After Xu Runli was released
When the iron gate slammed shut behind her, Xu Runli squinted and looked at the sky.
The lead-gray clouds hung very low, like a piece of water-soaked cotton wool, suffocating the entire world.
She clutched the wrinkled certificate of release in her arms, picking at the rough edges of the paper with her fingers, her knuckles turning white from the force.
"Xu Runli!" The supervisor's voice echoed in the empty courtyard. "Remember to report on time and don't get into trouble again."
Xu Runli didn't look back and staggered towards the bus stop.
The blue cloth jacket he was wearing was washed white, and the cuffs were frayed. The wind blew in and penetrated into his flesh along the seams between his bones.
She remembered the corduroy jacket she wore before entering the detention center. It was sent to her by her ex-husband Jiang Zhicheng. It was navy blue with a small red flower on the chest.
That was once her most respectable dress, but now she had no idea where it was thrown.
The bench at the bus stop was covered with dust. As soon as Xu Runli sat down, the woman next to her moved aside. The disgust in her eyes was like a fine needle, making her shrink her neck.
She looked down at her shoes. The rubber sole had a crack, revealing the straw inside. It was stuffed in when she mended them last month. It was better than going barefoot.
The train came and she took out the wrinkled banknotes from her pocket. The conductor glanced at her and took the money, pinching it between two fingers as if it were something dirty.
There were not many people in the carriage, but no one wanted to sit next to her, and the air around her seemed to be frozen.
Xu Runli looked at the street scenes passing by outside the window. The tall buildings made her dizzy. The light reflected from the glass curtain walls was more dazzling than the searchlights in the detention center.
She wanted to go to her cousin, which was the only place she could think of.
My cousin opened a small restaurant on the outskirts of the city. The last time I visited her in prison, she said she was willing to give her some food.
But when she really stood at the door of the restaurant, Xu Runli became timid again.
The red oil sign swayed in the wind, and the aroma of meat wafting out made her stomach turn sour. On the red paper with the words "Recruiting waiters" posted on the glass door, the four words "Clean hands and feet" were particularly eye-catching.
"Runli?" My cousin poked her head out from inside. Her apron was stained with oil. Seeing her like this, her brows furrowed into knots. "How did you get like this?"
Xu Runli opened her mouth, but her throat felt like it had been rubbed by sandpaper and she couldn't make a sound for a long time.
The cousin sighed and dragged her to the back kitchen: "Come in first, don't block the business at the door."
The smell of cooking fumes from the kitchen made her cough, and the dirty water on the ground was sticky.
The cousin stuffed a steamed bun into her hand and said, "It's a bit of work for now. You have a lot of work to do, washing dishes and mopping the floor. If you do a good job, I'll give you a meal, but don't think about the wages."
Xu Runli bit the steamed bun, and the dry and hard flour residue made her throat sore.
She saw the mountains of dishes piled up in the sink, with greasy bubbles swaying on the water, just like the muddled days she had been living in over the years.
"Thank you, sister," she said, her voice muffled in her throat, between her steamed buns. "I will do my best."
But her hands were too clumsy.
The dishwashing liquid was so slippery that I couldn't hold the bowl, and I accidentally dropped it, sending porcelain shards flying onto the ground, shattering into tiny bits of debris.
My cousin's scolding immediately exploded: "Are you here to work or to disrupt things? Do you still think you are still the eldest daughter of the Yun family? You can't even do this little thing, no wonder you are in jail!"
Xu Runli squatted on the ground to pick up porcelain pieces. Her fingertips were cut and blood dripped into the dirty water, forming a small red flower.
She remembered that when she was young, she always curled her lips and thought that she looked particularly rustic when she worked. Now she realized how much of a blessing it was to be able to wash dishes in peace.
At night she slept in the storage room in the back kitchen. The piles of cabbages smelled damp, and mice rustled on the beams, as if counting her heartbeats.
She wrapped herself tightly in her tattered cotton-padded jacket, thinking back to the winter before she was sent to the detention center. Her husband was still alive, and her mother was still alive too...
But now, things have changed.
Yun Tangyin should be living a good life, right?
At that time she just wanted to save face, but now she can taste the bitterness.
It was she herself who made her life like this, so salty and bitter that she couldn't swallow it.
After working for less than three days, her cousin kicked her out.
