Chapter 66, "A Period of Hardship".
Ye Peixiu entered the room and looked around.
This is a typical double room, neat and clean. There are many books piled on the desk, and the laptop screen is lit up, indicating that the occupant is doing English news dictation exercises.
A latte sits beside the computer, steaming slightly.
A single, unnamed wildflower sits in a vase by the window, its blooms reflecting the blue sky or the setting sun, creating a picturesque scene in itself.
The overall decor is simple and understated, yet subtle details reveal a refined elegance. It's very much like her.
Xia Qingwan found a tea bag in the drawer next to her and said, "I only have tea bags, please make do with these."
"I'm not picky, as long as there's something to drink, I'm fine with it."
He is the most picky person.
Xia Qingwan silently thought to herself.
After brewing the tea bag, the cup was a little hot, so Xia Qingwan politely said, "Why don't you sit down for a while?"
Ye Peixiu readily agreed, sitting down on the sofa by the window. His hand unconsciously touched his watch as he asked, "Will you be staying here long-term?"
The scene depicts a neighbor's older brother encountering his neighbor's younger sister in a foreign land, offering her extra care and concern. It feels natural and reasonable, without giving the impression that anything is unusual.
"Yes, I'll stay for four months."
"Take the PPL certification exam?"
"……Um."
Xia Qingwan really wanted to ask how he knew. Then she thought, maybe he saw her on the plane. But as soon as that thought crossed her mind, she dismissed it. At that distance, with the sunlight reflecting off the plane, he shouldn't have been able to see the people on the plane clearly, especially since she was in the back seat. She also thought that it was probably just a reasonable guess; after all, traveling to Nairobi and obtaining a PPL license was quite popular these days.
She was frantically making various guesses in her mind when she suddenly heard him speak, "...What are you thinking about?"
In Ye Peixiu's view, she was leaning against the countertop by the wall, her hands supporting her back, her eyes lowered, as if she were lost in thought.
She had probably taken a shower; she was wearing a loose, long-sleeved bathrobe. When she lowered her head slightly, her long hair flowed down, brushing against her cheeks and highlighting her delicate nose.
"……nothing."
She straightened up slightly, like a student suddenly called on by the teacher.
"I'm the one bothering you, why are you more reserved than I am?"
He said.
It's like being punished by standing in the corner.
After he said that, Xia Qingwan sat down, but instead of choosing the other single sofa next to him, she pulled over the chair next to the desk, turned it around, and faced him at an angle.
The two maintained a safe distance from each other.
Her gaze was constantly shifting, glancing at his tea, then at her computer screen, then at her stack of books, but never looking in his direction.
The secluded and tranquil upper floors of a hotel.
Silence spread throughout the area.
Like silent water, it submerged her.
She deliberately tried to appear natural, so she casually said, "...your tea should be ready to drink now."
Ye Peixiu did not respond.
Receiving no answer, Xia Qingwan composed herself, turned her head, and looked him directly in the eye.
His gaze remained fixed on her, never wavering.
Was there some unusual undercurrent? She couldn't be sure, and could only try to remain calm.
After looking at each other for a moment, Ye Peixiu got up and walked towards her.
She tensed up immediately, her whole body stiffening, but Ye Peixiu brushed past her, picked up his teacup, took a sip, and said, "...It tastes quite good. Did you bring it from China?"
"Um."
How many packs are left?
Xia Qingwan seemed to have finally found an excuse to leave his aura. She immediately got up, walked to the other end of the room, opened a drawer, and counted.
He counted several times, “...nine packs.”
After she finished counting and answering, she stood by the drawer, showing no intention of returning to her desk.
The two of them then moved to a safe distance.
Their bodies were like opposite poles of a magnet; no matter how he moved, she always maintained a certain distance from him.
Ye Peixiu remained silent.
Xia Qingwan had a thousand words in her heart, but she didn't know how to say them.
Years had passed between them; his predetermined path and her future had led them down completely opposite routes, making any words seem irrelevant.
