Postscript: A Gentleman Covers Up His Mistakes
I was born into the wealthy and prosperous Cui family, and raised in the lavish Cui Mansion. Outsiders only see the grand gates and spacious mansions, but fail to see that the interiors have long been hollowed out by worms, with rotten pillars and crooked beams.
I am like a bug born from a mother bug.
My father, bestowed with a sinecure title of Duke, was more like a cold, icy portrait to me. His gaze occasionally fell on me, scrutinizing and weighing, but devoid of the warmth of a father and son.
What he needed was not a son, but a qualified person who could continue the family's power line. My joys, sorrows, anger, and happiness were nothing but insignificant noise to him.
My mother was born into the Wang clan of Langya, a clan even more entangled and complex than the Cui clan. Her greatest achievement and sole obsession in life was shaping me.
She regarded me as her most outstanding work and the only bargaining chip for her to consolidate the Wang family's influence in the Cui family.
My studies, my riding and shooting, my words and actions were all under her strict control. If I slacked off, she wouldn't scold me or beat me, but would just look at me with the same cold, disappointed eyes as my father's, a look more suffocating than any whip.
This is just normal. When I was a child, I raised a cat at a horse farm, and she quietly "dealt" with it for me. Why am I sure it was her? What is there to be unsure of? Apart from her, no one else would care about such a trivial thing around me.
The Wang family, my maternal grandfather's family, was even more pervasive. My study partner, my first teacher, the servants I relied on, and even some of my later supporters in the court, all bore the Wang family's imprint.
They supported me, monitored me, and bound me tightly to the king's chariot. Like a carefully pruned bonsai tree, I grew according to their prescribed pattern, without the slightest will of my own.
So, it’s enough that I’m useful, and I accept it with pleasure.
Until Cui Yulan appeared.
He is a "distant cousin" of mine, handsome, talented, and gentle and polite in his dealings with others.
At first, I even had some good feelings towards him. After all, in this courtyard, there were only old scholars and old conservatives, and we were the only ones of the same age.
But soon, I noticed something strange.
His father, who had not been home for a long time, showed up frequently. His father looked at him with a secret, subtle appreciation that he had never given me.
Some opportunities that should have belonged to me inexplicably fell on his head.
So I got my father's trusted old servant drunk and listened to his drunken ramblings. Only then did I realize that Cui Yulan was not a distant cousin at all, he was actually my father's illegitimate son!
At that moment, I stood in the deep shadows of the courtyard, looking at Cui Yulan and my father in the distance, who were talking and laughing in the bright lights. I felt a bone-chilling malice spreading from the bottom of my heart, freezing every limb.
It's not resentment of being deceived by family affection. Family affection and father can give it, which is nothing, but he took away my opportunities and interests.
I smiled, silently, under the cold moonlight. Since everything this world has given me is illusory, I will carve a bloody path for myself within this illusion.
So when he saw me planning to go to the remote place of Xunyang, he immediately thought that there was profit to be made there. Little did he know that these were all the information I gave him. I was going to Xunyang, but I also needed someone to find the way for me.
Thanks to my good brother, even though he was missing, he at least helped me find the way.
-
Wen Youqing's situation was completely unexpected. Normally, my mother would have handled such a small matter and wouldn't have bothered me. But when I personally stepped in, I knew this woman was no ordinary person.
But compared to the Li family who have already extended an olive branch to me, she really can't help me at all, especially her father who has accomplished nothing, is hypocritical and pedantic, and is simply a burden.
There was nothing wrong with meeting again, but when I was about to ask Wang Shouren something, I happened to witness her killing someone.
But after just a few hours, I saw only a woman who cared about the bigger picture. I was all too familiar with that disguise—a gentle exterior concealing a hidden undercurrent. In those moments when no one was paying attention, a flicker of impatience and sarcasm would flash across her eyes. Though fleeting, I, a seasoned venom addict, could accurately grasp it.
Look, another person living in the world wearing a mask.
For some reason, this discovery gave me a twisted sense of pleasure and curiosity. I wanted to peel off her gentle, courteous, and modest appearance and see what kind of color was hidden underneath.
So I began to pay attention to her. I saw that although she seemed to be considerate to Shen Zijie, there was actually not much warmth in her eyes; I saw the subtle curling of her fingertips when she dealt with the tedious etiquette; I saw the real emptiness and weariness that flashed across her face when she leaned against the railing alone.
Great! It turns out I'm not the only monster in chains in this world.
