helpless
Lin Xueyin didn't know how she'd made it back to the educated youth center. When she opened the dormitory door, she was greeted by the worried yet sympathetic gazes of Liu Xiaoling and the others. Clearly, the news had spread like wildfire.
"Xueyin, are you okay?" Liu Xiaoling stepped forward and supported her shaking body.
Lin Xueyin shook her head and tried to say "It's okay," but her throat seemed to be blocked by something and she couldn't make a sound. She walked over to her bed and sat down, staring blankly at the ground.
The grievance, like a surging tide, instantly overwhelmed her.
What did she do wrong? She just wanted to teach peacefully, be kind to the children, and teach them well.
That copy of "Popular Movies" was something she brought to cheer herself up, and she never showed it to her children. Those letters home were just private words expressing her longing and distress to her parents... Why? Why could Zhao Xiaofeng so wantonly distort the facts and trample on her hard work and dignity?
Her nose felt sore, and she couldn't hold back her tears any longer. They rolled down, hitting the rough cement floor and leaving dark stains. She bit her lip hard to stop herself from crying out loud, but her thin shoulders couldn't help but tremble slightly.
"Don't cry, Xueyin," Wang Lina handed over a handkerchief, indignantly, "Zhao Xiaofeng is such a jerk! And Captain Zhao is obviously biased towards his daughter!"
"That's right! This is clearly retaliation!" Zhang Zhaodi also agreed.
Liu Xiaoling sighed and patted Lin Xueyin's back gently: "It's useless to say all this now... I've lost my teaching job, what will I do in the future..."
Those words were like a needle, piercing Lin Xueyin's stubborn resolve. Yeah, what was she going to do next? Was she really going to be sent on these unbearable, unbearable chores like when she first arrived? Desilting, carrying manure, harvesting... The thought of it all filled her with despair.
At this moment, Song Zhiyuan's image involuntarily emerged in her mind. His calm gaze, his ability to solve problems without showing any emotion... If she told him, he would definitely find a way, right? The way he suppressed his anger just now was clearly trying to stand up for her.
A strong urge to rely on him came over me. In this helpless moment, his existence seemed to be the only drifting wood.
As long as she opened her mouth, as long as she showed a little weakness and a desire for help, he would definitely clear the obstacles for her like he did the previous times.
The idea is extremely tempting.
Lin Xueyin raised her tearful face and even subconsciously glanced towards the door, as if expecting him to push the door open and tell her that everything was resolved.
However, when her eyes fell upon the empty scene at the door, her heated mind instantly cooled down.
No, it can't.
She couldn't rely on him. Every time she relied on him, she became more deeply involved with him. The complexity behind him and the harshness of his methods made her feel uneasy.
If he took action this time, it would be against the captain and his daughter. What about next time? Would she be drawn into an even more troublesome situation? She just wanted to stay quietly until she could return to the city. She didn't want to cause trouble, and she didn't want to be dependent on a man she couldn't understand and felt she couldn't control.
"Rely on mountains, and they will fall; rely on people, and they will run away." Her mother's words often echoed in her ears. Especially in this rural area where she had no relatives, the only people she could rely on were perhaps herself and her parents far away in the city.
Thinking of this, Lin Xueyin wiped away her tears, took a few deep breaths, and tried to calm her surging emotions. She couldn't panic, and she couldn't fall down.
"I'm fine," she said, her voice still a little hoarse, but with a hint of stubbornness, "I'm done with my job, so what? I can think of another way."
Liu Xiaoling and the others looked at her trying to pretend to be strong, feeling both distressed and helpless.
"What can you think of? The team will definitely not give you an easy job." Wang Lina spoke quickly.
Lin Xueyin was silent for a moment. Yeah, what else could she do? Ask Uncle Chen for help? Using her father's connections for such a small matter seemed a bit over the top, and she was afraid of causing trouble for her father.
Just as I was feeling lost and at a loss, there was a knock on the dormitory door.
Standing outside the door was Zhao Jianguo, who looked unhappy and held a piece of paper in his hand.
"Comrade Lin Xueyin," Zhao Jianguo said stiffly, with a businesslike indifference, "After the brigade's discussion, since your teaching work has been suspended, you can't be idle. Starting tomorrow, you will follow the women's team to weed the terraced fields in the back mountains. This is the arrangement."
He stuffed the paper into Lin Xueyin's hands, as if he was annoyed to even look at her any longer, and turned and left.
Weeding the terraced fields on the back hill? It's widely acknowledged to be one of the most tiring and exhausting farm tasks, requiring long hours of bending over, exposure to the sun and rain, and the payout isn't high. This is clearly a further challenge!
Liu Xiaoling snatched the schedule and took a look. Her face flushed with anger: "They are too bullying!"
Lin Xueyin looked at the thin piece of paper, which seemed to weigh a thousand pounds. The tears that had just stopped flowing threatened to burst out again, but she held them back.
The thought of relying on Song Zhiyuan popped up again uncontrollably, like the whisper of a devil. With just one word from him, Zhao Jianguo would definitely not dare to make such an arrangement...
She pinched her palm hard, and the pain woke her up.
Hold on, Lin Xueyin, you have to hold on. She said to herself in her heart.
She chose this path herself. If she wants to stay away from trouble and remain independent, then she has to swallow the bitter fruit herself.
She folded the schedule and put it in her pocket, forcing a smile that was uglier than crying. "It's okay, just weed. Others can do it, and I can learn it too."
But the bitterness in her smile and the confusion deep in her eyes revealed her true state of mind. The road ahead seemed bleak, and she could only rely on herself, stumbling along this rugged road.
What was the person she wanted to rely on but didn't dare to rely on doing at this moment? She didn't know, and she didn't dare to think about it.
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