Old shadows return
A week later, news of Shen Zhihe's complete recovery spread silently across campus, like a bud quietly blooming in spring. Gu Hanzhi's fingertips traced the edge of her textbook, her expression remaining calm on the surface, but the glimmer beneath her eyelashes betrayed her inner joy. She lowered her eyes to conceal her emotions, wrapping herself back in a cool, detached shell, as if nothing around her mattered to her.
During lunch break, sunlight filtered through the dappled leaves, casting a golden glow across the classroom floor. In the empty classroom, Gu Hanzhi was the only one, bent over her desk, writing furiously. She flipped through page after page in her workbook, the rustling of her pen tip across the paper interweaving with the rustling of leaves outside the window into a monotonous melody. She was immersed in the world of trigonometry, its complex formulas and graphs dancing like spirits, tugging at her thoughts.
"Gu Xueba, is the workbook more important than eating?" Jiang Wanning's furry head suddenly popped out from behind Gu Hanzhi, her ponytail swaying gently with her movements. Her eyes squinted, a sly smile playing at the corners of her mouth. Her hot breath, with the sweetness of mint candy, brushed against Gu Hanzhi's ear.
Gu Hanzhi paused with her pen, but she didn't look up as she continued to graph the function on the scratch paper. Her lines were smooth and precise. "Hmm." She was frugal with her words, her voice as clear and cool as a mountain spring, carrying a sense of distance that kept people at a distance.
Jiang Wanning, however, remained undeterred. She walked around to Gu Hanzhi and placed her hands on the table, blocking her view. Her bright almond-shaped eyes curved into crescents, a hint of mischief filling her eyes. "Gu Xueba, if you don't eat lunch, your stomach will protest! Then, if it aches, you won't be able to do your homework." As she spoke, she reached out and poked Gu Hanzhi's cheek; the touch was delicate and slightly cool.
Gu Hanzhi finally raised her head, her gaze calmly meeting Jiang Wanning's sparkling eyes. Just as she was about to refuse, a warm hand suddenly grasped her wrist. Jiang Wanning's hand was small, yet powerful. Before she could react, she was being pulled out of the classroom.
"Let's go, let's go!" Jiang Wanning pulled people while chattering about the new dishes in the cafeteria today, "I heard there are sweet and sour pork ribs, so delicious! And your favorite seaweed egg drop soup, it will be gone if you go too late!" Her voice was crisp and pleasant, like a cheerful bird, breaking the silence in the classroom.
Gu Hanzhi reluctantly let her pull, her steps unconsciously following Jiang Wanning's rhythm. The sunlight fell on the two of them, casting long shadows that swayed gracefully on the ground. She looked down at Jiang Wanning's hand, tightly clasped in hers. The warmth of her palm, penetrating her skin, inexplicably comforted her. Perhaps, occasionally, putting down the workbook and enjoying a steaming hot lunch wouldn't be a bad idea.
The sweet aroma of sweet and sour pork ribs mingled with the steam of corn and pork rib soup, and Gu Hanzhi's fingertips, gripping the stainless steel spoon, began to sweat. The feeling of the figure who had just brushed past her—the touch of the loose hem of his school uniform brushing against the back of her hand, with its familiar, sharp scent of minty tobacco—was like a rusty nail, wedging itself deeply into her memory.
She spun around so abruptly that her porcelain-white plate nearly bumped into the student behind her. The cafeteria was teeming with people, a sea of blue school uniforms. Where was that tall figure? The chandelier cast a flickering spot of light above everyone, making her vision darken. The smell of the rubber track on the junior high school playground exploded in her ears, mingling with the sour stench of rotting milk in her locker, and the sting of her hair as the girl in the high ponytail tugged at it.
"Classmate, move aside?" an impatient voice urged from behind. Gu Hanzhi mechanically dodged, her nails digging deep into her palms to steady her trembling hands. But memories flooded back like a flooding dam—those evenings locked in the equipment room, the lockers filled with dead cockroaches and rats, the knees deliberately tripped and fell on the gravel during gym class... They all turned into tiny needles, spreading from her heart to every nerve ending.
She forced herself to take a deep breath, staring at the golden corn kernels on her plate, trying to dispel the chill with the warmth of the food. But the spoon still made a slight clinking sound when it touched her teeth. A few girls' laughter echoed in the corner, reminiscent of the teasing of the group back then. She clenched her plate tightly, and the soup created dangerous ripples in the bowl.
"What are you thinking about?" Jiang Wanning suddenly appeared from behind her and poked her stiff shoulder. "The ribs are getting cold!" Gu Hanzhi hurriedly lowered her head to hide the panic in her eyes, but the other party caught her eye: "You look so bad? Is the air conditioning in the cafeteria too cold?"