A near-morbid attraction grew within me. She was one of my own, a twisted, yet incredibly real, ray of light I glimpsed amidst this filthy mire. I wanted her. Not in the conventional way of seeking her hand in marriage, but to snatch her from that seemingly perfect marriage, to make her a complete part of my own darkness.
Once this thought arose, it entangled my heart like poison ivy.
The method was simple. I could promise her husband some benefits, or I could fake her death by creating an accident. There were so many ways. But I actually saw the dependence on her husband in her eyes, and saw the tacit understanding between them that others could not understand.
Looking at his wife who was like a wooden Buddha, the idea of possessing her became even crazier.
And Shen Zijie became the first obstacle that had to be cleared.
-
It wasn't difficult to deal with Shen Zijie. He was ambitious, and although he was from an aristocratic family, he possessed the integrity of a scholar who cared about his country and his people.
Why would such useless integrity appear in a child from a wealthy family who has everything at his fingertips?!
I orchestrated a meticulous scheme. Taking advantage of the complex factional struggles within the court, I made him recklessly expose the aristocratic families' abuse of power. With several forces secretly fanning the flames, he quickly went from being a favored upstart to a prisoner suspected of forming a clique for personal gain and recklessly questioning state policy.
The whole process, I watched coldly from the sidelines, even after he was imprisoned, I pretended to advocate for him, winning Wen Youqing's brief, foolish gratitude. Seeing her worry about her husband, haggard appearance, my heart was filled with jealousy and satisfaction.
Look, the so-called good man you rely on is so vulnerable.
After the person who got in my way died, I let her go on a quest for revenge, but I also gradually cultivated her into my own power. But she was too naughty, and I had lost my patience. Furthermore, her sudden righteousness was like that person's imprint, and it irritated me.
So I just left her alone. She looked up at me with her hollow eyes, a faint, cold arc forming at the corners of her lips: "Asylum? In what capacity? Your mistress?"
My heart trembled, followed by a shudder of even greater excitement, as if I had been seen through.
Look, she is not as pure and innocent as she appears to be.
She didn't cry or protest, but accepted my arrangement with a calmness that bordered on resignation. But I knew she hated me, and perhaps also hated this helpless fate. But what did it matter? She was finally mine.
Taking her into the mansion and making her a concubine is just the first step.
What I want is not a Wen Youqing who is full of resentment and always thinking about revenge.
What I want is a woman who has a little bit of badness in her that I can see, but who can belong to me completely.
So, I chose the most despicable but most effective method - drugging.
It was a secret medicine from the Western Regions called "Forget Worry Powder," which could gradually make people forget their past. I had my trusted nanny mix a small amount of it into her food and tea every day, using it as a so-called tonic to attract her attention.
But she knew some things she shouldn't have known. I didn't dare to look at the resentment in her eyes, so I could only increase the dosage. Watching her eyes become confused, and occasionally showing a puzzled expression at familiar scenery, my heart was repeatedly tormented by anxiety and dark expectations.
I told myself this was for our own good. Only by forgetting Shen Zijie, forgetting all the pain, could we start over. I personally wove a new memory for her, telling her that I was her husband and she was the rightful mistress of the Cui family, the one who had lost her memory due to an accident.
She believed it. Or rather, under the influence of the drug, she had to believe it.
She began to show me a dependent smile, and would gently change my clothes after I left court. She would look at me with her eyes that had become clear again and call me "husband".
Although there were some old guys in the way and even caused me to lose a child.
The old ones were too hard to deal with, but luckily she got pregnant with my child again.
Except for the child that can never be acknowledged, we are finally complete.
During that time, I felt a false peace that I had never experienced in my life. I was addicted to her lingering gaze, like a thief who had stolen a treasure. While enjoying the pleasure of possessing her, I was constantly dreading the day when the drug would wear off and the truth would be revealed.
I treated her doubly well, almost granting her every request, as if this could make up for the emptiness in my heart and make this carefully woven lie come true.
I know it sounds mean and shady to outsiders, but we're all human. I don't care, and she probably doesn't care either. As long as she's by my side, it's better than being by anyone else's.
However, lies are ultimately towers built of sand, which will collapse when the tide comes.
The mother specially invited her biological mother to reminisce about the past. The so-called carelessness was carefully designed, like a poisoned dagger, easily cutting through the false calm.
When I pushed open the heavy door of the ancestral hall and saw the arrow flying towards me, I subconsciously resisted and felt it piercing my palm, but I didn't catch it! When the arrow then pierced her chest, I felt like the whole world was shattering and collapsing before my eyes.
