Chapter 26 If you behave well, I can take you to see him...



Chapter 26 If you behave well, I can take you to see him...

Upon hearing He Lianqing's name, a glimmer of life suddenly appeared in Mingying's dim eyes, and she managed to muster some strength.

She got up, put on her robe, and sat on the small couch by the window to wait. Her complexion was still not very good, just like the wilted flower on the windowsill.

Ever since she last met He Lianqing, she hadn't been able to exchange pleasantries because Pei Xiaoyun was present, and she had been looking for an opportunity to see him again.

Her connection with He Lianqing was not shallow.

I first met him when I was thirteen at Mianyue Tower. Eight years have passed since then, and I never expected that we would meet again in such a scene.

Upon hearing that it was to treat her illness, He Lianqing immediately picked up her medicine box and came over.

He was someone Pei Xiaoyun trusted, so Yuechan and the others naturally trusted him too, and waited outside the door without going in.

He Lianqing did not immediately take Mingying's pulse. Seeing that no one was around, he finally had the opportunity to speak freely: "I never thought I would see you here. I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse that you followed him later."

Pei Xiaoyun had a concubine who ran away before, which could be considered the cause of his illness, but he never expected that the concubine who ran away was Ming Ying.

Pei Xiaoyun's madman-like nature, in order to get revenge on her, tormented her to this state. For a weak woman, it was nothing more than escaping one wolf's den only to fall into another.

Mingying also found it difficult to respond to his sigh.

Perhaps it was neither a blessing nor a curse, but simply her fate.

He thought it was salvation, but he jumped into a fire pit; he thought he could escape, but he found him again.

She gently shook her head, as if avoiding his question, and then asked him, "I remember that year your master and senior sister took you away, how come you are with him now?"

She lived in Mianyue Tower for a year before meeting He Lianqing.

She witnessed it with her own eyes; he too had been sold into slavery.

Mianyue Tower was engaged in all sorts of unscrupulous businesses. They bought girls to learn to play musical instruments and sing, trained them to be well-mannered, obedient, and docile, and then sent them to serve customers, or let some wealthy gentlemen choose and buy them back.

The slightly older boys who were bought were kept to do odd jobs, while those who were clumsy had their legs broken and were forced to beg.

The thing she did most often was to stand outside the door while her older sisters entertained guests in their rooms, listening to the unbearable sounds, and waiting for them to order contraceptive soup or hot water.

She went to the kitchen to fetch water and medicine, and gradually became acquainted with He Lianqing. At that time, He Lianqing was a year older than her, with a dusty face and a tall, thin figure.

If she couldn't lift a full bucket of water, he would help her.

Once, they worked together to carry water to the door. Inside, all was quiet. The man, reeking of alcohol, came out and tried to grope her. He Lianqing scooped up a ladle of hot water and poured it on the man's face.

That very night, he was beaten so badly that he was on the verge of death and couldn't even eat the half-eaten steamed bun she gave him.

A few days later, an old itinerant doctor came to Mianyue Tower with his female apprentice. He treated patients in the tower without charging a penny. When the master and apprentice were treating He Lianqing's injuries, they saw that he was clever and had a talent for medicine, so they paid him to take him away.

She sat on the threshold and watched as the master and apprentice took He Lianqing away. As she waved goodbye to him, she wondered when a kind person would come and take her away.

Mentioning her master and senior sister, He Lianqing's Adam's apple bobbed, she lowered her head, and her voice became hoarse: "They are both dead. In the battle with the Wuhuan, many people on the border were poisoned by their Gu poison. My master and senior sister went to treat the people before me. By the time I arrived, they had already died tragically under the Wuhuan's swords."

His handsome face was covered with grief, as if he had not yet recovered from the terrible news. The Wuhuan people had killed his teacher, and he was mortal enemies with them.

"Later I was also captured, but Pei Xiaoyun saved me and told me to stay by his side and help him detoxify." He shrugged, nonchalantly. "I had nowhere else to go, so as long as I was still useful, he wouldn't treat me badly."

In reality, how could he possibly leave?

"Tell me," he raised an eyebrow, but there was a hint of helplessness in his eyes, "is this fate?"

Mingying sighed and gave a bitter smile: "I don't wish for such a fate."

She would rather never see He Lianqing again.

He traveled the world with his master and senior sister, practicing medicine and helping people.

