"Sister Yajun, why would you say that?"
"Look at these people in the educated youth compound. Who among them doesn't sometimes abandon all dignity for a few bites of food? It's truly bitter."
But more importantly, they always felt that what caused their situation was going to the countryside, and that the only way for them to get out of this predicament was to return to the city.
So you see, they keep complaining, complaining that their parents are unfair, that society is unfair, and that the village is unfair.
You possess all the qualities they admire but cannot have, so they are both envious and jealous of you.
As they talked, Tan Yajun became more talkative.
"Hehe, actually, in the first few years after I arrived, I was just like them, keeping myself on edge every day. I always felt that God was really unfair. I had already gone to the countryside, so why was I becoming more and more miserable?"
Back then, I was like an old ox, working tirelessly all day long. Sometimes I wouldn't even say a word all day. If someone threw stones or mud at me, I wouldn't react. Not to mention the villagers, I was also very distant from the educated youth.
Every day after they finished eating, I would cook for myself. Sometimes the firewood was too wet to burn, so I would have to go hungry. Several times, in winter, my firewood was soaked with water and frozen solid. I couldn't cook or heat the kang (a heated brick bed), so I would lie on the cold kang, shivering from the cold. It was a real, bone-chilling cold.
When I woke up the next day from the cold, I found out that, lo and behold, my blankets were soaked with water that someone had poured on them. The room wasn't very warm at the time, and there were even ice crystals on the corners of the blankets.
The cotton-padded coat was kept in the quilt at the time, so it escaped disaster.
But the cotton shoes on the ground suffered the same fate, and even the remaining coarse grains were not spared.
That time I had a fever for three days straight. In the end, I don't know who had a change of heart and saved me. Anyway, on the last day, while I was delirious from the fever, I took a kitchen knife and threw it right into the middle of them while they were eating.
I said, since I've already been given a second chance at life, if anyone makes me unhappy again, then I'll make everyone unhappy. I've lived long enough, and with so many of their lives with me, it's all worth it.
You didn't see it, those people were so scared their faces turned white. When I woke up again, the blankets were dry, the shoes were dry, and even the food they gave me was replaced with dry food.
For a long time afterward, no one dared to openly provoke me.
Actually, looking back now, it wasn't just because of that incident that I was willing to give up my life. That was just the last straw. The main reason was that I had no hope for myself, so what else did I care about? I might as well make a scene, the bigger the better.
Simple things are unknown to me, and even hearing them makes my chest feel tight.
"That's when I realized that the old saying wasn't without reason: the stubborn are afraid of the ruthless, and the ruthless are afraid of the reckless."
"Sister Ya-jun, you didn't say any of this..."
He quietly leaned over and took her hand.
"Yes, those things, I don't really want to think about them myself. But after seeing you, I suddenly felt that your life was so carefree. Even though you are as tired as us from farm work, I have never heard you complain. You are always very casual and carefree."
It seems that unless someone offends you, you always remain calm and composed.
Actually, I'm not trying to persuade you to agree or disagree; I just want to say that, no matter what, I hope you can continue to live this way, and continue to be this carefree.
Tan Yajun has a dignified appearance, and she has had her share of suitors in the past two years, but she has never agreed to any of them. Perhaps she truly envies Jian Dan.
Jian Dan never expected that the person who came to comfort her would end up making herself sad.
"Sister Yajun, this is a life for yourself. What does it matter if others think it's good or bad?"
Can he suffer in your place?
Or does it mean that he can taste the meat you eat?
Not just me, you can live a good life too. We don't steal or rob, we support ourselves with our own hands, why should we care about others?
Life is neither too long nor too short, at most a few decades. Why should you suffer for others?
To put it bluntly, every day that passes is one less day to live, right?
If you only had a few days left to live, how would you want to spend them? Wouldn't you just do whatever makes you happy?
If you don't act for yourself now, are you going to regret it when you're old?
I originally came here to gossip and try to give Jian Dan some advice, but I ended up being successfully turned against Jian Dan.
Saying she was turned away is a bit inaccurate. Perhaps the little bud of free spirit and rebellion in her heart was already about to sprout, and after the gentle breeze of Jian Dan, the catalyst worked silently, and she completely stopped struggling with it.
"That's true. If I don't have many days left to live, it's no use for me to think about anyone. After I die, in a few days, people will be talking and laughing, and I'll be laid to rest. Who will remember what I did for them?"
He was taken aback for a moment, then gave a thumbs up. It was true, he understood immediately. This joke was clearly from news in later times.
There's a story about someone who passed away. On the day of the burial, her family was devastated, but within three days, it was as if the incident had never happened. They were laughing and talking, going on trips and having fun. Everyone seemed to have completely erased her from their lives.
To be honest, there's a bit of sadness in it, but that's the reality.
There are indeed stories like the one that have been passed down as beautiful tales, where someone remained celibate for many years for the sake of their deceased spouse. People might think it's a steadfast commitment to their lover's affection, but it ends up being seen as deep affection by others.
Actually, it's hard to say whether it's a blurring of morality or a fading of emotions.
In short, people still have to look forward and move forward. No matter who leaves whom, the other person still has to live and adapt to life without the other.
People live in reality. No one's life consists only of lovers, elders, parents, children, siblings, friends, and even rivals. Every person and every relationship is a kind of entanglement.
The kind of self-sacrificing love that disregards everything seems only suitable for romance novels.
In their lives, there are no other factors besides love. They don't care about the grief of their parents and relatives who have lost their children, nor do they care about the helplessness of their young children who have also lost their parents. They abandon their families to pursue what they believe can replace everything—love.
Some people may think this is romantic, something beautiful that transcends everything. But I wonder if this kind of romance will still be elevated when mixed with the mundane realities of daily life?
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