"It's okay." She suppressed a laugh and mechanically stuffed a mouthful of rice into her mouth. Her throat felt like it was clogged with cotton, and swallowing was painful. Her peripheral vision swept past the cafeteria entrance. The figures coming in and out were clearly unfamiliar, yet each silhouette resembled a demon from her memory, poised to pounce at any moment.
Gu Hanzhi forced herself to count the rice grains on her plate, once, twice, until her nails left crescent-shaped blood marks on her palms. She told herself it was just an illusion. The sun was warm and bright, and Jiang Wanning's laughter was crisp and sweet. But a fine layer of cold sweat still formed on the back of her neck, as if a pair of sinister eyes were staring through the crowd at her trembling spine.
The cafeteria door clanged shut behind her. Gu Hanzhi leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, the collar of her school uniform damp with sweat. The April breeze, scented with the fragrance of magnolia, caressed her cheeks, but it couldn't dispel the lingering smell of burnt rotting flesh from her nostrils. That was in her third year of junior high school. Lin Yue, grinning, pressed his lighter against the cardboard box. The shrill whimper of her golden retriever, Ah Huang, still echoed in her ears.
"You're so young, and you're already smoking! You're a sophomore, a student, not the right place to run wild!" A sharp rebuke drifted from the teacher's office. Gu Hanzhi wanted to quicken her pace, but the following words pinned her to the spot. Sunlight streamed through the glass, carving a crisscross pattern of light and dark lines across her pale face.
"Lin Yue, your father donated 1 million yuan to our school. I'll let you go for now. If there's a next time..."
Chalk dust rustled onto the windowsill. Gu Hanzhi watched the black-haired figure, half of her face peeking out from the crack of the door. The silver studs on the girl's ear bones shone coldly, overlapping with the memory of the metal hairband swaying as she pulled her hair. The skull manicure on Lin Yue's nails when she stuffed the dead mouse into her schoolbag, the curled corners of her mouth as she recited those obscene words in the broadcasting room, all burned into her retina.
Her nails dug deep into her palms, but she felt no pain. Suddenly, she saw Ah Huang curled up in the ashes, his charred fur clinging to his twisted body. It was the puppy she'd bought with the breakfast money she'd saved for six months. And then there were the labels that read "pretentious" and "dirty," the cold touch of them against her back.
"Do you think you can start over with Shen Zhihe's support?" Lin Yue's voice suddenly rang out in her memory. Gu Hanzhi stumbled, holding onto the wall, her nails scraping against it with a harsh sound. On the fourth day of the New Year, the lights in the broadcasting room came on. Lin Yue's sweet voice, wrapped in electricity, echoed throughout the campus: "Gu Hanzhi was dragged into an alley by a man from outside the school last night..." Lin Yue's story was so vivid that even amidst the snickers from the class, Gu Hanzhi bit her lip tightly, tasting the blood on her tongue. After school that day, she walked five blocks back home, fearing she was being followed.
The metal doorknob in the office turned like a shrill alarm, and Gu Hanzhi knocked over a potted plant in the hallway as she turned. The sound of shattering clay exploded in the silent hallway, but she didn't dare look back. Clutching the hem of her school uniform, she ran like crazy towards Class 2 (3). The thud of her canvas shoes on the tile mixed with her heartbeat, making her temples throb.
"Pah!" Gu Hanzhi stumbled, holding onto the wall after kicking something. Her fingertips touched the raised tiles on the wall, and the cool touch suddenly transformed into the rough iron of a locker. She jerked her hand away, her nails leaving a crescent-shaped bloody mark on her palm. In the distance, the clacking of high heels echoed, each sound like stepping on her tense nerves.
Finally rushing into the classroom, Gu Hanzhi slumped into her seat, gasping for air. The rustling of the sycamore trees outside the window couldn't drown out Ah Huang's sobs in her memory. That stormy night, she'd been soaking wet, clutching the charred cardboard box. Rainwater mixed with tears washed away the burns on her arms, while Lin Yue stood in the distance, laughing uncontrollably.
"You look so bad!" Jiang Wanning suddenly appeared in front of him, and the ice cream in her hand was almost melting.
"The food in the cafeteria is not clean?" Gu Hanzhi gripped the corner of the table tightly, forcing herself to suppress the trembling voice back into her throat: "It's okay, just... a little tired." She lowered her eyes to avoid her friend's concerned gaze, but saw that the hem of her school uniform was wrinkled into a ball, just like the fishy shirt that was stuffed in the locker that year.