She has a new life and is living her own life.

"Your body can't keep going like this. Your qi and blood are severely deficient. I'll prescribe some medicine for you. Just brew it and drink it on time." He Lianqing examined her. He was unarmed and, even though he couldn't bear to see her like this, he was powerless to help. He could only hope that she would get better.

Mingying doesn't care about that.

She knew her body well; if she fell into Pei Xiaoyun's hands, her illness would only relapse repeatedly.

"Do you know how the Lin family is doing right now?" She worried about this day and night.

He Lianqing said, "Yesterday, when I was preparing medicine for Pei Xiaoyun, I overheard him discussing with his subordinates that Lin Xian's parents seemed to have some business dealings with the merchants posing as members of the Kongchan Sect. However, they were deceived and their crimes were not serious. They should still be alive."

"What about Lin Xian?" Mingying asked in a low voice.

He Lianqing thought for a moment and answered truthfully, "I heard he was also locked up, but I don't know anything else."

Later, no matter what he said to Mingying, she remained blankly seated.

"Don't overthink it, it won't help. Just focus on getting better."

He tried to comfort her, but after saying a few words, he realized that he was being selfish. Many people also advised him to think more positively, but could he forget the deaths of his master and senior sister?

"I will keep an eye on things concerning Young Master Lin for you." He sighed softly, thinking that there would be no accidents since she had a maid watching over her in her room, and also worried that staying too long would arouse Pei Xiaoyun's suspicion, so he took his leave for the time being.

After He Lianqing left, Mingying was as if struck by lightning, immersed in endless worry and fear.

Yuechan brought the medicine, and she reached out her numb hand to take it. In a moment of carelessness, she spilled the bowl of medicine on herself, but even though her hand was scalded red, she didn't feel any pain.

She wondered if Pei Xiaoyun had acted out of personal vendetta and used private torture against Lin Xian.

Lin Xian was not skilled in martial arts; he was merely a scholar, and he could not possibly endure such torment.

It's all because of her. She's the one who harmed Lin Xian, causing him to suffer an undeserved disaster. It was her selfish desire to marry him that attracted Pei Xiaoyun, this madman.

He didn't kill her, but instead took his anger out on innocent people.

After drinking a bowl of medicine containing a calming ingredient, she lay down on the couch and fell into a deep sleep.

As the sun set and night deepened, Pei Xiaoyun returned.

He had thought that by sending Mingying back to slavery, she would give up her delusions and obediently serve him as before.

But when he stepped into the room, it was still deathly silent; she lay on the couch as if asleep.

They're getting more and more unruly.

Her refusal to admit her mistakes and her repeated ignoring of him were tantamount to her challenging him.

"Get up." He stood before the bed, gazing at her profile, his tall frame casting a shadow over her. "Is this a place for you? Who are you?"

His rough, deep voice scratched at the eardrums.

Mingying had been awake for a while, but she didn't want to see him.

Pei Xiaoyun knew she was pretending to be asleep, so he grabbed her arm and pulled her up, deliberately asking, "How was it? Are you satisfied with what you had this morning?"

Mingying didn't answer; however he wanted to torment her, it was all up to him.

She seemed to have struggled internally for a long time before opening her eyes to look at him and saying in a low voice, "I want to see Lin Xian. Just let me see him once, and I'll agree to anything."

She wanted to ensure his safety, to make sure he was completely unharmed; she would do anything to see him.

Pei Xiaoyun wanted her to submit, so she submitted; he wanted her to admit her mistakes, so she admitted her mistakes. Now that she was in his hands, she was at his mercy.

When Pei Xiaoyun heard her mention Lin Xian again, his thin lips tightened, a glint of light flashed in his eyes, and he caressed her smooth face with his palm, his fingertips tracing her eyebrows, eyes, lips and nose as if tracing a delicate object, before uttering two teasing words: "Really?"

When Mingying heard him relent, she felt relieved but also sensed a danger enveloping her. She closed her eyes and said, "Really?"

Pei Xiaoyun spread his legs and looked down at her.

"Kneel down and beg me."

He felt somewhat resentful.

When did he reach the point where he needed to use Lin Xian, the person she cared about most, to make her obediently beg for mercy?

Since that's the case, he'll let her know what daydreaming is.