If he were to return to China to get married, this would be the last time they would see each other while they were both single. Since they were in this situation where they were facing each other, she felt she should express her gratitude. She thanked him for the gift and fireworks he gave her on her 21st birthday, and for all the care and protection he had shown her when they were together. Their breakup back then was a bit unpleasant, and she had said some harsh things. Now that she thought about it, he was innocent and shouldn't have had to bear the brunt of her emotions.
Now that she has the opportunity, she should settle this score properly in person.
He was a very sensible and respectable person. He gave her gifts in the first year after their breakup, but in the next two years he completely cut ties and disappeared from her life. This gave her dignity and made room for each other's new lives.
He is very mature and does things in a very methodical way.
Correspondingly, she should also demonstrate her growth and her acceptance of what she has learned.
However, countless words, twisted and turned, remain only in the winding and convoluted passages.
She couldn't find an opportunity to speak, nor could she muster the strength to do so.
He tried to clench his fist in mid-air, but it was like having a high fever, leaving him weak and unable to hold on.
As she was lost in thought, she unexpectedly noticed Ye Peixiu approaching out of the corner of her eye.
Before Xia Qingwan could react, his hand was already on the edge of the open drawer, right next to hers, looking down at the tea bags inside. "...Can I take a few with me?"
She stepped aside, "...Of course."
At this point, withdrawing her hand would be too obvious, so she simply reached into the drawer, fiddled with the tea bags, and asked, "Which flavor would you like to choose?"
After he finished speaking, there was a few seconds of silence, as Ye Peixiu seemed to be thinking.
His hand twitched slightly, pointing almost directly at hers. She restrained herself and didn't move. He whispered, "What does your hand taste like?"
She curled her fingers up. "Silver Needle."
"This is it."
Xia Qingwan was about to pull the bag out when Ye Peixiu said, "It's not convenient to take it today. I have something to do later. Let's do it another day. I'll come find you then."
She paused for a moment, then said, "...Perhaps I can give it to Wang Jingzi and have him pass it on to you."
“…Okay,” Ye Peixiu said gently, “then I’ll trouble you.”
"It's no trouble at all."
Ye Peixiu was a respectable guest. After finishing his tea and washing his cup, he said goodbye.
-
After he left, Xia Qingwan breathed a long sigh of relief.
Thankfully, he didn't bring up the past, and she maintained her composure throughout; they were polite and distant with each other.
That would be perfect, wouldn't it?
It has been two and a half years since their last farewell at the Shaoping villa. They have had no contact for two and a half years. Shouldn't she have accepted this outcome long ago?
Lying in bed late at night, half-asleep, Xia Qingwan suddenly gasped for breath, sat up clutching her chest, and got out of bed to drink water.
This is the result.
Moreover, she had known this outcome even before it began. Yet, now, standing in the midst of it all, having spoken with him so politely and courteously, as if nothing had happened, she finally understood—
You can't make a new friend out of an old flame.
She can bear having loved so passionately and then lost so deeply. Every storm is just a temporary one; she will eventually emerge from it.
But she couldn't bear to see him all the time and exchange pleasantries with him.
Because every time we meet, along with the fluttering of my heart and the renewed stirring of my emotions, comes a heart-wrenching pain, like a thousand arrows piercing my soul.
She didn't understand how Ye Peixiu did it.
After the breakup, every time they met, he was able to smoothly initiate a conversation with her.
It's because she's not skilled enough.
Not carefree enough.
Not mature enough.
My mouth was filled with a sour and bitter taste, and I couldn't speak.
-
That evening, Wang Jingzi invited Ye Peixiu to dinner.
They sat facing each other on the restaurant terrace.
Ye Peixiu lit a cigarette and slowly smoked it.
“These past few days, Miss Xia has been asking about my schedule, wanting to hand over the tea bags to me.”
As Wang Jingzi spoke, he glanced at the expression on the face of the person opposite him.
Ye Peixiu looked indifferent, somewhat bored, lowered his eyes, and said with a cold laugh, "Let her throw it away."
I would only dare to say such things to him.
Xia Qingwan said she would hand it over, how dare he show this attitude in front of her?
Wang Jingzi thought to himself.
Just then, his phone rang.
It was Xia Qingwan calling.
Wang Jingzi answered the phone, exchanged a few pleasantries, and listened silently to the other person's words.
