Chapter 35 A colossal lie: It turns out she was just a smile...
Yu Kui stood there, silently watching the couple, as if she had been petrified, her soul floating out of her body, unable to find its footing.
Under the dim streetlights, the early summer breeze wasn't actually that cold, yet she felt as if she were in the depths of winter's chill.
Oh, I see.
The root of her stubbornness, constant self-reflection, and self-doubt is not that she did something wrong, that she ignored his feelings, or that she betrayed their friendship.
Instead, she was like a fool, completely manipulated by them.
Even though she sensed something was subtly off, she still refused to believe that their friendship of over a decade couldn't withstand the sudden appearance of someone else.
The sword of Damocles hanging overhead finally fell.
And she finally understood that the emotions she cherished most were nothing more than bargaining chips that Qin You used to please another girl, topics of conversation, and even more so, a joke.
Yu Kui watched the couple lingering at the school gate for as long as it took, until the boy led the girl to the roadside and they playfully hailed a taxi and left. Yu Kui did not look away.
She gazed at them silently, as if trying to see their familiar faces into her heart. She wanted to remember this moment forever, to remember how a seed of hatred had sprouted in her usually warm heart.
Remember the lies and betrayals of this moment.
She tried to open her eyes wide, but tears still streamed down her face. She covered her face and squatted down, refusing to show any vulnerability, but her rapid breathing betrayed her.
How can I not care?
That was her best friend of over ten years, the object of her secret crush whom she had always wanted to get closer to but had always suppressed.
Tonight, all past emotions are like a crystal ball that I tried so hard to hold in my hands, but with just one glance, it fell into the dust and shattered into a million pieces.
So, it turns out she really is nothing.
"Are you alright?" Xie Xingzhi's pupils contracted slightly as he quickly steadied her. "Are you feeling unwell?"
Yu Kui seemed not to hear his voice; her beautiful eyes were filled with tears, and she looked like she had lost her soul.
"Yu Kui!" Xie Xingzhi helped her up from the ground and called out loudly, "Can you hear me?"
"Where does it hurt? Don't stay silent." Xie Xingzhi gently shook her body, his expression gradually becoming serious.
He hadn't expected Yu Kui to be so distressed after seeing Qin You and Tao Jiang kiss. He thought she had long since stopped caring about those two.
He picked Yu Kui up from the ground and turned to go to the nearby hospital. The girl's eyelashes trembled slightly, and she said slowly, "I'm fine."
Xie Xingzhi stopped in his tracks. "Are you really alright?"
"Put me down," Yu Kui lowered her eyelashes, "I can walk by myself."
Xie Xingzhi put her down on the ground and looked at her pale face. "If you're unhappy, I can take you out to play. Don't be like this."
That moment of overwhelming grief made him worry that she might faint from the shock.
"Don't worry about me," Yu Kui raised her hand to wipe away her tears, as if she had regained her usual calm. "I want to go home. Tell Sun Shuya that I'm not waiting for her."
"I'll take you back," Xie Xingzhi said, taking her hand. "I'm worried about leaving you like this."
Yu Kui gently pulled her hand away from his. "I want to be alone."
At this moment, she didn't want to see anyone; she just wanted to be alone.
“No,” Xie Xingzhi stood in front of her and said again, “I’ll take you back.”
“No need,” Yu Kui ignored him, “I can take a taxi myself.”
Xie Xingzhi still did not agree. "You're not in the right state right now. If you won't let me take you, call your family and have them come pick you up."
"Get out of the way!" Yu Kui roared, glaring hatefully at Xie Xingzhi. "I told you to get out of the way, didn't you hear me?!" She didn't want to see anyone right now, so why did he have to bother her like this!
"I won't allow it." Xie Xingzhi looked at her red eyes. "Unless you let me go back with you."
"Why do you all bully me!" Yu Kui broke down instantly upon hearing this. "Qin You and Tao Jiang are, and so are you. Why do you all treat me like this? Why?" Her tears rolled down her cheeks again.
"What did I do wrong to deserve such humiliation and mockery?"
She lowered her head, her whole demeanor turning utterly gloomy. "Why did it have to end like this?"
She thought the worst outcome would be to forget Qin You and become strangers, but today she realized that the ending was the best she had imagined. Reality, however, was like a dagger piercing her heart, leaving her bleeding profusely.
