Chapter 18 I Don't Like Washing Dishes
The old ancestor was determined to die.
His old ailment couldn't wait a few more days. The sooner he sharpened his blade, the sooner he could go back. Firstly, it would make treatment easier; secondly, cooking was too much work, and the font in "The Random Book List" was too small for him to read. He didn't want to cook every day.
"Wouldn't tonight be too hasty?" Duan Jiuyou wasn't impatient when it came to serious matters. She wanted to first investigate the Liu residence to make sure there were no potential dangers before taking action.
"Are you worried that Du Heng will send people to guard the Liu residence?" Di Jiang picked up a piece of unburnt egg and ate it.
"Isn't that possible? Most of these artifacts didn't stay here voluntarily. Although they became human here with Du Heng, there must be quite a few like Qi Xinghe who wanted to leave. Didn't you hear them talking about it today? Du Heng once sent six teams to guard the Qi residence, and there is still a team of secret guards guarding the gate. Qi Xinghe tried to run away nine times, but he was caught and brought back every time."
Di Jiang, picking at his food, said, "The Liu residence won't keep anyone. Qi Xinghe might run away, but Liu Tianshi definitely won't."
Duan Jiuyou asked curiously, "Why do you say she can't?"
Di Jiang chewed his food in silence for a moment, then told her a story in a low voice.
"The celestial official Zhao Fengli and the Jade Star Lord were close friends and often played chess together. When they met, their two divine artifacts had already taken human form. The Star Chart was male, upright and refined, with extraordinary handsomeness; the Heavenly Timing Pestle was female, graceful and charming, with stunning beauty. One night, when the stars were sparse, Qi Xinghe risked being punished by the Jade Star Lord by secretly arranging the stars to win a smile from the beauty, simply because the Heavenly Timing Pestle said, 'The moonlight is beautiful, but there are no stars to accompany it.' In an instant, stars appeared on the night sky, dazzlingly bright. This story was once widely circulated, and Qi Xinghe left behind the sincere vow that he would marry no one but her. Later, the Jade Star Lord accidentally lost the Star Chart at Quling Ferry, and not long after, the Heavenly Timing Pestle fell into Zhaozhao City... Do you think these two events are related?"
Duan Jiuyou immediately understood: "You mean, it wasn't Zhao Fengli who lost the Heavenly Timber Pestle, but rather it jumped into Zhaozhao City on its own, with the purpose of finding Qi Xinghe? But if these two are really as loving as the rumors say, why didn't they get together after arriving in Zhaozhao City?"
"Why they aren't together is none of our business. Du Heng doesn't need to send anyone to guard the Liu residence. As long as Qi Xinghe stays in Zhaozhao City, Liu Tianshi will stay. As for us, we just need to go tonight, turn her back into her original form, and sharpen the Lingtian White Blade before we can leave."
There are two ways to make Liu Tianshi revert to his original form. One is voluntary, which can basically be ruled out. The other is to take advantage of the other party's deep sleep and distraction, and use the Returning Heaven Seal to strike the center of his forehead, forcing him to revert to his original form.
Emperor Jiang had considered this method before when he wanted to obtain Fang Zhuoyuan's pill, but this person was too vigilant, and since the opponent was a Yuanshan snake, it was not easy to control. The Heavenly Pestle is different; an object is not as flexible as a living creature. Even if it is not asleep, it can be stunned and then guided to return to the Heavenly Seal.
Duan Jiuyou was still amazed by Dijiang's "miscellaneous knowledge": "You actually care about these petty love stories."
Di Jiang also said frankly, "I listen to it when I have nothing else to do. Nobody outside can beat me, it's too boring."
Involuntarily, Duan Jiuyou imagined the Lord of the Wasteland, who had completed his grand plan and was certain that killing all these people was only a matter of time. He sat high on his divine throne, propped his head up with his hand, looked at the unchanging auspicious clouds outside the palace, and listened to his subordinates earnestly reporting interesting stories from the Heavenly Realm.
His expression must be just like it is now, cold and indifferent, without any change, while in his heart he must be muttering about a certain plot in a certain story.
—How could Zhang San be dating Li Si?
—Wang Moumou definitely has something going on with Liu Moumou!
True masters often experience loneliness.
Duan Jiuyou finally understood why he had been so persistent in asking her about her relationship with Zhao Fengchen.