Mingying got off the bed barefoot, enduring the humiliation and grievance, and knelt at his feet without saying a word, just like before.

"What should you say?" Pei Xiaoyun lazily lifted her eyes.

Mingying bit her lower lip and said, word by word, "It's all my fault, please let Lin Xian go. I'm willing to do anything."

These witty remarks made Pei Xiaoyun feel very comfortable.

He seemed to see, through the stubborn, pale face before him, the rosy, obedient face that always wore a smile.

He sat down, touched her face, and said gently, "Look up."

Mingying's face stung from the gilded patterns on his clothes, but she understood his implication.

She untied his complicated sash.

...

Hatred, however, made her resist.

Pei Xiaoyun pressed her down, his dark eyes narrowing slightly: "You don't want to see him anymore?"

Mingying, afraid he would change his mind, shook her head excitedly, tears streaming down her face, and continued to approach. (The description above the neck only depicts crying; there are no other actions. Why is this section locked by the reviewer?)

...

Pei Xiaoyun was polishing a piece of soft jade; in the throes of passion, he absurdly forgot what year it was, forgot that she had betrayed him. (What's wrong here? There's no action description, not even stream of consciousness.)

For a moment, he was slightly lost in thought, wondering how they had come to this. How much better it was before.

He cupped her wet face in his hands, watching her dazed, out-of-control, and unfocused expression. Suddenly, he chuckled softly, his laughter low and rough, as sticky as the drizzling rain.

He wouldn't take her to see Lin Xian.

He wanted to use Lin Xian to tame her and soften her.

In the dim light, gazing at her flushed face as she slept, he placed his hand on her cheek, hoping that when she woke up tomorrow morning, she would return to being the Mian'er who only had eyes for him.

Mingying was fast asleep, and no one knew what she was dreaming about. Her brows were furrowed, and she suddenly gripped his hand tightly, murmuring something.

Pei Xiaoyun's expression shifted slightly. She leaned closer to listen and recognized her voice as "Ziming".

His expression changed instantly, his eyes swirled with crimson, and his pupils shone with a dark light deeper than the night.

His large hand slowly moved downwards, stopping at her neck, as if he wanted to strangle her to death.

He stared at her lips, which were moving as she murmured in her sleep, as if implying something: "I will make you completely satisfied."

The next day, before dawn, Mingying woke up.

She remembered Pei Xiaoyun's words in her sleep: he said that if she did that, he would take her to see Lin Xian today.

She's done everything; he should keep his promise.

When he woke up, there was no one outside.

A chill ran through her heart, and she instantly realized what was happening. She slowly got up, angrily threw his pillow and blanket to the ground, and started kicking and punching him, tears streaming down her face as she did so.

He lied to her; he just wanted to humiliate her. He would never take her to see Lin Xian. Why should she believe him, believe the words of such a despicable person?

The first rays of the sun shine into the courtyard, casting scattered shadows of trees throughout.

Pei Xiaoyun returned with a brocade box in her hand. Seeing the untouched food brought out by the maids, she asked, "Isn't she eating?"

The maids lowered their heads and said, "Miss Mian'er has been crying ever since she woke up. She won't talk to us, and we've had to change her breakfast several times."

Crying as soon as you wake up?

Pei Xiaoyun sneered, blaming him for not taking her to Lin Xian?

wishful thinking.

"Don't send it if you're not going to eat it." He glanced at the lavish breakfast and cursed inwardly, "You heartless bastards."

Even if you were feeding a dog, after all these years you should have gotten used to it. But she's the opposite; no matter how good he is to her, she doesn't take it to heart. Under him, she still calls out Lin Xian's name.

Anger surged in his chest, and he coldly ordered, "Reduce a few dishes from her meals from now on. She is of the same status as you all; how can she eat this kind of food?"

Mingying sat by the window, watching birds fly in and then flutter away. She felt they were there to mock her, to ridicule her lack of freedom and her subservience.

Hearing the sound of the beaded curtain opening and closing, she raised her tired eyelids: "Yuechan, I don't want to eat, please don't bother."

Then, she didn't hear Yuechan's voice, but only the footsteps gradually approaching, and a dark blue robe came into view.

She tensed up, gripping the teapot on the table tightly.

She still vividly remembered the humiliation of last night; if he dared to come again, she would die with him.