He glanced at Ye Peixiu.
Across the dining table, Ye Peixiu stared at him, his eyes seeming to convey some kind of message.
Wang Jingzi said on the phone, "...It's really unfortunate, I haven't been staying in a hotel recently, and I have to go back to China in the next few days, so I'm afraid I won't be able to find the time."
"...It's alright, it's alright, let's get together another day."
After hanging up the phone, Wang Jingzi raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, meaning: I have done as you wished.
Ye Peixiu stubbed out his cigarette and lit another one.
He lowered his eyes and pondered quietly.
-
Xia Qingwan had eaten out and was walking towards the hotel when she ran into Ruan Xu, who had also just finished eating.
Ruan Xu's father is a businessman in Nairobi, and he happened to be visiting these days.
It's been two years since we last met.
The last time we met was when I graduated from university.
The events of that year are long gone, and there are no grudges between us. Like ordinary old classmates, we chatted and laughed all the way, catching up on the past and our current situations.
During the conversation, I learned that Ruan Xu is currently studying philosophy in Germany and has taken a gap year to travel around the world to relax. Both he and she have been single for the past two years.
Ruan Xu couldn't help but laugh, "We do look quite alike."
Single, pursuing a master's degree in my major, taking a gap year.
He turned his head to look at her.
Xia Qingwan smiled slightly. Her profile conveyed a sense of detachment, as if no one could grasp her even up close.
What initially attracted him was her aura—mysterious and aloof, making him want to explore her secrets.
In fact, over the years he had occasionally pondered: was the man she said she had "slept with once and still liked" the same tall man who had overtaken her in Shaoping, waited for her ahead, and shared an umbrella with her?
Even a fleeting glimpse in the cold, rainy night revealed him to be a man of exceptional bearing, mature and composed. He was completely different from him.
She hasn't been in a relationship lately. Could it be that she still can't forget that man?
Logically, since she said they "had talked," they should have broken up back in Shaoping. How could they still be entering and leaving the same villa together?
These words swirled in my mind, but I couldn't find a suitable reason to say them aloud.
What good will it do to find out the truth?
None of it matters.
-
The car carrying Ye Peixiu drove towards the hotel.
At the hotel entrance, he got out of the car, walked to the smoking area, and lit a cigarette.
Just as I lit it, I caught a glimpse of a pair of figures out of the corner of my eye.
The boy was quite tall, wearing a simple white T-shirt and loose jeans, while the girl wore a long skirt, ankle boots, and a trench coat, her long, straight black hair flowing in the wind.
Both of them had smiles on their lips as they chatted and laughed as they approached.
Ye Peixiu kept staring at them until the boy noticed the gaze before the girl and gestured for the girl to look over.
He was dressed in a suit and tie, one hand in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette hanging at his side, staring straight at her.
A night with a gentle breeze.
His figure possesses a profound and enduring charm.
Xia Qingwan swallowed unconsciously.
She turned her head, wanting to say goodbye to Ruan Xu.
Ruan Xu asked, "Who is that?"
With the doubts still lingering in his mind, he certainly wouldn't let the opportunity to find out the truth slip by.
As they spoke, they approached.
Xia Qingwan felt there was no need to introduce the two of them.
After all, neither of them was anyone to her.
They were all just chance encounters.
However, since they've already gotten so close, it would be extremely impolite to ignore them.
She greeted him, "Good evening, Mr. Ye."
Ye Peixiu smiled politely and nodded slightly to them.
“This is Ruan Xu, my classmate from undergraduate days,” Xia Qingwan introduced them. “This is…” she paused slightly, “…Mr. Ye.”
No prefix is needed; he is simply Mr. Ye.
Ruan Xu picked up the conversation, "Qingwan and I were classmates in college, we met in class," he recalled, "Mr. Ye, we should have met before, that year in Shaoping, I was driving her home, and you overtook her to pick her up..."
Ye Peixiu pretended to remember and smiled gently, "What a coincidence."
Of course he knew who she was, and of course he knew that he and Xia Qingwan hadn't seen each other for the past two years.