He really has a lot of free time.
With nothing else to do, Lord Wilderness put down his chopsticks and glanced at the sky.
It was still early, and there was still some time before nightfall. He planned to leave at midnight. Taking advantage of the free time, he looked around at the bowls and chopsticks on the table and said to Duan Jiuyou, "Let's play a coin toss game, best of three. The loser has to wash the dishes and clean the kitchen."
On the table was a bag of Zhao Zhao coins, and Di Jiang's gaze fell on it. The Zhao Zhao coins had patterns on both sides. One side was engraved with the fancy Zhao Zhao City, and the other side was Du Heng's stern face.
Duan Jiuyou looked at him and said, "I don't gamble: I don't like washing dishes."
This answer clearly surprised Di Jiang. After a moment of surprise, he looked at Duan Jiuyou seriously and said, "Then what should we do? I don't want to wash either."
The kitchen was a complete mess, and he didn't even want to look at it. But besides loving to hear gossip, he also had a cleanliness obsession. The thought of it being dirty made him feel uncomfortable all over. Even if he succeeded tonight and could leave Zhaozhao City immediately, he felt that leaving behind such a pile of dirty dishes would be a stain on his divine life.
"Didn't you wash yourself in the abandoned house before?" he tried to guide Duan Jiuyou.
“How can that be the same?” Jiuyou crossed one leg over the other, swinging her little feet as she said, “Before, I was trying my best to influence you, with the heart of a parent. Parents love their children, so naturally they wouldn’t let you do anything. Now it’s different. Our roles have changed, and it’s your turn to take care of me.”
Why should I take care of you?
"What do you mean, why?" Duan Jiuyou looked at him with a "you have a really bad memory" expression, and pulled Di Jiang's hand to compare with her own small hand. Her chubby little hand was a fingertip away from his long, thin fingers.
She turned her head to look at him from her clasped hands, "I'm a little sister now, so tiny, how can you let me clean up after you?"
Duan Jiuyou's face at this moment was still that of "Xiao Cui in her childhood," with plain features and eyes so narrow that a chopstick could cover them. But this face possessed a lively expression that Xiao Cui lacked, mischievous and a little spoiled. A slight furrow between his brows seemed to blur Xiao Cui's features, and for a moment, like the mist dissipating in the mountains, a face belonging to Duan Jiuyou was revealed.
Di Jiang casually moved his hand away: "Now that you're calling me your sister, why haven't I ever heard you call me brother?"
"Brother."
Duan Jiuyou readily agreed, approaching Di Jiang with a smile; this was no difficult task for her at all.
Duan Jiuyou once said that the Dijiang were a "dog tribe," but in fact he himself had a bit of a "dog nature." When he was happy, everything was fine, but when he was unhappy, he would turn on anyone no matter what they faced.
She was in a pretty good mood today, especially since she enjoyed the meal. Her mouth was sweet as she ate. Seeing that Di Jiang was unmoved, she called out "Brother" again.
Di Jiang was amused by her, thinking to himself, "What a charming old hag!" But he was somewhat susceptible to her charms. His heart softened, and his expression softened as his gaze fell on "Duan Xiaoyou," like a gentle breeze in early spring touching a tender green bud.
Unfortunately, this person was perfectly sober, and with a faint smile, said, "Then let's not gamble. Let's just split it in half and wash it together."
Old Master Duan was angry the whole time he was washing the dishes.
First of all, she really dislikes washing dishes; everything she touches feels greasy.
Secondly, she called Dijiang "brother" twice, and he smiled charmingly at her. Their division of labor remained the same, half for each of them.
She felt she had been wronged and gripped the bowl, wanting to smash it into the basin. But she was, after all, so old that acting like a child would make her a laughingstock. Besides, there were no disciples around who would gently coax her if they saw her upset. Who was she trying to fool? And would anyone who saw her try to comfort her?
Duan Jiuyou glared at Di Jiang resentfully. Could he possibly coax her?
She even suspected that he had mastered the art of provoking her, knowing what to say and do to upset her. Not wanting to be completely controlled by him, she took a different approach, grabbing two unwashed bowls and throwing them outside in front of him.
"I'll buy a new one tomorrow!"
That's what she said to Dijiang.
Di Jiang looked at her without saying a word.
