Chapter 91
Hearing him say "never existed", Chen Qi blinked.
Qu Xing paused after he finished speaking, leaning back somewhat wearily. Chen Qi saw him lazily raising his eyelids without any defensive intentions, and smiled faintly: "Are you going to sleep?"
Qu Xing: "Can you give me psychological counseling while I sleep?"
Chen Qi: “No.”
Qu Xing nodded and said, "If I don't sleep, today's consultation will be wasted."
"Okay." Chen Qi said, temporarily avoiding the topic of grandma and said, "Can you tell me why you decided to come and talk to me?"
"I feel like I'm sick." Qu Xing said, "Ling Yin also told me that my childhood friend thought I'd forgotten something... but I haven't forgotten it now."
Chen Qi: "So you really forgot about it before this incident?"
Qu Xing nodded.
Chen Qi: "You just said that your memory feels like shattered debris now. What about before you 'remembered' it? What was your memory like?"
Qu Xing: “…”
He let out a breath, leaned back on the sofa and began to ponder the mural on the wall.
Chen Qi waited quietly.
After a while, Qu Xing withdrew his gaze and said to him, "It's foggy."
"Can't you see clearly?" Chen Qi asked.
"I can see clearly." Qu Xing said, "It's like walking in the fog, with a new scene with every step. Once I get there, I can see clearly. I don't think there's anything wrong with it, because it's always clear when I think about it, but I don't think about it normally."
Chen Qi nodded thoughtfully.
Chen Qi: "Your boyfriend,"
Qu Xing's eyes moved slightly.
Chen Qi continued, "Xiao Yin, he said you always seemed cheerful. Is that happiness real?"
"Really?" Qu Xing said in confusion, "Does Ling Yin think it's fake?"
"Are you not unhappy at all?" Chen Qi asked with a smile, "Tired, empty, like there's always something weighing on my heart."
Qu Xing thought for a moment and said, "Sometimes, but most of the time I'm busy training and don't feel that."
"What do you do when that situation occurs?" Chen Qi asked.
"No big deal." Qu Xing said as a matter of course: "Just stay with it and be quiet. After a while, it will be attracted by other things."
Chen Qi couldn't help laughing: "Forgot?"
Qu Xing: “Ah…”
"It's okay." Chen Qi said, "It means you live very attentively, focusing only on the present. As for your...dissociative state and the degree of trauma, we'll do tests next time. I believe your attitude towards treatment is still relatively positive."
"And to be honest," Chen Qi smiled. "When I first heard others recount your experience, I thought it would be quite serious, but looking at your condition, the prospects for treatment are very promising."
Qu Xing looked at him, her eyes slightly curved: "Really?"
Chen Qi nodded: "Really. The most important thing now is whether you are willing to think about some things from a different perspective."
Qu Xing blinked gently.
Chen Qi: "Of course, I will always help you and won't let you fight this alone."
After Chen Qi finished speaking, he saw Qu Xing nodded with bright eyes, and moved the rabbit in his left hand closer to him.
"..." Chen Qi smiled and leaned closer: "So now, are you willing to tell me what happened? About you and your grandmother, how you got along in the past, what happened later, and how you spent that blank period that you forgot and now remember. Okay?"
Qu Xing looked at him quietly for a long time and nodded.
The story about Qu Xing and Grandma was generally consistent with what Ling Yin had told Chen Qi, but there were also some parts that Ling Yin had not understood.
For example, although she is an "unreliable" grandmother who tricked her grandson into getting his ears pierced when he was five years old just to make him look prettier, she is still very reliable most of the time.
She meticulously considered Qu Xing's every emotion. She even respected the four- or five-year-old's wild and outrageous idea that the pattern on the floor at home contained a transparent monster. Without a second thought, she tore up all the floorboards in the house, changing the style to suit Qu Xing's preferences.
Chen Qi had originally thought that a playful grandmother who gave her children a great deal of freedom meant letting them do whatever they wanted. But surprisingly, that wasn't the case. No matter what this adopted grandson wanted to do, she would almost always accompany him.
She accompanies him to school, goes out to play, and skateboards. Even when he is sitting in front of the computer playing games, she will sit not too far from him and do her own thing.
