Chapter 1 The Infinite Boss Invites You to "Eat Melon" 1. This...
"Buzz—buzz—!"
My phone vibrated, accompanied by the piercing sound of an alarm clock coming from the bedside.
A hand reached out from under the covers and groped around haphazardly.
The phone, which was already teetering on the edge of the bedside table, fell to the ground with a thud. The noise, at least ten decibels louder than an alarm clock, finally woke the person in bed.
"Monday, 8:00 AM..."
Lu Yu picked up his phone, opened his eyes, and stared at the time and date displayed on the screen for a full ten seconds before letting out a long, drawn-out sigh.
He wiped his face, resignedly put on his glasses, turned off the air conditioner, threw off the covers, got out of bed, slipped on his slippers, and drifted out of the bedroom like a ghost.
Brushing teeth, washing face, tidying hair—a series of monotonous, assembly-line-like actions—and the second alarm clock has already gone off.
Lu Yu pinched the bridge of his nose to clear his head, quickened his pace, and swept past the wardrobe with lightning speed, pulling out a set of casual clothes and putting them on. He rushed to the entryway, changed his shoes, put away his keys, hung up his work badge, turned the doorknob, and was about to leave.
But after taking only two steps, before even getting into the elevator, he quickly took out his keys, opened the door, and came back, realizing he had left his phone in the bedroom.
At 8:20 a.m., Lu Yu strode out of the apartment and hurriedly greeted the old man upstairs who was returning from his walk after breakfast.
"It's late today, Xiao Lu," the old man in his martial arts uniform teased with a smile.
"Good morning, Uncle Zhou," Lu Yu said with a forced smile after a couple of seconds of confusion. "It's alright, five minutes is plenty of time."
As he spoke, his long legs quickened, and he approached the entrance of the residential area.
The subway station is 50 meters to the left after you leave the residential area.
This is also why Lu Yu chose this older apartment complex over many newer ones in the same price range. Today, he is once again proud of his incredibly wise decision.
At 8:50, Lu Yu squeezed through the crowd of office workers, quickly and gracefully exiting the subway and arriving at the steamed bun shop downstairs from his company.
After anxiously queuing for two minutes, it was finally Lu Yu's turn to order.
As he raised his phone to scan the QR code to pay, he politely said in a slightly fast voice, "Boss, a cup of soy milk and two pork buns, please."
Lu Yu had been buying breakfast here for as long as he had worked at the company. The owner already recognized him and said with a smile, "It's almost nine o'clock, will you make it?"
"I can make it, I can make it." Lu Yu replied with a calm smile, took the steamed bun, and disappeared around the corner with a quick electronic payment notification.
At 8:59, Lu Yu came out of the emergency exit on the 18th floor.
With his excellent physical condition and five years of experience climbing eighteen floors, Lu Yu can now stroll up the stairs while eating breakfast without even breaking a sweat.
Lu Yu threw the empty plastic bag and soy milk paper cup into the trash can, wiped his mouth, and bowed his head at the company entrance.
With a beep, check-in successful.
Lu Yu swiped his card to open the door and was about to go in when he heard the elevator doors open behind him. Immediately afterward, a series of footsteps, like the clatter of horses' hooves, came rushing towards him from the direction of the elevator. Before he could even reach them, the lucky cat wall clock in the corridor chimed at exactly nine o'clock.
"Holy crap, so close!"
This is the type of resentment and regret.
"I got perfect attendance this month!!"
This is the heart-wrenching and frantic type.
"Knowing full well that the elevator in this run-down office building would take a long time, I still took a chance, thinking that arriving five minutes earlier than usual would ensure I wouldn't be late, and that taking the elevator wouldn't be a problem. But little did I know, one wrong step could ruin my life..."
This is the mournful and self-reflective type.
Lu Yu smiled slightly, flicked the hem of his clothes, and stepped into the company before his colleagues who had failed to scout the location arrived.
Their company is small, with forty or fifty people. Apart from the boss having a private office, everyone else is crammed into cubicles outside.