The reason was that a piece of meat was lost, and no one in the kitchen admitted it. My cousin's eyes were like nails stuck on her: "If it wasn't you who took it, who did? You can't change your dirty hands and feet!"
Xu Runli did not defend herself, she knew it was useless.
She gathered up her rags and left.
A tattered cotton-padded jacket, half a dry and hard steamed bun, and a crumpled photo of her childhood.
At that time, Xu Runli was still looking forward to being taken back to the Yun family by Yun Zhixiong so that she could become the eldest daughter of a wealthy family and no longer have to work and suffer.
When we walked out of the restaurant, it started snowing again.
Snowflakes fell on her tattered cotton jacket and melted in a short while, and the damp and cold air penetrated into her bones.
She walked aimlessly and passed by a vegetable market, where she saw someone throwing rotten vegetable leaves.
She walked over as if drawn to a magnet, squatting on the ground to pick out what was still edible. Her fingers were red from the cold, like carrots.
"Hey! What are you doing?" The stall owner came over with a broom in hand. "Get away from me! Don't dirty my floor!"
Xu Runli ran back holding the picked vegetable leaves, but she slipped and fell on the icy road.
Vegetable leaves were scattered all over the ground, covered with mud and snow, just like her shattered life.
She lay on the ground and suddenly didn't want to get up. Tears mixed with snow water flowed into her mouth, bitter and astringent.
"Sister, are you okay?" A voice sounded above my head.
Xu Runli looked up and saw a pair of flour-stained cloth shoes. Looking up, she saw a blue cloth apron that was washed to a pale color. Looking up further, she saw a somewhat familiar face.
He is the distant nephew of the Yun family and sells steamed buns in the vegetable market.
Xu Runli's voice was shaking.
The man recognized her, was stunned for a moment, turned around, picked up two hot buns from the steamer, wrapped them in cloth and stuffed them into her.
Xu Runli held the hot steamed bun, her hands were shaking from the heat, but she couldn't stop crying.
She thought of Yun Tangyin, her mother and father, and the days that she had ruined with her own hands.
It turns out that there really is someone who will give her some insignificant warmth when she falls into the mud.
The snow was getting heavier and heavier, and Xu Runli stood in the wind and snow, holding a hot steamed bun.
The heat from the steamed bun blurred her vision and warmed her frozen fingers.
She knew she still had a way to go, even if the road was muddy and she had to kowtow every step of the way to move forward.
She wanted to find a proper job, even if it was sweeping the streets or cleaning toilets. She wanted to save money bit by bit to be worthy of these two hot buns and Yun Tangyin's unspoken forgiveness.
Xu Runli walked in the snow for a long time with the two hot steamed buns in her pocket.
The heat from the steamed bun seeped into her palm through the coarse cloth, burning her fingertips to the point of numbness, but she was reluctant to put it in her mouth.
She recalled the look in the eyes of the Yun family's distant nephew when he handed her the steamed bun. There was no contempt or pity, just as if he was handing it to an ordinary neighbor, so natural and so ordinary.
This kind of ordinariness is the most luxurious wish in her life.
She found a place sheltered from the wind, squatted down at the foot of the wall, and carefully broke off half a steamed bun.
The aroma of flour mixed with the slight sourness of yeast spread on the tip of her tongue. When the warm dough slid across her throat, she suddenly covered her mouth, and suppressed sobs leaked out from between her fingers, like a wounded wild dog.
The snow fell on her hair and soon accumulated into a thin layer of white, like a cheap mourning dress covering her.
"Hey, isn't this the eldest daughter of the Xu family?" A sharp voice came over.
Xu Runli looked up and saw Mrs. Wang, from her former village, standing in front of her with a vegetable basket. The radish leaves in the basket were covered with snow.
When she was young, Mrs. Wang always flattered her, saying that she was the Yun family's golden branch and jade leaf who had wandered away. But now, the way she looked at her was as if she was looking at a beggar on the street.
Xu Runli turned around and ran without even looking back, tears streaming down her face.
The cold wind blew snowflakes across her tattered cotton jacket, but something in Xu Runli's heart was slowly melting.
Just like the pumpkin seeds hidden in the frozen soil in the corner of the locust tree courtyard, as long as they survive this winter, they will sprout in the spring.
But she never had the chance to see Yun Tangyin again.
Xu Runli herself knew that she would have to spend the rest of her life wandering around like a homeless ghost...
-End of full text-
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