Pei Xiaoyun showed no intention of getting closer. Leaning against the table, she chuckled and said, "Don't worry, no one will be serving you anymore. Once you're better, hurry up and get back to work."

"You treacherous scoundrel!" Mingying's eyes were as red as a rabbit's. If she had a knife in her hand right now, she would not hesitate to stab him.

Pei Xiaoyun sat down and said calmly, "What are you talking about? I didn't say you couldn't see him."

Mingying suddenly looked up, her eyes sparkling with tears.

“I brought you some of his things, come and take a look?” Pei Xiaoyun patted the brocade box on the table, enticing her to come over.

Mingying assumed Lin Xian wanted to entrust her with something, so she walked over without hesitation. After opening it, her eyes widened in horror, she threw the box down, screamed loudly, and almost vomited.

The box contained a bloody finger.

She collapsed to the ground, her face filled with terror, tears silently streaming down her face. She stared at Pei Xiaoyun as if he were a cold-blooded monster, her lips trembling as she stammered, "How could you... how could you..."

She did whatever he asked of her; she cooperated fully with his attempts to humiliate and toy with her.

But why won't he let Lin Xian go?

Lin Xian was a scholar; his hands were for playing the zither and painting. Losing his fingers would be tantamount to taking his life...

"You promised me, you promised me..." Mingying huddled in the corner, her hands and feet were ice-cold, and her whole body was trembling. She looked at Pei Xiaoyun as if she were looking at a cold-blooded monster.

This was the first time she had ever seen such a bloody scene; a person's finger had been cut off and placed in front of her.

"What did I promise you?" Pei Xiaoyun approached step by step, his dark robes obscuring the light.

The more heartbroken she was for Lin Xian, the angrier he became.

She used to only show her joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness to him, but now she's transferring all those emotions to another man. His eyes blazed with fury, and he wanted nothing more than to tear her apart and devour her.

He said lightly, "I promised to let you see Lin Xian, but I didn't say I would let you two meet. This finger is your reward for last night."

She called Lin Xian's name while she was asleep last night, and he heard every word clearly.

"What exactly do you want!" Mingying shouted, covering her ears.

He didn't kill her, he kept her by his side. Did he expect her to be as respectful and servile to him as before?

impossible!

She stared at the brocade box, her heart aching and suffocating, her eyes blazing with deep hatred.

Pei Xiaoyun pried her hands off her ears and spoke coldly: "You'd better keep your mouth shut while you're asleep at night. If I hear him utter his name again, I'll chop off another finger of his."

Mingying suddenly realized something, and something struck her heart with a dull thud.

What did she shout?

It turns out she was the one who harmed Lin Xian...

She didn't know when Pei Xiaoyun left. She sat in the sliver of sunlight, her eyes red, swollen, and stinging, and her vision blurred.

When I woke up again, I didn’t know if it was morning or evening. The room was dimly lit, and the familiar blue curtains swayed in front of me.

"Since you're awake, drink it yourself." Just as Pei Xiaoyun took the medicine from Yuechan's hand, Mingying woke up.

She even fainted from crying because of Lin Xian.

In that instant, he didn't want He Lianqing to come in and save her. Looking at her pale yet stubborn face, he thought it would be better for such a disobedient woman to die.

But seeing her lying on the ground, half of her face covered in tears, he was troubled but ultimately moved.

Mingying looked at him, and in that brief moment, memories flooded back into her mind.

Pei Xiaoyun was never a kind person.

He could vent his anger on her however he wanted if he was unhappy, but she was afraid he would hurt Lin Xian again.

She dared not mention Lin Xian in front of him again, nor did she dare to confront him directly.

She got up, picked up the bowl, and drank the bitter medicine in one gulp without expression. The bitterness tugged at her facial features, and a strange light finally appeared in her dim eyes.

Seeing her like this, Pei Xiaoyun chuckled softly, not understanding why.

That's how you make ungrateful people listen.

Changing her back to slave status was just a threat; if she continued to be stubborn and defiant, he might actually throw her out.

But if she cooperates as she is now, he will reluctantly let bygones be bygones.

The laughter sent a chill down Mingying's spine, and she awkwardly looked away.

"Come over and help me with the gift list when you feel better." Pei Xiaoyun placed a few sheets of paper on the table and tapped them lightly with her knuckles, gesturing for her to come over.