Lu Yu's workstation is by the window, a large floor-to-ceiling window on a high floor, offering a panoramic view of the city. But anyone who's sat there knows how unpleasant it is—cold in winter and hot in summer, even air conditioning can't save it. Fortunately, Lu Yu has a naturally good thermoregulation system, and after five years, he's managed to adapt.
In mid-June, the sun at nine o'clock in the morning was already dazzling.
Lu Yu sat down at his workstation and first wiped and tidied his desk, which took three minutes. After finishing, he picked up his water cup and went to the common rest area of the office building to get water, which took ten minutes, longer than he could run up eighteen flights of stairs while eating breakfast.
After filling the water tank and lingering at his workstation for a few more minutes, Lu Yu finally pressed the power button on his computer at 9:30.
To the right of Lu Yu's workstation, 220 meters away in a straight line from the floor-to-ceiling window, a woman and two men were crammed into a stall in a public restroom, staring intently at an open comic book, all with serious expressions and focused concentration.
The comic book unfolded, but instead of a comic book, it displayed a dynamic scene, with Lu Yu at the center. Viewing him through the comic book was like watching a movie starring him; everything was clearly visible and playing in real-time, except for the lack of sound.
Upon seeing Lu Yu's computer turn on, the three of them held their breath and turned their gazes toward his computer screen, as if trying to glean something from it.
However, Lu Yu only turned on the device.
The computer screen remained on the password input screensaver. Lu Yu stared at the screen for two minutes, then suddenly got up, picked up his phone, and went into the bathroom.
The closed men's restroom door appears in the very center of the comic strip, leaving no room for further depiction.
The three people in the public restroom downstairs: "..."
One of the round-faced boys, after holding it in for a while, finally couldn't help but ask, "Um... does the boss of an SSS-level dungeon get paid to take a dump while working?"
“It’s human nature to ignore this, oh no, Liu Xian, record this, write this down,” the curly-haired woman next to her wiped her face, pulling her thoughts back from the miserable Monday morning, and said seriously, “The prerequisite mission we’ve taken this time is ‘exploring the basic situation of the final boss of the SSS-level Illusionary Reality Dungeon Fool’s Kingdom’, so any information related to the boss may earn points. The boss’s habit of getting up early to take a paid defecation is also important intelligence.”
Liu Xian, a round-faced boy, wore an expression that was hard to describe.
The tall, thin man, holding a comic book and sitting on the toilet seat, hesitated before saying, "Captain, do you think... is it possible we've made a mistake?"
"A mistake?" Jiang Yan asked.
Liu Xian also looked at the tall, thin man.
“Yes, there’s a mistake,” said the tall, thin man, Lao Bai. “Smiling Games did release information and a silhouette of the SSS-level dungeon boss, but it was all very vague, wasn’t it?”
He looked up: "'Male, 27 years old, current residence in Jixiang District, Baixiang City, Hedong Province, can make a smiling face cry'. There are really many people here who meet the first three conditions, but the last condition, 'can make a smiling face cry', is not clear. How can a smiling face cry? What kind of smiling face will cry? There are no hints."
"I don't think it's reliable for us to list Lu Yu as the first choice for the Boss based solely on the Crimson Dawn Guild leader's prophecy about that blurry figure. Crimson Dawn has always been our rival guild, and they may not be completely honest with each other this time."
“Most importantly, my ‘Peeping Tom’ hasn’t reacted at all,” Old Bai sighed and said seriously. “As you know, it’s an A-level monster. It will suffer a certain degree of backlash if it encounters something beyond its level. The longer it spyes, the heavier the backlash. But we’ve been spying on Lu Yu for almost two hours since he left home, and the Tom hasn’t shown the slightest backlash.”
"The feedback it gave me through the mental link didn't feel like I was spying on an SSS-level dungeon boss, but rather like I was spying on an ordinary NPC that you could see anywhere on the street."
“So,” Old Bai hesitated, “is it possible that this Lu Yu is just an ordinary NPC? And we’ve just been misled?”
Liu Xian found it increasingly reasonable and nodded, saying, "Now that you mention it, it's true. Mainly, apart from being handsome, Lu Yu is really quite ordinary..."
