I have been much luckier than many women in my life.
My family was poor when I was a child. My father was a gambling addict, and in order to raise money, he sold me to a brothel.
The madam took a liking to me and kept me on. But because I was young, I didn't have to serve the customers; I just stayed in the building learning music, chess, calligraphy, and painting.
The constant beatings, verbal abuse, threats, and inducements made me increasingly paranoid and insane. Sometimes I would give off a terrifying look that even the madam was terrified of. At such a young age, I hated everyone in my heart—I hated them for abandoning me, for their cold-bloodedness, and for the injustice of fate.
Countless times I've thought about rebelling, but the cowardice deep in my bones torments me. I dare not, I'm afraid. Ha, I have nothing at all, I don't even know what I'm afraid of.
The result of terrifying the madam was even more severe beatings. Gradually, I changed; I became fake and pretentious. Adversity taught me to disguise myself, to flatter, and to fawn over others.
And so, I entertained the customers, earned tips by performing, and then secretly used the money to support my family. Two years passed quickly.
Until one day, my younger brother came to me and said that our father had been beaten to death by debt collectors and that he was now homeless and could only rely on me. At that moment, I felt no sadness at all, only excitement and relief. This was all retribution.
I arranged for my younger brother to work in a brothel. The madam took pity on him and adopted him, making him a servant in the brothel. From then on, my brother and I depended on each other for survival and made a vow never to betray each other in this life.
I thought I would stay in the brothel for the rest of my life until I died, but unexpected changes came soon after.
That was a day I will never forget in my life, because on that day, I met him, the best person in the world to me.
She lived a carefree life in the brothel for several years until one winter, when heavy snow fell and everything was covered in white.
I overheard the madam talking to a customer about selling my virginity on the day I turned 18. I was terrified and made a commotion. They noticed and rushed out to grab me. I resisted all the way to the street outside the brothel. They caught me and beat me until I was pinned to the ground, my face pressed against the ground, covered in snow. I was in a terrible state.
He appeared before me at my most embarrassing moment, holding the reins, the horse neighing. He sat on the horse, dressed in black with a gold belt, handsome and dashing, and just like that, he crashed into my heart without any warning.
We only met once, but he spent a lot of money to redeem my brother and me from our servitude. We had nowhere to go, so he took us back to his home. It wasn't until I saw the plaque that read "Crown Prince's Residence" that I realized he was none other than Prince Mo Zhanwei, the current Crown Prince of Tianqi Kingdom.
The wounds on my body are a mix of old and new ones. In the past, they would heal in two or three days, but for some reason, they just won't get better this time. Perhaps they have injured my internal organs.
He sought out renowned doctors to treat me and bought me the best medicine. Over the years, I have never felt such genuine warmth. Gradually, I let down the mask I had worn for so many years, and my heart slowly opened up. I cherished this warmth.
My health deteriorated rapidly, and I started vomiting blood. I lay in bed without even the strength to get up. I stared blankly at the bed curtains, thinking that I was dying so young. God was indeed unfair to me.
He somehow got hold of a miracle drug, and after I took it, my health miraculously improved. Even my old wounds healed in a short time. I was overjoyed and extremely grateful to him, my eyes filled with unfathomable infatuation.
He was very kind to me, gentle and courteous, and often took me to the countryside for outings. Seeing the wonderful world outside, I couldn't help but exclaim that I had finally escaped the cage and felt free. The man who led me out of the sea of suffering was my light.
I even thought we would be happy like this forever, but unfortunately reality played a cruel joke on me.
When he told me that he had fallen in love with someone, I felt dizzy. Every word he said was like a sharp blade piercing my heart mercilessly. In a daze, I felt as if I had returned to that merciless purgatory, burning my heart that was riddled with holes.
I questioned him loudly, and went on a hysterical rampage in front of him, tears streaming down my face.
He still looked at me gently, quietly waiting for me to vent all my emotions. He gently held my shoulder and wiped away my tears. He said, "Don't cry. You look beautiful when you smile, as pure and flawless as a rose of Sharon."