This is a gift for him to offer congratulations at the Governor's Mansion in a few days. Although he and Shen Chun are irreconcilable enemies, they haven't publicly broken off relations yet. Since Shen Chun sent him an invitation, he can't refuse.

Mingying paused for a moment, put on her shoes, walked over, and touched the gift list.

This looks like a birthday gift.

Checking the gift list is something the principal wife, who manages the household, should do. He used to ask her to do it, and she was happy to do it then, even ridiculously fantasizing about things. Now that he asks her to do it again, she only feels a deep sense of irony.

She didn't want to, but she had no choice but to do it.

After checking, she placed the gift list beside him. "The gift list is correct."

"Grind the ink." Pei Xiaoyun only glanced at the few sheets of paper. She was meticulous in her work, probably still the same as before.

Mingying clenched the hem of her clothes, then let go, and as usual poured water (drinking water) into the inkstone and took out the ink stick (for writing!!) to slowly grind the ink.

She was only wearing a thin dress, her figure was slender, and the pale yellow candlelight shone on her face, making her fair face look slightly soft.

Pei Xiaoyun loved this kind of scene where a beautiful woman adds fragrance to the room, and beckoned to her: "Come over here a bit."

Mingying shifted her feet slightly.

"Come any closer, or I'll eat you up!" Pei Xiaoyun was clearly annoyed by her coyness and reminded her again.

Mingying was about to move when he pulled her away with one hand, pinning her against his chest. She was angry, but her cheeks were burning.

"Be good, and I can take you to see Lin Xian."

Mingying craned her neck, her starry eyes filled with anger, and grabbed his hand, "You broke your promise, I won't believe you anymore."

"You can only trust me now." Pei Xiaoyun touched her fair earlobe. "If you don't trust me, you'll never see him again."

Mingying had no other choice.

She suppressed the warmth in her eyes and gradually released his hand.

...

That night, Pei Xiaoyun held Mingying in his arms and slept a rare, peaceful night.

The next day, Mingying was startled by the sunlight and groggily opened her eyes.

She was like a piece of wood; even when she thought about last night's events, her eyes remained expressionless, as she could no longer feel any joy or anger about such things.

She watched him get up quietly, and as he was about to leave, she suddenly turned her head and coughed a few times.

Hearing the noise, Pei Xiaoyun looked at her still pale and lifeless face and thought that she might have caught a cold from sitting at her desk for so long last night. He touched her forehead, but there was no fever.

"Lie down, I'll call He Lianqing in to take a look at you."

After he left, he indeed summoned He Lianqing.

Upon hearing Yuechan's announcement, Mingying felt a surge of life return and dressed herself.

She couldn't get any news about Lin Xian from Pei Xiaoyun; instead, it would only provoke him to do something even more outrageous. Yue Chan was also one of his people, so she didn't dare to fully confide in Yue Chan or ask her anything indirectly. The only person she could trust and who could get information from the outside world was He Lianqing.

He Lianqing could tell from her appearance that she was recovering and was fine. She only wanted to see him to ask about Lin Xian's condition.

But when he thought about that news, he found it hard to speak.

Mingying noticed his hesitation and said bluntly, "Just tell me, I want to know how he is."

He Lianqing understood her urgency and did not want to hide anything: "I slipped some silver to the servants in the mansion to inquire, but they didn't know either. They only said that a man covered in blood was dragged out of the suburban prison yesterday and buried overnight in a mass grave."

Mingying's mind went blank for a moment, and she couldn't hear any sound.

He was covered in blood.

When she thought of that finger, she suddenly felt breathless and clutched her chest, her face turning pale.

"There are so many prisoners in the jail, maybe that person wasn't Lin Xian. Don't be too sad, take care of yourself."

Mingying shed tears and shook her head repeatedly; all the attempts at comfort were in vain.

She knows everything.

Pei Xiaoyun simply didn't want to let them go. He killed Lin Xian and then shamelessly threatened her.

The thought of sharing a bed with her enemy filled her eyes with hatred.

He destroyed everything she had, so why won't he let go of the people around her?

Yuechan brought in the medicine, and He Lianqing, feeling it inconvenient to stay any longer, instructed Yuechan to keep an eye on her and then left.