Jiang Yan pondered for a moment, then shook her head: "No, I still think there's a high probability that Lu Yu is the Boss."
Her voice was calm: "There is only one SSS-level dungeon in Smile Game. Before it opened this time, no one knew anything about its main storyline or boss. Smile Game also did not stipulate that the boss of this dungeon cannot be 'normal'. We cannot limit our thinking, that's one point."
“Secondly, the ‘Great Prophet’ of Crimson Dawn wouldn’t lie to us,” Jiang Yan said. “You may not know, but the guild leader secretly told me that in order to achieve this cooperation in exploring the SSS-level dungeon, Crimson Dawn has signed a spiritual contract with our War God Guild of the highest level, which they will not easily violate. Moreover, in addition to us, a team from Crimson Dawn was also assigned to explore Lu Yu this time, and the captain of that team is ‘Realm Lord’ Pei Yanzhi.”
"Pei Yanzhi?" Liu Xian and Lao Bai were both shocked. "Pei Yanzhi, who is ranked first on the player points leaderboard?"
Jiang Yan nodded: "He is Crimson Dawn's ace. The fact that Crimson Dawn sent him to explore Lu Yu, rather than other suspected individuals, already speaks volumes."
"Furthermore, Lao Bai, your comic book isn't responding. It could be that it's genuinely spying on an ordinary NPC with nothing special about it, or it could be that it's encountered something far more powerful than itself. That being sees it as an ant or a fly, too lazy to even glance at it, and wouldn't even bother with a backlash... That's a possibility, isn't it?"
Old Bai's expression darkened slightly.
Jiang Yan added, "And look at the places he frequents this morning."
"The residence, Chenhun Apartment, is an S-level instance; Metro Line 18 is a B-level instance; Jixiang Middle School next to the metro is an A-level instance; the steamed bun shop selling fresh meat buns is a C-level instance; and the company where I work, Xiaoxixi Media Company, is an A-level instance. There are indeed NPCs surrounding me from so many instances, but they are definitely not this densely packed. Most of them are just passing by occasionally and are not part of my daily life."
"But if you think about Lu Yu's daily schedule, it's practically like every place he goes is a dungeon, except for the roads, there's not a single gap. Isn't that a bit unusual?"
Old Bai realized what was happening, and his expression changed repeatedly.
Liu Xian's eyelids twitched three times: "Captain, even the 'Realm Lord' has arrived, does this mean Lu Yu is too dangerous, and we're just an ordinary S-rank team..."
Jiang Yan knew this coward was going to pull this stunt, so she rolled her eyes at him and said, "With Lao Bai's strange creature and your abilities, we don't need to get close to Lu Yu, we can't even see his face. If you're still afraid, then get lost and don't waste my time."
Liu Xian pouted, looking aggrieved, and fell silent.
He's just a coward.
Just then, Lao Bai suddenly spoke up: "Captain, the situation has changed! The A-level dungeon, Smiling Media Company, has opened!"
Jiang Yan and Liu Xian both changed their expressions.
“Laughing Media Company?” Liu Xian said, “Isn’t that the company Lu Yu works for? It was last opened half a year ago, why is it suddenly…”
The illustrations in the comic book shifted from the closed men's restroom door to the entrance of the Laughing Media Company.
The glass door opened, and the receptionist smiled and led in five people: "This is the interior of our company. That's the boss's office. The boss is very easy to talk to; you can go in and talk to him about anything. But when you go in, please make sure you look neat and tidy, and try not to stay for more than three minutes..."
Before he could finish speaking, the door to the men's restroom opened and closed, and Lu Yu, having washed his hands, emerged from the restroom.
He bumped into the receptionist and five players, pausing in his tracks: "Sister Liu, this is..."
The three people in the public restroom all felt a chill run down their spines.
The five players within the company did not show any obvious reaction. The information about Lu Yu being suspected to be the final boss of the SSS-level dungeon did not spread from the two major guilds to other players.
To the five players who had just entered the instance, Lu Yu was just a passing NPC.