I angrily pushed him away and ran home alone, looking back as I ran. He stood there, motionless.
When I got back, I threw a tantrum, smashing everything in the house. Resentment and anger welled up inside me. But he didn't offer a single word of comfort. How cruel!
Heartbroken, I went to a tavern to drown my sorrows. But Mo Zhanli took advantage of my vulnerability and stole my most precious possession. I was terrified and helpless, but I still held onto a sliver of hope that he would come to save me and take me home. But my wish was dashed, and I fell into the abyss.
Mo Zhanli knew what I was thinking, and he made a bet with me. He wanted me to marry him, and he bet that Mo Zhanwei would take her away at the wedding. I knew it was impossible, but I agreed to it as if possessed, simply because I had a deep love for that person in my heart.
As it turns out, I lost, and lost completely.
Until the very last moment before the wedding ended, I was still clinging to the fantasy that he would take my hand and tell me tenderly that he would take me away to a distant land. But he didn't. From beginning to end, he just smiled faintly and congratulated me.
I've met that girl before; she's very beautiful, and supposedly a goddess. I felt quite inferior in her presence. Their relationship was very good; the tenderness in their words and the deep affection in their eyes were unlike anything I'd ever seen before.
I tried my best to maintain a polite smile, but the silk cloth in my hand was clenched so tightly that my fingernails dug into my flesh, yet I felt no pain at all.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Mo Zhanli standing to the side. He was staring intently at the girl, and the way he was moving his hands was exactly the same as mine. In that instant, I seemed to understand something, but I didn't say anything.
For the next two or three years, I received no further news about them. Rumors circulated that they had gone on a journey through the Three Realms, disguising themselves as ordinary people to see all the sights and rivers of the Three Realms. In any case, it had nothing to do with me anymore.
It was already the 73rd year of the Tianqi Kingdom, and I was once again chosen as the Flower Offering Wine Master. During the banquet, I looked around, hoping to see that familiar figure, but he didn't come. I stroked my slightly protruding belly, and for some reason, a bad premonition suddenly welled up in my heart.
The change came quietly without any warning.
The old king was seriously ill and urgently summoned the crown prince back to the city. Mo Zhanli had been plotting to seize power and had already laid a trap in the capital for him. I wanted to go and tell him not to come back, but Mo Zhanli locked me in my room and I couldn't go anywhere.
He came alone and his cultivation was on par with Mo Zhanli's. No one knew what methods Mo Zhanli used to lure him into the secret passage. The secret passage had long been set up with a killing formation, forcing him to step into the formation, leaving him with no way to retreat.
The moment I received the news of his death, I trembled all over and stumbled to Mo Zhanli, yelling and screaming at him. He watched me go crazy with cold eyes and didn't say a word.
I completely lost my mind when I saw the portrait on the wall.
I obsessively blamed all the mistakes on that woman. If it weren't for her, none of this would have happened. If it weren't for her, maybe he wouldn't have died.
I rushed towards the portrait and tore it up with my own hands. Mo Zhanli struck me with a palm strike, and blood splattered onto the painting, landing everywhere.
He carefully picked up the painting, without even glancing at me, and turned to leave.
I collapsed to the ground, feeling completely drained of energy.
That night, I cried my heart out, recounting that fleeting romance that would never have a happy ending in the desolate darkness.
The child survived in the end. Looking at his wrinkled little face, I felt no emotion. Perhaps from the day he died, my heart will never beat for anyone again.
Time flies, and I became increasingly gloomy and twisted, cold-blooded and ruthless.
Countless people have died at my hands over the years. I want revenge, revenge on Mo Zhanli, revenge on everyone, revenge on this Tianqi Kingdom that is rotten to the core.
Until the moment my life ended, I never regretted it.
The moment I collapsed amidst the roses, I felt an unprecedented sense of relief; the emotions that had been building up for years seemed to be released in that instant.
I smiled and gently closed my eyes, and in a daze, it seemed I was transported back to that winter when I first met him. He smiled at me, and I could almost hear him say—
"Your smile is beautiful, as pure and flawless as the rose of Sharon."
Embrace death.
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