Mingying drank the bowl of medicine, the bitterness stimulating her internal organs, giving her a glimmer of energy to her dormant mind. Her eyes gleamed with a cold light as she went to her dressing table, took a hairpin, and hid it under her pillow.

The sunset painted half the sky red.

Pei Xiaoyun returned early today and made a special trip to inquire about He Lianqing and Mingying's condition. Upon learning that there was nothing seriously wrong, she went straight to their room.

Mingying seemed to have been sitting in the room waiting for him for a long time. When he stepped into the room, she got up and helped him change his clothes without waiting for him to speak.

Pei Xiaoyun was slightly taken aback by her overtures. She opened her arms and let her handle the matter with ease, touching her cold hands. "Why aren't you wearing more clothes?"

Mingying sneered inwardly, suppressing her dark gaze, her face expressionless, and tried her best to make her words sound ordinary: "I'm not cold."

Seeing that she was truly obedient, Pei Xiaoyun stroked her soft, black hair as if he were stroking the fur of a beloved pet, feeling extremely pleased.

He had said long ago that she was still angry with him because of the abortion medicine she had taken years ago. He only needed to treat her well for a few days and coax her sincerely, and she would forget about it.

How could she possibly be interested in Lin Xian, a mere scholar?

Once he takes her back to the capital, she will completely forget Lin Xian.

He became interested and sat down to ask her about her daily life, whether she had taken her medicine, and how much she had eaten. Mingying answered him one by one.

Although her answer was stiff, it was enough to satisfy Pei Xiaoyun compared to the cold face she had shown him a few days ago.

She bore him a child, and when he returned to Beijing this time, he would immediately give her a proper status and no longer wrong her, so that people like Lin Xian could take advantage of the situation.

After serving him his writing materials, Mingying went to make the bed. Afraid that he would notice, she hid the hairpin inside the bed. Then she sat quietly on the edge of the bed, waiting for him to come and rest.

At 9 PM, dark clouds shrouded the moon, and all was silent.

Pei Xiaoyun finally finished his official business, took off his coat and walked towards her. Mingying trimmed the last wick of the lamp by the bedside, and consciously lay down on the couch, leaving the space outside for him.

Pei Xiaoyun did not want to touch her again tonight. At first, he played with her fingertips, and when he heard her breathing gradually deepen, he knew that she had fallen asleep. He then put her hand down and closed his eyes.

Half an hour later, the man on the outside was breathing evenly and deeply. Mingying suddenly opened her eyes, her right hand reaching under the pillow to touch the cold hairpin. Her heart sank even further.

Three years ago, he had Ling Shuang killed, not wanting her to survive while she was giving birth. Now he has killed Lin Xian as well...

She wanted to kill Pei Xiaoyun to avenge the dead.

The feud is over, and everything is over.

He forced her into this. Did he think she wouldn't fight back and would let him control her?

Her eyes held icy streaks that no amount of warmth could melt, growing colder and more accumulated under his ruthlessness, coercion, and threats.

She held her breath, gripped the hairpin, closed her eyes, and raised it high towards his chest.

The hairpin had only fallen a third of the way when her wrist tightened instantly, gripping it with a force that threatened to break her wrist bones.

With a loud clatter, the silver hairpin fell to the ground, the sound deafening. Mingying felt as if she had fallen into an ice cellar, a chill rising from the soles of her feet. Before she could react, a hand firmly gripped her neck.

In the darkness, the fury in Pei Xiaoyun's dark eyes was clearly visible.

He was like someone plucking a delicate flower branch, with a fierce force as if to snap and tear it apart. He rolled over and pinned her down, each word he uttered trembling slightly: "You want to kill me?"

-----------------------

Author's Note: I don't know why this section was changed and that section was marked. I've changed all the descriptions of actions below the neck, leaving nothing behind, not even stream of consciousness. I simply wrote dialogue (can't I even write dialogue?), including a line about the female lead crying (no action description), all above the neck. Why is it still locked? This section was marked twice. I haven't slept all night, revising since 8 PM last night. Every time I wait two or three hours, it gets rejected again, marked with some nonsensical paragraphs. The female lead grinding ink for the male lead was marked twice and it still didn't work. I don't know how to revise it anymore. It's getting more and more absurd. Even simple plot points get locked? Everyone is tired, you must be tired of reviewing this chapter too. There really is no stream of consciousness, please let me off the hook.

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