Time slowed down immensely. I could clearly see the arrow tearing through her clothes and sinking into her flesh. I saw the look in her eyes change from madness to confusion, and then to extreme disbelief that mirrored my terrified face.
She seemed to want to say something, but blood gushed out of her mouth, blocking all words, leaving only that question.
I couldn't answer. The identity of a concubine was like a needle piercing my fingers, making me feel heartbroken no matter what I did.
I held her limp body, the warmth quickly fading in my arms. My roar wasn't human, more like the wail of a dying beast. The excruciating pain of an arrow piercing my palm was not even one-tenth of the pain of having my heart gouged out.
She died. Died in the lies I spun for her, died by the arrows of the secret guards I sent to protect me, died in the arms of me... the culprit who caused all her tragedies.
After she died, when I heard Li Wenqin mocking me, I realized that I was like a walking corpse at that time.
After handling her funeral, he suppressed the rumors in the mansion with thunderous means and sent Ying to follow Shen Laixi. It was not forgiveness, but letting him guard his life with his own.
Despite the turmoil, I still visited the Cui family. Grandpa is completely old and can no longer speak after his stroke. Naturally, I have the final say in the family.
My father still wanted to have a new heir, but after finding countless concubines, he found out that he could no longer have children. However, such a secret was naturally kept secret and no one in the family knew about it.
My mother, still recovering from her injuries, looked at me with resentment and confusion. She might never understand why the death of a "concubine" drove me, the heir she had carefully nurtured, completely mad.
After everything was settled, I began to sort out her belongings. At the bottom of an old dressing table, I found a letter she had already written, a monologue.
The letter was written to a stranger with a strange name - Zhang Zihan. Between the lines, it was full of longing for the future and desire to escape.
It was nothing, everyone had a place they wanted to go. No matter who the letter was for, she couldn't send it.
The unidentified medicinal residue I found in the courtyard, the spare arrows for her crossbow, and the ladies of the aristocratic families who suddenly felt estranged from the Cui family...
I can still deceive myself about these things, but...
"We found some things in Madam's room and need your review." The old butler said carefully.
"What is it?" I handed the baby in my arms to the maid beside me, and when she took it, it was a prescription.
I glanced at the housekeeper's cautious and anxious expression, feeling a little annoyed: "What do you mean?"
"The court doctor came to see me. These medicines combined will cause a woman to have... symptoms of pregnancy." The housekeeper said quickly, lowering his head tightly, not daring to look at me.
The silence was like a slow torture, and for a long time, the stillness was broken by the crying of a young woman. I suddenly smiled and hugged Cui Wucuo, teasing him: "Do you miss your mother? Your mother will be back soon, don't cry, don't cry."
Then he turned around, still smiling to tease the child, and said to the housekeeper, "You're prescribing nonsense medicine, talking nonsense, and you can't even move your legs. The court doctor is useless. Let's deal with it."
This sentence dealt with the court physician, and his family became forced laborers heading south.
Late at night, I tossed and turned, and finally took out the prescription and read it over and over again, laughing until tears came out.
She's been lying to me, just like I've been lying to her.
It turned out that we had been deceiving each other from the beginning to the end. I thought I was in control of everything, but I didn't even know that her heart had never really stayed with me.
I held the paper close to the candle flame and watched it turn to ash.
I named her "Wucuo" so that everyone knows that there is nothing wrong with our union.
No matter how much I doted on Cui Wucuo, I always knew she was an insignificant outsider. We still had a biological son, and I indulged Shen Laixi even more, giving him everything I could: power, wealth, and even allowing him to cultivate his own power and secretly fight against those aristocratic families in the court who had once suppressed me or whom I disliked.
I watched him, under my indulgence, grow like a vine nourished by darkness, madly entwining and strangling the behemoths I once hated. He was more cruel and merciless than I was, because he had never felt warmth since childhood.
When Shen Lai Xi was growing stronger, the emperor lost his patience.
The coup happened quickly. I got the news early and suppressed it quickly, but I didn't expect him to act so quickly.
Looking at the sword on my chest, I raised my head and looked at him quietly, this son who has my and Wen Youqing's blood, this monster that I cultivated to subvert everything.
I overthrew the family that once bound me, I eliminated all threats, and was beheaded with this mess.
I begin my life in darkness and end in destruction.
At the last moment, I suddenly remembered what Wen Youqing and Shen Zijie had said to me: "This guy is just an old scoundrel, always good at pretending."
Yes, I have been pretending for my whole life. Now I have abandoned my body that has been repeatedly burned by the fire of human karma, and come to find you, Aqing, with only my soul.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