Duan Jiuyou stood with his hands on his hips, looking indignant, for a while. Suddenly, he realized that this behavior was not only childish but also wasteful. He stormed outside and picked it up again.
The dim yellow light in the kitchen cast a soft glow on Di Jiang's aloof face, and without even realizing it, he smiled again.
After cleaning up, Duan Jiuyou and Di Jiang each lay down in their own room, both taking a short nap with their eyes closed.
After the clapper struck three times, they didn't make any move. Instead, a blurry figure flashed on the bed and they arrived at Liu Tianshi's residence.
The place wasn't very big. Apart from the front yard winery and two rows of side rooms, the main residence was in the center. The two illusory figures gradually solidified as they walked, and went straight into the bedroom where Tian Shichu lived.
Duan Jiuyou rubbed her nose. She felt uncomfortable as soon as she entered the bedroom. The bedroom was filled with a strong fragrance, the scent of purple lilies, which she disliked the most. She was allergic to this flower and couldn't help but sneeze whenever she smelled it. She suppressed the stinging in her nose and looked towards the four-poster bed.
There lay a woman on the bed, slender and graceful, facing away from the edge of the bed. The black veil on her face had been removed, revealing a thick, long scar that ran from the center of her eyelid across the bridge of her nose.
It was the perfect time for the pestle to fall into a deep sleep.
Di Jiang sat in the outer room, separated by a screen, waiting. Firstly, Liu Tianshi was, after all, a woman, and even if she were a stone, he, a man, would not approach her while she was asleep.
This statement had been ridiculed by Duan Jiuyou on the way here. She still hasn't forgotten the argument Di Jiang had with her in the bathhouse about how they had both fought naked.
Di Jiang, however, said the situation was different. They had fought naked, and after transforming into human form, there was nothing they couldn't see.
The weather is different; if it hasn't been exposed to sunlight and isn't ripe, it's inconvenient to inspect.
Secondly, the Heaven-Returning Seal is not a particularly remarkable technique. Anyone with a cultivation level above the God-Emperor level can make their opponent take human form. Even if Duan Jiuyou's technique is poor, he shouldn't be unable to handle such a small matter.
But things in this world are always full of unexpected twists and turns.
Duan Jiuyou forgot the incantation and muttered it for a long time while making a hand seal, but he just couldn't remember how to memorize the last two lines.
"Is it the true spirit descending to look down, or the immortals descending upon the hall, or is it wandering in the five directions, amidst the ethereal clouds and the vast sky?"
She wasn't a good student and was often punished by being made to stand outside and copy the mantras repeatedly. Now, millions of years have passed since she memorized the mantras, and apart from a few commonly used key points, she has long since forgotten them all.
"Imperial Territory..."
She wanted to call him over, but as she relaxed her nose, she inhaled the fragrance of purple lilies. The aroma filled her nostrils, triggering a sneeze that she had been trying to suppress.
After that one sound, it seemed like it couldn't be controlled, and then a second, a third, a fourth...
Liu Tianshi didn't sleep soundly tonight, preoccupied with a worry that kept her from finding peace. Duan Jiuyou's repeated sneezes jolted her awake, and by the time he finally managed to control himself, the two were staring at each other blankly.
“…You.” Liu Tianshi looked at the child with delicate features in front of him and asked a question.
"...I'm sorry."
The "child" clasped his hands in a fist salute, raised his little fist, and struck Liu Tianshi on the head.
The Heavenly Seal can only be used when the target is asleep or unconscious. Since Liu Tianshi was already awake, Duan Jiuyou could only knock her unconscious.
This was the solution Duan Laozu excelled at; her fist might not look big, but it could actually carve a mountain in two. She deliberately controlled her strength, afraid of killing him with a single punch, but Liu Tianshi only staggered slightly and quickly stood up again.
Who are you?
"...Did I hit too lightly?"
Duan Jiuyou looked at his fist and suspected that his strength had also decreased after his body shrank.
So he swung his arm, added a jump kick, and punched the other person again.
This time the blow was quite forceful; Liu Tianshi was knocked back onto the pillow by her, but sat up again after a short while.
Why did you hit me?!
Why are you so stubborn?
Both of them exclaimed in surprise at the same time. Duan Jiuyou lifted her skirt and sat down next to Liu Tianshi, raising her hands to hold her head and looking her up and down and left and right.
Is there really something in this world harder than her fist?
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