“Who says otherwise?” Ruan Xu said. “My father does business here. I came to visit these past few days and happened to run into Qingwan on the street, so I gave her a ride back to her hotel.”
Ye Peixiu smiled politely but didn't reply.
Compared to him, Ruan Xu was still a bit too inexperienced. Firstly, he was young, and secondly, he was clearly a scholar with a clean and refined demeanor. Even if he had learned some social skills from his businessman father, he was still too naive.
Ye Peixiu saw everything clearly; the boy really wanted to know what his relationship was to Xia Qingwan.
In the brief silence, Xia Qingwan seemed to sense Ruan Xu's curiosity.
Ye Peixiu remained inactive.
Xia Qingwan looked up at him, a hint of nervousness flashing in her eyes.
She didn't know what he was going to say, but rather than waiting to be killed, she decided to take the initiative. Just as she was about to retort, Ye Peixiu said with a smile, "Our grandmothers are good friends, so Qingwan and I have known each other for a long time and are old acquaintances."
Without saying a word, Ruan Xu understood almost everything.
After exchanging a few more polite words, Xia Qingwan and Ruan Xu said their goodbyes.
Watching Ruan Xu walk away, she turned back.
Ye Peixiu was still standing there smoking.
She turned her face toward the hotel lobby, but her feet remained rooted to the spot.
It can't be pulled out.
In front of Ruan Xu, she addressed him as "Mr. Ye," while he addressed her as "Qingwan."
Ruan Xu probably sensed some hidden secrets that were not meant to be told to outsiders, so he did not pursue the matter further.
However, now that Ruan Xu is gone, that unspoken imbalance stands between her and him.
It's obvious.
It cannot be ignored.
It exists in his and her every breath.
After a moment, Xia Qingwan said, "Are you free now? I'd like to bring you the tea bags while I'm at it."
Wang Jingzi kept saying he was too busy, and having the hotel receptionist pass on the message seemed too inconsiderate and undignified. It would be better to resolve everything now so that we wouldn't have to face each other again.
She held her breath and waited patiently for his answer.
I was afraid he would bring up what happened earlier, in a joking tone.
"...Okay, I'm going to the bar, you can bring it up to me."
"good."
Xia Qingwan breathed a sigh of relief.
It wasn't taken from her room, nor was it delivered to his room; rather, it was a compromise—a public location.
-
I went upstairs, put my bag down, and found the box to put the tea bags in.
She headed straight downstairs, ready to finish quickly.
As I walked into the entryway and passed the full-length mirror, I couldn't resist turning around to check my face.
How could she not care about her image in his eyes?
I tidied my hair in front of the mirror.
She walked outside, closed the door, paused for a second, her rationality returned, and she messed up her freshly styled hair again.
She told herself to stay calm. Tonight's meeting was her last private encounter with Ye Peixiu. Everything else was superfluous.
Take the elevator upstairs to the bar.
Unlike typical noisy bars, this place is a relaxing spot for hotel guests. The overall style is exquisite and retro, and Debussy's "Reflections in Water" is playing. In the warm and dim atmosphere, only the gentle sound of the piano can be heard.
It's perfect for drinking alone.
A waiter waited at the door and led her past the bar and inside.
The further in you go, the more sparsely the seats become. Behind each sofa facing you is an arched flower wall partition, creating a private space.
She walked deeper into the area and finally spotted Ye Peixiu in the innermost spot. He was on the phone, keeping his eyes fixed on the direction she was coming from. When his gaze caught her, he nodded slightly.
As Xia Qingwan approached, Ye Peixiu moved the phone away from his ear and said, "Please sit down, I'll finish my call."
She had no choice but to sit down.
The waiter brought the menu, and she ordered a non-alcoholic sparkling water. Then, she rested her chin on her hand and looked out the window.
With lights twinkling like stars, Nairobi unfolds before your eyes in the night.
Occasionally, Ye Peixiu's voice drifted into my ears.
She felt that he hadn't changed much, that he was the same as before, and that his voice when instructing his subordinates on the phone was almost the same. As she listened, she gradually felt a sense of disorientation, as if she were in Ye Garden, curled up in his arms reading a book while he talked on the phone and kissed her from time to time.
"...What are you thinking about?"
