Jiang Mo nodded, "Actually, I've been in many relationships, but I've found that what I got from each relationship wasn't what I truly wanted. Even though I had a girlfriend I really liked, I knew she wasn't as wonderful as I imagined."
It seems he has many unique qualities that I hadn't noticed before. I thought he was perfect, but when I got to know him, I discovered that he also has many flaws, and these flaws are things that I often find difficult to accept.
This flaw is something I find hard to accept. Actually, many things are hard to accept now when I think about them. It's said to be both good and bad. Many people used to call me a scumbag.
But in reality, I didn't do anything to hurt the other person. I just felt that when I discovered that the person I liked wasn't as perfect as I imagined, I might not be able to accept the sense of disappointment.
I just couldn't bring myself to tell the other person that this was something deep within my heart—a desire—because if I said it, others wouldn't accept it. I was simply doing something profound with my own heart. Actually, I always thought that what I got was what I wanted.
But one day I suddenly realized that what I got might not be what I wanted. So from that moment on, I stopped thinking about those messy things. I know that they are only temporary and there is no way to make them last, because they will disappear sooner or later. Why should I care so much?
If I mind it, it will keep bothering me. But if I don't mind it, it's not a problem for me at all. It's just a temporary thing. Why should I think about it? If you believe in this, you might feel a lot of pain when others attack you.
But if you don't believe in this, others will attack you, and you'll find it ridiculous. These things are fleeting. If you feel hurt, then you've allowed it, because you can't be hurt by things you don't allow.
When faced with many choices, we always have various worries. We are unable to make these choices decisively. We are always thinking back and forth. This state is a very uncertain state, and decisions made in this state often do not bring us good results.
Of course, I'm not saying these things are necessarily predetermined. If you want to change things from the present, then both the past and the future can be changed. Actually, when it comes to the past, there's no need to take it too seriously, because you can only feel the present. What you call the past is just a fantasy in your mind.
It's like you often fantasize about things that are impossible, even though those things seem ridiculous because they might be things you'll never experience in your life. But you still imagine them from time to time for some inexplicable desire.
He might be a deep-seated desire in your heart, which is why you fantasize about him. But in reality, this seemingly impossible fantasy is no different from your memories.
Because they only exist in your imagination, only in your brain; it is just an organ of your body.
You are now experiencing everything you want through your body and its various organs. We cannot say that these experiences are real, because one day you will lose your body, and even your brain.
You feel that you survive in this world because of him, because all the sensations your body gives you are eventually transmitted to your brain, and then you will have a feeling in your mind, "Yes, this is what I want," or "This is what I know I have suffered."
Or the feeling of having gained something you really wanted can keep you in a very complicated state of mind because you mistakenly believe that everything you think about in your mind might be true.
Because you feel that those things all happened, therefore they truly exist. But in reality, if you don't cancel them, then they don't exist at all in this present moment.
There's a saying that goes something like this: life is like a movie. You should never press the pause button, and you shouldn't press the pause button and then pick up your phone to take pictures, because that means you're not experiencing the movie script of your life as the protagonist.
Instead, you become completely immersed in the story. It's like playing a game, which is originally just for entertainment; all you want to do is complete the game. But one day you suddenly discover that a certain place in the game is exceptionally beautiful, and you want to stay there forever, forgetting that you came there to play a game.
And you forget that this is just a game, ultimately something completely unreal. So once you get caught up in it, you'll suffer greatly because the moment you first enter, you feel it's real, but after a while you'll find that this so-called realism doesn't bring you such a pleasant feeling.
You will blame yourself, but in reality, you haven't gotten what you wanted. You've just lost your true self because you're driven by a desire within yourself.
At this point, what you should do is not continue to indulge in games and be misled by those fantasies, nor should you do those meaningless things. What you should do most is to find yourself, to find your true self.
There are other things that can be explained in this way as well. For example, you do something that doesn't make you feel good, so you keep imagining that thing, making yourself repeat it over and over again, staying in that unhappy state.
You will regret it, even feel ashamed. Because you feel that you didn't do well enough, or that you did something very bad, but in reality, that thing is in the past, it's an illusion, just like you can't experience your future in this moment.
That kind of guilt about the past only exists in your brain's imagination; don't be deceived by this organ. If you don't change in this life and listen to the fate imagined by your own brain, you will never be able to break through your limitations.
If you can't break through this barrier, you'll be led around by this organ, and you might never know who you are in your life. You'll be like a puppet on a string, doing strange and inexplicable things.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