The sound of blackboard erasers mingled with the rustling of chalk dust in English class. Gu Hanzhi stared at the excerpt from "The Little Prince" on the projector, but all she could see was Lin Yue's shadow, microphone in hand, moving between the words. When the teacher asked her to translate the line "All adults were originally children," her pen suddenly dropped to the ground, the scraping sound startling the entire class.
Dusk seeped in through the cracks in the classroom blinds, carving stripes of light and dark across the workbook. Gu Hanzhi mechanically shoved her textbook into her backpack, the pen cap slipping from her fingers three times. The third time she bent to pick it up, a sudden chill ran across the back of her neck, as if someone was watching from behind—much like the chilling presence behind her when Lin Yue had poured glue into her hair.
"Hanzhi."
A familiar male voice startled her fingertips, and her workbook clattered to the floor. Shen Zhihe had unknowingly reached her desk, his pale fingers hovering just above her trembling wrist before gently grasping it. The warmth of his palm, shimmering through the cuff of his school uniform, reminded her of the iron-like confinement she'd felt when she was pinned down in her locker.
"You looked really bad this afternoon. Is something wrong?" His voice, wrapped in the evening breeze outside the window, carried a subtle worry. Gu Hanzhi looked up suddenly, and met those amber eyes. Memories suddenly overlapped. When she was locked in the equipment room in her third year of junior high school, the moonlight she saw through the crack in the door fell into Lin Yue's mocking pupils.
The smell of rust instantly filled her nose, and Gu Hanzhi felt tears welling up in her eyes. Her throat tightened, unable to speak. She violently shook Shen Zhihe's hand away, the metal watchband scratching his wrist red. The strap of her schoolbag hurt her shoulder, so she grabbed her bag and turned to leave, her ponytail brushing against the back of Shen Zhihe's hand. "None of your business."
The sound-activated lights in the hallway lit up one by one, then dimmed behind her. Gu Hanzhi stumbled down the stairs, the textbooks clattering in her backpack. As she turned the last corner, she bumped into a fire hydrant, the pain only serving to sober her up. In the darkness, she could hear her own heavy breathing and the sound of Shen Zhihe's footsteps chasing after her—remarkably like the sound of Lin Yue and his followers chasing after her that year, each step treading on her frayed nerves.
The electronic lock on the security door emitted a shrill buzzing sound. Gu Hanzhi's finger hovered over the password keypad for three seconds before pressing a number. The moment the entrance hallway's sensor light came on, she subconsciously flinched. The hallway's voice-activated lights flickered on and off, as if they were still chasing her. Her father's leather shoes were neatly arranged on the second shelf of the shoe rack. Normally at this time of day, the clatter of TV news and the crashing of bottles of wine were unusually silent. There was only a scribbled note on the coffee table: "I have something urgent to do at the company. I'll be in the refrigerator tonight."
She dragged her limp legs toward the bedroom, each step feeling like cotton. The heavy blackout curtains were yanked shut, instantly shutting out the sunlight. Darkness flooded the room like a tide. Gu Hanzhi slumped to the carpet, knees drawn up to her chest, nails digging deep into her arms—a habit she'd developed since junior high, using physical pain to combat her inner fear.
"Dongdong——"
There was a tentative knock on the door, a distinct rhythm of three long and two short. Gu Hanzhi's body tensed, a rusty taste in her throat, until she heard the soft, sweet "sister" and finally relaxed a little. Amid the sound of the doorknob turning, Gu Songyi poked his head in, clutching a blanket. The fifteen-year-old's eyes shone startlingly bright in the darkness.
"I saw you downstairs, looking a little off." The boy placed the warm milk on the bedside table, the bottom of the glass making a soft clatter against the wooden surface. He suddenly dropped to his knees and clumsily pulled his sister into his arms. The faint scent of soapberry from her clothes mixed with the warm steam of milk filled his face. "Crying will make you feel better."
Those words were like sharp scissors, instantly severing Gu Hanzhi's taut nerves. Hot tears fell on her brother's shoulders, soaking the fabric of his school uniform. She clutched at his shirt from the back, clutching at straws, all the suppressed fear, anger, and grievances pouring out in sobs: "Song Yi... when Ah Huang died... they stuffed a dead rat into my schoolbag... and spread rumors about me..."
Gu Songyi's arms suddenly tightened, his knuckles turning white from the force. He gently patted his sister's trembling back, his eyes bloodshot as he listened to her broken accusations. His sister, always a cold-faced woman in his memory, now trembled in his arms like a butterfly with broken wings. "It's all over," he said, resting his chin on the top of Gu Hanzhi's head, his voice brimming with a ruthlessness unbecoming of someone his age. "I'll protect you from now on."
In the darkness, the young man secretly clenched his fists. Moonlight seeped through the gaps in the curtains, gilding their intertwined shadows with a silver edge, like a silent oath.
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