Xia Qingwan snapped out of her daze, turned to look at him, smiled, and pushed the box towards him, "Here you go."
The box was pushed to the center of the table. Ye Peixiu raised his hand, gently pinched the box with his thumb and middle finger, and then used his thumb to open the lid.
There were five tea bags standing inside, neatly arranged.
"Give me most of it?"
Ye Peixiu raised his eyes.
"...I've already drunk quite a lot," Xia Qingwan explained, "If you want, I can give it all to you."
"Give them all to me?"
Ye Peixiu looked at her and slowly repeated it.
She sensed something strange in his words, and added lightly, "...You can leave a pack for me, too."
Ye Peixiu stared at her silently for a moment, then asked in the same relaxed tone, "Do you still like white tea? Has your taste changed?"
Her heart was pounding.
In the midst of war and chaos, she prepared to adjust herself to "combat" mode.
She could handle polite small talk, but could she really sit in a bar and casually reminisce about the past like any other old couple? She didn't know if she was ready.
At this moment, the waiter came over to serve the drinks.
There are three cups in total.
Ye Peixiu pushed a glass towards her and said, "I ordered this for you. I don't know how much alcohol you can drink now, but this one has a lower alcohol content. You can try it."
Xia Qingwan thought the waiter's arrival at the party would disrupt the unusual atmosphere, but then he mentioned words like "before" and "now." Her heart raced, and she replied almost evasively, "My alcohol tolerance is a bit better than before."
"Really?" Ye Peixiu asked, "Did you practice deliberately?"
No, not at all.
A sense of distant melancholy arose in her heart, and she couldn't help but say, "Maybe it's because I've grown up."
It's too quiet.
The voices from the other end of the bar sounded very, very far away; she could almost feel her own breath rising and falling. In the background, only the gentle strains of piano music flowed by.
In the stillness, Ye Peixiu said softly, "From 20 to 24 years old, you have indeed grown up."
Xia Qingwan felt a sudden tightness in her chest.
She dared not reply.
The topic was veering towards old things.
"I haven't had a chance to ask you until now," Ye Peixiu said, "how have you been these past few years?"
It seems that the past cannot be avoided.
She took a subtle breath, her hands clenching under the table. "...Not bad, very busy."
“Being busy is a good thing.”
He asked, "Won't it be very tiring?"
"well enough."
Xia Qingwan didn't want to continue talking about this. She felt that if she continued, she would be overwhelmed and might lose her composure, so she made up an excuse, "Isn't that just life?"
"A penance."
She hadn't looked at him for a while, so she couldn't help but look up.
That eye contact might have been very brief, but she had layers of thoughts in her mind, as clear as slow motion, like the morning sunlight gradually spreading to the mountain screen beside her pillow, a scene of "overlapping hills and flickering gold" flowing through her mind.
First, she was seduced by his handsomeness and charm again, just like when they first met. Then, she saw the familiar focus in his eyes. "A penance" was her word, a secret term between them.
And so, in an instant, it was as if an electric current had been switched on. All the unfamiliarity, politeness, and probing vanished like clouds dispersing, as if the two years of emptiness in between had been filled in completely. He and she were just like before, just like that autumn night in Ye Garden, the night he confessed his love to her.
Xia Qingwan tried to smile, pretending to be calm, picked up the cup in front of him and took a sip.
It has a refreshing taste with a hint of bitterness.
He and she have always understood each other very well.
Understand the other person's difficulties, understand their helplessness, and understand all their restraint and indulgence.
Understand the other person's love and desires, both spoken and unspoken.
She remembered, remembered the night the crabapple blossoms in Yeyuan were in full bloom, remembered him drinking with her on the sofa in the living room, remembered him standing up for her and supporting her, remembered that he had actually made a promise to her, saying: "In the evening, things are up to people."
In the late Qing Dynasty, everything depends on human efforts.
Back then, she gave herself completely and threw herself into a passionate love affair, and he did the same.
Just be happy and enjoy the innocence.
It was all just a dream.
Xia Qingwan tried to stop herself, picked up the wine glass, and gulped down more than half of it.
The rush was too fast; by the time I put the cup down, I was already a little dizzy.
