kept deep in the drawer. Back then, his mother was still alive, his stepmother hadn't come home yet, and it was a warm and cozy family of three. When he thought of that family photo, his throat seemed to be blocked by something.
Somehow, the two of them suddenly burst into laughter. There was bitterness in their laughter, a sense of relief, and a sense of helplessness towards fate. Gu Hanzhi laughed so hard she couldn't straighten her back, while Shen Zhihe wiped his face with his hands, unable to tell if it was rain or tears.
"We...what's this?" Gu Hanzhi said with a smile.
Shen Zhihe shook his head: "Maybe they are just two idiots going crazy in the rain."
The laughter gradually died down, and the two squatted on the ground to pick up the scattered items. The rain had stopped at some point, and the afterglow of the setting sun shone through the clouds onto the rooftop, casting a warm glow around them. The dusk was as dark as ink, stained the rooftop in varying shades of gray and purple.
Gu Hanzhi's back was to the gradually brightening lights of countless houses. The evening breeze lifted a few strands of hair from her temples, trembling gently against her pale cheeks. She stared down at the half-dead leaf stuck to the edge of her sneaker. Suddenly, she bent down to pick it up, twisting it between her fingers. The fragile veins of the dead leaf glowed translucently in the twilight.
"Shen Zhihe," she suddenly spoke, her voice a little hoarse than usual, yet with a clarity like that of a woman emerging from a cocoon. Turning around, the girl stubbornly raised her chin. Moonlight fell on the corners of her reddened eyes, reflecting tiny glints like crushed stars. "Next monthly exam, I'll definitely beat you."
She took a step forward, her canvas shoes scraping softly against the cement floor. Her fingers, hanging at her sides, curled and unclenched slightly, as if gathering strength. The distant chirping of returning birds, mingling with the laughter and playfulness of students downstairs, now faded into a blurry background.
"It's not because of anyone's expectations." She looked directly at the moonlight reflected in Shen Zhihe's eyes, with tears still stained on her eyelashes, but her smile was particularly bright, "I want to win. I want to prove that even if I roll in the mud, I can pick my own moon." As she spoke, she raised her hand and wiped her face randomly. Her hair was rubbed messy, but it unexpectedly showed some vitality.
Shen Zhihe stared at the empty rooftop entrance, his lips curled up unconsciously. The setting sun in the distance cast a brilliant halo in the direction the girl had disappeared. He looked down at the dead leaf crushed by Gu Hanzhi at his feet, and suddenly felt as if something was quietly growing in this pitch-black night.
The sun gradually set, dyeing the sky a brilliant red. Shen Zhihe and Gu Hanzhi each took in the beautiful scenery before them. They knew that although their family problems still existed, at least in this moment, they had found resonance with each other and a trace of courage to move forward.
In the days to come, they may still face countless difficulties and challenges, but they are no longer lonely individuals, because they have become each other's support in this unexpected quarrel and reconciliation.
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