"Oh my, Director Lu," Liu, the receptionist, turned around and saw Lu Yu, and immediately smiled, "I haven't congratulated you on your promotion yet."
Lu Yu responded with a faint smile, as if he were dead: "I got promoted, and my pay increased by five hundred yuan."
Sister Liu's eyes immediately showed sympathy, then she got down to business: "Come on, take him home."
"Get what?" Lu Yu was taken aback.
“You’re bringing interns,” Sister Liu said with a smile, revealing the five players behind her. “These are your new interns in the operations department, hired by the boss. Last time, when the interns came, you were away on a business trip, so Xiao Hua took care of them. This time, they’re high achievers, and the boss specifically asked you to mentor them so you won’t slack off. Oh, I was talking about these two guys, Gao Gan and Bao Xiaoqi. These two girls don’t need your guidance; they’re from the planning team.”
Lu Yu's gaze swept over the four people being introduced and landed on the fifth, a short, stout man who was clearly over fifty: "And this one? At this age... is he also an intern?"
His questioning gaze made the short, stout man shudder, breaking out in a cold sweat.
The other four players and the three from the public toilet couldn't help but hold their breath slightly.
If you arouse the suspicion of an NPC right from the start, even if that NPC isn't the boss, it will definitely cause big problems!
"Oh, this one," Sister Liu said, "is an intern cleaner hired by the boss. The previous full-time employee was too expensive, so he quit. This intern cleaner only needs to pay half the salary of a full-time employee."
Lu Yu: "..."
It's a bit outrageous, but if it's their boss, it's not unreasonable.
Lu Yu explained, then seemed to remember something and looked at Gao Gan and Bao Xiaoqi: "Come over here first, let me introduce you to our operations department."
Gao Gan and Bao Xiaoqi nervously swallowed and followed Lu Yu, who was striding away.
I must have been struck by lightning in my past life to be mentoring someone in this one.
After explaining the departmental situation and daily work arrangements, it was already 11:30 a.m.
Lu Yu sat back down at his workstation with a listless expression, opened his phone, and saw that it was lunch break at noon, with only half an hour left. It was too rushed to get to work; he'd better slack off a bit.
Lu Yu opened Green River Literature City, a platform he often browsed while slacking off. Before he could even find a book, a pop-up window suddenly appeared, displaying that the "Eating Melon System" was being installed.
Before he could react, a strange app replaced Green River and appeared on his phone screen.
[Dear host, welcome to the Gossip System!]
This system is designed specifically for gossiping! Its motto is: "There are no gossips you can't get, only systems that don't work hard enough!" Please make good use of the system's entries and join us on a gossip-filled adventure!
What is it?
Lu Yu subconsciously swiped the screen, wanting to exit the suspected bundled virus app, but accidentally tapped the only unlock entry displayed on the screen: "The Self You Don't Know".
The side of yourself you don't know:
Lu Yu, the host himself, is a 27-year-old male from Baixiang City, Hedong Province, China. His outward identity is that of an ordinary human, a typical office worker. His true identity is a near-god who controls the power of rules, the fearsome King of Calamities, and the incomparably domineering final boss...
Lu Yu left expressionlessly and long-pressed to uninstall.
He found out.
This is not a virus app, it's a scam app.
A note from the author:
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[Sprinkling flowers] A new story has started! Welcome, my little angels! *sprinkling flowers*
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Important reading notes for this unit:
1. Lu Yu (top) x Pei Yanzhi (bottom).
2. Pseudo-infinite flow novel. The male lead is a native, and the female lead is a player. There are no dungeon runs, and there's nothing particularly intelligent about it; it's more of a silly, comedic story.
3. The gossip system is not a proper gossip system.
4. All work-related content is based on the author's and friends' work experiences. The language used is self-deprecating and intended for amusement. Please do not take it too seriously.
5. The overall style of this unit is relaxed and allows you to let loose.
6. With 30 chapters saved up, I've turned over a new leaf and am ready to jump in with confidence.
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Please see the synopsis for full reading instructions. Enjoy your reading, little angels!
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