Although she liked Qin You, she never truly asked for his reciprocation. Instead, she maintained a friendly distance by his side. Yet, he treated her like a complete fool. He knew she had long since fallen for Tao Jiang, but she pretended to be someone he didn't. He could have told her the truth, but instead, he trapped her in a vicious cycle of emotions...
This friendship, which she cherished most, has now turned into a dagger that stabs her in the back, drawing blood with every blow.
Yu Kui never knew she harbored so much resentment. Even on the day she broke up with Qin You, she was only sad, not resentful. But now she seemed to have turned into a hysterical madwoman.
She harbored too much pain and resentment, and Xie Xingzhi seemed to have become a target, making her unable to control her malice.
Am I really that bad a person?
She said, "Do I really want my friends to distrust me like this?"
She looked at Xie Xingzhi, but it was as if she was looking at Qin You. "I clearly consider you the most important person to me."
Why is all this happening?
Even if she were dating Tao Jiang, she wouldn't be angry, so why lie to her? Why humiliate her like this?
There were perfectly good solutions, but they chose the most despicable one, making her feel so worthless.
No wonder Tao Jiang said she didn't lose.
"She didn't lose; she was already at the finish line."
Hearing her words, Xie Xingzhi was silent for a few seconds, then slowly and firmly put his hand on Yu Kui's shoulder, "How could you be a bad person?"
He looked into the girl's moist eyes and said, "You are a friend I value very much. Both Sun Shuya and I like you very much and are happy to be your friend."
"Don't let two bad people make you doubt yourself, okay?"
Xie Xingzhi wasn't sure if she could hear him, but he kept saying, "You have such good grades and understand a lot of principles. You should know that the one who's wrong is the insincere person, never you..."
Yu Kui could vaguely hear his voice, but she couldn't respond; she just kept crying.
She was completely unable to control her emotions, and her face was terrifyingly pale.
Seeing this, Xie Xingzhi hailed a taxi and got in with her. "What's your address? I'll take you home."
Yu Kui leaned back in the seat, unable to speak. Her whole body was trembling, and when she tried to open her mouth, it was a broken, teeth-grinding scream.
Xie Xingzhi didn't ask her any more questions, but instead told the driver to take the car to the amusement park. The amusement park was already closed, but the lights inside were still on, making it look very dreamy.
Xie Xingzhi led Yu Kui to sit on a bench by the roadside, looking down at the girl's fair face. "There are very few people here, so you can vent any emotions you want to express."
Yu Kui looked up at the shadows of the trees under the streetlights. There was no moon or stars tonight, and the sky was like a dark curtain, so she couldn't see any light.
“I never knew the summer sky could be this dark,” she clenched her fist, trying to calm herself down. “I thought I would see stars tonight.”
“You can see the stars from the mountain,” Xie Xingzhi said. “If you want to see them, we can go together tomorrow.”
“I can’t go tomorrow,” Yu Kui said in a hoarse voice. “I have to study at home tomorrow.”
Upon hearing this, Xie Xingzhi knew that her emotions had gradually stabilized. "Going to the library? I'll go with you."
“No,” Yu Kui shook her head. “I don’t want to go anywhere.”
"What if I have a question and want to ask you?"
"Send me a WeChat message, and I will reply."
Yu Kui's phone suddenly rang. It was a message from Sun Shuya, asking where she and Xie Xingzhi were. She said she had encountered some trouble at the milk tea shop and was delayed for a while.
After replying to the message, Yu Kui put her phone aside. "Did you already know about Qin You and Tao Jiang being together?"
Xie Xingzhi froze. "Why would you ask that?"
“Because you don’t seem curious about what I’m sad about,” Yu Kui said, still gazing at the sky. “Sun Shuya reminded me before, but I didn’t think much of it and didn’t want to doubt their relationship.”
“I’m not sure if they’re actually boyfriend and girlfriend,” Xie Xingzhi said frankly, looking at her profile. “I’ve only bumped into them a few times at school.”
Were they very close back then?
Does holding hands count?
Yu Kui lowered her head and smiled, an endless sorrow welling up in her heart. "So, it turns out, I'm the only one who's so oblivious."
"Only I still thought I could go back to the past."
How ridiculous.
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