His grandmother, rather than a grandmother, is more like a guiding friend with more experience than his, a trendy old lady who keeps up with the times and can play everything with her grandson.
Of course, there were plenty of unreliable things. Ear piercing was one, but there were many others. For example, the reason Qu Xing was such a skilled cook was because his grandmother was too lazy to do anything, so she coaxed him into handling a wok and a frying pan at such a young age. She took advantage of Qu Xing's innocence and energy, coaxing him into doing any small chore, and when he was done, he would happily serve tea and water to his grandmother, giving her kisses and hugs, a willing servant.
The grandmother also tried to get her grandson to teach him how to play League of Legends. Qu Xing held the mouse and taught her for a whole year, successfully progressing from Tough Black Iron to Heroic Bronze. Qu Xing's own account was so neglected that his rank dropped drastically, successfully cutting off the possibility of this talented young man being discovered early and recruited into major teams.
This is how I spent the past 18 years playing with my grandma.
The shock of his grandmother's illness was immense, and Qu Xing was already mired in constant anxiety. As for his grandmother's death, it was a blank slate, difficult for him to imagine, let alone accept. After returning home to settle his grandmother and handle the funeral, he was alone in his study, looking at the bookshelf he was never allowed to touch, and suddenly wanted to pull out a book and read it.
The cover of the book was normal, but the content inside was mad and shocking. Qu Xing almost stubbornly flipped through the entire bookshelf, piecing together his origins from the chaotic sentences - two characters that didn't need to exist in his life.
And grandma.
"she".
Qu Xing's thoughts, flesh and blood, every inch of his short life are imbued with the shadow and breath of "her", but who exactly is "she"? Qu Xing has no idea.
His first eighteen years were indeed blissful. His grandmother seemed to truly love him, a stark contrast to the fact that she had used a false name and identity for Qu Xing, constantly trying to get rid of him. The more genuine and delicate the initial "love," the more terrifying the subsequent "deception" seemed like a shadow. It was like a mirror connecting two worlds: on one side was the sun-drenched, happy human world, and on the other, the unknown, yet ever-present, dark, ghostly world.
Chen Qi asked, "Could there be some misunderstanding? Did she really want to run away all along?"
Qu Xing shook his head: "She prepared my birthday present so long in advance every year because she knew she would be gone."
Chen Qi had nothing to say.
He suddenly found it incredible that the child before him seemed so well. How strong and rational must he be to have been able to peacefully coexist with these horrific, fragmented emotions for so long. Perhaps it was thanks to his "grandmother," who had built a safe haven for him over the previous eighteen years, that he was able to withstand such a situation.
"What did you do during those two months you stayed in that house alone?" Chen Qi asked.
"I didn't do anything." Qu Xing's voice was a little tired. "I just stayed there, any corner I could find, the kitchen, the living room, the bathroom. I sat, stood, lay down, knelt, and thought about nothing. I just never went into the study."
"And then I forgot about it." Chen Qi said.
Qu Xing: "Well, I don't understand either. It was like a dream, and it just disappeared like that."
Chen Qi: "How do you feel now?"
Qu Xing made no secret of it and sighed, "I'm almost exhausted. I'm more tired than playing five games in a row."
"Okay, let's not talk any more today." Chen Qi said, "Next time we come, we'll do a rough test."
Qu Xing hummed, didn't leave in a hurry, leaned back and closed his eyes for a while.
Chen Qi looked at him quietly for a moment, then suddenly asked softly, "Why did you say your grandma suddenly change the floor when you were four or five?"
Qu Xing didn't open his eyes to respond immediately. After a moment, he opened his blank eyes and looked at him: "What do you mean by changing the floor?"
"..." Chen Qi smiled gently, stood up and ruffled his hair. Qu Xing was unable to react and did not dodge.
Chen Qi: "If you're tired, you can rest here for a while, kid. There won't be any other patients here soon."
"No rest." Qu Xing slowly stood up: "Ling Yin picked me up, I'm going back."
"Okay." Chen Qi stood up and saw him off: "See you next time."
Qu Xing: "Bye."
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The author has something to say: I’m back~ There’s another chapter to come
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