She lowered her head, propped her forehead with the back of her hand, and said softly, "...Mr. Ye, there's no need for us to bring up the past. It's all in the past."
Ye Peixiu didn't respond.
Across the table, I could see her long, straight black hair and soft white hands.
"Is it all in the past?"
"You and I have both started new lives."
She pressed the back of her hand against her forehead, closed her eyes tightly, and murmured as if in a dream.
"I don't."
His words fell lightly, landing on top of her head.
Xia Qingwan held her breath and seemed to wake up all of a sudden.
When she first met him in Nairobi, she was in a state of panic, only thinking about how to deal with him and be polite, and dared not think about his feelings at all.
Now, after breaking the mask of politeness, he spoke so naturally, and her heart was filled with nothing but trembling and pain.
For so many years, that pain had been weighing heavily on her heart, and now it burst forth, tearing at her nerves from root to root.
What can we do without it?
When they broke up, they even loved each other deeply. Now, they meet again in a foreign country. What can they do if they can't forget each other?
Between him and her, there was always a last resort.
We threw ourselves into this without hesitation, and we've been through this before. Both of us are bruised and battered. Why bring up the past again now?
"None of this matters."
Xia Qingwan didn't look at him, turning her head to stare silently at the night view outside the window. "I have my own life to live, and you, Mr. Ye, won't you get married when you get back from your business trip?"
Who told you that?
Xia Qingwan didn't answer; who told her was, of course, irrelevant.
"That's not true."
Her heart pounded, and she dared not listen any longer.
She suddenly felt panic.
She had already lost him once. If he said he still loved her, if he continued to talk about this topic, saying he wanted to fight for his future with her...
What will happen to her?
She was afraid that she would immediately plunge back in, with the intention of standing by him through thick and thin.
You can't do that.
When they were together in the past, she had seen with her own eyes how he stood up for her, how he protected her, and how he had a conflict with Grandpa and came home with scars.
He could not betray his origins.
A long silence followed.
Xia Qingwan stood up and said goodbye.
Ye Peixiu looked at her back silently.
-
Back in her room, Xia Qingwan immediately took a shower.
While drying her body with a towel, she suddenly remembered that Lin Xiangyu had sent her a message a few days ago. The first few words were "Mr. Ye". At that time, she was deliberately avoiding any details related to him, so she subconsciously skipped it and did not read it.
She took the phone, opened the chat box with Lin Xiangyu, and scrolled up.
"I heard Mr. Ye has had a falling out with his family and is currently in Nairobi. What a coincidence! Is he going to see you?! Rumors are flying that he's given up everything and is now in complete chaos in Beijing. Is he serious?"
She read this passage over and over again, her hands trembling.
The reason we broke up was to avoid this kind of situation, so why would he...
After going around in circles, he, like her, couldn't let go or forget.
She never doubted his sincerity. Not to mention everything that happened when they were together, even after they broke up, he still took care of her, gave her birthday presents, set off fireworks, and when he learned that she had successfully been admitted to graduate school, he gave Pei Meizhu money to take her out to play and celebrate. Later, in the Shaoping villa, he gave her every bit of New Year's gifts and lucky money.
At first, she thought it was just his maturity and thoughtfulness, but looking back now, she suddenly realized that he was thinking about her and couldn't let her go.
He had said it so casually, "I didn't." She hadn't realized the heavy weight behind his words—
The longing is endless, and he is constantly experiencing the pain she experienced in the past.
Once she realized this, the pain she had long thought she was enduring alone suddenly doubled: there was also his share.
Just as she poured her heart and soul into loving him, so did he.
Countless afternoons spent in the Ye Yuan Tea House, betting on books and enjoying the aroma of spilled tea, countless physical encounters and sweaty moments, countless blush-inducing whispers and intimate caresses—they were so close, so passionately in love with each other. He had given his all and made a promise to her.
He was the only love she had ever had, and she was the only love he had ever had. Had she forgotten all that? Back then, during that Spring Festival, they even sat in bed, blushing and laughing as they discussed trying one more time.
Two sincere hearts collided, so pure and so passionate.
Of course he won't forget it.
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